Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Thanks for the update, Joan. My prayers are with you.

Punch: I love Irish Coffee. Can I join you?

Love Cat
(2)
Report

thanks punch - Irish coffee sound good.
latest update and a few clarifications
Gary is still in Calgary. Clay now has emphysema from oxygen that “leaked” into the lung tissue. His lungs were fine before surgery. The doctors say they don't understand where it came from. He has been on a morphine patch, and morphine pump for about 6 months now. I didn’t know that. Before that he was on many pain pills daily for several years.. So they are wondering why his bowel perforated. Maybe it was the accumulated affect of pain pills for several years. I asked Gary how his spirits were, and Gary said the question of why this has happened to him has come up. Of course there are no easy answers to that.
Re the window - there is a law suit and it is being dragged out. There was to be a disposition on New York over the accident today. There are 14 claims outstanding. Apparently Clay has been able to keep up with some studies at the college in Calgary, but who knows now. He will never be able to work and earn a kiving, even if he survives this.. Gary’s boss and coworkers are very supportive, thankfully. The next few days will see which way this will go. I feel so badly for them all, and am thankful that Gordie did not go through this pain. Again I so much appreciate everyone's prayers and support.
punch, I am praying for easing of the pain too, which ever way the Lord chooses to do that. When I first heard from the cop that Gordie was in hospital, and he suggested that I come there, my instant prayer was Lord heal him completely, or take him, and at that point I had no idea what his injury was - only that he was in the ER. - but I knew in my heart of hearts it was very serious,
Just one breath at a tme tonight - .I am afraid the strawberries are still not done, but I forgive myself for that - sometimes that's all we can do - one breath, one minute, one hour at a time. BTDT before. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to all. Joan
(2)
Report

Clinking my mug to yours, Jeanne--I've decided to make it an Irish Coffee, but I have Kahlua in the cupboard. Those delivery men must enjoy dropping off to you!! Seriously, smart of you to take it just a day and an hour at a time - you're a very strong person and I will pray for the suffering of this poor man to be minimal, no matter which way the Lord chooses to go. xo PJ
(1)
Report

Jeanne~ Second what Jessie said!! I am with you as you journey thru and I know you will always be supportive and helpful to others!! Hugs to you and your husband!!
(2)
Report

Jeanne, Just want you to know I am thinking about you. You have done so much for people here on the group. You're amazing. There's nothing physically the group can do, but I probably join a lot of people in saying we're with you emotionally.
(3)
Report

Hi Jeanne: Good to hear your cyber voice. I know you realize that we are all thinking of you and keeping you and dh in our hearts and prayers. Great idea to sort out papers. That's one of those jobs, at least for me, that needs to be done when things are quiet and I can take my time. Always a good feeling to get a task accomplished.

Joan, I hope your nightie and jewelry descriptions gave Jeanne a laugh. It did me. I bet the postman loves coming to your door!!!

Thank you for the update on Clay. Sending white light for the best possible outcome.

Love, Cat
(3)
Report

jeanne, Thank you about Clay. You and Coy are on my mind. I am still in my nightie, too. 11:49 am here MST. I can get to sleep, but I wake up after 4-5 hours, and have trouble getting back to sleep, so, like you, I get it when I can. When I was working I just had to power through, and it was no fun. The Purolater and Canada Post guys must be used to me by now. lol Sometimes I try on new earrings or a necklace (one of my diversions is buying jewellery from ebay - less than $100 a year so I don't think I am in trouble ;)) that don't necessarily match, and I don't care! I must be quite a sight some days, Think black chiffon peignoir, red coral necklace, rust agate earring and purple toenail polish (another diversion). How's that for a KAW!
Punch are you sure you want me in your cyber living room for coffee in a get up like that??? Today it is a leopard print nightie, an orange silk kimono and a black onyx necklace LOL! Appropriate for halloween anyway!
One of the things I have learned in life that no matter what happens, meals have to be made, floors have to be swept/washed, the laundry has to get done - some of this, later rather than sooner, but eventually, and that is not a bad thing. And today I have to get at those bargain strawberries before they spoil, or they will be no bargain.
I have a high toleranced for clutter too, but it does get exceeded, especially since Gary has no limit that I have found. Jeanne, I find it does feel good to get some things sorted, and even better when it is something I can get out of the house permanently. Since my last post, I have packed up a large box with a lot of mother's silver in it that i will send to my nephew in England. My way of giving them some inheritance as my sis has written him off.
Being gentle with yourself is a good way to go. We all have a lot on your plates, and need to do that. When under stress, and feeling overwhelmed, I find it helpful to pick just one task and start doing it - one step at a time. I can pick up the broom. I can sweep this bit of floor, etc. I find then I tend to do more than I thought I could, and the time passes better than sitting and stressing over something

Thinking of you all, and raising my coffee mug to you!
(5)
Report

Hugs back to you, Joan...you have so much on your plate. Deep breaths, and know we are praying to support you in the best way we can, from afar. I am sending you all a virtual cup of coffee we can all share as though we are having a real one on one visit together--pretending it's in my living room today! xoPJ
(1)
Report

Joan, maybe I'll join you in doing something productive in the household today. Taking care of DH is extremely useful, of course, but he is sleeping most of the time now. I think it will feel good to get some papers sorted out and my office straightened up. I have a high tolerance for clutter, but even that has been exceeded. First I'll get dressed (it's noon here). I was still in bed when the hospice nurse came for her 11:00 appointment. Sigh. I have delayed sleep phase disorder and I wasn't asleep until after 3:00. Resetting the internal clock takes more disciple than I have to spare right now and I'm just being gentle with myself and sleeping when I can.

Hugs to you regarding Clay. I am so sorry for everyone concerned.

Everyone -- regards to all. I'm reading but I'm not in full response mode right now.
(3)
Report

punch - so sorry about dil's cousin. I am more familiar than I want to be with such things, knowing other parents who have lost children, and particularly young adult sons.
The news I have is that though Clay is alert, the 5 day prognosis is guarded especially given his previous medical issues. Barring a miracle, this the beginning of the end for him, as far as I can see. He is in such pain daily I don't even I know what to pray for except for release from the pain one way or another. The roads have been bad due to snow storms, Gary hasn't arrived here yet - it is an 8 hr drive under the best conditions. Oh, and judyjudy, re any court case, two of Gary's kids are lawyers, and I know if there was anything they could do, they would.
auntKiki - welcome - this is a great group.
kimbee - hope you are feeling better and have been able to line up more help
cat - thinking of you and spreading your dad's ashes. We still have Gordie's in an urn. I had it for years and ex dh has them now,
judy - take as many days away that you can!
book - how are you? I know your heath is suffering. I would think that stress is a big factor.
Lisa - what a blessing you were to yur mum's room mate. I wish you could take pictures of people's expressions when they first hear her lash out at you, and then on the "twitches" later. ;) Hope the diet continues to9 go well.
everyone - thinking of you. I need to be a bit more productive today. If I pack up some stuff to send overseas to my nephew and family, I will have gotten the boxes and paper out of the living room, some stuff out of my cupboards, and will have done something useful - a little low on that recently.:( (((((((hugs)))))) Joan
(4)
Report

Joan, what a tremendously sad story--just walking down the street and your whole life changes in an instant. Totally weird and sad for that young man. Think somewhere along the line, either this thread or somewhere else, I mentioned that DIL's dear first cousin was coming home from a night out w/friends and was accosted by a monster who wanted to rob him and got $20 but not before he shot him in the neck. Promising, smiling, smart and sweet, that young man is now a quadriplegic and the family is beyond heartbroken, so I can relate to how a misfortune in an instant changes everyone life around them. They really 'buck up' and take good care of each other and their son, they are a phenomenal family, but I can't imagine what must go through their minds. I will be praying for Gary and at least for his son's comfort, and less pain.--poor baby.

Kimbee good luck with getting the caregiver--good for you.
Lisa, I agree with Judy, you think she would have made nice-nice in front of the roommate. I swear that mother of yours has to be related to mine. Though sad to not have that lovely m/d relationship that I've missed my entire life, I must say breaking the ties has made life so peaceful.
AuntKiki-nice to 'meet' you. Yes, we definitely support each other--and NO judgment allowed, which makes it a pleasure being able to speak freely. xoxPJ
(3)
Report

Thank you for all your prayers. I haven't heard anything more - just that he was a very sick young man last night.
judyjudy - I hear you, and we do have similar programs here in Canada. We received a sum after my son Gordie died at the hands of another young man. I don't know if it applies to an "accident". I can't remember the details of why there is no compensation. It may be that it will stay tied up in court forever. Not sure, but when Gary explained it to me, it made sense. He is pretty familiar with such things, and has recently helped a disabled man get a pension. Other windows have blown out of the same building, I don't know if others have been injured. However, even if there was financial compensation, it could in no way improve Clay's quality of life. One of Gary's other sons is a physician, and has made sure that Clay has the best medical care available. It really is a tragedy. Clay was an outstanding athlete, apparently. This happened when he was at his prime.
Having lost Gordie, I know what Gary is facing. This is the beginning of what they were told would happen. If he survives this, the number of options for treatment for Clay will decrease. We all are familiar with that here, but for older people, not young adults. My heart is very heavy this morning.
(3)
Report

Any possibility of disability ? Here in California we have Victim's Assistance programs. Anything like that where you are? My prayers go out to this young man. It does seem strange that a lawsuit went nowhere. The insurance company for the building should pay something.
(6)
Report

Lisa, you stated that if it wasn't for DQ in the room you might go visit the roommate again. Wellll... since you can't go back to the room...How about calling the woman on the phone. Sounds like she needs someone to talk with and what a blessing to you to be that person. Have a wonderful day..
(3)
Report

Joan - I have Gary and son on my mind today. Sending positive energy and love your way. When I put my son's face on the situation, it brings tears to my eyes and tightens my chest. I can only imagine how hard this is for Gary. My heart goes out to him. Keep us posted.
(4)
Report

Lisa, that was so funny. I can't believe she's now showing her real self in front of people. I guess she couldn't wait for privacy since she had a roommate. Plus it sounds like she purposely got the roommate to call you - just so that she can hurt you verbally. I feel bad for that woman. If I had a blood clot and a lump in my breast, I would be 100% more fearful of it being breast cancer than some clot in my body. We've all heard a lot of horror stories of breast cancer. I'm glad that you did help comfort her.

Joan, I've sent a prayer for both Gary and son.
Kimbee - I'm sorry that I overlooked the stress you were going through last week. I'm glad that you're now looking for alternate options to help you with the caregiving.
(4)
Report

Lisa, thx for being the early riser n getting all the little hellions, urr, darlings, to school safe n happy! Welcome new Kim, hugs to all-kimbee!
(2)
Report

Prayers Joan!!!
(3)
Report

Hey Joan: My prayers are with you, Gary and his son. I'm so sorry this young man had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. No fault of his, but so life changing. It is heartbreaking. Love, Cat.
(4)
Report

joan, praying for Gary and his son. Your sons have had some tough things happen. Luv you, kim
(3)
Report

Hi friends, shit storm recipient Lisa, and newcomers. I'll say it again-Lisa you rock! Too funny that DQ just could't STAND for you to be plesant w her roommate. I hope that poor woman doesn't end up w a twitch to go-she's got plenty to deal with. I am feeling better tonight; It occurred to me that I've had some depressive symptoms in the fall n winter, n last year considered buying a light to help. Will make a point to get outside more to see if THAT helps-plenty to do in the yard still to give me some detraction. Joan, thanks for reminder to take care of myself better. I called Hospice palliative care, they don't provide any in home services here, all services r for facility based care, only. That seems a bit behind the trends to me. Made some other calls to CG's to get interviews started. I'm falling asleep, so more later. Thx again-you're great friends n support n thanks too cat n judy. Nitey night! Kimbee
some interviews going for priv duty.
(3)
Report

Prayers for everyone Emjo!
(3)
Report

Lisa, good for you again. You are a master (mistress?) at this.
sharyn - nice that these ex coworkers will help.
judyjudy - hi
I have sad news and am asking for prayers. I put this on the dysfun fam thread too. Gary's youngest son just had emergency surgery for a perforated bowel. He had a head/brain injury a few years ago, and was left with very severe, and debilitating headaches, and is constantly on heavy pain meds, He cannot live alone, nor have a normal life as he is in bed sometimes, or throwing up from the pain all day long. The doctors have said that they can do no more for him, his stomach will be ruined by the meds within 5 years, and he won't live till he is 40. He is in his early twenties. Gary is on his way to Calgary to see him in hospital. It is likely that this was caused by the meds. On top of that, G's ex (who is still in very much in charge of the adult kids - they walk on egg shells around her - talk about dysfunctional!) makes it very difficult for him to spend time with them all, so he could use some prayer too. As well, the road conditions are not good where he is heading - snow storms... it never snows but it storms???? I feel so badly for that young man. He was walking down the street with a friend in New York, and a window blew out of a building 24 stories up and fell and hit him on the head. He was going to Drama school there. It wasn't the first window that had blown out of that building, and yet there was no compensation. Can't remember the ins and outs of it, but Gary said they pursued it as far as they could.So unfair! Hurting for him tonight,
(6)
Report

Uh-oh...the shitstorm materialized. I'm sorry! I guess this storm cloud did have a silver lining in the form of DQ's roommate though. I'm glad you got to laugh with her and listen to her story. It does sound like she needed someone to talk to. And, I'm glad your mom showed her true colors again with the "fat ass" comment. Nothing like lobbing a turd your way. Sheesh. You'd think she'd behave in front of an audience, you know? I'm glad you left that room feeling upbeat about making that woman smile. But, you know, Lisa, I think you make everyone smile (except the DQ, unfortunately). Congrats on the 7lbs!
Kimbee - I hope you feel better soon. xx
Pam - David sounds wonderful. Love the name too - my oldest boy's :)
Cat - where are you?
judyjudy - I hope we get to know you.
Auntkiki - keep reading and come back!
Emjo - thanks again for the hug - xxoo - and stay warm!
Sharyn - "N" sounds like a sweetheart
Punch - what kind of crap can we get into next?

I'm missing someone here, I know it. Sorry if I am.
(4)
Report

Auntkiki: welcome!!!!
(3)
Report

Lisa, I have been following this story from the start and only on post 1151. Your story of what you have been though and the strength you have gotten from the KICK ASS GIRLS have been so inspiring. I will continue to read your journey till I get to the last post. It is so great to see a bunch of people who were total strangers come together and give strength to each other in there time of troubles. To the rest of the Kick Ass Girls I hope to soon read your story soon.
Hug to all Kim
(8)
Report

Sharyn, I know exactly what you mean. Outsiders see a completely different side of DQ. But girl, once she lays eyes on me it don't take ten seconds for her true nature to appear. And it always comes from these strangers suggestions on what needs to be done. If they only knew... And punch, the one on one was an easy one to handle today. I'm so glad I went to speak with the room mate. As much as we laughed before DQ showed up, I left there feeling really good with bringing some smiles to her face. She was so easy to like, and the fear on her face when she told me they found that lump was hard to watch. Here I go sappy again, but things happened today for a reason. Because I believe that woman needed someone to talk to. If the crazy woman who used to live down the hall wasn't in that room, I would be tempted to visit her again. ;)
(9)
Report

Lisa - WOW WHAT A VISIT that was!! That poor woman roommate must have been so pressured by DQ to get in touch with you--then she has the nerve to insult you when she sees you showed up?? What a total pill. I would hesitate to ever go back there again--and hopefully you are getting around to giving every person with whom she comes in contact the low down on her manipulative ways--and, just as in my own situation, one by one they have her number and can resist getting bamboozled and manipulated. You can only fool people so long and DQ is learning it the hard way, huh? Congrats on the weight loss, yes--but bigger congrats on being able to move past the stress, pain and sadness and not allow this woman to take up any space in your head for another second. GO GIRL. Very nice of you to go over there and handle that one on one like that, I admire you so much. Hugs and our support, always. xo PJ
(7)
Report

Lisa~Good for you for going to the hospital and talking with the roommate. Your compassion and love is overflowing, and so great that you share it with others in need. Not too many people who have been thru what you have with your mother can be compassionate with others. I am so happy you have that capacity!! Kudos on losing 7lbs. You are on your way!!!
A former co-worker of my mother called me yesterday. She was concerned because she couldn't reach my mom by phone. I told her mom was probably outside cuz I was just over there. I tried calling too and couldn't reach her. The woman "N" asked me if my mom had a DPOA. I told her that mom's attny. advised mom to set up her DPOA as a springing DPOA, meaning we can't act in mom's behalf til she is certified incompetent. I went on to explain to her that mom is not legally incompetent at this point so we have to play it by ear, visiting her regularly and monitoring her situation until we can call APS since mom won't let us help where she needs help. N said she would help when she can thru phone calls to my mom and alerting me if she suspects mom is in crisis!! I would never impose on N in any way because she sits several days for a ggchild with autism. I am amazed at the people who are willing to help me with mom...in whatever capacity they can!! I am grateful. This very different from your situation Lisa, believe me understand because my mother has a PD which is why she lives alone.My mother who can be very abusive, is not as bad as your mother...my heart goes out to you. You have my support and love as you journey thru all this with your mom and now your pils!!! These two ladies who are willing to inform me of things regarding my mom, know a very different person than the woman who raised me and my sibs.
I made the Pumpkin Soup today and it is yummy, thank you Cat for sharing!! It is much heartier than I expected, very filling with some warm buttered bread!!! I took some over to my mom and she liked it too. Hubby also likes spicy, so I added red pepper to ours!!
Joan~I will make the dumplings on Thursday with some chicken...can't wait for that!
Enjoy your time away PamelaSue as it doesn't happen often enough!
Have a great week ladies, I'll be thinking of all of you. Hugs to all!!! Sharyn
(3)
Report

Geez, poor JudyJudy. She walked into the discussion way after the fact and must think we're all crazy on this thread with all our 'shit storm' and balloon talk. Pam, thanks for giving her the 'straight poop' on where Lisa is in her situation. (Ooops there's that word again.)
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter