Compassion fatigue is real, and because of it I'm just now grieving my father's death 2 months later.

I was Dx with it. I've been sole (except older sibling coming once month for 24 hrs to releave me of physical, mental stress) caregiver for my parents last 7-8 yrs. They lived in their own residence throughout this time but I had to move them 4 times to diff places due to money. Many traumas I experienced with them as caregiver. I have my own home, and husband and sons. Older now 17 an 22. But this all started from Dad getting real sick in 2012, and he just was so non- compliant it just made my life a living hell. And no money for nursing homes or assist living or Medicaid (1 yr or longer penalties) this all discovered throughout this 7-8 yrs. Bad with money. So as years went on until now the responsibilities became enormous 2 care 4 them. Many traumas I experienced like verbal abuse from Father (but he wasn't that way b4 he got sick) but always control freak and narcissism. But he always tried 2 help my husband and I and my sibling and her ex husband. He watched my 2 sons as babies with my Mom until they were kindergarten age. He inherited money fr Aunts an didnt use it wisely. So he changed after getting sick in 2012. He didnt like Daughter, me, bossing him. I was only doing what Dr's said. Mom is co-dependent. So as years went on I got 2 where I could not get job due to constant care of both. I was in med field. By this year it got bad. Marriage probs. No money for us due to constant care an I couldn't work due to appointments , etc an by 2017, my own mental health. In Aug of this yr Dad couldnt stand on his legs anymore. Palliative care was discussed mnths earlier due to all meds probs an pain control meanwhile Mom has multi probs an sneaky non-compliant. Aug 25th Dad was bedridden. Suddenly. The pain he experienced I had to call Hospice. I HAD TO DECIDE THIS WITH HIS APPROVAL OF PAIN CONTROL. My Mother agreed. My sibling thought I was killing my Dad. So had Hospice nurse come and explain. By this time I was deep into Compassion Fatigue from the yrs of arguing, fighting, exhaustion, marriage probs, no money for help, etc. ..but still felt I made right decisions. Dad said I don't want to suffer bedridden. Massive osteoarthritis. So Hospice started Sept 7th. I had 2 put him in a " group home" (look it up). For custodial care of hospice. He weighed 280lbs. I could not turn him every 4 hrs nor change briefs n bed. Hospice does not do that. Family responsibility. On Sept 17th my Mom, not being compliant, fell over threshold n Dads room during Hospice. I had told her never go over threshold, it was high an I figure non ADA, alone ring bell for helper if Im not there. I left for 2hrs. What did she do ,get up on her own an fell broke ankle. I had 2call Ambulance. Dad at this point didnt realise she fell nor ambulance . Trauma. Went with Mom 2Hospital. 2 days there. Vomiting. Passing out fr pain. An all while Dad alone at this place, turns out not caring for him properly. Sibling an I fighting an didnt come help at all. Finally Mom to rehab hospital. Pain under control. So that was Sept 19th at midnight. I went to Dad. By this time morphine on board. I was going back and forth to both and no sibling in sight, sulking. Get over your own anger and help your freakin parents. Who cares if you hate your sister (adopted both of us, so not real sisters to me . Never got along) so by Sept 22nd hospice said not much longer so left 2 discharge Mom from rehab hospital, they knew situation, during this time sister shows at Dads, cause I told Hospice to call her and tell her her Dad was dying. I was to busy with Mom also. She shows 30 min after I left Dad to get Mom. I said to Dad everything I needed to before leaving. He was unconscious. I said wait for Momma. I get call at rehab that Dad passed before Mom and I and my husband got back . Sister was though. Now Mom had rehab and moving with Sister. No choice. Now Comp Fatigue on Mom. She was non-compliant. Dec 30th gone to another state. My psychiatrist said C.F. But just now grieving, crying over Dad now Mom leaving and I'm mean to her. I'm a Monster. It's real. CompassionFatigue. Awful