My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
having a hard time keeping up with ya'll; doing well down here in TX.
The Christmas plans sound great too! We too don't have big Christmases anymore because of family moving too far away. I also miss having everyone here. It is just hubby, mom, sis and me. However, this Thanksgiving my son and daughter and son-in-law will be here, so I am excited about that!!
Kimbee~I am glad you got away for awhile and taking the CG along was a good idea. I don't know what I will do next year in regards to my mother, I know she will be more advanced with the Alzheimer's.
Austin~I am sorry to hear about your mother being ill and how horrible she was to you. Stand strong against your brothers!
Joan~The stinking thinking/dry drunk attitude can wear you down. Keeping a distance is good. I hope things improve!!
Hoping all you ladies have a wonderful day and with those gold star tuna cans...no need for underwires, Lol!!
You will be very glad to know that Survived2's mother has been more-of-less forcibly removed from the home. Survived2 (Lisa) is one of those rare individuals who asked for advice, thought it over, and then followed the advice! It wasn't a miracle and it didn't happen without some bumps in the road, but she accomplished what she wanted. Now she is facing a different kind of problem with her beloved in-laws, who have health issues.
If you would like to read a very inspiring story as these events unfolded, I recommend reading the whole long thread. Better than a novel!
provided! Very grateful we were able to get our regular p/t CG to come along. In spite of having lots of family "helpers", we would not have had a free min. w/o her help. Live n learn! Next trip will be just us-n CG w mom at home! Our p/t help had accepted a new job that would mean less hours for mom, just as we need more. She called today to say she decided against the job in favor of more time w us-whoohoo! Love all the healthy diet n food talk, holiday rituals n comfort of being here among you all. Austin, sorry to hear ur mom was so terrible to u, glad u can set limits n hope u can hold ur ground when bro's do their part, or not. Cat, it must have been hard to pick up dad's ashes. I loved hearing he'll be there n with your mom. I hope u can get your family there soon. Book, take care of yourself, sorry to hear u got hurt. Hope u r feeling better. Lisa, sorry to hear MIL lunch wasn't as u hoped. Glad sister visit went well n sad another death in family. Joan, U r amazing-carried firewood past 70? Go girl! Glad to hear driveway is clearing out! When I met DH he had an old car in front yard. Finally, after several years, got him to move it, n he ruined the best view from the house by parking it in our only water view! haha. I have lovely pix of deer playing in the back yard w the dusty car in the background! Hope ur vehicles go far! Sad for ur DD, hope she will get turned around soon. Glad u r so smart. Hugs n prayers to all, luv kim
Also, smart of you to just be concentrating on eating more healthy - doing that, the weight will come off slowly without your even changing much else.
Joan: Sorry to hear about your aunt. It doesn't matter that they lived a very long, full life much--you still miss them-and partic. when they've been in your life a very long time it's as though you never expect it to end--still hurts, you still grieve. Certainly can understand the feeling of nostalgia you are feeling. Blessings to you and your family and all those who will miss her.
I did enjoy working outside in that crisp mountain air stacking the wood. I couldn't believe how I endured it as well as I did and felt so good about it--I am so energized anyway by the cool weather, but was happy I had no aches or pains the next day, which I expected. Amazing that the only 'ache' I have is in my right thumb. Yes, the weight issue is worrisome as I want the one brother with whom I am close to be around for a long time. I hope something clicks with them soon, with the health issues they are already enduring, and hearing my sister in law say "well, I really have to do SOMEthing" was encouraging. As far as veggies go, we have a place that sells produce much cheaper and I get cauliflower and broccoli and roast it in the oven on high heat with drizzle of olive oil, a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder--you can steam them a little bit first so that the oven doesn't have to be on so long to get them al dente (I learned that the 2nd time around) and saves you some electricity. We keep them in the fridge and eat them all week heated in the microwave and roasted veggies really are delicious-you can do peppers, onions, brussel sprouts, whatever. Of course, cut up potatoes too, but I don't do much in the starch family. As you said, slow and steady-with an eye toward just cutting out the sugar and processed stuff that is so toxic to us. I don't have a juicer but I have one helluva blender that makes the best smoothies ever--tip is to buy bananas, get them quite ripe, peel them and put them in a plastic bag in the freezer and you won't believe how great a smoothie can turn out with that and fat free plain yogurt, a small amount of skim milk to get the blender going, and I even toss in a handful of other fruit (frozen mango is great) and a 1/4 cup lowfat granola. Breakfast in a glass that will blow your mind-and fill your tummy too! Hey! We need to start a recipe board here. Think of how we can challenge each other toward getting healthy! Love to all, xoxox PJ
Speaking of holiday traditions. I have enough Christmas ornaments for 3 trees. I always loved Christmas, but now I decorate outside trees more than inside trees. My mom's ashes are under a beautiful coastal redwood tree. My mom always loved Christmas and she was so happy each year when we put lights up on her house. Since she has passed, we always put lights on the tree her ashes are under.
By the way, picked my dad's ashes up Friday. Have to talk to siblings about getting up here and putting dad's ashes with mom's. It's hard for everyone to get away at the same time. We were all together for mom's ashes being spread. I'd like to have them both together, under the tree for Christmas. I know that's where dad would like to be. We'll see what works for everyone.
Anyway, I don't have the big Christmas anymore. I love all the memories, but we are all so separated by space and obligations. I'd love to disburse all my Christmas ornaments to my granddaughter and let her fashion her own holiday memories with something that reminds her of us. Right now, she is so busy getting her education and space is tight. Maybe later when she has more room for Christmas storage.
Right now, for us, we like to keep it simple inside, but decorate with lights some outside trees. I love that and it's our new tradition.
Love, Cat
Lisa - sounds like you have a great Christmas coming up. I hope Mary and Ray enjoy it thoroughly. They are lucky to have you. Traditions change as people do, and not always as we would like them too, (talking about me here) but, my old phrase - life goes on.
austin - I am so sorry that your mother was mean, You are doing the right thing. Let someone else step up to the plate. Hmmmm - I need to take my own advice. Thankfully dd is not drinking at present, as far as I know, but the same thing applies. She has to want help.
Punch - sounds like you had a great time, though sorry to hear about the obesity in your bro and sil.Would be a very serious problem. Talking about stacking wood, I did my own till I was over 70. Just took it easy, small loads, and used a sled to take some around the side of the house. I kinda enjoyed it. I think taking time to lose weight is great and I have the same philosophy about making it a way of life that I can tolerate.
Well, the time for another one to "check out" in her own words came today. An aunt fell and broke her leg badly 9 days ago. She was 98, had lived a good life and had no regrets. Her daughter emailed tonight and said that her mum said warm goodbyes to all, and knew it was her time. She had been living in a small senior care home arrangement, and was well looked after. Her mind remained good till the end. I have very fond memories of her and my uncles - a nice lady. Yes uncleS. She married one uncle who died young, and she was a widow for years. Some time later, my other uncle became a widower, and the two of them got together a few years after that, and had a great time together in their senior years. He died about 7 years ago aged 96. I am more nostalgic tonight, than sad, though that may come.
The old motorhome in the driveway moved on to a better place (anywhere was better in my mind) and the Lexus that G never uses is, if all goes as planned, leaving tomorrow or Tuesday! Yay!!! I will be able to see my driveway again, Love progress. Hope everyone has a good week. hugs Joan
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The weight thing is interesting. I've packed on the pounds too. I've been to WW and it works. I may go back, but right now I am just trying to eat better. Good food that is healthy. Where I live there are lots of organic farms and so I can get fresh, locally grown produce. Just eliminating pesticides is a good thing. Won't necessarily make me skinny, but it's good food. Plus next year I hope my garden will be back in production. Tonight I did something different. Took a few tomatoes that I had grown, put them in boiling water for 30 sec. , then into an ice bath to cool. The skins come right off. Then I seasoned them with thyme, a little sea salt, ground black pepper and put them in a 200 degree oven for 90 minutes. Had a big salad for dinner and put the tomatoes in the middle. Very pretty. These tomatoes would be awesome just sliced on a plate with a little olive oil and some roasted pine nuts over the top. A simple thing, but new to me and very good.
I bought a juicer the other day and am going to do a basic green drink and see how it tastes. Have an apple tree and a pear tree and you can use both for adding sweetness to the green drink. Lots of nutrients and healthy. Just making little changes. Well see.
Punch, glad you had a good time and congrats on your weight loss. Slow and steady wins the race. Good for you.
Love, Cat
Hugs to all! PJ
austin - so glad the wedding went well - I had forgotten and was wondering where you were - I bet your kitty missed you! And you lost a lb!!!! Well done!
Pam have a great trip - I have read that about the food pyramid and I believe it. Calories in -calories out never worked for me either, but I do think people are different, and there is no cookie cutter recipe for all. I try to make sure I get enough protein too. Apparently as you get older you need more protein not less. Heathier is my goal too. Carbs other than in small quantities are my enemy too.
Kimbee- glad you are enjoying the beach. Hope your time there remains trouble free. I gotta try those dumplings again -for Gary. The snow had melted thankfully!
cat - wonderful that cricket has lost weight and reversed her diabetes. Agreed every diet will work if you can stick with it. The hardest part is maintenance. You need to change your lifestyle - for life. I find lowering carbs works best for me, otherwise I get hungry. I comfort myself that al least that I tend to eat healthy even if I over eat - other than that drug unduced cookie fest the other day. lol
punch - let me know how the dumplings work. I would like to lose 20 lbs too though 10 would get me back to what I was 30 yrs ago.(and here is me talking about dumplings...)
Judy - thinking of you and hoping life is bearable and maybe some enjoyment in there too
sharyn - LOL those little guys are so resourceful - and in the rain!!!
well, I have done this backwards - seems to suit my life right now.
Gary and I had out thanksgiving turkey on Thursday - only a few days late. It was good -scented candles. fire in the fireplace and all that. I will do a pumpkin pie this week and spread the calories out over the week.
I have accepted that dd is as she is. I did some reflecting and remembered that she is a recovering alcoholic, who hasn't been to a meeting in over 15 years, nor to counselling. not does she have a support system. That may well account for her problems, and nothing I can do about it. She took a drink in the spring, and I said to her that I thought the risk was pretty high for the rewards she might get. As far as I know she hadn't had any more, but the stinking thinking/dry drunk is all there. Kinda all came together where I thought about that. All I can do is pray and keep contact with the grandkids.
The snow has melted, and a few more days of warmer (50s) weather forecast. All three highways out of town were closed due to accidents a few days ago after the first snowfall . Every year there are accidents at this time. It seems that people forget how to drive in winter conditions. I stay off the road if I can for a few days till people adjust. Feeling peaceful - love, hugs, and prayers Joan
Love, Cat
Happier note: I have been on my diet for 4 days and haven't cheated once. I swore I wasn't going to weigh until every 7th day and I just couldn't stand it anymore. Drumrollllllllllll. IVE LOST 4 POUNDS!!!! I'm glad I weighed. I have validation it's working. And girls, that future son in law of mine made me a stir fry dinner last night with fresh veggies that was outstanding. Some days I feel weepy. My life is truly turning back into what I left behind for those 2 years. Even with pil's health concerns, I'm so thankful. I feel that much stronger to deal with things as they pop up. Love you all!!!! Lisa
If you would like to read a very inspiring story as these events unfolded, I recommend reading the whole long thread. Better than a novel!
Mom must go....easy said, as I am dealing with a nice mom with many problems. My marriage is so important to me! I moved my mother in 2 1/2 years ago, and for some reason she seems entitled. I am chief cook, merry maid and many other duties.
Take your mom on a tour of a assisted living facility, she will get a quick tutorial of her options. It's an eye opener.
Best of luck!!!
Have fun on your trip and please enjoy Texas cookingBoy they can BBQ.
at the beginning of this year David began dieting and exercising, he wanted to lose the sixty he had gained since he came to san diego. totally believing in calories in/calories out he counted everything and walked 10 to 12 miles at least six days a week. the weight was coming off incredibly slowly, after four months he had lost only twenty pounds. he began researching diets, reading everything online he could find. one thing he found was that the food pyramid was a lie, it was made by the department of agriculture not the public health department, and it was about selling the products of United States Farmers to us and to the rest of the world. it had nothing at all to do with promoting health. in fact since the food pyramid came into being, Americans have become obese and suffered many more heart attacks. go ahead and do a search on the food pyramid lie. learn about the atkins diet, i guess that doctor did know a thing or two.
David's weight came off a lot quicker for a while, but then he hit another plateau. i think it has to do with the stress of first trying to find a place to live here, then not finding it, and now moving back to Texas. he hasn't had time to exercise for the last three or four weeks. btw, i still do not diet, once in a while i make a change in my eating habits, a permanent change, if i need to. at 35 i decided for smaller portions when i realized i couldn't continue eating as if i were a kid anymore. recently i decided to eat more proteins, not because i need to lose weight, i don't; but because it's just a healthier way to live.
ok, just a heads up, i'm going out of town for a couple weeks. ROAD TRIP! David and I are doing a road trip to Texas, leaving tomorrow morning very very early. He is going to be staying there with his parents for a while (6m? a year?), but not to worry, he will be visiting me and the family here often. David is going to show me all the sites, cool hiking and fishing spots, and I get to meet his family! (Yes, I AM very excited!!!) David was going to fly me home via Colorado so I could visit my son, DiL, and grandchildren, but my son can't get any time off. so I told Chris that there would be other Texas trips and we would works things out next time.
i will only be offline for the weekend, David has to get into the office on monday morning, so i will be on the computer to fill my time.
Sharyn, thanks for the kind words--I am happy that part is over, but I still cannot grasp the way this woman just died. I didn't mention it, but I saved an email she sent me, the day before her surgery, and in it she said she hoped it wasn't her time yet, as she had 'so much more to do.' I told her not to worry, it's a pretty common surgery, my mother in law had it, blah blah blah...and believed what I told her. To think her prophetic words came true is still mind blowing to me...what a great gal she was, it's so crazy. I JUST LOVE the story of your 4 yr. old--what a great visual I got of that scene!! Adorable. I still have one to share about my little Houdini, another time.
Judy: ARGGHH I will be keeping you in prayer, girl!! LOL
Re: Diet. I tried alot of them, but I am a lifetime Weight Watchers member and think it's the only way to go, sustain weight. I've been on since 5/21 and am not a fast loser. I've lost 22 lbs. since I started and am vowing to give it a full year knowing I will reach goal before that (geez, I better, I only have about another 20 lbs to go!). It was getting ridiculous, knew I needed to do something and want to be on maintenance forever. I even tried Nutrisystem once but it was kind of expensive and the food is all so processed, can't be good for you. I want to be healthy and not just thin. Either way, no matter what you try, good luck with it and I hope you have great luck!! But please, do eat fruits and veggies!! Want all of us around a very long time. xoxox PJ