Hello,
My father and I share a home, he is in the mid stage of Alzheimer's. I have take over control of the checking account and allow my 90 year old father about $800 a month for him to do with whatever. I move most of the retirement funds into a Money Market account which will be our emergency fund as cash is pretty lean these days. I pay the 4 monthly bills he has each month out of the MM account.
I did this as I found an index card on his desk that kept track of his ATM withdrawals. He refuses to use his debit card. Anyway, most of the withdrawals were okay but then started escalating and in May he withdrew over $1,300 and I could not see what he could have possibly spent it on. We went to his lawyer so she could talk to him about how to protect himself and suggested that I open another account and leave his "pocket change" like she does for her mother. When we asked him about the money he could not remember what he had spent it on. The receipts I could find never totaled anywhere close that amount.
Even though he only has a certain amount to spend, he has withdrawn $520 in the last 3 weeks, his receipts total about $200 and he cannot remember where the rest has gone.
There are no new clothes or things that I can find in the house. He has recently had his license revoked by the State at his doctor's recommendation so it isn't going on gas or car upkeep.
I have heard that sometimes Alzheimer's/dementia patients hoard or hide money. Does anyone else out there have similar experiences? If so, is this normal? How, if any, can it be changed or managed?
He is angry and frustrated at me as I have taken over the control of most of the finances even though he admits he is not handling his money well.
Thanks!
Lately his big war with me is multilevel marketing. He wants to buy! He wants to buy!
I have called companies after he makes online purchases, and cancelled, their nasty setups of buy 1 cure-all pill, and get 1 free. But it's not easy to cancel, as they always seem to keep at least 30-50$ in their pocket, for receiving the first free bottle.
Now his friend, another elderly man, is a multilevel marketeer
referring longevity pills. From a non-us company,
a company with a record, where the heads even went to prison for tax evasion and faulty products in the bottles.
He calls me the thief and wants me "his only caregiver" out of the house.
These situations have become to insane to deal with, and the credit card companies, are not helping. They do not seem to offer card blocking on internet purchases, and even if I did get that to happen he could hit me.
This generation of derogatory elders 70+ are abusive
and do not deserve any help given by their children.
However, many still are physically active,
driving and talking to people on the streets and shops, and for some reason they are getting way too much Mr. Nice Guy by everyone.
When they are rude and abrasive, and selfish, with not even a brain to comprehend how long 7 days are, or even pay their bills.
Nor are they able to think their savings is for the future.
The basic understanding that money has to be there for them,
through til the end of their lives, funeral costs included.
So, they cannot overspend.
End of story.
This may sound extreme, but have you followed him to see where he goes?
I almost guarantee that this option will frustrate him and make him angry. But money is power when it comes to memory loss caregiving. You must prevent him from squandering liquid assets. On the other hand, allowing him an "allowance" is important for his dignity. Thus, my recommendation for the low limit on the account for his ATM.
IMO, caregivers for those with memory loss have a hard grasping that money loss and misuse is part of this disease. Thus limiting the amount that can be lost is a way to limit caregiving frustration with this unwise behavior.
I am a professional caregiver. I have seen money given away, hidden, used for unwise purchases over and over again. It is hard to escape this behavior.
Good luck.
Thankfully Dad cannot figure out how to buy anything on line but he does buy all sorts of silly stuff we don't need but he sees it at the grocery store think it sounds like something good to eat!
I will start checking coat pockets and pants pockets and other places. It is tough as he is usually home when I am.
Yes, MissSassy, I feel like I have lost my identity and wonder if I will have any energy when I get my life back to participate. I am exhausted.
Thanks again for all the great comments!
But here is the certainty: You absolutely have to take more control of the finances. I would close the account that has the ATM card. He may be angry and frustrated. Help him over that as best you can. But isn't that better than being broke? And, if it ever happens that he needs to apply for Medicaid (let's hope not but it is hard to be certain) large sums unaccounted for are going to be a nightmare.
Help your Dad. Take over his finances completely.