Support Group for Caregivers:

Oftentimes, prayer is the only way to get through the day.
Without turning this support group into a "religious" discussion,
can we pray for others here, as a group?
People can pray for the group participants, or by request.

I am going to pray for everyone who gets a bit unsettled during the few days prior to the full moon, things seem worse for them at those times, reason is unknown, but is observed by many to be true. One can do their own full moon studies and observations. Don't go by what I think.

Support others by praying.

Send- Prayer is key in day to day survival.
I pray for you all daily, and will continue.
There is nothing wrong with being religious or having faith.
Those that aren't or don't,have that right as well.

I believe we can support one another best by lifting each other up to God for help through our struggles.

IMHO🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Patience does not come easy to me if I haven't been taking care of myself, so I try to stop when I recognize it and do what I need (like eat, or nap).  However I do not pray for patience.  A friend of mine did, so God sent him lots of situations in which he could practice patience!

Thanks everyone.  I do read this, even when I don't write.

Shell,

My mom is super impatient! The nurse at mom’s doctor asked if I want to be cloned so I can do two things at once for mom! Hahaha

I love her nurse. Mom can’t get used to a male nurse. It’s so funny!

Being "in the world but not of the world" is how we live, if we know Him. I often feel that displacement, (in jobs especially, but even in family.)
Most frustrating is that I see our country's faith being so diluted. Would love to see my nation worship Him the way they do their celebrities, or money. Wishing everyone could know Him...[Romans 12:2
"Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, acceptable, & perfect will of God". 🌈

Tiger- A Big Amen to that.

GrannieAnnie,
LOL! I don't pray for patience either. That would be the one prayer I would not want God answer.

A wise old woman once told me to never pray for patience. She said God would send me trials to test my patience. I quickly told her that I was never going to pray for patience again. She told me to pray for wisdom. Smart advice.

My 'vacation' nearly got derailed on the first travel day.  I was nervous, didn't sleep well, and nodded off while driving to the bus station.  Oncoming vehicle and one behind me gave me lots of space (yes, I only drifted over center line and came back to).  I stopped for coffee, but it did not help, so I parked and slept, then returned home.  The plane had not left yet, so I rescheduled for next day, and paid the extra.  At age 72 I swallowed my pride and got a ride to the bus (an hour away) which took me to Boston for the flight.  Got a wheelchair and taken to gate (good thing! The whole airport has been enlarged and rearranged).  Son and Daughter-in-law picked me up, and all went very well after that.

Having time away from seeing all the unfinished work at home, and trying to be upbeat for husband, was a wonderful way to rejuvenate.  My kids asked me about my own aging plans, so I'm starting to firm them up.

GrannieAnnie, so glad it turned out well for u on vaca. (Lots of good choices you made to keep urself safe!) I enjoyed reading your post, (you have a flair for storytelling, did you ever want to be a writer?) 🌈

Thanks Tiger.  Yes at one time.

GrannieAnnie, your heart has a gift for storytelling in it... (or writing of some sort). I hope you go for it! (If I may guess: mystery writing?). Magazines run short stories... So send them one or two! Tell us how it goes:)🐅

It took me awhile to accept this tidbit of wisdom, but once I did it was like having a weight lifted from my shoulders

you must not deny yourself the right to do the things that bring you joy.

Great 'tidbit' thanks caring4ken...'you must not deny yourself the right to do the things that bring you joy.' Wow, (How long will it take 4that to sink in?) It seems too good 2 be true, but will get my 'sticky note' up tonight! 😳

We must not deny ourselves the right to do the things that bring you joy!

Has anyone had online therapy? I did once, but it was group style & therefore a useless mess. (Format was so disorganized).
Anyway, what about individual online therapy? I'm considering that for the winter months, cuz I'm inside more, & worry I'll feel crazy. It's my first winter with no caregiving, & now no job.
(Cannot face any more SSRIs, either).
So, has anyone had online therapy? (What kind of therapist)?
Thank you, tiger.

I tried to be in a caregivers support group in our little village. There are 2 men there who are not caregivers. They are on the lookout for rich widows. I won't go anymore.

Tiger, my first winter without caregiving also.  Well, except for all the aging stuff and restrictions we are dealing with.  More time inside.  I did phone therapy once, which was fine with me, but not my therapist who likes to read body language.  Never thought of it as a regular thing.  Let me know if you find out.
We've been doing wishful dreaming again about traveling, anywhere without ice underfoot. Or any kind of bad weather.  Maybe we need a Tardis complete with food and comfy bed, to travel the universe with a crazy Timelord. 

GrannieAnnie:) it's a good start, 2daydream about your traveling... cuz it revs up your motivation & will help u get to the planning stage! (If you feel like u & hubby are well enuff to go on the trip, ...go4it!) Many of my neighbors go south for winter months, cuz it can be gruelling here.
I hope it works out 4u, keep us posted😳.

Love.
Love and support for all who have come by here.

Just a sharing group, you don't need to have everything right yet.
You don't need to mentor others.
Just showing up is so great!

h e l l o

Durn auto correct!
Here I am, trying to address this to: t e v I n c o l o r a d o.
The auto correct just inserts reconciliation, over and over again.

There are a few like that in many support groups. I understand how you would not feel good about going back.

The group moderators should have taken care of that long before you attended, imo. That is why you won't go back, because you cannot trust them.
Funny thing, when I do not go back to a group, the group loses two people.
The offending party must leave, and me, I choose to leave.

"How to change negative thoughts into positive."  I know the more I actually do it, the easier it becomes, unless there is an unacknowledged issue going on.  My DH would sometimes say, What's REALLY going on?

On Fri. I took my DH to the cancer clinic for his once-a-month blood test and maybe treatment to raise blood count.  He can no longer drive distances, and this trip is over an hour.  Usually the traffic is light for the first half, and we can make good time.  Not this time!  Ten minutes into the trip we came up on a slow below speed limit car that was weaving over center line.  I dared not pass, and dropped back for when he'd hit a tree or oncoming car.  Somehow he made it nearly 20 miles to a driveway, and we took off.  A few miles later we came up on road construction and one-lane waits.   Then another very slow old lady.  Too much traffic by then to pass, so I resigned to go slow again.  I chuckled as I decided maybe God gave us the job of following to save them from being rear-ended.  Then I thought, What's my lesson here?  Oh, a lesson in patience!  With that realization the slow car immediately turned left, and we made it without being late.  Coincidence?

Grannie Annie- you are right practice makes better, especially in patience.
No coincidence, a happenstance :)

During a panic attack, you may have a feeling of intense fear or terror, trouble breathing, chest pain or tightness, heartbeat changes, dizziness, sweating, and shaking. A panic attack starts suddenly and usually lasts from 5 to 20 minutes but may last even longer. You have the most anxiety about 10 minutes after the attack starts. An attack can begin with a stressful event, or it can happen without a cause.
Although panic attacks can cause scary symptoms, you can learn to manage them with self-care, counseling, and medicine.
Follow-up care is a key part of your treatment and safety. Be sure to make and go to all appointments, and call your doctor if you are having problems. It's also a good idea to know your test results and keep a list of the medicines you take.
How can you care for yourself at home?
Take your medicine exactly as directed. Call your doctor if you think you are having a problem with your medicine.
Go to your counseling sessions and follow-up appointments.
Recognize and accept your anxiety. Then, when you are in a situation that makes you anxious, say to yourself, "This is not an emergency. I feel uncomfortable, but I am not in danger. I can keep going even if I feel anxious."
Be kind to your body:
Relieve tension with exercise or a massage.
Get enough rest.
Avoid alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and illegal drugs. They can increase your anxiety level, cause sleep problems, or trigger a panic attack.
Learn and do relaxation techniques. See below for more about these techniques.
Engage your mind. Get out and do something you enjoy. Go to a funny movie, or take a walk or hike. Plan your day. Having too much or too little to do can make you anxious.
Keep a record of your symptoms. Discuss your fears with a good friend or family member, or join a support group for people with similar problems. Talking to others sometimes relieves stress.
Get involved in social groups, or volunteer to help others. Being alone sometimes makes things seem worse than they are.
Get at least 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week to relieve stress. Walking is a good choice. You also may want to do other activities, such as running, swimming, cycling, or playing tennis or team sports.
Relaxation techniques
Do relaxation exercises for 10 to 20 minutes a day. You can play soothing, relaxing music while you do them, if you wish.
Tell others in your house that you are going to do your relaxation exercises. Ask them not to disturb you.
Find a comfortable place, away from all distractions and noise.
Lie down on your back, or sit with your back straight.
Focus on your breathing. Make it slow and steady.
Breathe in through your nose. Breathe out through either your nose or mouth.
Breathe deeply, filling up the area between your navel and your rib cage. Breathe so that your belly goes up and down.
Do not hold your breath.
Breathe like this for 5 to 10 minutes. Notice the feeling of calmness throughout your whole body.
As you continue to breathe slowly and deeply, relax by doing the following for another 5 to 10 minutes:
Tighten and relax each muscle group in your body. You can begin at your toes and work your way up to your head.
Imagine your muscle groups relaxing and becoming heavy.
Empty your mind of all thoughts.
Let yourself relax more and more deeply.
Become aware of the state of calmness that surrounds you.
When your relaxation time is over, you can bring yourself back to alertness by moving your fingers and toes and then your hands and feet and then stretching and moving your entire body. Sometimes people fall asleep during relaxation, but they usually wake up shortly afterward.
Always give yourself time to return to full alertness before you drive a car or do anything that might cause an accident if you are not fully alert. Never play a relaxation tape while driving a car.
When should you call for help?

Call 911 anytime you think you may need emergency care. For example, call if:
You feel you cannot stop from hurting yourself .

Sendhelp - Excellent! Thanks. I had my first panic attack at least a month after hsuband #1 died. No idea what it was, till someone in my bereavement group described hers, and she went to ER thinking heart attack! Follow up was necessary. The trauma and exhaustion of his care and death caused a number of new physical changes.

Heart troubles can so closely mimic stress and panic attacks that it is always wise to get checked out, especially since so many women die because they don't take their symptoms seriously.

Saying goodbye to Grannie Annie, who is leaving us.

I think we all need the wisdom of people over 65,
And people over 70,
And people over 80, 90 too!

How else will the young whippersnappers learn to be respectful, polite, kind, and use their brains for good thoughts?

No offense meant to anyone, of any age.

Hi. I am new here. I am a very reluctant caregiver. My Mom is almost 96, my sisters and I are in our late '60's and '70's. Mom ought to be in some kind of residential care as she has little mobility, can't see well, won't wear her hearing aids, doesn't eat properly, falls a lot, etc. However, she simply refuses to consider it.
My 3 sisters and I take her shopping, pushing her around in a lightweight transport chair in spite of the fact that we have artificial joints, multiple spinal surgeries and arthritis of various sorts.
One bright spot is that, with 4 of us, we each get a little time for ourselves and our own families. I take a lot of pleasure in taking care of my gardens when I get the opportunity. I would love it if I could spend a couple of hours out in my gardens every day, but I have too many other responsibilities for that.
I keep wondering what happened to that nice retirement I saved for: time for hobbies, reading, taking tea on the porch. Perhaps I should have spent the money on wild living and died young?

LittleOrchid, this too shall pass. Hopefully you will still be healthy enough to enjoy the retirement you planned after your care giving duties are completed. Until then, I would encourage you to take "mini-vacations". Anything from attending a garden show to a couple of days in a local luxury hotel can be an experience to enjoy. One of my favorites is checking into a hotel with a in room whirlpool tub and several nice restaurants in walking distance. I sleep, take a walk through the historic district to a enjoy a good meal, soak in the tub with a book in my hand or read on the room's balcony. I may not travel very far in physical distance but the trip in my world view is very satisfying.

Hi Little Orchid!
The caregiver's work is such that most are reluctant, if not very reluctant, but we power on through it with the support of others here in this community.
That is not to say we should be hurting ourselves. Often, there are other choices that can be found to protect ourselves.