My brother and sister don't help me take care of my mother. I hate them!

I have to agree with Cindyy, Katiekay and msdaisy. I to was having trouble and almost begging my sister for help I was actually making myself sick. When I realized and got through my head that she was not going to help It did not take long for me to come to terms with it all. At that point I started to calm down, I did however get a chance to tell her exactly how I felt about the situation and I do believe just by telling her how I felt about the whole situation gave me piece of mind, now all I worry about is my mother and making sure that she is happy. Which is a much better feeling. After another round of nasty emails my sister contacted me through text last night, I could tell she had been drinking and all of a sudden she has decided that she will pick up my mom for a couple weeks in April, I found this funny that she chose April, she is quite aware that I have no vacation until July, she said that she realized I need a break, Mom's caregiver is going on Vacation in April and I would have to hire someone else at a lot more money for the week so I have a feeling that is the reason she is coming. she made comments that she had someone to take care of mom and it would cost less when I ask who it was I was told it was not my concern. I told her well yes, I am her caregiver and I want to make sure that your not going to leave her alone again or with someone that is not fit to take care of her. She had the nerve to tell me that this is 50/50 on moms care and it was non of my concern on who she hired??? I still have not got an answer as to who will be taking care of mom so I'm not sure if I will allow her to go. Yes I would like a break for a couple of weeks but I also need to know that she will be well taken care of and with an answer like that and what has happened in the past I'm not so sure, I did not want her removed from my home I don't think its good to move her around I wanted my sister to come here. I have always heard that moving them to a new environment for short period of time will cause them to slip further. Does anyone have advice on that? And Yes, Nononsence100 why are you even on this web site you sound just like my sister always making an excuse or trying to justify yourself, I don't believe anyone on this site is interested in your point of view we are all here to try to help each other and our parents and you just seem to want to argue to make yourself feel better.

I think it's impossible for those who had a good relationship with their parents to truly understand where those of us are coming from, who did NOT have a good or any type of relationship (except an abusive/bad one) with their parents and vice versus. I try and can't imagine what it must have been like to have a daddy who's there for you, loves you, walked down the aisle with you at your wedding and wants to protect you. Or what would it be like to have a mom who would do anything for you, be there for you and help during your wedding or with grandkids or be there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. What was it like having parents that nurtured you, helped teach you things about life, made sure you had the same things other kids had or just plain hugged and kissed you, defended you? I will never know. I never had any of that. To say to someone like 'us' that we will some day have guilt, etc when the parents pass would be true only if we had had the same 'normal' relationships you lucky ones had. I can honestly say I have never suffered one moment of guilt when my father died and that was 15 years ago. My first and only thought was, "well now he can't hurt me anymore". Both my parents deprived me of a normal upbringing and also my kids of normal grandparents. When those of you, lucky enough to have had a good relationship, talk about helping parents and 'paying them back for all the good they did to you during your life', I honestly can not relate to where you're coming from. My type of 'pay back' for everything they did to me would NOT be classed in the same category as yours, at all. I did make an effort to try to assist my mother one more time a few years ago when we moved back after being away for decades, but it was not out of love or appreciation for all she'd done for me. My counselors have attempted to help me deal and cope with all she and my father had done for me, which was plenty and not in a good way. My effort was because I knew it was expected of me and as usual, she didn't want none of it. She informed me my two sibs and their kids were the only ones 'allowed' to help her. As usual my help wasn't good enough nor wanted--like me. I was relieved this time at the latest rejection and have since permanently moved far far away since my sibs are just like her and my dad and rebuffed any attempts at a relationship with me. I feel nothing for any of them--just like they raised me to be.

Julie,

I have been where you are. It's painful....very painful. But I agree with the others that, for your own good, you need to come to terms with the fact that your siblings are not ever going to help....they just aren't. Use your energy to find help elsewhere. I have felt that hatred....it is awful. It eats you alive. It made me so sick. I finally had to make peace with the whole thing to release the hatred. It's not that I think it's okay...but it's too big for me to handle. I have given it to God to handle. Now....I'm not a super religious person...but I believe and I am now asking Him for help. I take comfort in knowing that everything will work out in the end...the final end. No body really gets away with anything. We all have to face our mistakes some day. I think you just keep on doing what you think is right and cut the siblings completely out of your life and thoughts to the extent possible. I recently read a quote that said...."character is doing the right thing when no one is looking" I love that. Just keep having good character. You will be rewarded some day. I wish you all the best! One last piece of advice...don't be afraid to know your limits....you can take care of your mom and still take care of yourself. Only do what you can...respect your limits and except that things won't be perfect.

Wow nononsense...you got some major guilt going on there...really you do. Just the fact you searched out a caregiver support website to come and try to justify your not helping your parents. I hope you are able to deal with your feelings in a more constructive way.

Take care...

Irishboy, he probably had his reasons for not helping. Anyway, stop being so d*m foolish, every situation is different. As for "good homes" as you put it, to the outside world, I too was from a good home. Medaisy, you know absolutely nothing. Are you even capable of thinking out of the box? Clearly NOT. Every situation is different, and my mother does not deserve help. I'm not going to bother entertaining the pair of you nitwits anymore (I will no longer read comments on this post), and if either of you bother to come back in an attempt to engage in a ping-pong of differing opinions, there is something psychologically wrong with the pair of you. Run along now.

Nonsense let me predict your future as I sit here with a shattered heart at the thought of possibly losing the one person in this entire world who has always been there for me and always will. I too have carried the load completely and fully without complaint when it came to taking care of my Mom after her stroke, it was me who was the one constant, the one who is always there often many times at the expense of my family who don't' always have me present. I have one sibling who chooses to let me carry it, did the very bare minimum, and by very bare I mean very bare for whatever their reason. Setting boundaries is one of the many excuses i have been given. Whatever. It means nothing in my heart. It was me who is called in the middle of the night or goes to Dr's appointments or shopping or just comes at the drop of a hat for whatever reason I am always there. I am her constant. While at times it may stress me out beyond what I think is humanly possible and while there may be some days where I feel like I might truly lose my mind I wouldn't change one single thing. Not one. My Mom suffered a fall this weekend that unfortunately has taken a turn for the worse. With my Mom in the ICU my sibling still took two days to come. I was given a few reasons why coming immediately was not an option for my sibling. Whether they were excuses or not I do not care as they are not my problem. What I do know is that she was not there when she was needed (or perhaps needed to be there) most which was when my Mom was conscious. By the time my sibling arrived my Mom was on a ventilator. What I saw today and I what I see for you in your future is GUILT. And that is something all the therapy in the world will never ever be able to erase. I pray you have a change of heart and change it quick way before it's too late. Life can end at the turn of a dime and let me tell you while I sit here praying for a miracle, bartering every single thing I can think of with God to spare my Mom and bring her back I know at the end of the day I do everything in my power to do right by my Mom. I have ZERO guilt. Can't say the same for my sibling and while it should anger me it doesn't. I don't like to see anyone in pain, today, sadly, I saw it big time. I truly hope you find a better attitude of gratitude for the woman who gave nine months of her life carrying you and nurturing you into this world regardless of how your relationship was over the years.You were given a life by someone who had to love you at some point. as she labored you. What matters in the end is that you do right by your family. You have a chance to make a difference and start new and have a better relationship no matter what your age or past history. Don't' be a fool and waste it. The joke will be on you in the end with eternal guilt and regrets. I guaranty it because today I saw firsthand what guilt looked like on a body and it wasn't pretty. Don't waste your chance to change this around. Just my opinion.

Nonsense, that is a good name for you. Maybe you peed on the couch and that is why they wanted you off it, like Poppy in "Seinfeld".

As Carla just said most who post on here come from decent homes where siblings were treated the same. In my case you couldn't have asked for better parents, yet my brother did nothing to help. I knew I would be the caregiver, but he never called, when he came to visit he used the house as a hotel, taking off in his rental car. Never once said to me "how are you doing?", "can I help with anything", nothing.

High horse? How about "work horse", unless you have done "hands on" caregiving and you haven't, keep your mouth shut.

Maybe you should go on "Dr. Phil"?

Nononsense - You obviously have a lot of bitterness towards your mother and your brother, and from your perspective it's justified. Most of us are not in that type of situation - we're in the situation where the parent treated the children more or less the same but some are opting out and letting the whole burden fall on others. (And attempting to justify it by blaming or demonizing the responsible sibling(s).) Whether or not the parent deserves your help, if they need help and you leave the whole burden on your sibling(s), they're going to be unhappy with you, and justifiably so. You may think it's entirely fair by you can't expect the responsible sibling to feel the same way. It's not about being on a high horse or even being judgmental. It's about feeling like you've been left in the lurch (or thrown to the wolves, or hung out to dry) by the other siblings. Nobody likes that, and you can't expect them to, regardless of how much you resent your parent or how justified you believe your feelings are.

Most of you should get off your high horses. I for one, WILL NOT be helping my mother if she needs it. I was physically abused and criticized by her as a child and I'm still made to feel like a nobody in her company sometimes. She treated my younger brother differently however. The pair of them turned on me recently in my mother's house (he still lives at home), and my brother tried to forcibly remove me from the couch. My mother claimed that I deserved it. I know for a fact that my brother will expect me to look after her if she needs it. He'll be in for a shock. She might have to sell her home, he's probably worried about the inheritance.

We have a lot of justified anger regarding siblings that refuse to help us with caregiving for our elderly folks. I am referring to no-help siblings that live in the area and clearly have the time. Some no-help siblings "talk the talk, but don't walk the walk", and unfortunately, in my opinion, there is a 100% chance that the no-help siblings will come out of the woodwork when they feel it can benefit THEM, in other words, when it is time to collect the inheritance.

I stopped communicating updates with my unhelpful siblings. Then I got flack at Christmas time when they found out my Mom was being moved. I didn't call or e-mail cause I never get a response back so whats the point.

I think as someone once said on here your siblings who don't help resent the one that does cause they know they are in the wrong.

One thing that has been bothering me and I know I'm probably being petty is the fact that my Mom always gushes when my brother visits her. I was within earshot one day and I heard her say to him "your the best thing that ever happened to me" I couldn't help feeling hurt seeing as before my mom went into the nursing home he did basically nil to help. I know moms have their favorites irregardless of who does what but it still stings a little. (H*ll, who am I kidding, it stings a lot.)

That is annoying countrymouse. I think if they ask you should take them up on it! Of course I am guessing you have and have gotten various excuses. The least they can do is pay for some extra home care for you to have some time off!

My sibs don't even ask what they can do for me... they tell me.. well.. I would help but I don't have any vaca time.. or I have this and that coming up..etc. etc. Sometimes I just want them to at the minimum take an interest.. call them, call me.. care. They might for a day or 2 after I bring it up.. but then they get tired of hearing about it .. they say .. well... gotta go I'm meeting friends for dinner , (my brother actually said that to me in my last conversation).. then they go back to avoiding my calls and texts.

I also get the "keep me informed".. my moms younger sister says that all the time.. I guess that makes her feel as if she is helping without actually doing anything.. but I should send her updates to "keep her informed".

I know.. I shouldn't let this upset me but I have yet to rise above it.

My parents were 62, not 52, when I graduated from HS. Sorry, math error. One thing else that might help someone, if elderly is either us veteran or surviving spouse of us veteran who served in war or combat zone, and you can prove that, there are some funds available for help when they need constant care. You would need to go to the veterans affairs website to get my nformation on how to apply. I do wish I had known that way back in the day.

I had an idea last night. For those whose sibs aren't doing anything, if you keep receipts for anything you have paid, keep receipts of unpaid leave or leave you had to use, for hours and hours of work make a log.

You might check into your state laws, because when parent dies, you might be able to put claim in against estate, which could be paid along with other lienholders to the estate. Except for life insurance, liens against estate are paid before heirs. Some have even had to lose trust fund interest to pay for these.

And for those whose parents are still alive, if your parent is legally able and willing to sign contract or receipt for what you do, it will have even more validity. Just a thought. Consult with family law advisors, I am not a lawyer.

Irishboy, while our circumstances are very different, at first I was hurt when they cut contact. And what they claimed about me doing nothing was absolutely not true. But after about 4 years past moms death, and of no further contact, I became glad. The sibs were now hitting up other family, like cousins, for the money they used to get from mom. One sib was even trying to pinch other sibs kids. The few cousins I did stay in contact with expressed surprise, wondering if this was new behavior. Nope, same behavior, different tag victims. Cousins have asked me to reesatblish contact with sibs, but this is just so they themselves aren't being hit up. Nope.

Now, I am very peaceful that they are gone. I have found wonderful friends who have sort of adopted me as honorary family, and I know longer have to deal with gaming and scheming.

Your brother will come to eventually regret this choice. He will remember the relationship you once had. But you may have moved on, with peace in your heart and mind. Then it will be up to you.

The one that makes me clench my teeth is the meaningless offer: "let me know if I can do anything to help." Like? Are they actually volunteering to get over here, take unpaid leave and spend up to eighteen hours a day changing pads and spoon-feeding? No. Didn't think so. They trot out that phrase without having the first idea of what's involved. It's not evil, obviously, but it is really, really annoying.

Well you can't ask for siblings input when they don't even bother to call. Never offer any help, never ask "how are you doing", "is there something I can do to help you".

In most cases you can stand on your head and ask for help or some input, and you get nothing but excuses.

I also don't understand why sibs wouldn't want to pull together. No matter what. Sorry I seemed to have taken this on a meandering path. wish we could choose our family and siblings. Hugs to all.

Sorry about the unreadable part. It just started streaming out of me and I couldn't seem to stop. But point I meant to make was that sometimes sibs try to make all the choices for another sib, then get mad when they don't just do what someone else chose for them. My parents were older when I was born. Sibs 7 and 8 years older than me. Parents were 52 when I graduated HS at 17.

my sibs chose for me to have to quit work, chose for me to do what they decided i should do. I just wonder if other sibs try that. Instead of jointly making decisions, then just get mad when other sib doesn't do as they are directed?

I do realize that abusive just makes you want to run away. Made me feel that way. But it is often complicated by wanting to love them, just wishing they would just stop the drinking and drugs and abuse. Hard for me to explain. But, sorry, maybe I don't know why anyone would not want to help parents, even abusive ones, just want adequate boundaries up to prevent recurrence of abuse. Help from distance is sometimes better than no help?

Twizard, I am very sorry if you grew up in an abusive home.

But ONCE AGAIN, most on here are talking about loving parents who provided a good home. Siblings who were treated the same and treated well.

So you're talking apples and oranges. If I grew up in a bad environment I wouldn't want to help my parents either. In fact logically if it was that bad the adult child/children would be estranged from the parents most likely. Most parents don't start needing help until their children are in their 40s/50s, so there should be years of no contact. If someone physically abused me, I wouldn't feel obligated to help them either.

But that is not the case for most of us.

BTW, you need to learn to insert paragraphs more, your post is almost unreadable.

Just wanted to add, mom gone 14 years now, and no contact with sibs, bu there choice. They had a funeral, and one has urn with my name and something in it, probably dead pet ashes. Neither will tolerate anyone speaking my name. One cousin who knows the truth told me about the funeral, when I called a few days afterward. Cousin had really thought I died, I nearly frightened her out of her wits, calling like that. I have a good relationship with their kids, and their kids kids. But, they don't tell their moms that it is me that made the quilts or stockings, etc. I am often glad the sibs are out of my life, but ask me when I am 75 if I still feel that way. I am certain they feel justified.

But for those whose sibs really did nothing to help, I can empathize with you. I did know what that felt like, too. It is hard. Both sibs spent their entire life needing a handout from parents. I probably narrowly escaped the fate of having to take on that role. But, like castle said, roles are set in dysfunctional families. It's hard to break away from them,

I know I am going to get hammered for this, especially by irishboy. But sometimes, in some people's circumstances, things aren't always the way one person sees them. It is sad when sibs do nothing to help. But there may be circumstances. I am hammered and hated by my family. Had two Dr Jekyll mr Hyde abusive parents with a lot of drugs, alcohol, and beatings, peppered with moments of sobriety and love. As castle said, in those families, roles get assigned and behavior patterns set in concrete. I was the youngest, grew up dirt poor because of the money spent on alcohol for dad and both OTC and prescription drugs for mom. My sibs couldn't wait to move away and "get a life". They both moved away right out of high school. none of us were treated wonderfully, but we're treated very differently. I stuck close by, and saw mom and dad through tough times. Dad died of cancer 14 years after high school graduation. My sibs came back for visit at deathbed. Then flew off again to life. I stuck around and tried to help mom. Mom got 6 cats and two dogs, living indoors. Yech. I couldn't keep that house clean. House out in nomansland, literally, tiny trailer on tiny lot 30 miles from nearest convenience store, with about 60 other trailers, in ugly desert village. I moved to nearest town (not city) to keep sanity. Came out couple times a week and every weekend. Sibs visit occasionally. Finally, mom was getting where she needed someone to live with. Could she live with me? Yes, but not 6 cats and 2 dogs. Pick ONE. Got into fight with her, sibs, and two cousins, none of which were helping. One sib came back to state, refused to live in area, moved to city to still have life. Mom refused to move, insisted I move back in. No. Finally she became convinced she could not live there alone. She and cousins chose for her to move to Sacramento. Goes off. I find job near college, save up money and get scholarship. Am now 35. Quit job and go to school. 2 years into school, mom, sibs, and cousins call me. Can mom come live with me? I figure I will have to quit school and get job. But no cats and dog. She has one dog and 7 cats. And dementia setting in hard. She had shown short term memory loss, but not dementia before.

Get into big fight with 4 cousins and both sibs. How dare I? Those animals mean a lot to mom. NO. Middle sib decides mom will live with her. I get degree and start work as engineer. Finally a real career. And no one ever helped me. I bought mom car, paid it off, paid for house repairs and medicines, and sometimes food and other needs. She had spouse ss.

Sib calls me two years later. She can't take it. Did I know mom had mean streak? Didn't she know that? We grew up in same abusive house. She wants me to quit job, come live with her as unpaid caregiver and housekeeper. She will support me. Does that include my student loans? My bills? No, just room/board. Rest is my problem, but I am to be full time caregiver and housekeeper. And by the way, still have 7 cats, all locked in moms bedroom. Plus sib has dog and cat and 2 kids. NO.

Will help pay for help. Will help pay for NH. will move closer to help. Will support her and her kids while she is caregiver. Nothing would do but doing it her way. Had to be me quit job. Had to be me full time housekeeper and caregiver. Didn't I love them? Didn't I know my duty? How could I be that selfish? Raging and screaming abusive phone calls from sibs and cousins.
Finally considered NH. Mom incontinent, mean, and mobile. Wanted me to fly out to help find home. Fly out on only vacation I had in 4 years, to help. LOL, joke on me. Sib had decided I could also stay in mom room with pets, scrub her house, and BTW, don't own mop, scrub floors on hands and knees with rags. Mom in hospital. Mom bites me. Sibs get mad because I damn near broke her jaw prying teeth out of arm. Mom looks at me and says, "I wouldn't give a plug nickel for the lot of you." Thanks mom. Luckily hospital staff signed statement on my behalf so sib couldn't call cops on me. We find a home that will take her, and I promise to pay half. Go home from NOTFUN vacation. Oh did I mention that sib borrowed money from me to go on real vacation? Didn't tell me that was what she needed money for. Never paid it back either. I had loaned car that sib destroyed, never paid for. Other sib has needed money constantly over the years. None ever paid back. I go home to job, thinking I will have to quit and move closer. Mom dies. Mom left everything to sib that took care of her, not me. Fine. I have good job. Right after funeral, sibs cut me off, want nothing further to do with this do-nothing sib. Thank you God for that blessing, literally. I now have retirement, will have small house paid for, and planning on fishing far away from sibs. They were gone for years, and at last 5 years, because I wouldn't do exactly what my older sibs thought they had the right to decide how, when, where, I was do-nothing. They did get everything, which I am fine with. I got peace. I got a life.

The point of this rant was to say that sometimes things aren't what they seem. Sorry, did rant, but it actually felt good. My sibs say they had to deal with it all alone. I would not have cared that they didn't help for first 15 years out of high school. I would still have helped. But I had lived with all those animals I the house, and the filth was beyond belief. I had lived with the abuse and nasty comments till I was immune. I had lived with the smoking and drunk people and had not succumbed to the temptations myself, in hopes that I would have a life. But once I had escaped, I just couldn't go back into it, under the only conditions that would have satisfied the family. That would have crushed me. So, for all those who want to blame and bash and hate the do-nothing sib, go ahead. Hate me. I survived. I may spend my golden years alone, without family, with only my friends around me. Sometimes there may be a good reason why. My sibs chose the only way for me to help. There was no other option. And no matter how much someone who wasn't there wants to sling mud, I will always be glad I didn't cave in to the pressure.

But I will also always wish the choices could have been made by all of us way back when, even if all I had left to give was money.

Thezookeeper, that is awful. Your poor mom and you for not getting the break you so badly need. Can you talk to your sister about committing to Sunday dinner? Let her know the impact and stress it causes your mother when they don't show or cancel last minute.

The only "real" help I've had from my sis with POA is that she sends her husband over every Sunday afternoon to pick up mom for their Sunday Family Dinner. But mom can't stand them and was always looking for ways to get out of going. Hey, that was my only time off for a long time, and even though it was only an hour or two, I wanted her to go and even forced her out the door a couple of times! Now, mom gets ready every Sunday morning and sits and waits and waits and waits. But they only show up when they feel like it, and don't let her know in advance if they are coming or not. Yesterday they made a big deal about making sure mom knew they were coming to get her for dinner this afternoon. She stressed out over it most of yesterday afternoon and today, because she thinks they're coming to put her in assisted living. Then at 4pm, 2 hours late, they called to say, "Tell mom we changed our minds and don't have time for her today". So no dinner ready, no food to cook, no caregiving aide today. We're off to see if mom can still handle HomeTown Buffet. She likes it there and can wander around the steam tables and take her time sampling. Mom should have given sis up to be raised by wolves.

First of all, I hate to say this but I can't believe their are so many in my situation. I have been so angry and upset at my sisters behavior. My mother has had alzheimers for about 3 years, we'll I know it's been longer but we caught on about 3 years ago. At first my sister had her and it did not go well, my sister has always been the one that wants to tell everyone how to live, very pushy. I was single working full time with no family in Texas so although I did not want to I agreed it would be best for mom to live in PA where my sister and niece lived, we agreed that a caregiver would be hired to take care of her in the day. We are fortunate that mom does have the funds to be taken care of. We'll my sister refused to hire someone which I believe it comes down to here trying to keep as much of moms money as possible, I found out that she was left alone by herself which was dangerious, at one point she fell know one knows how or why I made arrangements ASAP for her care and moved her in with me. Mom has been with me for 2 years now, although at times I do feel anger she is a pleasure I figured out I'm not angrey with anyone but my sister. When she had mom, I agreed to spend every vacation at my sisters so she could get away and relax. To explain our situation we just got married 9/14 first marriage and I'm in my mid fifths, my husband has a special needs child that lives with us also a pleasure, our house is very small way to small for all of us, although I agreed to spend ALL vacations with mom my sister has failed in 2 years to show up once, I have health issues, I have vitamin deffecencys which is hard to deal with all in itself I have to take weekely shots just for energy, I have a very stressful job on top of it all and now have been diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's so hard seeing your mother loose her memory. I sak my sister to please come for a week every six months to just give us a break and maybe a short honeymoon we were unable to take one, I know I should not have been surprised but I was devastated to here her explain how she could not she was planning a vacation to Florida because she was tired and deserved a break, the email also said that if I even thought about bringing my mom to her house she would just stick her in a home, my mom is not close to being ready for a home. The only thing I can count on her for is monitoring her bank account and making me write down every penny that is spent I have NEVER taken a dime off my mom or ask for help, she only pays for a few personal items and a weekly hair appt. I'm just so discussed at her behavior. Thank you for listening.

siblings who don't help or provide moral support ------ SUCK.

Maybe I did misunderstand irishboy. I'm having a bad day.

Gershun, I think you misunderstood my comments. I knew I would be the one who did the caregiving. My issue is my brother when he would come to visit, didn't even spend time with my parents. He used the house like a hotel.

When our father was dying, he didn't come down, but came down the day after and made my life hell. He was transparent that it was all about his cut.

I'm talking about my own situation, however it is quite common in situations like this that once the parents are gone there is no contact.

Irishboy just cause someone doesn't care for their parent fulltime does not mean it isn't equally hard for them and if someone wants to still love their sibling that did not help thats their perogative. Please don't come down on people who still want to have a relationship with their siblings.

Before my mother went into a nursing home no one helped me and yes I've been bitter and angry about it but at the same time holding all that anger inside isn't hurting them at all. What it does is hurt me. So now I don't forgive them for not helping but I'm not going to carry hate in my heart for them either.

Irishboy, I'm glad your dad was able to tell you how much he appreciated your efforts. Makes a world of difference. My mom has dementia so she doesn't really talk, but I know she feels "safe" when I'm around as I take care of everything. My dad has tells me he knows they wouldn't be able to stay at home without my help. I know the Will divides everything evenly among all the children (I was with my dad at the attorney's office) although he says how some of the kids shouldn't get anything. As my supportive husband often reminds me that god forbid when something happens to them I know I have done everything in my power to help, including leaving a career I love. I'm not perfect and I do get frustrated at times, but I go back the next day. They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I also think we need to make smart decisions about our own health too. All caregivers, take care!