I posted recently about my brother setting up an appoinment behind my back for me to assume payments for a service provider for my father, a service he assumed years ago. Well, I didn't even have to say that I wouldn't pay. He knew by my non-verbal communication. Then he started in on how now he and his wife are taking complete control of my father's life! My father is frail and forgetful but not incompacitated by any means! He is like when he was 50 except I will admit he does forget some things that a younger person wouldn't.
So I didn't say I wasn't in agreement; I didn't argue at all. I just inputed some ideas I thought were helpful and brought up an event he should be aware of. He told me to "Shut up. We are doing this and I don't want to hear a peep from you." I hung up.
I called my father and he knew nothing that all kinds of plans were being made for him and he was shocked and not happy. Just as I thought.
Thank you for everyone for "listening". I have known my brother for decades; lots of great times, but now it's over. I feel sick about it but there's also a strength I find that I am able to stick up for myself. I will be controled by him or certainly will not live his life. I'm also going to fight if they do things that deprive my father of his independence.
That is wrong. No one is going to silence my questions or opinions when it comes to the care of my father.
Does the POA give my brother the right to spend my father's funds even though my father is competent and does not want those services, at least not yet?
I think you need to understand with PoA your father gets no say legally so to speak.
There's no way they will dismiss my opinion while I have a relationship with. Therefore there will be no more relationship. What a crumby, controlling brother. My guess is that this situation isn't uncommon.
Its strange that it’s just so black and white with both of you. Super unfair that he expected you to pay 100 percent for the providers, but kinda unfair that you’ve been paying 0 percent. You may not be able to offer 100 percent, but if what you can is 15 percent, it just seems like something y’all could work through. But both of you can’t even.
I think it’s high time to reassess your role in being local and super involved in dads care arrangements when dad moved there himself and now bro is poa. An al doesn’t necessarily mean lack of independence, either.