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…I feel like how ever I die, my last words are going to be “But I’m still hungry.”
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…I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.
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🤔 My neighbour just got arrested for growing marijuana.
Guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
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alva, hugggg.
the jokes make me crack up, too!
sometimes i’m laughing as i’m typing them!
🙂🙂🙂
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🤓 My talent:
not sleeping at night.
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Bundle,
I love the one about people thinking that I go out of my way to pi$$ them off, and that it's really no problem, hee hee.
I enjoy your jokes and some give me my only laugh-out-loud of the day, unless Frieda is being particularly cute in her dogginess!
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😳 2024 feels like that boyfriend that we are about to take back for the 3rd time because he swears he changed.
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🥳🥳 Guess who got a lot done today?
Not me! But congratulations to someone out there!
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🙂 I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at knees and back.
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I just got excited about a new scent of dish soap. Nobody warned me that adulthood was going to be such a non-stop thrill ride.
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People think I go out of my way to p***ss them off. Trust me. It’s not out of my way at all.
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I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty confident it has rabies.
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🐦‍⬛🙂
Just sold my homing pigeon on ebay for the 22nd time.
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kinda sad but true…

The 3 stages of life:
1. Wanting stuff
2. Accumulating stuff
3. Getting rid of stuff
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🙂 If you’re thinking what I’m thinking…you need professional help.
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With my luck I’ll probably be reincarnated as me.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you still have clothes in the dryer.
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😇 I always regret making a good first impression
because there’s no way I can keep it up.
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😉 Stupidity is not a handicap.
Park elsewhere.
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bundleofjoy,

Thanks for sharing these. My favorite today is

Instead of a sign that says “do not disturb”,
I need one that says “already disturbed, proceed with caution”.

Yes
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🤓 If you dream big enough, anything can come true. Just kidding. Get back to work.
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The world would be a better place if everyone took a chill pill.
It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
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🤯 Next week has been exhausting.
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🤔 Running late is an exercise, right?
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Instead of a sign that says “do not disturb”,
I need one that says “already disturbed, proceed with caution”.
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🙂 I’m at that awkward stage between birth and death.
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🙂 more come-backs against mean people in your life...

"I'll pray for you."

"Go be dumb by yourself."

"I'm sorry your teachers failed you."

"That sounds like a 'you' problem."

"You should carry a plant around with you and constantly apologize to it for wasting the oxygen it is creating."

"That's a lot of sh*** you're talking for someone in stabbing distance."
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🙂 "I hope the rest of your day is as wonderful as you are."
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🙂 In response to an opinion or view you don't agree with: "I admire you for believing that."
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🙄 Not the greatest at math, but I know when things don’t add up.
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