My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp baking podwer
1/2 cup milk
2 tbsp melted fat or oil
Mix all together in a bowl. Drop large spoonfuls into boilng broth or water, (or even stew as long as there is enough liquid) and cover the pot. Steam/simmer for about 12-15 minutes. Enjoy!
Punch, I think you are right that the g'kids are resilient - the recipe will follow
cat - I don't know if dd will let me have them over. There seems to be some jealousy there, especially with my time with Joel. She knows I love her, I think.. Lord knows how many times I have backed her up, and helped her out. There is a pattern of various things in her life which fit with a personality disorder. The grandkids know I love them. Having Em over is a great idea. It may work. I will let it all simmer down for a while. I ordered a new set of copper bottomed stainless steel pans which are due soon. You really need heavy bottomed pots for makng jam etc., so have held off on the chutney making until they arrive. Things started to go awry when dd asked to me look after the g'kids for a full weekend, and I said I thought it was too much for me. I can do a few hours, and Em overnight would be fine. They are extremely active - on the go all the time.
Lisa - WOW, well done. That diet sounds great. I sort of do an intermittent 2 days on milk (almond milk in my case) veggies and one fruit, and the rest of the week just a reasonable low carb diet. It keeps me from gaining. I find I am not hungry on the milk days which is amazing. Actually your hunger hormone levels drop, blood pressure, blood sugar, insulin, blood fats etc. I would recommend it to anyone. - google "genesis 2 day intermittent diet". Whatever works. Fall cleaning!!!! What's that! On my goodness, I need a cleaning lady!.
oh judy - those family reunions and driving there with mum, Can you wear a head set or ear plugs??? Make sure you keep the blue tights under the white coat when you are in the rubber room. I think they will take the tuna cans away ;)
I will post the dumpling recipe separately . It is really easy and worked every time for me. I should make them for Gary. I have a great Yorkshire pudding (popover) recipe too.
Have a nice fall day everyone. It snowed here yesterday. Gordie would NOT have liked that, except fpr the skiiing aspect. Thankfully it has melted, but more forecast for tonight, then a few days pf higher temps - only 28 right now.
One day at a time!!!
I leave for the family reunion tomorrow morning with Mom. I'll probably need a seatbelt extension on the way back with all of the stress eating I'll be doing! Ha! Better not. I'll fill you in on all the gory details when I get back late next week. I wish I didn't have to go. Its been hanging over my head like a big, fat, nasty, storm cloud full of turds. Cloudy with a chance of sh*tstorm is the forecast. How did I get myself into this? My palms are clammy just at the thought. Got a ton to do today, so I'll check back in next week. Got my oldest staying here with my youngest because my husband couldn't fly back. Like I need this, piled on of top of a trip with Mom. You sound good, Lisa. Upbeat. Good weekend and fall cleaning done - awesome. If you don't hear from me next week, start checking mental health facilities on the east coast. I'll be the one twitching in the straight jacket channeling the spirit of Lizzie Borden. xxoo
Joan - you're on my mind. Big, warm hugs to you.
Emjo: I'm sorry about your daughter. I go thru the same thing with the nephew and seeing his daughter. Just let them know you love them like I do, and I know my great niece will be in my life as she gets older.
Cat: I hope your days are getting easier for you. Love everyone! Lisa
Grandmothers can be fabulous supporters. My GM was my best friend.
I wish you happiness and peace, Joan. This being Gordy's birthday, let us all celebrate the people that blessed our lives too.
Love and Hugs, Cat
Hugs back to you, and know we are praying! I am so happy I found this site--it's my little refuge when I feel badly about things. PJ (PS shoot that recipe over to this site/here--I would love to have it!)
Lisa - so glad that pils had such a great visit, and that Mary was at her best, AND you got some chicken and dumplings. For anyone who is interested I have a fool proof fluffy dumpling recipe which always works for me. I got it from a friend years ago. Thanks for prayers. As I mentioned on the dysfun fam thread. my bigger heart ache right now is my daughter, who in my view is depessed, and needs meds, and counseling. Her doc suggested counselling to her a year ago, and he is not outspoken at all. Basically I am not welcome in her house (her only, I am good with sil and the grandkids), because, in her view, I am too negative. She has no friends. The one she had here for 10 years she dumped in the spring because of something the friend said, and then came running to me for sympathy. This is the child I have given the most to, in material and maybe other things, which may have been a mistake.I think she is like her grandmother. Her brothers would agree. She is estranged from one of them too. I am letting it all wash over me - not much I can do. I may write her a letter one of these days expressing my concerns. I am a little worried for my grandchildren, but will keep up the contact with them. I would appreciate prayers..
Punch -you are so right that sometimes the death of a loved one drives home the point that life is too short to stress over the small things..Losing Gordie changed my perspective in a way that was a gift. Some things became so much less important, and others much more so.
God is good, He has lifted me up and I am thankful, as is appropriate for the season -and amongst other things, very thankful for all of you. (((((((hugs)))))))
Things quiet with pil's. They had a terrific visit with the sisters and fil said Mary was great. And before you ask, yes I got some chicken and dumplings. Heeheehee.
Punch, glad you made it to the service. Kimbee: hope vacations going great. Joan: holding you close to my heart and sending you love and strength.
Since we had no pressing time line, we went the easy, relaxing way. The weather was so perfect and the Puget Sound was full of sail boats. The water just glittered and it reminded you how beautiful life is and good it is to be here to enjoy these moments. The store that we needed to go to was in downtown, just a mile or two from the ferry station, so we hoofed it up to the location and realized it had been closed down. The concierge at the complex where this store was "previously" located told us it had been consolidated with the University Village store some 5 miles away. So we took a cab to UV, went to the store and ordered our new headboard for our bed and then did a walk about. Found a beautiful duvet for our bed and called the cab to get us back to down town. Had him drop us off at 6th and Pine so we could enjoy the walk to Pikes Market. They have my favorite balsamic vinegar so we stopped there and picked up a couple of bottles and headed to the ferry station. Just missed the 4 pm ferry by minutes, but who cares. We ordered turkey sandwiches at Subway (inside the terminal) and enjoyed our time together while we waited for the 4:40 pm ferry. Back on the ferry, the scene was the same. Unbelievable beautiful weather and sailboats galore. Easy drive home and I must say, I felt 10 years younger. It also reminded me of how much I love my husband. Holding hands, breathing the sea air and just getting to enjoy being alive in the moment. Loved the walking and Pike's Market is such a great place. Tons of fresh produce, fresh fish, flower bouquets. All in all, just a perfect day.
Jeanne: I read your blog today. I'm so happy you and your hubby got to take that drive and see the fall colors. With both my parents gone now, I realize caring for them has changed me. I'm more able to see the end of my life in a way I didn't before. Maybe it is just part of the grieving process, but I think there is also a big dose of reality in there too. I so appreciate how you honor your husband. You give me an example to follow and I thank you for that. I wish I could give you something back in return.
Judy: How are things with your sister's visit? I know she loves veal. Bring us up to date as only you can. Don't spare any gory details. We want a long blab from you.
Sending all of you love and the whitest of light. Cat
Thanks for thinking of me, Punch. I'm doing ok. Sometimes it hard to really know how I'm doing, but I think I'm ok.
Love and Hugs, Cat
Well, I managed to get to the church and did not have to interact or even lay eyes on the mother, the brother or his 'witch' wife. We sat in the back, as did my other brother and his wife (the ones I adore) and they and we left early enough to avoid them. Sadly, though, I was not able to hug the family, but like I had mentioned, I was there to honor the memory of my cousin and was satisfied I did. Her sons spoke as did one daughter (there are 5 children total) and I was proud of the fine family she and her husband raised...but so very sad at the same time. In retrospect, it seemed this woman really had very bad "doctor luck."
We had made a promise to friends to help them unpack and move into their new home over this weekend, and so we left directly from funeral mass to their home about an hour and half away. It was great having the entire weekend filled. I don't mind telling you I was very stressed going in and felt such relief when it ended.
Jeanne--what a story! That poor mother - she must have had 10 yrs. shaved off her life in the course of those few hours. What we have to endure as mothers is mind blowing, isn't it? Some day I will tell you the story of my own son when he was little and what a real little 'escape artist' he was and how I couldn't keep that kid in the house! LOL
LOVE YOU ALL very MUCH. Cat--I hope all is going well for you, and you know I am thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. xox PJ
My mom laughed about that until the day she passed. Love, Cat.
Punch, hope you made it thru the day ok. I understand not wanting to see your mom. Lord do I understand. Thinking of you and sending you and Joan prayers for the difficult week ahead. Lisa
((((((((punch))))))) let us know how it goes - thinking of you - I know it is hard
kim - enjoy the beach for me - I wish. 45 degrees here and we are lucky to have that and sunshine. Hope you get some additional help for mum's care
cat, kim, pam - LOL the football helmet -the escape stories remind me of Gordie aged about 2. One of the older kids had bought him/her self a packet of chips, and Gordie wanted one for himself. We told him that after supper we would take him to the corner store, and get one. It was summer and he was running around in a diaper. After supper, someone noticed that he wasn't around. I went down the street, and asked a man on the corner lot who was working in his garden if he had seen a little boy in diapers. he nodded and pointed down the street. There, in the distance, I could see a little figure with the sun glinting off something he was carrying. Yes, it was Gordie, carrying a bag of chips! He walked to the store, barefoot, crossed two intersections, walked up the steps (the kind with spaces) of the corner store, helped himself to a small packet of chips and was coming back home. I met him, took him by the hand, walked him back to the store, instructed him to replace the chips, and explained to him that they had to be paid for, that he could not just take them. The lady behind the counter, and the other customers were stifling laughter. Then we walked home. He was very independent in some ways. If he was on meds and we didn't give him his dose at the "right" time (according to Gordie), he would climb up on the counter and help himself. We had to take him to the ER a couple of times till we found out how to lock the meds away safely. We not only had to put a lock on the cabinet, but had to hang the key where he could not possibly get at it, or he would find it and unlock the cabinet. It was a surprise as the previous 3 kids never did anything like that.
pam - it was a ride!!! I was on Luvox for years, but never had that reaction. I haven't taken any more, and am not likely to quickly. I have read that it can cause mood swings, which is basically what happened. If I feel I need it, I will talk to my doc. Neurotin is a strong drug, and so is Tramadol. Praying that the docs find the answer, and start treatment soon. Hope you adjust to the new doses, and "get with it" enough to drive.
I'm dealing with old and new emotional pain re mother, and Gordie's b'day coming up. Mother wants to chat as if nothing was said - can't do it. It has triggered old pain. I told my counsellor I wanted to be rid of the old pain - to unload it. She said we will talk about that next visit. I need to get past it as much as I can - take more steps in the healing journey - which, it seems, lasts a lifetime.
Kimbee, thank you. *smile* i hope you have a great vacation and it brings you some relaxation that you can carry home with you for a while. you're right about little escape artist stories, i do think everyone has one.
Cat, i wish i had seen your son direct traffic; it must have been adorable! i have an escape story for my little sister. she was eighteen months old i think. my job was to get her up in the morning, change her diaper, feed her breakfast, and put her back down to bed before i left for school in the morning. school was at 9am. my mother worked the 3pm-12am shift and slept in til noon. well, apparently my little sister woke up early and decided that she wanted to go to school. still in a diaper and t-shirt, she put on my little brother's football helmet, grabbed his football, opened the door and walked the very long block up the street to school. she crossed the street and was found wandering around in the parking lot by a couple of mothers. they carried her from class to class hoping that someone would recognize her. they didn't get as far as my brother and i in the upper grades, one of the two little boys who lived next door to us told the moms who she was and where she lived. my mother was woken up by two moms who handed her baby Jennifer. she was horribly embarrassed. i got blamed for not locking the door; of course. i found out later that Jennifer could twist the latch, lolz. sneaky little girl! her guardian angel was working overtime that day!!!
Lisa, sometimes there are bad days like the lunch with Mary, but both of you are still looking forward to the sister's visit and this is good.
goodness cmagnum, i sure am glad your dad came in and shut the window!!!
Well Joan, that was a hell of a ride you took, LOL! i looked up luvox and it doesn't mention stoned, but it does mention agitation, hallucinations, drowsiness, dizziness, anxiety. you should contact your doctor, especially if you experienced the first two.
they have doubled my gabapentin (neurontin), and put me on tramadol for my leg pain. i've been in a bit of a stupor since then. haven't felt comfortable enough to drive home, so i have stayed at my friend David's place. at least the pain is halved.
walking is still a problem as the muscle weakness has not been addressed yet. i limp and all my other injuries act up. hip bursitis x2, chondromalacia patella x2, old calf muscle tear, and a new knot in the opposite calf muscle. two doctors, different opinions, tests not all in. perhaps nerve inflammation, perhaps nerve pinched. waiting for a nerve conduction test, but EMG clinic booked through january, hoping for a cancellation. if some kind of treatment is not begun very soon, this will be permanent.
i am praying a nice weekend for everyone, God Bless!
Kimbee – Enjoy your vacation! I think beach is over-rated – but this is from a person who is terrified of the water, so, don’t take offense of my opinion. ;) … Just be careful with the sunburn. I always feel so sorry when I see the tourists walking around with skin the color of lobster. OUCH!! I think these hotels need to put some pointers on the guests’ doors about the proper way of sunbathing on the beach (sand also reflects the sunlight, water reflects the sunlight…so 3 elements burning you into super red color!)