My mom has been a miserable, nasty, and hateful person all her life. As a mother she has dominated every aspect of her children's life.

Vstefans, yeah, i think about my son when he was younger and it reallly pisses me off that she did that stuff to him. He was getting his own cereal at 2yrs, he is agreat kid hes in college now and working but i worry about how he feels about his self worth, i talk to him alot about stuff anything he wants to talk about, we go camping and concerts, and we fight sometimes but thats normal, he basically retreated to his computer, he has alot of friends and they are always here, hes not the happiest kid, but hes good and very smart. i tried to have respect for my mmom, now its just sad cuz we really dont want to be around her so we stay away as much as possible, she was agreat mom when my bro and i were younger, in the 70s she booted us out the door and we didnt come home till the street lights came on, she had dinner for us and everything we had ablast as kids out in the woods makin forts, dirtbike trails, hangin at the fish hatchery. Just bein kids. Thats why i thought things would be fine with my son, somwhere down the road she changed not sure where, my brother left cuz of my parents, i guess i didnt see it, i started working at 14 and been workin ever since, thinkin back this started when she came back from north carolina, i let her do whatever she wants, ther are somethings i asked her not to do, its like 3 things, when i found out i was pregnant i told myself i want to be a mom, and experience everything, cloth diapers ,all natural i wanted to do things that moms do like wash clothes make dinner , have fun with all that with my son, im not a conventional person, i do things way off the grid, when nate was 10 i took him to pennsylvania for a festival, he had ablast he met up with some kids with squirt guns, light sabers all kinds of funky stuff everywhere, there was a family that walked around during the day doing monty python skits, it was awesome, when we got home my mom had cleaned my room and reaaranged everything, i have all kinds of books, wicca voodoo, natural healing , college books, just all kinds of books, she reaaranged them all and took all my religious books and packed them away in a box downstairs, i dont practice, i read, i got nate a rainstick and that was packed away also in a poster container downstairs, i respect her privacy, dont go in her room, why is she doing this, im always on edge with her, i took over all the bills, we cant leave, i added a second level on the house back in 03, so we could have our own rooms, i wasnt gonna sleep on the couch, the house is in hers and my name, i already suggested selling, that didnt go very well, she cant afford it on her own , i just cant leave,, im hopin to win the lottery, pay off the house and move to vermont,, she does work part time, but not enough, i know she needs somsthing to do, i suggest all kinds of things, go play cards, go visit friends, she worrys way too much about stuff that doesnt concern her, ive tried talking to her, she doesnt want to go anywhere, its like shes stuck in the past , doesnt want to try anything new or accept that shes older, i accept change and getting older i roll with it, you have to. I dont hate my mom. My dad put her through hell, but i have a lot of resentment towards her , im struggling to deal with it

mamaj, ouch!

It sounds like your children have lost a big piece of their childhood to your mom, unless she has some redeeming features with them, or you have managed to find redeeming features in the situation for them. Did she provide realibale supervision for them for a time, maybe? Would she maybe go to family counseling with you and them? She needs something to do so she feels worthwhile, but is not comfortable leaving the house I'd guess; but is there anything she can do correctly from your point of view, that she is willing to do?

It certainly does seem that separate living arrangements would be in order, because you won;t recapture these years with your kids, and you and mom don;t get along. I'm not sure what your financial options even are. though it seems that from what you wrote mom is not incompetent and you have income. Does Mom have income? If she owns the home you could stop paying the bills and mortgage, and either she picks it up or sells; if you took over ownership, then you could start looking into other arrangements for her and stay, versus move and sell.

What was it like for you growing up? My mom was supercritical of me, and it was interesting that my daughter would not deal with it and limited her interactions, while my son got treated as the golden child. It was so ridiculously transparent and blatant once she developed some dementia that no one really freaked out about it.

hobeclair, you are walking a rocky road with your mother. I hope you have a good pair of shoes! It isn't easy. It sounds like your mother wants the same control of you that she had when you were a child. Your response to her was very good, because it said that it was her problem and not yours. The things your mother said reminds me of some of the things people with dementia say.

I don't know how we cope with some of the things we do. It sounds like you are doing a good job of pulling yourself up from it. It sounds like we need to be getting advice from you, instead of advising you. :) Some parents are just difficult.

Hi i dont know what to do with my mom, she is driving me crazy, shes 72 miserable wont go to the senior center or do anything except sit home yell at the tv and make all kinds of negative comments, ive asked her many times not to do my laundry cuz she either bleaches or shrinks my stuff, she gets mad at me when i rewash some of the dishes cuz there is either soap or dried food still on them. I am a single mom and work 2 jobs, my son is now 18 and he has told me that she has been mean to him when im not home, she brought him to school one nite for an xtra activity while i was at work and she told him that she will be dead soon and that he could take over, nice huh! When he was about 10 he dropped apiece of cheese and she called him stupid and he started crying i freaked on her. Over the years i tried giving him responsibilities and chores to do, but she always did them, i told her to let him do them, well that never happened, every time my son and i wanted to do something outside like weed the garden or plant flowers she would always follow us out and insist on doing it, that was our time. He couldnt mow the lawn cuz she had nuthin to do, our lawn mower was set to her, shes the only one that could use it cuz shes short, the bolts were allwarped and we couldnt ajust it to anyone else,, soo i bought a new one from a neighbor and she got mad and called us copy cats, i told her that we needed a lawnmower that we all could use, she complains to my son about me all the time that i wont let her do anything, i build a big firepit in our backyard, i came home oneday and she had redone it to about one fourth the size i had it, she complains about everything my son used to just sit in his room, now he is going to school and he has apart time job, my mom had gone to live with my brother in north carolina to work, we still had the house, when i left my x my son and i went back to my moms home to live, i started taking over the payments and she was fine with that, but after a year or so my brother told her to leave, he was extremly pissed at her, apparently she was watching my brothers daughter, her granddaughter, while him and his wife went out. Well, my mom had told his 6 year old that she was gonna protect her from her mother, my brother was livid. Who talks like that to her grandkids? My mom is miserable and nasty, obviously there something wrong but not sure what. What do i do? I cant move out, i took over the bills and the mortgage. Help

Babalou unfortunately my sisters don't 'buy into' my 'amateur psychology'. All I know is mother ticks all the boxes as a narcissist, and that I've found this website incredibly useful. But we're all finding our own way.

I went to lunch with a friend yesterday, but first invited her to my home to meet Mom. During the introductions, Mom asked who she was and did I meet her walking my dog. My friend stated she was a friend of mine. My friend and I left for lunch. While I was out, Mom called crying wanting to know where I was and when was I coming home. She stated there was no food in the house and she was hungry. She told me what kind of food she wanted me to bring home. Mom is a food hoarder, she overbuys pantry goods and frozen food. When I got home she verbally attacked me saying I did not know how to help her anxiety. She stated I should call her regularly to let her know I'm okay. I'm the only family member that is willing to care for her. She told me I was rude not to introduce her to my friend (which I did) and again asked where I met her. I answered church to which she rolled her eyes and gestured to me to go away. Then she told me I did not bring food home from the right restaurant. I got the bag and sales receipt with the restaurant logo. Then I got the silent treatment. Obviously she is very manipulative and tries to emotionally blackmail me. All I answered was "you seem to have a lot of anxiety, I'm sorry you feel this way, it must be hard for you". She has been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, but refuses to take her medication or go to therapy or exercise. I know I cannot continue in this arrangement because it is very oppressive. I will be going to a Family Caregiver Support Group that meets every Wednesday. In the meantime any suggestions how to deal with this will be very helpful.

Motherhell can you get your sisters to become AC subscribers?

So since my mother found out I'm off on holiday with my Dad again and started the grand sulk, she's been in hospital to have her knee replaced. She had told all 3 of us girls to keep out of her life. However my sisters visited her and she told one 'you needn't bother visiting me again' but told the other sister 'but you can come'. So we now have a golden child! Poor GC sister doesn't want to be the GC though! I think she pulled GC back because she suddenly realised that she needed at least one of us 3 girls to control. So I'm in 'no contact' which feels like a holiday! Not sure how to support GC though.

lonelyandtired...I feel your pain wholeheartedly. When I was little, I bought my mom some earrings from a dime store and she got so mad at my dad for letting me get them. I also picked her out some scarves when I was about 10 (my dad would take me to get her gifts) and she once again got mad and said, "why would you let her get so many, now I will have to take them back"...My mom always dressed really nice and wore scarves around her neck so I wanted to get her something I thought she would like, but no, she only liked what SHE picked out. I am with you, when my children get me something, I LOVE it. It doesn't matter what it is, I love it. Children take time to really think about a gift, they get things they see you wear, or things that you compliment while you are out. They really pay attention. Mothers like ours on the other hand don't pay attention to us. They are narcissistic and only think of themselves. It is funny how the table turns and we are the caregivers to such mean, selfish people. My mom still says very hurtful things and will ask me, "why did you buy that, why did you bring that here?" I still try just like you, to please her. We were trained to please them, do as they wish. I finally got my mom in AL and it was the best decision other than her reminding me that this will haunt me one day--no it won't. My mom begs me to bring her home with me, but I refuse. I will not be talked to like that in my own home. I almost did though. I came very close to bringing her here because she knows how to manipulate me. So many people that had cared for their parents in their home told me it was a very bad decision. So, for once in my life, I listened to others and not her. I am so glad I did. Now, that your mom will need a different type of care, take advantage of this time. Do not feel guilty about getting your mom the help she needs. In turn, you and your husband will get the time you need together. Guilt comes from their manipulation, not from what we didn't do. You have done everything above and beyond to take care of your mom. Now, this will be more than you can do alone. Good luck with your decision, be strong!

lonelytired, I think it was very healthy for you to tell your story as you did the other night. I'm sure that it would be even more helpful as an adult child of a mentally ill parent who has a personality disorder for you to see a therapist and begin working through all of that.

I'm sure that as a psych nurse, you probably saw the worse of those with a mental illness and those with personality disorders like narcissism, borderline, etc. are really tough. They do see the world differently for their internal world is different.

Take care of yourself and get your mom the care she needs apart from you having to do it directly yourself. It's not healthy for adult children of abusive parents to do the caregiving directly by themselves. Good luck.

People with mental disorders are difficult, especially with paranoid personality disorder. I believe they view the world differently. She truly feels self entitled. I was having a bad night when I shared that and felt so unbelievably exposed after. It made me feel vulnerable I suppose. However, I am glad I put it out there. Only my husband and best friend know all the things that have been my life. Maybe coming here was a God send. It seems to help to know you're not alone in some way.

Lonelytired, your mom would get better care in a hospice facility as the end approaches then you could provide at home. But I'm going to mention something else - NOT to make you feel guilty, because you absolutely have no reason to. Just this, God does not want any of His children to suffer abuse, nor. does he want any of us to be guilty of abusing. Your mom will soon be "on the carpet" so to speak, accounting for what she did with her life. She has plenty to answer for and I hope she is getting ready. Enabling any more of her bad behavior is not really doing her a favor to prepare for what is coming. (I'm assuming here that she is still rationally aware of what she is doing). Pray that she can finally accept the grace to see herself and make what amends she can.

Thank you for this post! You have written a mirror image of my life with my mom.
You are not alone. AND, we're not crazy or mean or ungrateful. I had my husband read your post and he ask me if I had written this. That's how close it hit home. It is hurtful and depressing at the same time. I lay awake night after night and replay things, in an effort to deal with my feelings. Again, Thank you for your post.

I think the lung cancer is the reason TO place her. She's going to need more care and more skilled care than you can give her, and hospice eventually. Find the nicest place you can and visit her. It may improve your relationship with her.

lonelytired53, you could, legitimately, morally, and compassionately, place your mom in a residential hospice. YOU are not the horrible person. You have normal sensibilities and concern, compassion and empathy for other human beings. You mom did not. And now, probably, cannot; for her to learn it now would be as much of a miracle as her lung cancer going away. The effective use of her wrath to get want she wants has reinforced her using it, and she has come to believe that she SHOULD get what she wants at all costs to anyone else, which is an incredibly sad, needy, and miserable way to live. Of course she goes on the attack when she perceives normal, emotionally healthy people and relationships...it is too foreign and threatening to her and she'd have to face the fact that she lived her life all wrong. Yes, it is easier to give in and let her rule, but it is a terrible misrule; even though you feel sorry for her, it would make sense to set limits, little ones at first, particularly if you continue to care for her in your home. You know perfectly well she would deliberately destroy your marriage if she could, just to have more of you to herself and more total control over you. Don't feel you have to let her. Treasure your husband and the life you share with him more than that. The story of the thrown away gift is heartbreaking, but she is doing the same thing; you are giving love and care and it will be wasted because in her eyes it is not good enough and never can be. It is NOT you. It is her. Don't go on volunteering yourself and your husband to live in hell. It is probably not necessary, and it benefits no one in the long run. Your mother will die, and you cannot prevent that. You can stop her terminal illness from claiming your home life as well, and in the process, maybe show her, as your husbands parents did, how life can be better.

lonelytired53, thanks for your explanation. I don't see where you have anything to feel guilty about or ask God to forgive you for in how you feel for from reading your description above, you have been living in a nightmare from hell.

The abuse that you experienced in your childhood is a very valid reason for placing your mother in a nursing home. After all you have and are going through, I hope you do outlive her.

I'm glad that you felt free to vent. You and your husband may find it helpful to see a therapist to help you work through all of this pan and anger arising from all of this present hellish nightmare and abusive past. Please take care of yourself.

I meant to say before her sisters died

One of the posters encourage us to put our mothers in a respectable care facility. I am a RN, and I have worked in Psych, Home Health, and now the most respectable nursing home in our area. Why don't I do this. I will tell you why. First of all I have always thought God would want me to care of her, even though she has treated me horrible my whole life. When I was a young girl, and all through my life, she would get mad at me and not speak to me for days. I was never hugged or comforted by her. My dad was verbally abusive, telling me I was a fat ass, needed to see a psychiatrist, stupid ect. AND my mother was emotionally abusive EVERY day of my life. I sometimes wonder if he fed off of her. As a child, I would beg for forgiveness ("Please mama forgive me, I didn't mean to, PLEASE talk to me"). It was never clear just what it was that I had done. My dad died 20 years ago, and we moved them up here in a trailer behind our house to help care for my dad. If I had it to do over again, this would never happen. After he died, I became her caregiver, although at that time she was perfectly capable of caring for herself. I let her guilt me in to never going anywhere, because she was afraid of being alone at night ect. Yes, that was my own fault. During my dads battle with cancer, his lungs filled with fluid (lung cancer); he was hospitalized. I remember her crawling up on his hospital bed and getting on her knee over him (while he was gasping for air) and asking "what am I supposed to do?" No I love you, I am here with you.....This before they placed the chest tube that eased his breathing difficulties. I kept a journal of this for a long time. I finally had to throw it away; I kept revisiting it. Everytime I read this journal I became angry and hurt at how ugly she acts. I tried so hard to be a good daughter. I spent my whole life trying to get approval from her. I remember the very first present I gave her. I was about 9 years old and saved what little I could get my hands on. I bought her a necklace and earrings, and yes they were trinkets more than jewelry. She said "why would you buy me this junk; you wasted your money" and with that she threw them away. My child made me a necklace, and I wore it til it fell apart. I had many experiences like this. It took me years to realize it was not me. Oh and did I mention I am an only child and was adopted at birth. My mothers brother was a schizophrenic, and although she was never diagnosed, I now know my mother has paranoid personality disorder. My husbands mother had alzheimers; she hated me our entire married life, because I got pregnant at almost 16 years old. That is until she got so sick we became her caregiver. We took care of her for 8 long years, but I can honestly say that at her worse, she was nothing like my mother. Two months after she died my mother fell and broke her rib, she had been going through radiation for throat cancer and a malignant lung nodule. However her PET scan was clear. After falling ,we moved her in with us. Everyday is like a new way to live through hell. Due to my husbands health, I work full time and he is caregiver more than I am. He knew of my mothers behavior through my sharing, but now he lives it. It is the only way to understand, and he has become so very bitter, understandably so. Once I finally understood that things would never change, and she was unable to care about anybody, I made the decision to place her. I wanted to wait until her latest PET scan results. Now she has pulmonary metastatic lung cancer. And although I know hubby won't say anything, this was very upsetting for him. He feels he owes me, because I took care of his mother with her abuse for so long. My mother is still doing as well as she was, but how can I place her knowing she will die. Although she was diagnosed with lung cancer TWO years ago. She will say she is going to outlive us; I believe this may be true. We are tired, angry and we never get to go anywhere. She awakens with us, and goes to bed when we do. She gives us no alone time, and when we go down to the den to be alone for a sec, she yells out for us. We have no one to help us, and we do not have enough money to hire help. There is no help for us here in the state of NC. I know God is not happy with the thoughts I have of anger, hatred, and bitterness. She has COPD as well and cannot take but a few steps. She sits herself on the bedside commode in our living room and can feed herself. Everything else we do for her, pushing her to kitchen in w/c to eat, bathing her. She is the ruler of this household...WHY you ask, because it is easier than her wrath. I can no longer listen to my music. She always says something about us being on our computers, but we cannot sit in the L/R. Her potty is in front of the recliner, and she takes up the whole couch. AND if you do try to sit with her and visit, she interrogates you. She complains about everything she eats, and she gets a cooked meal three times a day (thanks to hubbys help as I work second shift). She ask me one morning what kind of hold my husband had over me. I wanted to say he was my mother, my father, my brothers and sisters, and he loves me unconditionally. I was a week from sixteen when I found out I was pregnant. It was my escape from home, but luckily hubby and I were already engaged and knew we were for each other. He also comes from an abusive background; his father was an alcoholic, and a mean one at that. I think that may have been our connection. I have been told many times in my life that I don't have enough confidence, and i have come a long way, but that doubt is still there. I still hear those "you won't amount to anything" words from my father, and I still feel the lack of affection from my mother. No I'm not having a pity party, I have come a long way. I have a realistic understanding of the events in my life. I am 53, and I am tired. I can't explain it. I love her and hate her all at the same time. I am very giving, but I do spout off at her sometimes. Her sisters used to tell her before she died, she was manipulative, selfish and mean. My daughter won't have anything to do with her. AND she chose not to have that much to do with my sons when they were babies. I fought that their whole lives too. She still tries to pit my daughter against my sons. My daughter has Borderline personality disorder and is a recovering drug addict. I can't help but think it was because we lived so close to my parents, and they loved her; she visited them often and spent a lot of time with my mom. They were always good to her, but she saw the way they interacted with each other and everyone else. I wonder if some how the time she spent with them had some impact on her mess of a life. I blame myself for that. I feel like a horrible person; I am ready to have a life. We feel like we have been living in a nightmare for years. I feel so guilty for the way I feel. I am not a bad person, in fact I am too nice. Many people take this as a weakness and use it against you. Thank you for letting me vent. May God understand and forgive me.

After a period of calm, my mother has recently gone ballistic. She found out that I'm off on holiday with my Dad again this year, and she phoned me to have a rant. I finally plucked up the courage to tell her that I don't want to go with her because of her overbearing manner, and now she's having a massive sulk, but I'm enjoying the quiet! Luckily since Christmas my sisters and I are all pulling together, so she's cut them off too! She sent me a letter 'explaining' why her poor behaviour is everyone else's fault but hers and has basically told me to have a nice life. I'm not bothered but my sisters are struggling with the guilt as she now has nobody: she's fallen out with them all. I'm fine but worry about my sisters. I've learnt so much from this website and feel empowered. My mother has made her own choices to be toxic. I refuse to pick up the pieces. Hell no!! Be strong everyone. Xx

You are NOT being selfish! You've hung in there longer than most people would have. Your mother now has a diagnosis of dementia - it's probably not even ADVISABLE for her to leave the facility at this point. Let yourself and your family off the hook - trust that the wonderful staff at that facility will provide for your mother - ENJOY your own holiday; you and your family have earned it.

mockingbird, what you have described about sounds like a concrete, living example of the Stockholm Effect which is a traumatic bonding that is a survival technique of some victims of abuse who come to over identify with their abuser.

My wife struggled with a good bit of that with her narcissistic mother for years which did a lot of damage to our family until she got in therapy and after working very hard got out of it. Her very passive, dependent, nurturing dad told her and her twin sister that he could see the abuse that they were going through with their mother, but that there was nothing he could do about it.

One of my wife's therapists unofficially diagnosed my MIL with a narcissistic personality with borderline traits. I think that she's so emotionally unpredictable that she's a pure borderline with a very strong narcissistic vein. Whichever does not matter, but my wife has been told to keep her geographical distance from her mother and to not be the direct caregiver of her in her mom's old age which she's in now at 87 in assisted living.

While I can understand how childhood experiences may contributed to the development of a narcissistic or a borderline personality, that only explains things but does not excuse or justify them as abusive personalities. Narcissists are not capable of empathy and can't be helped, but borderlines have a chance to be capable of empathy, but few reach it because it takes too much hard work in therapy which they don't tend to stick with because of their intense fear of abandonment that they abandon others before they have a chance to abandon them. .

Your mother is extremely blessed to have caring daughter as yourself and I am glad for your sake that she is in assisted living instead of in your house. I do hope you can find a way to move beyond the F.O.G. to having stronger emotional boundaries and detach from her in love and care for her as a fellow human being who needs care and safety, but not at the expense of your own mental health. What does your husband think about you having to live in the F.O.G.? Take care of yourself.

Man I would give ANYTHING if my mother was in a home or alf. I would be so much happier and then I could be like my other lousy brothers & sisters & just forget about her till I feel like calling her. They get to live their lives with no contact why cant I have a life?

My mother is in ALF, my other siblings (4) have nothing to do with her and I too feel obligated to be there for her out of fear, guilt and emotional blackmail. I am her POA, her voice so I can`t walk away and even though I have thought about it my other thought is that she`s my mother how can I. I can understand how others have ne problem with no contact but I also feel bad for the mother. In my case it`s not my fault or her`s it`s the way she was brought up so everyone is suffering. Maybe she has brainwashed me but since I`ve been through so much already I feel like I have to see it through till the end, for her and me. I don`t want to live with more guilt and everything else that goes with it after she passes. She`s 85, early dementia, weak, high blood pressure, etc., being around her is like being on a rollercoaster, never know what`s coming next. I could go on and on, just venting.

Enjoy your life with your own children who see you for the loving person that you are. Spend less time with the people who hurt you through fear, obligation, guilt, and other forms of emotional blackmail, and that includes close relatives. Slowly visit your mother less and less until you stop visiting her period. Since she's in an assisted care facility with round the clock treatment, you can visit her at anytime and leave her at anytime. Life is way too short to worry about people who have no appreciation for it.

She will randomly ask me odd questions like "Is your washer and dryer still working" or "Is your friend still coming to clean" and when I tell her things are fine I think it's making her mad.It's like she wants me to tell her I am miserable and to come get me and take me to Arizona with her and I won't do that. She won't come home but she wants me to go live with her. And i won't do it and it is making her angry. She can't get that I am an adult who is capable of taking care of herself. I also do not think she is thinking of the long term consequences of us living together. We already did that for years when she was living in Washington and it was miserable. So why would she want to do that again?

My Mother showed very little love to me growing up.but see has been on here own for many years and worked hard. my two sisters have cut off there relationship with her because she Is so hard to be around. My mother came back into my life. She started being very generous to us all with her money It was a bit embarrassing but as me my wife and children are struggling financially It was hard to say no. Anyway It's been 10 years since she was back in our lives the point Is she Is so nasty to everyone all the time we fear her coming to the house I find It hard to tell her she is rude and creates an atmosphere all the time. I suffer from depression and don't like confrontations or hearing bad news She Is always complaining of being Ill and complains about everything and every one she is driving me mad she Is 82 we take her out every week phone her every night to make shore she's OK but she has cursed so many arguments I'm finding I'm not liking her.... so I feel guilty because she gives with one hand and takes with the other we were out at a party and she was nasty and here face was all twisted..... I tired to kept the atmosphere going good all night. She came around to my house the next morning shouting at every one and being very nasty to my wife my sons I had had enough and raised my voice and ordered her out the house she creates so much unhappiness in my life I don't want to see her any more. When we tell her about how we feel, about her being nasty all the time she say's ( I've helped you and this is what I get) ...and throw's the money thing back in our face which make's me feel bad she messing with my emotions I've had enough I will not stand by and see my family insulted by my mother enough's enough.

Would it be comforting to remind yourself that you don't need to convince her, then? No matter how persistent her belief that you have no reason not to move to live with her, that belief in itself will not move you bodily onto a 'plane after all. I feel for your frustration. Maybe what you want is a stock sentence - I dunno, something like "I'm changing the subject NOW" - that halts this tedious circular conversation abruptly as soon as she starts it?

I thought I was alone in this situation, but obviously not. Every one here has the same horrible trap that I do. All of my siblings have picked up and moved as far away from Mother as possible and left me stuck to deal with her alone. It would not be so bad if she could see even one thing in a positive light, but she is negative, miserable, controlling and loves to play mind games. At this point, she is 88 years old, frail and almost blind, but still mean as a snake. I would feel guilty if I just left too, but I do daydream about escaping this hell.

Don't give her reasons. That only fuels the fire day, "I don't want to move". That's all you have to say. If you parry, there's a return. If you refuse to engage, there's an end

A few moths ago when I refused to tell her how much was on my credit card and told her that i am an adult and my money is my business? She called me mentally handicapped and screamed and ranted and raved until I finally hung up on her. Then a week later she is talking to me like she never did any of that! Even my Aunt can't understand why she would want to move in with me. And my Aunt is just as nuts as she is.