Self-Care for Caregivers- a few tips

Hello, FellowCaregivers. This is not a question but a long-winded comment. I've been on this journey of caring for a now 95 year old mother with dementia for the last 7 years, from trying to keep her in her own home, modifying her living quarters and employing some in-home care, to having to move her to an ALF for safety concerns, to now Memory Care for the past 18 months. I don't have all the answers, by any stretch of the imagination, but I've learned a few things along the way, and hope what I write here can offer some help, or consolation, or commiseration, or whatever it is we all need in this very uncharted territory we're all in. Having said that I want to first say, for those of you who are dealing with the 24/7 care and issues of caring for a loved one, in your home, I cannot say enough about your courage, and your dedication and love. I cannot imagine all those daily things that you confront. I am humbled, because as difficult as my journey has been, you are warriors. God Bless you. I am POA and total care for my Mom, who resides in a very good ALF about 1/4 mile away. My father, who died almost 22 years ago, provided for her financially, but money ran out and we had to do the Medicaid dance, which wasn't easy. It has been my charge to take care of her since, but the last few years have been nothing what I could have expected, as I watch her long, slow painful decline. Since I've only so many sentences left here, let me cut to the chase, about the depression, and anxiety, and the hopelessness we all feel in trying to make the best of a bad situation, there is no joy in watching someone you love so much deteriorate physically and mentally into a state that is almost unrecognizable - yet I, and we all, recognize the person that resides within. So, to self-care, just some simple tips, I won't call it advice.

1)Recognize that you can't make the current situation better for your loved one. What you CAN do is make sure they are safe, clean, comfortable...and advocate for them as you see it required. They need your voice when they don't have their own. THAT is doing your best.

2)Sounds simple...but in addition to their personal needs - diapers, water, clothing, bedding - buy them some room deodorizers. ReNuzit costs about $1 each, no electricity required. Pleasant smells can be very therapeutic.

3)Along the same lines, buy some soothing scents for your own home. Bath and Bodyworks sells some amazing Wallflower scents. I use them prolificly in my own home, and the Autumn scents are beautiful. It will soothe you too.

4)Exercise, exercise, exercise - you, not your loved one. I am almost 66 years old and am blessed to have a wellness facility near me that offers classes for the Over 55 set - I seriously go 4-5 times a week, and I'm in better shape than I was in my 40s. It doesn't take a lot of time. It makes me healthier physically and mentally and offers socialization opportunities for me with others in my age group that have dealt with, or are dealing with, taking care of an aging loved one. If you haven't resources like that near you, I encourage you to get involved in some kind of program that keeps you well as you're caring for someone who's not. You are NOT alone - this site is evidence of that.

5)Meditation. Again, if you can hook up with others who do it, it will have wonderful benefits, including socialization for YOU. Lots of community organizations, like libraries, hospitals, etc host meditation groups. You'd be amazed at how many of "us" are out there. Connect with others in a way that does not make your "caregiver" role define you totally - even if it what initially compels you to seek it out. Some days, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm sure some of you feel the same way. But these are a few simple ideas I've found that help me. Sometimes, change/coping doesn't have to be radical...just helpful.With you all in the struggle xoxoxo