What do you do when My mother NEVER cared for females being around her and I'm the daughter it was always about her (2) sons or grandsons. Now my brothers have thrown me in because I'm single to care for mother. They don't want to care for her, don't spend time with her don't take her out for anything. They dont know what I put up with here. I've had to move in with her. I had to quit my job and now she is threatening me by saying I'll be sorry one day. She thinks I have to take her everywhere and most of the time I do but she gets hateful with people we get around or she mumbles and no one can understand her and she gets mad if you ask her to speak up. But it's an all day job just to pack her up get her dressed and hope she dont poo on herself thats happen twice. Then getting her in the van with the wheelchair that may work or not I do have medical supplies because my father had it before he passed 9/26/2017. So that has been a good thing, but I guess I ask because I feel as if Im being tortured. They don't want to deal with her and she only wants me here to do her every step for her. She has an Electric wheelchair and I have to Disable it because she can walk but just because my Father had it shes decided that she’ll use it and her doctor has told her not to AND the Doctor (primary) she only has him because he’s handsome in her eyes. This is a woman that was married 3 times and now My father wasn’t even in the grave a month that she started losing weight, buying new Close, wanting to get new makeup and then go out and buy a car that she want be able to use. The doctor also told her her driving days was over. I'm telling everyone out there that has a mother like mine I will keep you in my prayers. I'm torn in so many ways I dont know what to do first.
How nice (NOT!) that your brothers are able to continue working and putting money away for their retirement, but not you.
YOU MATTER. I'm going to write it again. YOU MATTER.
You do NOT have to put up with this abuse. Tell us some more, and the good and wise people on this forum will help you formulate a plan to escape.
My mother has some of your mother's attitudes. She told my brother's wife when pregnant that she (my SIL) "didn't want to have girls." I'm the only daughter, and I have three brothers. I know I wasn't the daughter my mother wanted. Well, SHE wasn't the mother *I* wanted, either. My brothers can escape her obsessive controlling ways because they are all out of state.
My mother made the, "You'll be sorry!" threat, also. I don't know what the "you'll be sorry" threat meant, other than she'll change her trust so that I don't inherit 1/4. I don't actually think she'll do that, because it costs $ to change a trust. And she refuses to utilize any kind of transportation other than me, so I don't see how she would get to the attorney's office to change it. If she DID somehow manage to change it (and I found out), I would take myself completely out of her life.
BUT I don't live with her (and never will). You do live with your mother. So tell us more...the wonderful folks here will help you develop a plan to change your situation.
I agree with telling your brothers that it's a three way job. If they don't split the work (or pay for caregivers for their portion) then she needs to be placed in a nursing home.
Start the process for applying for Medicaid so the government will pay for her there.
My mom didn't like women either. I am her only child (daughter). She always wanted the attention of men. She was narcissistic and jealous of the attention I got.
You are not your mom's slave. Don't take her speaking to you badly. Tell her that she must treat you with respect or you will no longer care for her. What a mean woman!
If your brothers refuse to help then drop her off at one of their houses and leave. Go get your job back and find somewhere else to live.
Just a suggestion....please use periods at the end of your sentences. It's so hard for my old brain to figure where one sentence ends and another starts. Thanks.
Good luck and stand your ground. This isn't just YOUR job.
Why, did you have to? Because your brothers said so? Because your mother said so?
Don't you remember when you were little and you got told off for doing something and your excuse, which no teacher ever understands, was that your friend Jane had done it and she said you had to too. And they always said to you "and if Jane told you to jump off a bridge, you wouldn't do it, would you?"
So when all the caregiving issues bubbled up and it looked like your parents, and then your mother, were going to need help, what did YOU think?
What was the job you quit?
Get your life back and dont be bullied.
Good luck
If your mom has the money, hire a few caregivers and take your life back.
Tell your brothers that you plan on being gone in 30 days, this is your plan and if it doesn't suit them, they have 30 days to implement their own plan. Don't let them bully you into caring for your mom, if you are counting on an inheritance as are they, know that her words of, you'll be sorry, may be her way of telling you your not in the will. I have a cousin that lives at home and her parents have written her completely out of their will. So it is possible.
Have you ever kindly told your mom to stop being so unkind to you? It is okay to address inappropriate words and behavior, just remember to not treat them the way they treat you, which gets hard to do when you are subjected to hatefulness day in and day out.
I hope you find an answer that helps you deal with this tough situation.