notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I am also disgusted but very intrigued by the mould-psych connection you mentioned! Excellent bedtime reading 😄
My manager said the coworker told her to tell me that I should talk directly to the coworker if I have a problem with her, instead of talking to others about her.
The coworker could talk to me anytime. She knows that.
The whole thing is silly; the coworker told the manager that I was talking to others about her behind her back to deflect the fact that she stole money from me a few years ago, and I caught her. I have been extremely civil with her since, even when she's been hateful to me, and I've long gotten over the betrayal I felt. She was a good friend. She's also BPD. So, I get it that she has some issues. All she ever needed to do was apologize and own up to what she did wrong. She has refused to do that, and years later, she is still trying to frame her wrongdoing as me being the wrongdoer.
I'm living rent-free in her head even years after this happened, all because she will not take accountability for her behavior.
She got the manager to fall for her sob story. After my initial confusion and arguing my innocence to my manager, I've just had to roll my eyes and move on.
I also tried to educate via online and in person for a time, after I learned about the connection between Stachybotrys/black mold and the onset of panic disorder. It wasn't just that I started having panic attacks--I had a metallic taste in my mouth, and my body odor was noticeably different. It wasn't only new psychiatric symptoms I was experiencing, and I was trying to tell my doctors something more was wrong, but they didn't know what to do with me. My symptoms didn't fit anything except psych/panic symptoms. A general symptom of panic attacks is that one feels like they're in great distress or dying, so there's this circular reasoning there: "Doc, I think I'm really sick." "Of course you do, Ali; you're having panic."
If your ailment doesn't fit the range of what they're testing for, you're really SOL. I've shared my thoughts about the shortcomings of psychiatry with you before. I know it helps a lot of people, including me, but they don't quantitatively diagnose most (any?) of the mental health issues they diagnose and then treat, and they throw powerful brain-altering meds at them and cross their fingers. I know psychiatrists do more than that, but I'm just saying... it's too close of a description, imho, to what they do.
I always say that if I have more health/mental health problems, I just want them to be of the common variety. At least then, med pros know what to tell you.
Just wanted to say I'm happy you've turned a big corner on this and that you're trying to make something positive out of it. Move forward and put this behind you as fast as you can.
either by narcs…
bad people in general…
or other things in life…
keep getting up.
we’re all facing difficult things on this forum, some of us much worse than others.
keep getting up.
solve 1 thing at a time.
they want to knock you down and keep you down. some of them even delight in seeing you doing so badly.
the more upset you are…the more you’re suffering, frustrated, overwhelmed…
the happier they are.
what they’re doing against you, is no accident.
your failure and destruction makes them incredibly happy.
in german, it’s called Schadenfreude.
know your “enemy”. know what they’re trying to do against you, so you know what you’re up against.
don’t let them win.
🍀🍀🍀🍀🌸🌸🌸🌸
I was told by a therapist years ago , that much of the drama in are life is drama that we caused.
So when things are not going well, I try to think, how did I cause this drama and how can I get myself away from the drama.
Congratulations, You have done the first steps in eliminating that drama.
Just be polite, be brief, and move away more and more from this gang. Mark chose and he is with them now. They will likely be fine. Like I said, not your circus, not your monkeys. Just ignore them. When things get nasty on the phone just say "Whoops, gotta run. Sorry. Talk another day."
You know where the calls are coming from. Accept on a week and move on.
You know who you are. Don’t ever allow anyone else’s actions to devalue your opinion of yourself.
You have been through so much. Take time to heal from all of this.
Wishing you well.
Well, Dustin has been nasty as heck to me since I rejected him (he was making sexual advances towards me. First of all, ew, second of all, ew. I am still legally married and that was my late stepdaughter's boyfriend! I am not the least bit interested as the guy is also a major pot head). Robert loves to treat me like I'm stupid and says I am an "airhead" and keeps reminding me how I owe him because he lost his job helping me. I paid for the trailer to get the rest of Mark's stuff from the house and the toll tag tickets, I don't feel I owe him any more.
They seem to be figuring out what I new for years . Lol
I saw my therapist and my psych on Monday.
I wasn't expecting what my psych said. She's known me from about 2005 on with my leaving for a year and a half before I returned. She said that those Narcolepsy meds that I sent her information on are the big guns for when nothing else works and they are not used as much anymore with the newer meds which have fewer complications.
Then, she said this bombshell statement. I am starting to question if narcolepsy has not been your real problem all along beneath the diagnosis of depression which may not be there and bipolar although I do see some mood swings.
She said this independently without knowing I was already thinking in this direction.
Thanks for your support!
The weather here is cool at night and warm during the day.
The sleep doctor that I had for my sleep apnea has now handed me over to their sleep specialist. I need a better medicine to get a good night's sleep and a stronger dose or another one to make me more alert during the day. I slept about 3 hours last night and was droggy all day long. This has got to end.
I think it's interesting how much family dynamics really come into play when you have a critically ill LO. I am just beginning to see a lot of things I should have. On Mark's side of the family, his niece did have to take care of his sister after her cancer advanced to the point it was in her brain. His niece also had to place her father in a care facility for a couple years. I think she would sympathize most out of most of his family. It's been a rough year for me losing my stepdaughter (she was 31) then my Peke (17 years old), and then all this came up with Mark.
So many beging with "am I the only one". I too thought I was the only one struggling with caregiving. The only one caregiving someone that has mistreated us in one way or another, in the past.
I felt so alone the last year, couldnt talk to my brothers, they don't care.
I told a long time friend that new my childhood, told her I'm having a difficult time handling taking care of mom, with the resentment inside me. She said, " well your just going to have to get over it".
Othere friends would just give me a look if I complained. One told me, ya just do what you have to do. Another told me to take her out to lunch more. Husband understandably wanted me to do less. But if I didn't go to moms , then I couldn't sleep, because I new she was annoyed with me. The look of horror on peoples face if I mentioned a facility, or if I said, shes not living with me and I'm not moving in with her. I felt so alone.
I feel like this is my "ME TOO" moment
I've got more work to do on myself, but you all through me a 🛟 and I grabbed it. So thank you!!!
but I don’t care.
i'm glad you stand up for your friends!
i also looked up tom cruise's description of his father. seems he had an abusive father.
tom cruise:
...a "bully", and a "coward" who beat his children.
..."[My father] was the kind of person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you. It was a great lesson in my life—how he'd lull you in, make you feel safe and then, bang! For me, it was like, 'There's something wrong with this guy. Don't trust him. Be careful around him.'"
i feel this description is true about narcs/bad/abusive people, in general.
"Don't trust him. Be careful around him." --- smart advice.
protect yourselves. don't trust them. if you can, cut contact. if you can't...well,...you're in a very difficult situation, because YOU'RE THEIR TARGET, and they've got many sneaky ways to get at you. when was the last time you were truly happy?
In any case, I strongly believe narcissists know what they're doing. They're not a - victim - of some disorder. If that - particular person - does have a disorder (in addition to being a narcissist), then it's some other mental illness. You know, "doctors" have invented and eliminated mental disorders and mental illnesses for centuries. You don't need to believe everything "doctors" say. I guarantee you, 50 years from now, they'll say "narcissistic disorder" doesn't exist: what we're actually talking about is simply extremely selfish, self-absorbed people.
Before, "hysteria" existed as an illness. Don't believe everything "doctors" say. Use your judgement.
Back to my point, narcissists know what they're doing. You can test it very easily. Insert a WITNESS, whom they care about, whom they don't want to show their true colors to. Narcissists can absolutely control how they behave, and towards whom they behave badly. Narcissists CHOOSE their victim. Narcissists want to DESTROY their victim. Narcissists are often extremely JEALOUS of their victim.
And narcissists often like to - team up - with other narcissists.
Birds of a feather...
If you find yourself in the line of fire, of a team of narcissists, watch your back. Don't trust them. Stay away, if you can.
Narcissists will never give you peace. On the contrary. They'll wage war against you. They won't stop. They're the opposite of peace.
However, I cannot see value in demonising people for their personality traits.
How does a narcisstic personality disorder begin?
Also from the internet;
"Negative childhood experiences. There may be a link between negative childhood experiences. Trauma, rejection, neglect and lack of support during childhood can all contribute to developing narcissistic traits".
Yes it definitely does. Narcissists are definitely evil people.
If you look at their lives SUPERFICIALLY, anyone will think that they get away with everything and leave you in a real war zone.
Truth is however, entirely different:
We normal human beings can enjoy ourselves and have inner happiness without anything special happening. Narcissists FAKE laughter and fake smiles. Always.
Their character is really weak. Unbelievably weak.
Have you ever seen a narcissist in peace? I have never seen one.
There is always a lot of inner frustration. Always. Until they blow up like a volcano. Have you never seen one raging? I have.
All their relationships with other human beings are always superficial and always fail. Always.
Family members until they learn the lesson all prefer to stay far away from this person.
The minute a real narcissist dies, the persecuted humans feel relief.
They are such negative and panicky people. Drama galore.
And hey, living in habitual sin has serious repercussions. You cannot expect to live decades breaking God’s every rule and not expect consequences. Inside these people is the demonic. That I know for sure. Would you ever want to exchange their inner them with yours? I definitely do not want that.
One of the laws of the universe says, what you throw at the world comes back to you multiplied. And the above is clear evidence that it definitely does precisely that.
I have read your stuff.
Support from your friends on here!
One common definition of depression is anger turned inward.
Sorry that the medical profession has let you down. You have every reason to be angry. And many other reasons too!
My take on medications is that it is: 1) between you and your doctor, and
2) For myself, less is better.
What is the weather like in your area today?
My online narcolepsy group is helping me. I wrote them up a historical context of all of this. I'm sharing it here is case, my story might shed light on someone else's experience.
I have likely given you parts of this already, but here is the whole context in one place as I posted on my support group.
Ok, here is the broader historical context of this.
1. My DNA shows a chance of being a nappier person than 60% of the population which I inherited from my mom who took several naps a day for her entire life which became worse as she got older
2. My professional and personal stress level skyrocketed in 1997 which finally came down in 2005.
3. Early in that period, I put on a good amount of weight which I could not lose despite everything I tried.
4. I was diagnosed with depression in 2002 and with bipolar in 2003. Soon after that, I went on disability and never worked again.
5. I was tested for sleep apnea in the mid-2000s and was diagnosed as such.
6. Somewhere in there I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes which became the actual thing.
7. As time went on, I complained more and more to my psychiatrist about my sleepiness. She tried Nuvigil, and Provigil. For some reason, she started with Ritlin to solve this.
They all failed. Then, she tried an antipsychotic for bipolar depression. It did not work.
8. In 2017 I moved to another city but kept seeing her in person or online. I left her about a year and a half ago to people who kept saying I was depressed and kept throwing one anti-psychotic after another at me which only made my sleepiness worse.
9. In frustration, I reached out to my former psych and she took me back. After trying me on one more anti-psychotic claiming it did not make people sleepy, she stopped in our meeting that day and said, "You are not depressed, you are pissed off. I think you have narcolepsy and must be tested for it.
10. That was October of last year. It took me to January of this year to convince my sleep doctor to have me tested for narcolepsy and diagnosed with it.
So, my conclusion is that things like weight gain, trouble losing weight, the development of diabetes and sleep apnea which are often preceded by weight gain as well as possibly my mental health issues
all somehow or in some way are connected to narcolepsy.
Looking back, I think it has been there or increasing for a long time.
Narcolepsy often develops for some of us later on because of the right combination of DNA and extreme stress in our lives.
I am not a doctor at all. Nor am I trying to play doctor on myself.
However, as one trained in Greek exegesis and the Inductive English Bible Study Method plus being a history minor who loved church history courses in seminary and the son of an engineer plus doing doctoral research, this is my hermeneutic concerning this matter.
Ask any questions that you may have.
Definition:
The person who is reading this.
A friend of mine told me once. I really didn't change, there isn't a new me. The new me was the person I was ment to be , the new me is the true me. The old me is what everyone's
bulling , controlling and manipulating turned me into
I believe that's probably true
I hope it’s true!
And in the context of caregiving, I hope it’s true about those elderly LOs who, were kindly taken care of by (usually the daughter), and then viciously abused the daughter who took care of them. It happened to so many of us caregivers here on aging.com.