What plans have you made for your own aging needs?

We are 68 & 69. All our documents are in order. If my husband dies first I will senior living independent living with other levels of care. If I die first my husband will stay living independently and will get help hired in when needed. Our children know our wishes and we have money invested that should cover this. I don’t want my children to have to deal with this and want our visits together to be harmonious. We love them beyond measure. I want them to enjoy our last days here and for them to be free of worrying about us and live their lives to the fullest. I never knew how hard caregiving can be.

My husband and I are "lucky" that we have both served in the military on active duty. We have told our children to help us age in place for as long as possible. If/When we must have assisted care or total care, to get us into the VA.

As for legal issues. we both have wills and insurance covered. When I return to work this year, we'll pre-pay our burial needs (much, much cheaper). Our children are not in a place to make decisions or care for us - yet. So we are waiting about 5 years before getting POAs and end-of-life legal documents. I am 58 and my husband is 61. Physically and mentally we are kind of "young" for our ages.

After nearly a decade of trying to care for my mother in her home there is one thing that my 3 sisters and I all agree on: we will not do this to our children. As they are needed we will accept and implement changes in our lives including hiring help at home (domestic assistance first, possibly more later), then moving to an apartment or condo, and possibly to a care facility. Our goal will be to allow our children to ENJOY their time with us and to WANT to see us rather than saddle them with our needs and infirmities. There were some good times and some pluses in visiting Mom, but those visits would have been so much sweeter if we could have simply enjoyed a visit instead of having to figure out what was happening, what unexpected needs had to be addressed, etc.

I have already begun hiring additional help in caring for the landscaping around our house and a handyman who does not do much yet, but whose services will become much more needed in years to come. When the restrictions of COVID lessen I will hire domestic help with the idea that the initial heavy cleaning once a month will ultimately morph into including a weekly vacuum and dusting as well. We are also cleaning out the storage in our attic and streamlining things like books and kitchen stuff to facilitate moving into a smaller place should that become necessary.

Most importantly, our finances are set up to pay much less to our checking accounts now so that we will be able to pay the higher expenses later. Also, our sons are listed on all our medical providers as having access to all medical information. They are listed as both heirs and as authorized for information purposes on our accounts. All of our bills are automatically paid so there is nothing they or we need to do on a monthly basis. Our investment accounts have a warning on them that if any unusual activity is initiated a son is to be contacted before funds will be dispersed. We have letters of instruction as well as legal directives informing our sons of our wishes regarding unexpected medical issues.

Perhaps most important of all, we have openly discussed our plans and hopes with our sons. We are 70 years old and enjoying good health, but when things change we want our sons to have the comfort of knowing what we want and knowing that they will not have "difficult" choices. They will know that if it becomes impractical or financially unwise to remain in our current home we will accept (perhaps sadly) the need to move. I have also written a letter to my future self for my son to give me to read if my mind has lost these earlier resolutions. We have a great friendship with our sons and I want that to survive longer than I do.

I came to the conclusion that when I took on being my mother's sole care provider, I was not offered any help from anyone. My mother was smart, she put her faith in me to do for her what none of her other children would. She was a Physical Therapist, and when she began losing the use of her physical body, it was unfair, but she taught me how to work with her, so that I wouldn't hurt her, and how to best use my body to keep from getting hurt as well.. The conclusion I came to in the 3 years that I lifted, dressed, cooked, cleaned, bathed and did what I had to do so that she was cared for as if she was able to do it all herself, I was one of a kind. My mother was a care giver, she took care of my dad, her father, her mother, just as I was caring for her, but there was to be no other in this family that held this ability. I faced my own future, and I am aware that I will not have a care giver, no one will help me when I can't help myself. So, I'm not scoping out nursing homes, I'm not thinking about who will get what when my mind or body goes South, I am checking out Piers, large forests, a mountain with a very large view of my surroundings, a boat, somewhere that I can be left alone to finish my time free of interference. The animals go to a place that they can rest in peace, so did the Indians, when it was time to move on, they left and died in peace away from others. So, I feel that would be my choice, to be in a place that is peaceful, and just allow me to think, make peace with whatever I haven't yet, and live till I don't anymore. I don't want to lay in a coffin, or save lots of money to be on display as people come up and comment on how good I look in death, then dig a hole, put me in, bury me, and remember me with a headstone, eat food with the money left over from my death insurance. What do I care where my body is buried, it's only useful to people when we are alive, and I don't think anyone would visit my grave, I don't think many visit the Graves of those who went before me. The souls and spirits of the dead do not follow the body, the body has died, the person who owned that body left, their spirit may follow the body for a little while, but it no longer is attached to it. If they are still around, it's not in a coffin, or waiting patiently for someone to come to where their bones are buried and visit them. Each of us is born, we live and in living we have a choice and so that is our decision, but we don't have a choice in being born, and we don't have a choice in dying. Those things are forced on each and everyone of us. So, why take up room in the ground surrounded by memories of others who have died, except to give the living an expensive way to dispose of us. Truly, I don't want to save for something I am forced to endure and can't enjoy or take pleasure from knowing I no longer exist in the living world. I didn't pay to be born, if my birth was a celebration, I didn't know or join in the party, I was a new life, with no knowledge of how I got here. When the reverse happens, I won't be part of the celebration, I will have no knowledge of that party either. I will have moved on, maybe I go up or maybe I come back in another form, or maybe there is another planet we transfer to. The universe is full of mystery, what if Earth is just one step in our lives, and there are more places we must journey on to, I don't know. I will ponder that when I am ready to move on. When soldiers die in countries outside of their own country, and the body is left behind, the dog tags are removed and brought home, does the soldier get to be buried in a box, under ground while his or her family mourns their loss? No, the box contains his personal items, pictures, and the only part of his physical being are the dog tags returned to his family. I will leave something to remember me by, and if that is what helps those who mourn my passing, than that is what I will leave part of my spirit and soul with. Have a good day

I love your comment about people's plans about "not dying." These last two years of covid have given me a sense of mortality. Anything can happen unexpectedly! You have done everything right. Congratulations! One thing to consider is what is called a "continuous care" facility in my state. This offers living arrangements for independent living, assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing and they'll help move residents from one area to another as needed.

To start with, I have decided that if/when I need a cane, I will not fight it, and a walker if/when that’s needed, I will embrace that as well. For years I watched my mom “furniture cruise” in an unsafe manner.

Hello. When i was in my 50s i bought longterm insurance. as can be imagined it was a lot cheaper then than now but thats ok since im still healthy enough to work.

my husband isnt having any of it but i feel quite comfortable knowing i ... and actually him too if he will use it ... have the ability to pick out wherever i want to go and have activities and a clean living area and hopefully good caregivers.

my insurance covers skilled ... longterm ... and assisted living and memory care.

yes ... as i mentioned i do work. I am using that money so i dont have to use my savings but it’s worth it for my peace of mind.

I will be 88 and have no children or any living family and most of my friends are gone. I am disabled due to a spinal injury and can't walk (I hate being a misfit) and because it was too hard to take care of a three story home and the outside (all of which I loved to do), I gave up and went into assisted living 13 years ago. I hate the environment - most have dementia and I am so lonely. I am l00% high functioning and do 99.9% of everything to take care of myself. I do not want to give in. I still drive (safely) and go out to eat alone; take care of all of my affairs; work two jobs - l5 years as as a Power of Attorney and 51 years doing animal welfare from a local to international level; have many hobbies; just finished six years of online college courses, and the list goes on. I do the impossible against the most extreme odds - but I succeed because I want my self-respect. I have always prided myself from my 20's to now to have every personal affair in l00% perfect order and current at all times - and if something happens, I draw on my inner strength to handle it and do so. I saved my own life via emergency heart surgery when no one here helped and I was dying. Everyone must take care of themselves - no matter what or how - or figure out how to get help WAY BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS.

Sold our house and auctioned off most furniture; living in the smaller home we bought for my mother 26years ago. Two chairs and TV in living room, small table in dining room. Everyday look for something to “get rid of”. Looks like a bachelor pad, my friend said. Moving in five months to a Lifecare community.

I hope my children never have to take care of me. Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish my husband and I had purchased a long term care plan back when they were really good. Now, they are not. Insurance companies lost a lot of money on those, so now they sell ones that have increasingly large premiums until you can't afford them right before you need them.

We have some retirement money, and if necessary, I suppose we may end up depending on government help, which I hate. In the meantime, I am trying to stay as healthy as I can, although I don't think that counts as much as people believe. At some point, we all fall apart.

As for funeral expenses, I'm hoping to die on a Monday so they can put me in the bin that is picked up on Tuesdays. Might be a little heavy, though. (Yes, it's a bad joke.) Since I don't know where we will be living when the end comes, I don't want to sign up for anything here.

I haven't filled out any papers as far as what kind of care I don't or do want at the end. Just being lazy. We have appointed an executor for our estate, and he knows all our financial information such as what credit cards we have.

Frances73: Imho, the naviety of your friends and family to whom you posed these questions is somewhat shocking in the fact that the replies you received were ALL a 'no,' but ages 50 to 60 are relatively young. My DH and I have well planned ahead, with fully prepaid burial plots including caskets, will, and the need for home renovation when the time comes. I do not expect our sole DD to take care of us.

At a meeting I attended, the presenter illustrated the following: “When I was young, I grew up in Florida. What we did was get ready for hurricanes by boarding up and sandbagging. Then we would party because the preparation was complete.” Preparing for old age, sickness and death is like boarding up because those things will come and it even says in the Bible, “you know not the hour.” It is not depressing when you make plans early. It is being safe and having time for “the party” aka the rest of your life.I really recommend to my colleagues here ”Don’t wait”. Don’t calculate as if you have a guarantee of living as long as your relatives. I just saw a man of 24 on television dying of COVID. I know of a nine year old, a 25 year old and. 65 year old who were run over. I know people s who sudden found they had Parkinson’s when-no relative ever had it and people who never smoked who have lung cancer. It is time when you are young enough to prepare. Read the book Talking about death won’t kill you.”

Hi, all, would anyone recommend (or recommend against) any particular care insurance? Or any guidance in choosing? I've heard an anecdote that it was hard to actually get them to pay out, so to speak, but on the other hand, I'm single no kids in my 40s, and watching and caring for my parents has made considering my own future little harrowing, frankly.

I've been lurking since the spring and lost both of my parents this summer within a few weeks of each other. This thread is amazing. One suggestion I would add is to make sure you name contingent beneficiaries for all accounts and life insurance. My Dad only had my mom (who died just before him) named, which created more angst and paperwork. Also, they didn't have all accounts in their trust (which would have been fine if they had named contingent beneficiaries, but still) and if their non-IRA estate was larger, I would have had to go through probate. As it was, it was difficult.
Thank you for all of these suggestions. I'm 61 with no husband, no kids, and reading this thread has given me many ideas. I do have a trust (which doesn't have all assets in yet) and long-term care insurance. But as someone said, something could happen suddenly and I'd be in big trouble (or my beneficiaries).

It’s possible the reason those you asked didn’t have everything planned was because they were burdened with current life concerns. It’s much easier to plan for these things when you are single with no children living at home. My husband and I made plans years ago in lieu of a serious accident where we both died (a living will) but it needs to be updated. I am 60, he’s 62, and we have two of our 3 boys living with us. I am currently supporting my father (in AL with dementia) who is 90. The last two years have been very difficult for him as he did a great job of planning for death, but not for long term care. He really fought leaving his home and moving to independent living and then to AL. This is a great question as we all need to address these issues sooner rather than later, irregardless of how busy we are. Time for me to have that will updated!

Am 67, husband of 33 years is now 72. We have no children, he has no family, and I lost my mother this year, who was my only family. So, it is just the two of us. All our paperwork is in order. But, after going through everything with my 95 yo mother this year, I am seriously reconsidering who I should designate as my POA, should I outlive my husband. It is a HUGE responsibility - emotionally, physically, and time wise. I had designated a friend, but after going thru all this, I don't want to put such a huge burden on her. Yet, there is noone else. Also, in handling the will/trust, settling the estate, the attorneys, and all the notifications that are involved following death, it adds so much to the person handling it all. And yes, there may be friends, but they usually are around the same age, so that might not always work out.

I have read so many comments on these boards of women who have no children or other family members in their lives - we should start an online community for us all, which just might, after-covid, turn into a real life community!

Annabelle18

The community is a great idea. I can see it having a positive effect on everyone who’s single with no kids’ situation. Where do I sign up? :) I can see this being a non profit!

Start a discussion thread for the people alone.

Well, I guess I made my plans 30 years ago because my spouse is 8 years my junior. We have been together for 30 years. I am 63 and he is 55. We have no children so that is not an option. We have all the legal documents completed.

Our house has the master suite on the first floor so at some point I will never have to climb stairs.

My 89 year-old mother has been in assisted living for almost 4 years and it is so expensive that it probably won't be an option for me when I am elderly. She has lived that long with pre-existing conditions like strokes, epilepsy and a total lack of exercise. I don't have those conditions and I go to the gym 5 days a week for strength training so fingers crossed. I also take enough supplements to fill a pill container. These are things my mother never did.

I have a friend who is 93 years old and still lives alone and drives. That is the outcome I am hoping for, although one never knows.

I've looked into long-term healthcare but unfortunately insurance companies seem to be raising the rates significantly and there is no recourse. I'm rolling the dice I guess.