My parents always helped my brother with whatever he needed & he never bothered to pay them back. My dad gave his Electrical business to my brother & 2 work trucks. My dad started a RV repair business and asked me to come work for him & maybe some day the RV business will be split between us. So, I did, after 10 years my dad passed away. My mom was able to sell their new 35' RV & the business right away. Then after she sold the newest truck, she told us we could each have one truck. He took the one with the newer of the 2 w/campershell & I was to get the '65 chevy. One day on way to mom's for Xmas I see my '65 chevy parked at my brothers ex house. When I got to my mom's I was so upset. She told me to zip it & not cause a seen. That she had to keep the '65 truck in my dads name & since brother and dad had same name she let him keep the truck??
Next, they put $$ for down payment on his new home. When my brother had to go to jail my dad created a job for him so he could be out during the day. We both were given the same used ford escorts, but I had to pay $5,000 for mine?
My car broke down and I was saving up to get it fixed when my brother's car broke down and he just took it into shop to get it fixed. When it was done he tells my mom he needs his car now for work. So she paid the bill. We were both needing a place to live after my dad passed away, so we moved in with mom. But I was charged $400 a month for room rental. My brother was set up in living room so he did not have to pay? Whenever my mom needed work done on her house my brother would charge her full price because it was his livelihood being a handyman. When we had family get togethers I was always picked on for something. I was also told not to bring u things that hurt me as it would cause family problems.
Sadly, my brother passed in 2007 at my mom's home.
Well in 2015 on Xmas eve mom falls and breaks hip. She has needed home care ever since. I was in-between my moms & hubbys home for 4 years.
In March of 2016.. I took a fall at work & I had a knee brace on & a walker so when I went to see my mom at a rehab facility...
she says to me, "OMG I can not believe you come here like this
looking for sympathy !!! I was so shocked & hurt even more that she would say that to me.
I had to have my knee replaced & nephew was going to come help my mom for me. Well, nephew decides to go camping the Friday before my surgery on that Monday. I get put of Hospital on that Wednesday. . Nephew returns that Friday. Leaving my mom alone for days. Then nephew says to mom I did not sign up for this & he splits... We find out he also took $900 cash from mom's stash & pain medication. He tells his wife they were old pills. Mom does nothing about it. She expected me to still come help her .. did not care about my knee at all. It just never stops. In 2017 mom
falls & breaks other hip. In 2017 she has a stroke one morning as soon as I get home from work.
I have tried to talk to mom about her family trust & now it goes to my nephews & me. I did ask if maybe she could compensate me for all of the in home care I did when she needed 24/7 care. My husband retired in 2016. I still work 3-4 nights @ 12 hours a shift at Hospital.
We finally bought our home in 2019 & mom too. Packing up her house was so hard for me, mom did not help. This move did me in. My husband helped me. Since the move mom tells me she has done enough over the years & refuses to help out. We will not mention that mom has never stuck up for me ever.
Now nephew & family (6 total) come to visit & stay at our house. After Xmas I was told I am very rude??
I told him all I asked for was some help.
I am exhausted. I never get that break. now with Covid it makes things worse..we're all stuck at home...My work has become a pleasure trip! That's really sad.
I try to explain to mom how I feel but it never sinks in! She expects me to do it all. My nephew takes advantage of me and I am so hurt and disrespected!!
We have two chances at a good family. The one we are born into and the one we make. You lost the lottery on the one you were born into, and I am so sorry for that. But in order not to pass forth a cycle of abuse generationally you will have to work hard for the family you are making with your hubby. It will be hard work, and mean many changes. Change is hard; sometime accepting the same-old, even when it's bad, is easier. Please get help. I so wish you the very best of luck.
What you are experiencing is chronic, long-term, umremitting abuse. No one in your family changes their behavior, so you need to change yours.
You are an adult. Do what pleases YOU and what is best for you, your husband and children.
In your shoes, I would move FAR away from these grifters.
You may want to broach the subject that now that DHs retired you don't have the money coming in u used to. Because she refuses to contribute, she will need to find another place to live. Have a list of what is available.
Look up Narcissist and see if Mom fits that discription. Did brother have that tendency. It runs in families. You happen to be the child that has empathy. You owe ur Mom nothing. You have done what you can for her. And forgiving...that won't happen until you break away. No contact. Forgiving is for you. You forgive because you realize it wasn't you it was them. You will never forget. Narcissism is a personality disorder. It can't be cured because the Narcissist doesn't think they are at fault so won't go for help.
If Mom lives on her own, keep it that way. Don't move her in. Its going to be hard, you either break away from the abuse or you set boundries, which will be hard. You will never win with this woman. Don't keep trying to find love where there isn't any. They din't know how to love anyone but themselves. Believe me, there are a lot of people on this site with at least one Narcissist parent. It took some years before they got up the nerve to leave.
It took me a while to get to the point of starting to forgive them. The rage and bitterness was taking over my life. There’s lots of good information online on how to deal with this to make your life happy.
I don’t forget what they’ve done. Atrocious behavior - I feel like a dog they’ve kicked around.
I'm not suggesting you forgive, that's up to you. I would suggest you find mom another place to live, assisted living for example. You can't continue the current living situation.
You are still working a full workweek in a hospital and have health problems?
Time to stop helping your mother.