I am so tired. I need to vent. I am so tired of people telling me God is teaching us things through the sickness....

thank you all for reading... ya know, i'm gonna share something with you gals.. this afternoon, who ever sent an angel here to me today via a prayer... I want you to know that...while Mom and I were in the kitchen eating orange sherbert I heard an angel singing in her bedroom down the hall. It was a sound that was above the television which was some sort of talk show... the Angels voice was very light,,, a very airy but definite voice ...singing amazing grace...it sounded almost like wind, but wasn't .
Mom heard it too. I was almost scared to go into her room after that... anyway.. Just wanted to share that with everyone it kinda freaked me out~nutz

Beautiful thought, Nutz! Lovely! Thank you!

Angels n roses... look for the rainbow, my friend.. it always comes after the storm!

Beautiful Nutz. Love the pix too!

I hope you enjoy this poem, it kinda explains me a little better'''

FALLEN

I saw an Angel falling down..
Watched him slowly fall to ground
His tears of sadness fell like rain, then turned
to swollen ebbs of Pain
I watched in awe and racing fear..
Still, I approached him, drawing near...
Shadows carressed his handsome face..
He looked up at me, felt my heart race..

Eyes like the very fires of Hell
Burnt right into my Soul...
Ripping my spirit away..
somehow making me whole..

I tried to turn and run away!!
but he had a grip on me..
I struggled hard with all my might..
but he wouldn't set me free..

"I am Kabshiel"
Said he to I.
Golden tears ran down his face, as he began to cry.
I said"Why have you come, why are you here ?"
pity and compassion creeping in as I wiped a golden tear.

" I am lost, am cast away from my Father and my home".
"Cursed to walk the Earth forever... Forever here, alone"

Gently I reached to touch his cheek and he shyly turned his face away.. In the dimming light I saw his scarred physique, a hard life on display.
Sorrow was dripping from his chin, his Hair was wild and long.
His robe was torn and shabby, he was wearing golden thongs

The air around him smelled like rain, his skin was bronzed and glowing.. I had to know OH! so much more..
Curiosity was growing..

"Kabshiel " said I ...It's not so bad, Please, don't be so sad and cry.
He turned his eyes to lock with mine, as if to ask me why..

I slowly sat beside him, careful not to draw too near,,
He gazed at me from the corner of his eye, as if It were I HE feared.
"Kabshiel" please don't be afraid of me or of this land..
I stood back up and smiled at him, then offered him my hand.
Slowly, like a frightened child , he reached up and grabbed a hold, and when our hands connected, his whole story then, was told..
In flash I saw his life, his home and his demise, I felt his sorrow and his pain and it made me want to cry..

I remembered then a Prayer I had said asking for GOD, an Angel to Send..

Horror Gripped me deep inside as I looked at this poor broken Angel by my side..

" I must be dreaming , this CAN'T be real!
I closed and opened up my eyes, the Angel was standing there still..
"Kabshiel", said I, let's Kneel and Pray and ask for God to Guide our way..
and then a smile came ‘cross his face.. and Prayed we did and asked for grace..
A golden Light came from above and engulfed us both in Gods pure Love..
Kabshiel was restored , and so was I..
we both embraced and began to Cry..
"Dear Child", said He to my streaming face, " You have restored us both to grace"
He stood up straight and stretched out his wings..
The most BEAUTIFUL CREATURE, I had ever seen.

I looked at him, still not understanding, just what is was the Lord was Demanding..
Kabshiel read my mind and answered me.
"YOU HAD TO LEARN AND FEEL AND SEE"

What you ask for may not be best, this was our Fathers way to test the Hardened heart of a Child of his..
and with that said, he gave me a kiss..

"Thank you" Said he, then he flew away..
leaving me to think and stay.
The Smell of a Thousand Roses filled the air..
As I was left, just standing there.

all rights reserved by author,Aka Goinnutz

This is the place to vent... so vent on.. Tired, frustrated, angry... we are all there at times. We don't always know what to say and may say the wrong things... but know that you are not alone. Thinking of you...praying for you.. that's all that I can say.

My heartfelt thanks to all of you who have put your valuable time into valuable words for my injured spirit . yes, I'm wounded but I'll survive. It's nice that I can just let it hang on out here and not be thrown to the wolves for it,
Thank you, I feel a little better now..
peace to you all ~ Nutz

yes ive seen those shows on tv , my mom would sit and watch it for hours ! i often wonder if she did send them money .
those people on tv is realy something eles . it didnt take me long to figure them out ! theyre all crooks ! saw a so call preacher with his eyes closed and said oh yes god s tellin me to tell u send me money now !!! and all those popele in background were hollarin praise u lord !!
quickly flip them channels to a home funniest show ! i love that show it brings me smiles and laughters.

Nutz, I am so sorry for your experience. I have to question the rude comments of others, though! To think they'd chastise you and say you "didn't have enough faith?" Well, that's just plain cruel! I'd quickly lose my faith in them. How dare they! And I would not worry about speaking the truth. Who said that "supposed healer" was "God's annointed?" I don't think we can pay God by tithes or faithfulness for healing. Then the person who didn't have money wouldn't get healed? I don't thing we can "perform" him into compliance for acting on our behalf. I don't think God operates like that! I don't understand your mother's pain, and am very sorry for it. I don't know what to say about that. It is very sad and unfortunate. And I know you feel for her in it, as some of us, do, too. Anyway...don't want to debate here. What I'd like to do, is say, I'm sorry for your bad experience and your mother's pain. I'm also sorry that such people out there give God a bad name. He is not our puppet, and we certainly don't understand all there is to know about him. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that. I know he has asked us to help the hurting, bind the broken hearted, and set the captives free. To me, that means pointing the lost to him! I don't think that all will be healed this side of eternity. Consider the lame, the blind, the dumb. But in heaven, in glorified bodies, they'll be walking on streets of gold. Down here, we see through a glass darkly. Truth be told, some people just don't see at all. I think that was the beginning point of this thread. Let's just concentrate on being kind and supportive. I think that's what God would have us all do. We can also pray for one another, and ask God for his comfort, and healing touch as HE sees fit!

when things were so bad for me i would get upset at the lord and tell him that is enough !! we dont deserve it ! it was few yrs ago , my daughter wrecked both of my cars , almost killed her , unknown why she blacked out , found out later she was lowon iron and b12 .
then shortly afterwards my brother died in camper fire . then dad had stroke a big one , i mean everyday something bad happens . that is when i scream and said that is enough lord !
i dont know why or understand that he lets bad things happens to our love ones . if god is so great and he is good but why is it so bad for us all ? i dont allow the evil spirits around . cast em out everytime and the lord is suppose to protect the one that is a true believer .
lord knows i believe in him and yes i do talk to the lord everyday and thank him for a good day . when its a bad day the lord knows it cuz i frown on those bad days . when its just toomuch i tell him that is enough !
he has plans for all of us weither we like em or not . i go down to the path he has chosin for me to take .. i have a roof over my head and food on my table which i am greatfuly for that . thank u lord ..

By his stripes you are healed, it says.. if you have faith, you can move mountains, it says.. Faith is a very dangerous thing here.
If you believe, and you are wrong. It can kill you, if you don't believe and things go badly, well you didn't have enough Faith. Teflon Coated. Im not mad at God. I'm not mad at those people who prayed and really tried to help.. They were sincere and had nothing to gain from their prayers for Mom. I'm mad at me for even conceiving of the notion that It could really be true. My Bad, NO one Else to blame here. Speaking out against Gods Annointed is a dangerous thing I hear... I try not to do that, because I don't really know for sure, who is and who isn't. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all worship the same God in the same way in the respect that he simply is God and have no doubt in our minds as to the reality of it all ( back to faith again).~ Nutz

Well said, ladies! That's why God is using YOU to be the blessing to your loved ones. They may not comprehend or appreciate it, but God notices, and it's got to make him pleased. After all, you have sacrificially given of yourselves to another! But that doesn't in any way preclude your needs. We are fail human beings. This site is great to help and lift each other up! Too bad we can't band together and find a way to help each other out in physical ways. You know, with real meals, babysitting, etc. I know we all live in various parts of the country, and this isn't at all practical, but it is nice to dream. And yet, our next door neighbor goes for walks and washes his car, never even offering to help. That is the way it is in the world. I don't think God will necessarily give us time off for "good behavior," or our parent suddenly say, "Thank you, dear for sacrificing your time, and talents and life for me." They just don't see it, either. But God uses us. And we are just the instruments to help our loved ones (or our neighbor) out. One day, we may just hear that, "Well done...!" But until then, we work for him (not for personal reward), because we'll helping the helpless and doing for them what they cannot do. You caregivers are the "unsung heroes," and only another in your shoes will understand. Forget the scoffers and the selfish individuals who think that life is all about them.

I guess this site is our mailbox to each other. Good job, my friends! Keep up the good work! I know you're tired, for I am too. If I could, I'd bake you a cake and make you a pot of soup, or come to your house so you could walk on the beach. Know you're not alone, and that we're all experience the same weariness, loneliness, and fatigue. It sure does hurt to not be appreciated. Your fellow caregivers and very few others understand. Sorry about that.

Imagine being God's hands... Wow, what a thought! Now, if only he'd give us some extra energy...or maybe some relief. Let's all pray to that end.

That would be shaking, of course, not my typo. :-)

I'm smiling at your comments and true words, naheaton. Love it! A "quivering, skaing mess" it is and always will be, I agree. Hugs.

goinnutz, as a Christian I am always suspicious of those 'faith healers' that send people to the floor in a quivering, shaking mess. First of all, Jesus NEVER healed anyone that caused them to go hysterical. Now when he threw out a demon or two, they caused a ruckus, but not regular sick people. So this being 'slain in the spirit' stuff is questionable at best. Yes God does still heal, but because of the people on TV wanting money and the side show you witnessed, it's harder to see these days. I have seen a person freed from their chronic illness thru prayer, where it could only have been divine intervention, because the result was permanent. This is a tricky thing when people try to tell God how to be God. They want to except the creator of the universe as all knowing, omnipotent & omnipresent, but expect him to act like THEY want him to act.
And when He doesn't, then they're mad. "How can a God of love be like that?" "How can God let that happen?" on and on it goes...
At some point we have to just except He is who He is, and take it by faith that God has an ultimate plan.
Job 38:4 says: "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if you have understanding"
Romans 9:20&21 - "No but, O man, who are you that reply against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why have you made me thus? Has not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel to honor, and another to dishonor?"
Bottom line I guess, people will let you down because we are all human and flawed. God on the other hand is unchanging, He isn't fickle, and He doesn't give a fig about being "politically correct".
So if you want to get mad and be disappointed that your mother wasn't healed that day, then blame the charlatan that put on the show. That man will have to answer to the very God that he was trying to imitate that day.
Sorry about your mom.

Well Done Ez care.. Im gonna remember that one...
the conversations I have with family are similar to the questions that are asked" how are you doing"?
The next time somone tells me to just call if "theres anything we I can do". I'm gonna say how about Fly yer butt down here and take care of your sister/mother/aunt so her daughter can take a few days off!! ???
TOO MUCH TO ASK????? I think so.~ NUTZ
* Epiphany* Maybe if we start actually asking for help when family or friends ask, they will either stop asking or offer to HELP!
opps gotta run MOms Calling...

Well said, ezcare, and so true!"God has no hands but my hands, no feet but my feet..." comes to mind.

When people throw the God thing at me, I remind them that God works through human hands. I follow up with a request for some token help like: "Can you send over a home-cooked meal for us next Saturday since I will be busy all day with Doctor appointments and won't have a minute to cook" The sincere folks always follow-up and the insincere ones bless me with their silence. Either way I have not taken God's name in vain.

I wholeheartedly understand everyone's sharing on God and all things related. Faith is not science. In my opinion, faith, or lack of, are simply a matter of individual choice. Questioning faith or the existence of God is something I accept and understand. My faith in God doesn't cause me to split hairs on any individual's right to believe or practice otherwise. goinnutz, the story you have shared is a good one. I have seen it played out on some televangelism shows for years. Even though I believe that miracles can and do happen in life, I do not for a single second believe that such situations are anything other than mass hysteria, much like a coach trying to rev a team up. Some folks want to believe. When it comes to medical science, I would not recommend or go along with anyone in my care dispensing of scientific medical treatments in favor of on-the-spot hands-on or religious denominational "healing." Great story and no offense to be taken. You make perfect sense to me.

My faith remains intact not because it is a popular choice, but because it is my personal and sincerely held belief. I don't feel a need to defend my faith for that reason, and don't feel that others who do not believe in God owe anyone else an explanation either. For me, it is that simple when it comes to a choice.

Loving all of the candid sharing and exchanges generated in this discussion, all. Thanks for everyone's shared wisdom. Happy Tuesday, all.

I'm with you...if God cares so much, when does it get to be MY turn? or YOURS? or everyone else who suffers while trying to help everyone else?????...my daughter says: " oh...that God...he's such a kidder" all the time

Yvonne, I have discovered that I can't get sympathy from many people "out there", including my friends. I think that the subject of our challenges with our elderly parents is just too depressing for most people to talk about. They "turn off" when you bring it up, or perhaps they even criticize. Who knows? They may be dealing with challenges of their own with their aging parents, or else they can see up ahead the same thing for them. In any case, I haven't found much sympathy out there, or patience for this subject. That is a a big reason why I have come here to this site, because here I can "vent", as you say, and I don't receive judgment. The LAST thing we need is judgment. We need support. I support you. You are doing a great job.

This post is not intended to insult or hurt anyone in any way. Let it be known that this comment is strictly my own opinion based on my experiences. \On the God thing, it always seems to strike a Chord in a few people, including me. My faith has been shaken and not stirred. I have never believed in "religion". But I have always believed in God. I drove my cancer stricken mother from Tennessee to Texas a few months ago,during the time that she was still able to travel ( november it was). I was convinced that God had spoken to my heart and wanted me to take her to a healing service there in Texas. SO I Did. We stayed with Moms brother and went to the service. There I experienced a lot of supernatural things. Speaking in Tongues, laying on of hands, and MOM began to Shake violently during the service. The Pastor told us that the lord was moving on her.. and many people laid hands upon her and Prayed in tongues.. after that. She ripped off her(Pain) patches, got up off that bench and ran up and down the Isles like a crazy woman. I was convinced & she was convinced that God healed her. I BELIEVED IT! I even called people to tell them the wonderful news! Well, later that night, in the hotel on the way home, mom began to go into withdrawls from her pain medications ( we prayed for breaking the drug dependence as well ). I had to re apply the patches ( Thank goodness I didn't just throw them all away like she wanted me to) and then listen to her cries of pain throughout the remainder of the trip. She was walking when she went to Texas, and Could not walk when she got back from this HEALING.!!! The thing that gets me the most, is the TEFLON coated reasons that I have been told why the healing didn't take.( my Uncle who is a minister ,other ministers and persons of great faith who have called us since to check on her progress have told me various things)
" It takes time, its not Gods will, you didn't believe hard enough, your faith is weak, Etc. I feel like an Idiot now and have made a laughing stock out of my Mother and Myself for calling and telling people she is healed.* please let me state that mother has paid her tithes faithfully and has been a devout christian all of her life*
I will leave you all with this story, but please no teflon coated excuses or reasons why. I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime. I have learned a lot from this experience, but its not what people think I have. I have to go and attend to Mothers Excruciating Pain now.. ~Nutz

Blasted for speaking honestly? Never would come from me, SecretSister. I value honest communication and admire candor too much even when it may differ from anything I may be thinking. Hugs and kudos to you for speaking your mind.

Re: your comment below, will reply tomorrow, God willing, as my eyelids are starting to get heavy.

"I'm wondering if what you and Yvonne mean, then, is a dislike for insincerity? People say stupid things like that every day."

Hope you have a good night, friend!

Phew. I was thinking I'd get blasted. Still may...if you know what I mean (by those who don't see things the same...) I'm wondering if what you and Yvonne mean, then, is a dislike for insincerity? People say stupid things like that every day. Thanks for your clarification.

Yvonne, I do hope you find some rest. It's got to be hard for you to see your husband that way. Probably taking its toll on you both. I understand fatigue, and also grief. They are both so difficult to manage. And the emotional part is sometimes the worst. Hope being here at this site can bring something of a sense of camaraderie, and some relief. While we can't fix everything, we can compassionate and understand, to some extent. Sorry for all you and your husband have to weather.

SecretSister, I am a believer in God and don't know where I would be without my faith. Like you I freely say "God bless you" to others and mean it. In my reply I was not thinking of anyone on this website, but about platitudes that so many people speak offline, including religious platitudes, in my opinion. I am not ashamed of my faith in any way, yet I fully understood what yvonne was trying to convey. Been there myself. I also loved the person who responded that "people are stupid." That was cute, and is sometimes so true, sad to say.

Ok, I'm putting myself on a limb and cutting down the tree. I am one who says, "I'm praying for you," and "God bless you." And I don't do it flippantly. I say it because I believe he loves us and cares about us, and I say it because I think he knows when we hurt, and I say "Bless you," hoping God will show compassion and give comfort when it's needed. Do we still hurt? Yes. It's a God-given human emotion. But is he trying to teach us something? I don't think he is trying to punish us or anything. I think we punish ourselves worse than he would. But that's a different subject.

I think one thing we all know, is that at some point, all people die. Some are healed, and some are not. And while I pray, believing God can heal, I also recognize sometimes he doesn't.

If I am offensive, it is not on purpose. It's just what I believe. I don't mean you have to agree, and I don't mean to force myself on you. And I definitely do not think I have all the answers. No way!!!

I know I'm not God. (Heaven forbid!) And I know there are people who are mad at God, hate God, don't understand God (not like I totally do). Anyway, I just felt like standing up for God, not that he needs me to, but because I do. I don't like it when people "blow sunshine," meaning, saying whatever fluffy thing comes to mind. But a little tact, compassion, sensitivity, and concern for others, can bridge a gap that fluffy platitudes cannot.

Back to God "teaching us something..." I don't think he's watching every move we make, and then if we mess up, takes a big club, WHAM, and punishes us. The Bible clearly teaches that one doesn't get sick because of sin, but that it rains on the just and the unjust. I don't know what we're supposed to "learn" from illness, except that it just is. Many different reasons for illness. But the worst thing is when someone used Scriptures to make a point to punish someone else. I do not think God would approve of that. His job is to convict, not man's. Again, that's my opinion. And if you want to throw it out, you can. I'm just saying what I think, and if you think different, I won't throw you out. Tomorrow I may have to say I've changed my mind, and was wrong in lots of things. That's happened in my life. I do know this, I learn from others every day. Some awesome people have been real nice to me, and my family wasn't always. Go figure. Strangers treating me better than my own flesh and blood. And every time someone is nice, I think, they are a gift from God. I know my family is sometimes messed up in the head. Again, ~just sayin'...

I hope you'll not hate all Christians, or all people who believe in God. And I hope you'll test the waters of everything you see and hear. People who believe in God are not perfect, and makes mistakes, the same as anyone. But God shouldn't be blamed for that, nor necessarily the devil, either.

I'm tired, and perhaps rambling. And maybe you hate everything I just said. I hope not. I hope some of it makes sense to you. I just want to defend myself a bit, because i say, "Bless you," a lot. I do want God to bless others. It's like giving someone a gift. I can't make God do it, but I can hope for it, and pray, asking him to. The rest is up to him. I guess that's another way of saying, I am sorry you are hurting, and I wish for something good to come to you in all of this. It's not ignoring your pain, or pretending it doesn't exist. It's actually a way of saying, "I know you're tired" (we are get tired), and it acknowldges a human need, and a similarity. It's a way of saying, I see your hurt, and I can't "fix" it for you, so I'm asking God to, because I believe he can. What I hope, is that you'll see that as a compliment, instead of an offense, because it's truly a way of expressing love.

Now if that's offensive to you, it certainly wasn't meant to be, Maybe I am pushing this issue too defensively. Or perhaps you understand what I'm trying to say. I truly don't think the majority of people intend to be obnoxious or insensitive. Just trying to give the benefit of the doubt to this issue and the people involved.

However, it is true. Some people are just jerks. Please forgive me if anything I said was dumb or hurt. And feel free to correct me, if needed. But please don't bash me if you don't agree. While it's OK to say you disagree, and why, I don't think we shoudl be critical, prideful, or mean. Sorry...guess it hit a nerve.

I also defend your right to believe whatever you want to believe. That's the whole idea behind freedom. I think God like freedom, too, and gave hus many choices. I think it's neat that this site is a community of people who understand basic human needs, and help others. That's a whole lot better than fighting, and anger, and evil speaking. There's enough of that going around. What good comes from it?

Here we're just trying to support one another, and be encouraging. If someone tells you "God bless you," I dhope you won't let the words/gesture/idea offend. Bless is a very interesting word. So is the phrase, "I care about you," "I'm praying for you," and other great sayings and songs....are really meant to be a positive thing. Maybe you could think of them as a gift? (Instead of what might be wrong.) Again, ~just sayin.'

Hope you get some rest, and I hope for strength for you, and healing for your loved one.

Do you hear me chuckling at your most recent reply, yvonne? I am. My favorite part is where you said:

"...the stress that makes you feel like you just cant make it another day and then when you get through it you feel light as a feather until the next big stress overtakes you and makes you feel like you will never survive...."

It is hilarious to see it in print. Touche! I can tell you will be just fine. Your sense of humor is refreshing. Thanks for calling a spade a spade. Hugs.

love you back Yvonne.

say, do you like boats?

lovbob

hey thanks i feel better already. you guys best are the best. you understand how horrible it is to clean up diarhea and not throw up. you want to cry but laugh instead. no one understands like you guys. thanks for the good comments. it feels good to vent here. only you guys can understand the stress that makes you feel like you just cant make it another day and then when you get through it you feel light as a feather until the next big stress overtakes you and makes you feel like you will never survive but you do. i love you guys.

Hi Yvonne.

People are idiots and there you have it.

bless your heart for the love and care you give your husband. Consider yourself out of the desert and in a cool oasis on this site. Here are the other folks just like you who are tired and worn and ready to smack idiots upside the head with a bedpan if they only had the energy.

My stand by phrase is: It is not ok for you to talk to me like that. You can use that anywhere for anything that you don't want to hear and it works! you don't even have to flip any attitude at them because the statement stands on its own.

You can also say, Hey! why don't you shut up? I've seen that one work also.

If God is teaching us through the sickness, I've learned how to shine up my mom's butt as well as not lose my cookies in the process.

I think people whip out the God statement because they really don't know what to say. I personally don't care for the pious God statements because I think maybe it grosses God out. Who can imagine what you are going through? I care for my mom and I hope I'm sharp enough to realize that there is a Huge Difference between your caregiving journey and mine. You are caring for your soulmate and the love of your life and I am caring for my mom whom I love very very much. But it's not the same.

Just keep coming back to this site and venting!

I really do like Pamela's suggestion:

idiots: Hey Yvonne! How's your husband?
Yvonne: Did you see those sorry NJ Nets last night? They're almost as bad as the Clippers!!

Hope you both feel better and we hope to see you again in our little cyber oasis.

lovbob