So a well-recommended, 5 star LTC facility opened up and we were able to get mom in. I'm utilizing this time more almost so I can wrap my mind around some things and still explore the possibility of hiring private caregivers to supplement PACE. She has to be out of her independent living facility, so the timing was good.
The staff was so warm and welcoming. Mom is a bit confused but overall seems well.
HERE is my issue,
I happened to look up one of the NPs that is part of my mom's care team on facebook. Her profile isn't private so I just scrolled down a bit and just in August she posted what I feel was a very disrespectful post about nursing home patients. It went like this:
"Dr., what happens after we die?
"We clean the bed and admit a new patient"
Her own comment at the top was "This is so wrong, but when you work in a nursing home"
I know her personal life is personal. I won't send this on to anyone...
But I am SICK. I need to get mom home sooner than later and this is probably a sign.
But why would an NP who is supposed to care for this population post such a thing?
Would this bother anyone else?
Thank you forum friends for letting me vent
1) Many years ago, I had a room in a house shared by others, and a fellow in another room had been a medic in Viet Nam. He mentioned how much he liked the show MASH, because, as he put it, the humor on the show was EXACTLY like what he experienced in Viet Nam.
2) My father was in the hotel business, and he used to say that a night in a hotel room was a "perishable item" somewhat like fresh produce because if that room remained empty the previous night, there is nothing that could make up for it--the next night was a completely different "product" in its own right. It's the same with a bed in a nursing home--any night during which a bed is unoccupied represents a lost opportunity to bring in revenue, and as others have said, a nursing home--whether "non-profit" or "for profit" is a business and needs to operate as such.
3) We can be certain that ebmick1953 will be sure to use more discretion during her own career than the person who posted on Facebook!
However, I think what the NP posted was pretty tame. I was in social work for a number of years... working with medical teams and law enforcement. Many of these professionals have an edge to them. They see “reality” on an hourly basis. I think when we are in high stress modes, comments like the NP’s affect us differently. The majority of the professionals are compassionate or they would not be in this field.
However, they have to develop coping mechanisms...humor...matter of fact speech, a level of detachment or they would constantly be falling apart on the job and become unable to help/care for the sick and vulnerable. I understand and respect your feelings. Personally, I would not post any work related content for all to see. Consider using a filtering lens to interpret what others say. When we are dealing with multiple stressors... it is easy to interpret as coldness or personal offense.
Pick your battles--this is probably not the most important. Be alert what happens when you express concerns to staff at the facility--what is their first reaction? If their first reaction is to deny, to blame someone else, to say they can't, to say there's not enough staff--that's a red flag.
If you feel OK about contacting the NP and telling her that you found her FB post offensive, do that as well. It's probably the only way she'll realize it was hurtful.
If you're that concerned, contact the NP via her page or privately and tell her the joke bothered you. Be ready, though, she'll probably then make her page private and you won't see anything.
Transition to a NH environment is usually a source of angst and confusion for everyone involved. The real tell will be how your mother is doing after a period of settling in, not someone's joke on their FB page.
Yes that could’ve been a little bit disturbing but why are you going on Twitter to investigate the staff/team on your mother. I didn’t find that to defensive but I’m more than sure there is a work code of ethics about patient’s private information known as HIPPA. First of all she didn’t mention any names of staff or residence. I realize people don’t think before they do I feel that you need to address this to the director of the nursing home. This is no reason to withdraw mother out of this nursing home, or why you placed her in the first place. You are your mothers advocate and you must advocate you are the voice so you step up to the plate and address it nursing home will do their investigation. Make sure you ask for feedback. Don’t fear they stay strong . Are you ready to receive mother back home with you are you physically and mentally prepared to deal with her actions. Remember why you Place her in the first place . Stop and think for us it’s wonderful she is safe.
Feed three times a day, medications taken bath and showered activities. You must see to that this is continued. But all’s well only you can make that decision if you want to take your mother back home talk to your family members first make sure you have the support/help there’s nothing better than a mothers love but safety is first.
They’ll be a lot of decisions at the nursing home you have to keep your eyes open and stay off the Twitter nothing but a gossip area that really doesn’t define a lot it’s gossip and put bad decisions in your mind. Signing off Brown, Sugar
Similarly, nobody sees the problem with this NP’s “joke” until they are in the NH themselves.
I agree with Ebmick1973 that the NP’s joke was inappropriate and unprofessional and should NOT be on FB. We all have jokes about the work that we do, but we keep them to ourselves, especially if we work in the profession and setting where death, dying, and sorrow are common.
I’d print the FB “joke” and give it to the NP’s employer.
challenge so try to give yourself some time to think this through, especially if your LO is settling in. At most, possibly talk with your NH contacts. Emotions are on overload right now so give yourself some time. Hugs.
I know two cops , a few nurses , a mortician and a psychiatrist. Every last one of them have a super dark sense of humour and a pragmatic attitude to the nature of their job. The mortician is the most respectful of them all , I suppose because he truly feels that he is honoured with sending other's loved ones off for the last time but the others ? Well ...they joke to cope . Some of them are quite frankly , very depressed . Imagine what they see and deal with every day and understand that gallows humour is the only way for some people to keep going and doing their job. It is a bit callous but it doesn't mean they don't care about the people they help and deal with every day . It doesn't mean they don't feel pain at every loss and death they see. They do see a lot of death .
I understand how upset you would feel seeing that comment on fb, but that joke truly tells us what happens when a patient dies , the bed is cleared and made ready for another. That's it . That's reality.
My mom and I have had a running" Shady Pines , ma !"( Golden Girls ) joke for years, that doesn't mean that I would ever send her to a nursing home , EVER , because I won't. It's a joke .
Focus on how your mom is doing. See her demeanour and if she's bruised or incoherent and drugged or unhappy when you visit . Those are the red flags , not an observation on a Facebook page .
You seem like a sweet person who just loves their mom so keep doing that . I tell you , if you sat with a nurse or a cop and listened to their serious stories you'd never want to hear them again . So, Good luck with your mom and stay positive .
I would guess that the vast majority even of those interested people would appreciate and wryly smile at the joke* which she posted. But others might not be in the mood, and she would do better to keep private exchanges of in-jokes private.
*The joke, by the way, targets the cynicism of the nursing home industry. It does not condone indifference to residents' hopes and fears, quite the opposite.
I work in a forensic setting and can say that our work humor is something that others would not get.
Here's a shift to a totally different perspective: Think of the distressed people on this very forum who are in desperate to place their loved one in a facility but their loved one is on a waiting list. These distressed people are barely holding on. How gratifying it must feel to receive a call that this person's loved one can move in.
My brother and I dropped off donuts as a thank you a few hours later and my mother’s room was cleaned and ready for a new resident. It is what it is. We were done, my mother was gone & I was relieved but sad it was all over.
LTC, Skilled Nursing, NHs whatever u want to call them are businesses. As such an empty bed is money. I was up for a job in a NH where my job would have been getting the beds full. That meant that I was to call around to all the Hospitals and tell them that there was an empty bed in my facility.
That conversation was a little blunt. It may not be "that" fast but that is what happens. The Funeral director comes and gets the person. Then housekeeping comes and strips the bed and cleans everything. Remakes the bed and another patient/resident comes in. The bed might be filled that day or it may take longer. So sorry this upset you.
Please understand that Drs, Nurses, CNAs see a lot you will never see in ur lifetime. They need some humor to continue working in these places. I really don't know how my daughter did it and kept a smile on her face. She loved her patients but after 20 yrs it was time for a change. She now manages a Wound care center.
She probably should enable some sort of privacy feature on Facebook though, to be honest. It's kind of difficult to explain to non healthcare workers and I can see why it upset you.
Barb and others are correct,, we do use gallows humor a lot,, it helps to keep you sane when you are dealing with things like families who are keeping their 95 yo mom who is rotting in the bed alive for the SS check, or the family who is keeping that gunshot family member alive even though they are dripping brain matter on the floor and have coded 3x.
So while I know this is not your moms case, I would guess the constant death and problems the NP faces are wearing on her,, but not affecting her care. I know I care for those elderly PTs and gunshot youths just as carefully and tenderly as the people who I know are going to recover.. And maybe remember she may be able to see you are watching her on social media.. and she may be concerned about you too! You say her care is good.. let this go..
I want to own to the fact that my dear mom died on a Friday afternoon at about 2 PM. My daughter and her family were scheduled to fly on a vacation to Ireland that evening and I kept telling her to "go!". She cancelled the trip to help me with the funeral and shiva.
Mom passed at about 3 PM. My brother, SIL and I all loved my mom dearly but we had no interest in paying the NH for another day or of driving back to get her stuff organized. We ruthlessly sorted, kept, bagged and donated all of her wordly goods while my mom's body was still in the bed. The DON came in and asked us to leave for few minutes so the funeral home people could do their job.
My mom was no longer there.
We went to dinner. As I am Jewish and the rest of my family is Catholic, I said to my brother, at about 5 pm, "you do realize that if mom were Jewish, she'd be buried by now?". He got that.
Different traditions have different imperatives.
The NP who posted that comment also expressed how she felt it was ' so wrong', yet what are the alternatives? She works in a business where dying is the norm and opens up the opportunity for someone living to move into their place.
It is what it is. I doubt the woman is without compassion or empathy b/c she posted that comment. Some people are more interested in getting 'likes' and emojis on social media than they are in with the content of what they post. Besides, a person in her position has to take a stoic approach to death, or she'd be a basket case each time one of her residents passes away.
I wouldn't give it much thought from here on out if it were me. As long as your mom is getting a good level of care, that should be your prime concern. Don't expect perfection and you'll be good to go!