My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Thanksgiving for us will be a little lackluster. I was looking forward to cooking this year and having our son and his girlfriend over. I was really looking forward to a good game of tiles. We played this a lot when we visited Rick and Cyn and it's so much fun. I really miss it. Shows you what I will do to play tiles; cook a whole Thanksgiving feast for that time of fun after dinner.
Weill, Nick has to work much of the day, so he suggested we go out to eat. No problem; I can always cook a turkey and it's best to be flexible.
Wish I could get all of you around the table for a good game of tiles.
Happy Thanksgiving and make the best of whatever comes your way.
Love, Cat
Actually, I did sign up for a prepared, delivered meal for Thursday, from Hospice. At first I turned it down, because my sister is preparing extra and will send meals home with our son, but then I got to thinking about being here alone with Coy all day and thought a delivered meal would be a nice treat. Sis's meal will be for Friday. (She is an awesome cook.)
There were 30 people here for a home-made ravioli feast Sunday. That's a lot of people to cram into a rambler for a sit-down meal! Son Pat set up an additional dining room table in the living room, and two folding banquet tables in the family room and it worked out. I didn't do ANY of the cooking. It was good to have family around and to hear all the laughter and giggles. But I really felt subdued.
Coy slept through the entire event. Everyone there had seen him within the last two weeks, with one exception. When he was up to use the bathroom I asked his daughter if her mother would like to say hello to him, and I kept him awake while his ex-wife made her way into the bedroom. I thought it may well be the last time she could see him, so they had a very brief time together.
I hope that each of you in the US has a calm/exciting/restful/stimulating Thanksgiving, as appropriate for your particular needs.
I here what you are saying about scams, but my heart goes out to those older people who are overwhelmed and hanging on through so many upheavals. It's always been this way, people preying on the elderly, but now they seem so much more able. Well, I hope there is a special hot place for them. Everyone deserves forgiveness, but could we just roast them for a few minutes or let them feel the pain they have inflicted before letting them off the hook?
Lisa: Good to hear from you. Sorry about the identity theft with PIL. I agree with Joan, these people are parasites on society. I hope they are caught and I hope the $6,000.00 they have managed to charge will not require payment from your PIL.
Sharyn: That sounds like a sexy outfit. Maybe the KAW should add some animal print earrings to their outfits.
Book: I'm glad you got to have such a wonderful meal. How nice that you could enjoy something prepared by others and just relax. You deserve some special times.
Judy, my heart goes out to you. You are treading water in a giant funk pool. You have a lot on your plate with your parents and your brother. Sending you a giant cyber hug.
Love to everyone, Cat
Lisa -glad you are back with internet again. Alaska eh? Now we know your birthday is in December -what day???? Sorry to hear about the fraud. People who do this are truly twisted. Life lock sounds like a good thing. I hope they can recover it and the person is charged -what a parasite on society!!! Hopfully DQ will stay quiet for a loooong time!
sharyn -your blouse sounds great -love the idea of bronze and black beading. I have been wanting a bronze sequin (or something) top for some time. The earrings sound like fun. I nearly bought a pair of animal print earrings - maybe I will now lol You are taking the minicrises in your stride very well these days. Way to go!
judy - something good came out of your shitty day! (((((hugs))))
So lots of plants to cut back and shape. And that's just the lavender. I've got lots of sage plants and mint. Some of the mint I have against a section of our fence and it grows to 5 feet. It's beautiful when it blooms in late summer. Got to cut it down too.
Planted some Borage seed this year. I love Borage and it's little edible blue flowers. It re-seeds also, so I'll never have to plant that again. Two years ago, a friend gave me a ton of baby Rock Rose starts and I planted a hedge to separate our vegetable garden and fruit trees from the yard so the dogs wouldn't run through the raised veg. beds. They have really taken off and next year I can take down the wire fencing we put up because the hedge will be filled in completely. Nice wind break too for the cool weather crops. Next year, I will plant some Nasturtiums along side the Rock Rose hedge and let it grow into the hedge. It will continue to bloom after the Rose Rose is done. Should be very pretty.
My greenhouse is up and the electrician will be out, hopefully the end of this month, and put some electrical outlets in it. So I'll get an early start on Nasturtium seeds next year and have a bunch of them to put along the hedge.
When we picked up the dogs on Thursday, I went out to pick up dog poop in the yard. Didn't get to it before we left. So while I was doing that, I came across a nice pile of elk poop too. We immediately went over to check the fruit trees and sure enough, they had jumped the fence (only 4 1/2 feet) taken the rest of the pears and apples and pruned the pear tree for us. That's what happens when you leave home. Oh well, no big damage.
This year the pears were really small and not that good so I pitched most of them over the fence for the coyotes and elk to munch. Did the same with most of the apples because I just didn't have the time to peel, slice and freeze them or make applesauce. I never consider that a waste. I'm happy to see it go to good use and back to nature.
I've got to get the raspberries cut back and the asparagus ferns too. Hopefully we will have a good amount of fresh asparagus in the the spring. The raspberries were amazing this year, but again I wasn't really able to make the best of it due to time issues with my dad. The strawberry beds need to be thinned and covered with straw.
I didn't plant the veg garden this year and we have had a bumper crop of baby quail this spring and summer. They have had a great time taking dirt baths in the plant free raised beds. It's not unusual to see 25 plus quail in our yard. Fortunately, the dogs don't chase them so they've learned it's a pretty safe place for them here. The dove too.
Judy, yes I'm glad to be home. Back to my peaceful little valley and all my winged and 4 legged friends. I always feel blessed to be here. I didn't feel emotionally exhausted from the trip to CA, but my heart just broke for Rick and Cyn. Cynthia had a very hard time at the memorial and then everyone came to their place and so many of the people were younger and just didn't realize that they should leave. The memorial service was at 1pm and the crowd didn't leave Rick and Cyn's house until 10pm. I thought that was a bit much and somewhat inconsiderate. Of course there was a big BBQ (done by friends who do it professionally) and deep bit beef, pilaf, chili beans, salad, garlic bread, Italian sausage and much more, but it was ready to eat at 3pm and there was no reason for everyone to stay so late, but they all brought their own beer, etc. and the outdoor weather was nice so they overstayed their welcome. That is just my opinion. So I was feeling bad for Rick and Cyn, because they WERE emotionally drained and exhausted. So many of these people were friends of their children so they were all catching up and sharing stories, etc. Most had designated drivers, but some didn't and arrangements had to be made to get them home safely.
I was amazed at how much Visalia has grown since we left. The place has exploded with new housing developments and stores. It's so different and I am so glad I don't live there anymore. I was so happy to leave there when we retired and even more so now. We took a day and went to Cambria, a little coastal town that Warren and I always loved and visited often. I would have loved to move there back in the day, but it's just not affordable on the Ca coast. It just didn't hold the same charm for me. Lots of the places I loved to visit had gone out of business and it just wasn't the coastal oasis I remembered. What I mean by that is it wasn't as beautiful as I remembered it to be. Not saying I couldn't live there or that it isn't beautiful. Just saying I'm happy to be where I am. I guess I really am home.
Enough of my rambling. It's just good to talk about the things I'm grateful for.
Jeanne: I'm thinking about you and sending you my love.
Love to all of you my sisters. Cattails
jude - if you listed them we would understand. I feel the same way you do now. It is not that many things at present are THAT bad - a few are. A lot of it is just the continual DRIP DRIP DRIP that falls on areas that have been bruised for years, and it is very draining, and depressing. The only thing that helps me is to create space from it, and then some healing happens. Being a whipping girl is hard on a person - don't underestimate the effect it has on you. Ontario is 48 degrees now, and it is 25 here so it will be a great improvement.
The chutney is on hold for now - between fibro, and then some arthritis acting up, and my apparent need to hibernate, I am not getting much done, but I am catching up on sleep, which is good. Had my blood work done over 3 weeks ago, and no call back, so I assume all is well. At my age that is something to be thankful for, and I am.
hang in there sharyn -sounds like you are going from one crisis or mini crisis to the next
book - sounds like you had quite a feast - sea food YUM! You don't like turkey!!! I love it. I had some Filipino ladies over one Christrmas, and they didn't like it either, (preferred chicken) though they tried a little. They wouldn't touch the stuffing, or the Christmas pudding. Better to make your own traditions - maybe italian food like Jeanne, or seafood.
Jeanne, sorry about the PCA's dad - not easy for her.
hugs to all
You all will be getting very busy soon with thangsgiving coming up next week. I'm glad I finally persuaded family to quit the turkey. Every year, they bake the darn bird and No One Eats It!!!! We - as in my dad and I - get stuck with it. I love chicken but I Do Not Like at all Turkey. So, every year, it sits in our fridge until finally we throw it out. So, now, family don't bake the turkey, and no more wasting of food. Later!
And Cat, welcome home!
Jeanne, I hope Sunday is a great time. Lasagna...ravioli...manicotti...cannoli's... ricotta pie... I'll put on some stretchy pants and sneak in. You sound like you'll have a house full and one more wouldn't even be noticed. :)
Eh, Joan, the shitty week is just a bunch of little things that add up, you know? If I were to list them, I'd look like a sniveler, and none of it is really worth mentioning. I just get so tired of being the family complaint department and whipping girl. I hope the trip east is fun. Niagara Falls sounds nice but cold! Its been chilly here at night. I actually busted out the flannel shirts.
Cat, I'm glad you're back and accounted for. I love lavender. Hope you cut some for the house. Do you dry it? Are you just drained from the emotional trip?
Sharyn, I was going to post on everyone's walls if people didn't start showing up!
Diavalon, I missed you in the round-up - my apologies. Glad I'm not the only one who thought this thread was too dang quiet.
So count be present and accounted for and no long MIA. Judy, sending you good wishes for a better week.
Love to all, Cattails
jeanne -hope the big dinner goes off well. Glad to hear you made progress with your paper pile. Hope Coy is as good as possible.
diavalon - good to hear from you
Kimbee- hope your head is still above water, and you got mum's toenails done, and your own!
austin - let us know how u r
Pamela - dinner out was a nice idea. How are ur health issues?
Lisa - glad it is quiet with you. Long may it last. We have spent too much time on the energy vampires. How are Jen and Chris, Beth, Ray and Mary and, of course, you and Doug. Been wondering about Jen and her health problems.
everyone - let us know how you are
recent nail polish story - had to glue a gel back on. G helped and glued his fingertip to my nail. Bonded for life lol! Actually he pulled it off and left a little skin behind, but the gel is on firmly. We have booked flights to the east for early December. It will be a combination of business and pleasure, and, hopefully a side trip to Niagara Falls. It should be warmer there, even if it is winter, and a nice break. Mother is quiet for now - long may it last Love and hugs to everyone Joan
I too haven't had much to say for a change, working more hours. My mom tried to cancel her LTC policy, luckily it has a 60 day grace period and I talked her into writing a check yesterday so I could mail it for her.
So ... busy here to the point of being frantic, but not a lot to talk about.
Jeanne
I'm on red alert here. Search parties stand by. Putting new batteries in my flashlight. My friends on this thread are missing. I'm on the verge of launching the search.The light is not on, on this thread, and no one is home. But me. :(
how is everyone doing today?
The family is thinking of placing him after the first of the year... at first I was not ok with this, but the more I see him adjusting, the more I know he will be happier around more people during the day than what we can provide for him... I did ask the daughter if I could start taking him to the Senior Center, for some reason M never wanted him to go.... but she said yes, so when I go back after my week off, him and I will have a great adventure everyday..... hope everyone here is fine.... taking some time for themselves... think about you all... hugs...