My Mom lives a mile away at my sister's. My sister does quite a bit for Mom (brothers nothing at all). I work 4 days/week and take Mom on all my days off as I want to share the responsibility. It's hard, though, because Mom knows the days I am not working and books me for everything without even asking (doctors appointments, hair dresser, shopping...) Today I was planning a respite day for myself as I had to work extra days this weekend and will have her for the next 3 days. She called and asked me to run her errands - 5 stops in all. Nothing emergent, just stuff she wanted done (she doesn't drive). For the first time in months (years?) I declined, told her I had too much to do. In truth I sat on the deck in the sun and read a book that's been sitting on my nightstand since Christmas. I feel a twinge of guilt but honestly think this may be a bit of a breakthrough. I think it's ok to say no sometimes.
You did the right thing - Mom needs to understand there are boundaries, and if you don't set them, they'll never be honored. That's not to say that she won't at some point in the future forget what those boundaries are, but for now, keep those boundaries so you have some time to yourself.
So good that you did that for yourself. You may have made yourself so available that your mom forgets that you have thoughts of your own.
Mom doesn’t drive but does she go with on the errands? Does she handle the tasks when she gets to the store? If so, why can’t she use Uber? No need to wait for your day off.
I get it that you want to help out sister but you get no time off!
Does she stay overnight at your home on the days you have her?
Here’s to more sunny days on your deck.
Your mom is a lucky woman.
You didn’t have a question, but what you said is very important. Doing things for yourself when you are a caregiver is crucial to maintaining your sanity.