Mom’s memorial, Dad in memory care.....
I haven’t been posting much for a while so though I’d drop in with an update. I still check out the forum, keep track of folks. People have lost loved ones, had surgeries, still have mommies from h*ll. Life goes on.
My mom’s memorial was in WV Saturday. She died back in April after a series of bad falls. I had set up pre-planned burial and services for both folks. I highly recommend this if you can pull it off. It made things so much easier.
I thought I’d share how I did mom’s service. It might provide some ideas for others who are just planning simple services for loved ones.
Mom didn’t want an open casket or religious ceremony. She was buried quietly the day after her death. I spent a good bit of time going through family photos, mailed a large packet to the funeral director and she was able to make a dvd which was then shown on a large screen at the service. Like a rolling slide show.
I had planned to do a short eulogy and was in our hotel the day before the service scratching out some notes on index cards. It occurred to me that the funeral director could probably reformat the dvd so I could use a clicker and go through the photos, stopping to talk about each one.
Sure enough, she could do that easily. It worked really well. I had found some really amazing pictures when I cleaned out the house. As they came up on the screen I just explained what the picture was and the picture would jog my memory about stories from that part of mom’s life.
I probably spent about 30 minutes doing the presentation. I ended up covering my mom’s life and times very well. Then others spoke about their memories of mom.
We ended the day by driving down to the cemetery and placing the flowers people had sent on mom’s grave. Mom was a florist. She would have like this.
Dad is doing well in memory care. He remembered me. He’s still chatty and will talk your ear off with his stories. His tales are pretty jumbled now but so far he’s still pretty happy and not agitated and paranoid. He’s convinced that a lady resident there is my mom. The staff tried to set him straight but they just let it go now. Dad and M will sometimes sit and hold hands. Her dementia is a little more advanced than his. She was sitting across the room when we left Dad yesterday. We hugged Dad and said good bye. He said, Dont forget to say goodbye to your mother. So we gave M a nice hug too. She liked it.
All is well......
I opened my eulogy with the fact that it’s impossible to separate our memories of mom and dad. With dads advanced dementia he couldn't attend. They were married just shy of 70 years when she died. I had included several pictures of the both of them that were used in the slide show.
So it was really a memorial to both. To my mom who has passed and to the Dad we, and she, used to know.
I still have all the real estate and mom’s probate stuff going on but Dad is pretty calm and staff is careing for him fairly easily, at least for now. I know the hard stuff is yet to come.
I like the idea of a video presentation. At funerals past, typically the videos are run repeatedly so that viewers can see them, while crowded around a kiosk. Making a presentation, adding comments and narrative, not only allows your mother's history to be seen by everyone at the same time, it's more personal than looking at a slide show on a kiosk.
I'm going to change Dad's Memorial plans to incorporate that. (I can't wait till I show the photos of him standing on scaffolding insulating his pole barn... in his early 90's.
Thanks for sharing.