Hi All,
I'm glad I found this site!!! I've read some of the postings and (WOW)you start to wonder if things will ever get better. My mom is driving me crazy. I find I spend less and less time trying to have a conversation with her...it's too much work! And then I think to myself when she's gone that chance will be gone forever, so I try, it's very hard but I'm trying. I finally joined a local support group in my area...it's the best thing I've ever done. I have four siblings but I'm carrying the full load. I'm her primary caregiver, which I say she treats me one step above a slave...I don't even smile around her anymore, just taking one order after another. I find myself telling her the kitchen's closed! This isn't the Ritz! I will go to my second caregiver meeting on Tuesday...I can't wait! I need to breath, I need to be around other people. I seem to dream about just having one day to myself, one day to do absolutely nothing!
Good...what better hands to be in! Sometimes I think about my siblings and wonder what's going on in their heads! Obviously nothing, just air floating around in it!!! Or we would not be carrying the full load!
Lots of hugs!!!
-jazzy
I understand about the sibiling stuff. My bro is the same when something goes down who do they call me.Why, I will never know. Mom, barely pulled out of this last bout and he is still in denial mom is invisiable. yeah right!Then she controls him and tells him I can't stay in his house after she kicked me out her and told me to go home. I had to rent a condo for three days to get the doc note prooving what the doc said. Wait til he comes to pick up his daughter for spring break he will find out where he can't stay and that's with me. What comes around goes around don't you think. Believe me your sister will get her due.God doesn't like us not working together. Hold on girlfriend and when you go out have continie to have fun no matter what you need it. We all do. However I am not sure drinking will help it may hinder it. Find some good friends and go to a chick flick.Least it will not hurt so bad the next day.
You can spill on me anytime.
M.
It looks to me that your hands are tide...if she (your mom) wants to live the way she is, there is nothing you can do. So just enjoy life!!! I would plan even more fun things to do for myself if I were you!!! Realize dear you can only do what you can do and "no more". I'm trapped in the house with my mom almost 24/7 but an occassional trip the the store "how exciting" I wish I had the freedom that you have!!! I finally had a caregiver for 4 hours on Saturday...I had a couple of drinks and danced the night away!!! I had a blast! I know when I get a little freedom I spoil myself, because who else is going to? My sister showed up Saturday...first time in 3 months and tried to give me the third degree, asking questions about the caregiver...if she had a background check etc. The nerve of these people blow in with the wind and act like they care really pisses me off!!! If I knew my sister was coming I wouldn't have scheduled a caregiver--I could have saved those hours! But she knew I would leave the house and she would be stuck at the house for just a few hours...try 3 months, the nerve of her!!! Oh...I could go on but I'm going to spare you all!!!
Hugs!!!
Jazzy
Last year i decided to start doing for myself... i didn't accomplish the task very well... but this year i have had to take the risk of hurting his feelings or calling him on his menipulation tatics... it is hard... some times i feel guility for a few days after saying no... but it has been two months now and i am finally feeling like me again... i have been doing this for 6 years now... dealing with death or dying loved ones, i forgot what being happy was like... i have been told this taking care of me..will take some time and i have to conciously beaware of the pitfalls... when i fall... to get back up and correct my weaknesses... i don't know if this helps... but when i started going out i would let his calls go to voicemail... i can check that and determine if i needed to speak with him on my time... it is hard but it helps... now that i am not jumping everytime he thinks i need to... we both are getting along a little better and i am not angry or frustrated all the time now... in taking care of myself... my siblings have had to step up a little... i had to verbally enforce that this year i was going to start living my life, so they may need to fill in...that helps too...Good luck to you...
Sunflower, sounds like you and your husband could use more respite or a little talk. Bless you for caring for your MIL. You are a hero. How about a night out with your girl friends for a coffee or movie? Let hubby fulfill HIS promise. The more he does, the more he'll appreciate you, perhaps (that is the hope). Tell him you need the same consideration you give him, then do something nice for yourself, like shopping or a movie, or a support group. Do you have to be there when PT and OT are there? Take a walk, etc. And know you're not alone
I meant to say of course she is not my grandmother
Revised to what I was thinking.
Her mother was not as hard and when I mentioned her she said well I let my mom be and live by herself up til she died of course. But of course my grandmother isn't my mother is she I thought
I don't know what to do ? I have checked into a few things and asked question. My brother is special needs also and may not know what to do?He is too a little in denial I beleive. He is some what asperger and Add with Dyslexia.So, he may not know what to do and my mother could also be in control of his feelings and thoughts allot by playing the head games with him she tries with me. I am praying that God will intervine soon and show me some guidance with all this or give me some one that can help.While ,I do research stuff. God sent me home just so I could think and meet you guys and try to figure this all out I believe. Just allot to take on and its not that I don't want to its my hands are tideso I have to figure out how to untie them.
God knows and I am sure he will is in control here and I have to let him Do his work also. One day at a time.
Our pastor said soemthing this morning that really made me think and maybe it will help you guys to think about it also.
We don't get no replays in our lives and we can only do it once. Through grace and faith, and obiendence to him we will will come out smiling but if we let law command our feelings we will be grumpy and unhappy and fighting all the time.Great sermon.
Put allot of prespective on things. So are willing to let God do his work or are we trying to fix things oursleves. Interesting thought.
When we try to help God some time we end up in a whole lot of trouble because we don't let Him be in control. Guys don't forget to let him help also.
Blessings to all,
Mendi
Thanks for the prayers. Oh, by the way guys Push the movie is not any good kinda boring but Take we saw last weekend was really good and keeps you on your toes.Believe it or not one cuss word in Taken. Pretty good little action suspense movie.
I know my boys enjoyed it and hubby.I did to though it was scary to think about.
Have a great Sunday and thanks for the prayers Anne.
May God be with each of you.
M.
I don't know why it is happening to us. I even brrought that up to my mother . Her mother was not as hard and she said well I let my mom be and live by herself up til she dies of course. Although she was having small stroke. She lived by her self til she was 86. But of course my mother isn't my mother and she is an extremely heavy smoker and can collaspe again any day. December tthe 30th she quite breathing at 20% so now you see my worry. Allot of What If's it makes me sick to think about it all.
My brother hasn't even phoned me since I left two weeks ago so I sit here and worry about what to do.
Mendi
It's so sad, and the devastation and loss so great, it makes us hurt.
What are you going to do? ??? I hate being in that spot...not knowing what to do!!!
Have you looked into Assisted living for your mom? As for the car can you take it to the fake shop, pull the distributor cap...something?
Sometimes I think, you know this isn't fair, my mom didn't go through this with her mom. She visited her mom in the nursing home! She did ask my grandmother if she wantd her to take her home and my grandmother said no! So why are we going through this??? What happened that we are suppose to give up our lives when they didn't?! If I mention that I'm tired she starts to cry and says you act like you're tired of taking care of me!
jazzy: and I say, no, I'm just tired.
mom: are you sure?
jazzy: I'm sure, mom!
mom: cause you act like you tired all the time.
jazzy: I am.
mom:(crying).
jazzy:(wanting to scream)...this never ends.......
and so it goes...we'll play the same scene in two days....
Hang in there everybody!!!!
Oh, you guys I am up a creek alright becuase I know if Ignore these problems it will come back to haunt me.The doc did not right or call me back this week. I am getting so tired of the runarounbd and worry.
I am glad I have you guys though you do make me laugh some times.
Jazzy hang in there. Mendi
You're funnnnny!!!
Hey upthecreek,
While I was awarded the grant for inhome care for three months it was discovered they made a mistake, I'm not getting as many hours as I thought. So the Social Worker said to call Faith in Action they have volunteers that will come out and help around the house and respite care. Talking to them was wonderful. They also suggested that I call the County Inhome Support Care and set something up with them. It is also based on your income but it won't be as expensive as the other agencies. Or look for Not-for-profit Health Care Agencies.
Okay all have a great weekend!!!
-Jazzy
utcreek
My mom was orginally in my yougest brother's care and because he became abusive to her verbally and physically, my oldest brother called APS. They asked my mom if she wanted to press charges and she declined. So they told my oldest brother they will help him find a Board and Care Home. To get her out of there "NOW". Once APS gets involved they move fast and you will need to do the same. If you can check out at least 4 Board and Care Homes and Nursing Facilities before you call them. If not they will give you a list and also, they will check on the facilites you find to make sure you loved one is going into a better situation. It moves really fast so you have to be ready and don't look back.
Hey Neon,
How are you doing? Sometimes I think, when is the last time I smiled or did something for fun...will I ever again? And then I remember, take one day at a time!
Do they check ewith their doctors also.
Mendi
Carol
the creek,
you will you seem to have the same sense of humor and a little hutzpah gets you a lot of places.
M.