I haven't posted much in a while but I am a lone caregiver. My parents are now in memory care. Pretty much all my family (3 siblings) and all my mom's siblings and cousins have pretty much turned their backs on me and my parents.
Well... I know I shouldn't look at facebook.. but I just cant keep myself from doing it ... Anyway my sister (who hasn't spoken to me or checked on my mom and dad in about a year... is starting to post on facebook.. praying for distant cousins about this and that.. saying happy birthday to distant relatives who she hasn't communicated with in years.. all the while let my birthday go by with nothing... and my mom's and my dad's.
I just can't control the anger from this.. and to stop thinking about how fake she is.. pretending to the rest of the "family" that she is this caring person.. and.. they are buying it..I guess its easy to be "loving" to people who don't really need it.
I shouldn't be looking at facebook, and I shouldn't let this bother me.. but it does.. sure wish these losers didn't still have such an affect on my life.
Just don't get how you can turn your back on your sister and parents (who you seemingly used to care for).. and have the gall to post about "pray for my brother because he lives near the hurricane ".. my brother who she hasn't seen in over 10 years.
This is just a vent.. I need a punching bag with her fake face on it!!! I hope someday she is alone and needs support and signs on to facebook and sees something equally as fake and disgusting!@!!~
my husbands own mother won’t even FaceTime him because “I don’t want to look at him. It will be too upsetting for me”. Well guess. How that’s making your little boy feel? She will not speak to me at all nor do his two brothers now that I no longer have to be endured. It makes me feel angry at these behaviours but I have resolved to just forget about them as they are a waste of space
you should do the same. It’s hard but once you just see them as nothing it gets easier. Imagine writing their names on a blackboard and then wiping them off until their name.has vanished
Those on a higher level of ability can always dial it down to tend to those less fortunate.
This is how you learn a lot more than you usually do. Your environment is is sphere around you, never ignore it because you will miss a lot.
Then it's Facebook all night for the rest of the night.
And I am the one who set up his acct, thinking he might get a kick out of it.
I refer to it as Fake Book. All things to be taken with a chunk of salt.
(Do not confuse by adding an s or .com)
You can post how your LO is doing, photos, pleasent past memories, a diary, by you or LO. You control access. There are other pages for requests for help, a calendar to coordinate help, rides, shopping, visitors.
Maybe you can get a friend or member of volunteer group to set it up. I don't think it has a page to request money, but you can list items needed, and people with access can buy them for you. Again, you control who can see each level.
It was a great help to my Aunt as she fought cancer, and for her friends. It created a way for friends, church members....you can allow access to members of a church you are not a member of, Volunteer groups.
Most schools and many private colleges require a minimum of volunteer hours. It looks good on college applications and job applications. So let people looking to help someone, on their time schedule, plug themselves in. It also allows backup people to be listed. So if person who is supposed to help today, can't, or is a no show, you backup person is on the calendar. It is a great tool!
Think outside the box! A photographer did a photo study of my Grandma. It was part of the his Master's project, but amatures may also be interested. He spent hours visiting, interviewing her, working on puzzles together, or taking pictures when Grandpa did puzzles with her.
This rapport allowed GP to take a break, grabs nap, run to the store, or do his hobby. That really helped his Mental Health!
we do feel your pain and isolation..... you can ease both on this site as so many of us have experienced what your going through....
My grumpy old pa died last year and I miss him so much.... I do not miss the two faced hypocrites .... my sisters!
when our dad was drawing his last breath.... my sister was ten minutes away and said ‘I’m in the middle of a shampoo and set, I’ll be there later’...
Yes .... too late.... but was first in the que to receive her share of inheritance.
Stay strong Katie xx
I would close the FB acct. As another person stated "the whole thing of following and the likes is childish" and it is. Why put yourself through something so hurtful when you are already dealing with so much grief. And really, we all are on this site! We lose our family (as a whole as well as individully) because of a disease that has no rym or reason to it. We lose people we love or we end up taking care of people who should have loved us but didn't. We lose ourselves. Our world becomes so different that we don't even understant it any more. You have enough grief to deal with.
And like so many of you, I have a brother who I have never gotten along with, but for everything my mother has done for him he will only help her if she pays him, and he was like that with my dad as well.
I believe people reap what they sow! In my experience I have seen it. One day your sister will come to realize that she missed out the last few years she could of had with your parents but didn't! And there will be a time when she will need help or compassion, and no one will be there. Call it the laws of the universe if you will. I don't even understant why this happens, it just does.
She will need you someday or perhaps need someone and you won't be there for whatever reason, she'll have to feel the pain. Don't waste your time and energy on her. Believe me it is not worth it, and I speak on experience. I have wasted so much of my time and energy on getting mad over what people have said, and things that I had no control over and they wasn't even worth it. Because at the end all we have is God, ourselves, and if we're lucky a few people that love us for us. As some many have said, "take care of you & enjoy your life"
May God help you through your difficult time. God bless you.
It is a bitter experience. For your sanity, I’d recommend either unfriend them or do the option to hide their posts. If you unfriend them, they will know. If you hide their posts, they won’t know.
Sure, complete strangers on this site could brag and some do but it doesn't sting as much when it's a stranger, at least that's my opinion.
Don't get me wrong. Sometimes social media can be helpful. The information highway so to speak. You can look stuff up and sometimes people can set up GoFundme pages to solicit help, which is nice if it's legit.
F B is just one problem. There's instagram, twitter, cloud, snapchat, you name it.
I was a F B member for about a year. The reason I quit was A: my one sister spent her time ranting about Donald Trump ad nauseum. B: an old boyfriend (actually not even a boyfriend) just this random guy who I dated a couple of times, contacted me and actually thought I'd still be interested 30 years later. I was actually insulted to be honest.
As far as people bragging. People who brag are usually insecure and need to project that they are having such a great life cause they are probably really not having such a great life. They are trying to convince themselves actually.
And just remember too, that anyone can post anything. It doesn't mean it's actually true.
im so sorry to hear the reason behind your siblings behavior. That is awful and really sad they don’t have any sense of humanity. Set your boundaries that are in YOUR best interest. If that means deleting her on FB, then do it. You will not miss seeing her posts. In the Bible there is a piece about Jesus saying how the Jewish Pharisees did what they did to show off how devout they were when indeed it was to impress others. Matthew 23:5. Sounds a bit like her behavior. Also Matthew 6:1. Not a Christian life when your actions don’t match.
Best wishes to you
When it comes to FB and distant relatives, let it be. If she is sharing untruths to friends or family members, reach out to them directly. Say how you wish she would be more involved, or at least I contact!
First you need to reach out to her in kindnesd, at a level beyond what you feel she deserves. Do it repeatedly.
On FB, post about your Mom. Focus on her good days. Ask for prayers/support on her bad days. You don't have to be specific. Just say if there has been a new development, a concerning change..
Post some photos of your good days. Get Mom's permission!
As Michelle O'Bama said, " When they go low, we go high."
Maya Angelou said, "When people show you who they really are, Believe Them."
Your sister may be trying to fool herself. Or be trying to build new bridges, because she has burned so many.
My family fell apart when my father died. The sister with POA is a control freaks. She actually believed she had the legal authority to say who could be in the state of AZ ( Dad was a snowbird), & who had to return to the Midwest, and when! I had to pay $1,000 to an attorney to get copies of Trust documents after he died. She had the copies made and printed when we were all in AZ.
When I would not leave when she had to return to work, she locked me out of the house and had my stuff packed and put on the back patio. Leaving me homeless, out of state, because she was concerned about my being unemployed at the time. Yeah...that makes sense.
She lied to and manipulated family & friends. Five years later I got critically ill. It happened days before a family reunion. Oh, my sister's were so very concerned I front of family, but the only get well card I got from them were 2 group cards.
No visits, no offers of help, not even another card. Once a year she would call. She would ask about me and the kids. Then she would write her holiday letter as if everything was great and we talked all the time. This continued for years. Slowly I let family and friends know the truth. I tried to reach out to her, and my other sister, who was even more distant. When years of doing so made no change, word apparently got back to her that no one was buying her lies. I stopped getting the annual calls.
Years later, when that daughter got married, she pressured her not to invite me and told her not to put anything about the wedding on FB, so I wouldn't find out. The Bride & Groom paid for the wedding, but she feared her mother's rath would spoil it, if she didn't do as told.
Then she went to the table my son's we're at and said, so many could hear, " I am so sorry your mother couldn't make it." My sons had the class to say absolutely nothing in response.
Now, my brother, invited us all to visit their forever home they are building out west. His invitation said, "Let's get the gang back together!" He made it very clear he wanted an event focused on ending this rediculous behavior!
They would pay for our airfare. One sister lives 20 minutes from the airport. I was willing to drive 3-4 hours to fly out of the major city airport, rather than have them pay the extra cost of my flying from here.
The sister I asked didn't respond. The other, wrote back, speaking for everyone, she was sure! Telling me I was not welcome & to get a hotel and cheap parking. (I now use a wheelchair or walker most of the time).
I didn't expect a Yes from either of them, even though we were all on the same flight. I just needed to be able to say I asked and was refused before asking other friends.
I live off SS. I am doing this to save my brother 1/2 the cost on airfare. They don't care. They are looking for any way to exclude me.
Then building delays caused them to reschedule the event till next spring.
So that sister wrote suggesting that they set up individual visits, to make it easier for my brother. She definitely wanted to nix the "Getting the Gang (siblings) back together" idea!
Our father died in 2002.
Remember, you are drained emotionally and physically, and that can be a big part of why your reactions to your sisters Facebook comments are annoying you so much. I won’t tell you to block your siblings, that would be vengeful in my book, but you don’t need to read them if you don’t want to. And, you DO NOT need to visit your parents everyday!! That’s the high standard you’ve set for yourself and you are not giving yourself time to relax and breath. You need it and it’s a good, smart thing to do! If you do allow yourself time off you will be amazed at the relief it will give you. On the days I didn’t visit my mother she actually interacted more with others. She was safe, taken care of and not alone. Don’t build walls with resentment and hurt between family that will be hard to take down and will take years to mend. Your parents would not want that I’m sure. Your parents will not be here for much longer, but the rest of your family will be and you may end up being very lonely.
Can you talk to your siblings and just give a cheery “Just wanted to call and see how you’re doing and fill you in on how mom and dad are at the moment.” That may definitely help crack open a new door of communication and it’s taking the high road to take.
Don’t try to get even, it’s not what your siblings are doing and saying as much as it is how you react. Give yourself a break!! This site is the perfect place to vent and we’ve all needed it over and over again.
Enjoy a meal out with friends just to have fun and laugh together. Don’t talk about your parents or family problems, just have fun.
May God give you peace and guidance for each new day.