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I know what you mean. Going out for breakfast with other family members (taking Mom along) is just not that fun for me anymore. Everyone talks about their newest car, their latest fun night out with friends, etc and what can I say? I sat at my desk and worked all day, and in between work I battled with Mom to get her to go to the bathroom on time so she wouldn't have an accident and then cleaned up when she had an accident because she refused to go? I washed 5 sets of sheets and 8 pairs of underwear today - go me!?! I listened to Mom snore all afternoon? Made a dinnner that I didn't feel like eating? Wooo, such excitement!

SIL occasionally asks me to go to the movies with her. I'd love to go, but I probably wouldn't enjoy it, because I'd be worried about Mom at home alone all the time - just like when I go to get groceries.
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I've done respite twice in 18 months for a total of 7 days and 6 nights and it was worth it :) If you can get hospice, there is no cost. With hospice, MIL qualifies for 4 days and 3 nights every month but I've only done it twice. Guilt monster gets me. BUT when I've done it...................it's been wonderful.
They pick her up in ambulance and bring her back too.
I highly recommend hospice
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Thanks all - so good to know that I am not alone in this difficult time. Respite is so important and so hard to get. I have been my Moms caregiver for 3 years now and have had a total of 10 days off! Three years - more than 900 days and my dear sibs have given me a total of 10 days of respite. I really do not know what to do anymore. It is just so boring and tedious.
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OMG yes! I am going crazy myself. Everyday is a new drama. I would also like to get my mother away from the lady next door but I can't lock her in her room? Or can I ? Just kidding..... I would never do anything to hurt my mother or any other human being for that matter but you know I suddenly see why some elders get abused and left in nursing homes, as horrible as that is it is because they are so mean to us. I think it is very important for us care givers to get some help ourselves!
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hadenough, I feel the same way when I go out. I usually end up listening a lot, which most people don't mind. Even when I'm listening, though, my brain starts tuning out.

It sounds like heaven to send our parent out so we can have respite. When we have pets, going somewhere ourselves carries extra stress. I wish I could get my mother to go somewhere for a week. She would if my brother would take her, but I'm not holding my breath for that to happen. Majorly jealous, Maria.
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I really understand your comments and it's scary isn't it? I feel like I've fallen into a rut and it takes too much energy to get out. A little bit like grief. Maybe we are grieving the life we can't have............the life we are sacrificing.
It really helps to get my MIL away from me for several days. It's.a pain to organize and make happen................but it gets me to feeling like a human being again. Is it worth the expense and effort (getting respite care at a nursing home for five nights)? For me - yes. It helps to keep one foot in the real world so that once we're finally free, we won't have forgotten how to live and enjoy life again.
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