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Great advice. Start with firm boundaries, or you will never have a life.
Encourage her to get involved with a Senior Center with activities and meet new people! Make her a list of local numbers, or get from Chamber of Commerce.

Your family is not her personal service staff or entertainment committee. Nip it in the bud NOW. BE TOO BUSY! "I can't do that, I'm too busy!" Stop the calls when they start!

Make sure Hubby handles her the most. Golf is on hold until he helps her get settled in, period. She has planted herself right into your lives without discussion. That's bold and pushy. Set FIRM boundaries. Once she heals up, steer her elsewhere to find new friends HER OWN AGE to socialize with, you are too busy with work and kids. Never join her drinking....not even a glass of wine. She could use grief counseling...find some!

Make it clear you have time limits, like holidays only...not every weekend. YOU ARE TOO BUSY. Remind her how it was when she was in 40s..."I'm sure you understand how busy it is working full tie with kids, and chores right?" Suggest doing something maybe ONCE A MONTH..."We can try to get together for BBQ" as time permits.

She's newly widowed and will be a train wreck at least a year. I sure was. You don't want her dropping in constantly, either. Sympathize and suggest she find some 60s girls to hag with! Your kids will get sick of it quick. I'd suggest she join www.widownet.org (online). It saved me! Perfect for her to get involved while arm heals.
GOOD LUCK!
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If she drove herself to the hospital, why does she need help unpacking? She might be slow and it might take extra time, but what else has she got going on? It may also give her extra time to think before drinking . Just my humble two cents.
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JeanLouise Jun 14, 2024
Sounds like she drove drunk!
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HE plays golf while your stuck with the looney MIL? Oh HELL no! It’s his mom, he needs to man up. Please, build a fortress of boundaries because she will swamp your life if you let her. Great advice from Dawn88…you’re too busy to be cater to her. Visits are on your terms. Best of luck.
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How did it come about that you get to help unpack and he gets a tee time?
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Please don't allow your eleven-year-old to cut her grass. I'm assuming it's a power lawn mower? A kid that age shouldn't be using one. It's not safe. And if it's not a power mower, the mowing is too hard for him to do.

Also, I wouldn't under any circumstances allow the kids to be alone with her. She is an alcoholic. Your kids don't need to be exposed to that. You might think that it's all right, but the resultant behaviors can be confusing and difficult for a child to observe. I speak from personal experience because my parents thought it was okay for me to be around my grandfather who drank. They should have protected me from that horrific scenario. Maybe you think it's okay for the kids because she only drinks at night or something like that, but an addict is always looking forward to the next hit. The mood is up, down, they can get aggressive because they're agitated, they forget things they promised and see the kids as their enablers ("get me my cigarettes, hon"). All looks perfectly normal but isn't. And they change when other adults are around, so you don't get the full picture.

I totally sympathize with your situation. But please protect your kids.
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JoAnn29 Jun 15, 2024
This is so true. My GFs parents were drinkers and all 6 kids have suffered in some way. Its not so much observing it that young minds cannot process what is going on. They think there is something they should do or they are the problem. Children should not deal with a drunk. Maybe thats why DH is dealing with her the way he is. Thats what he needed to do to get thru his Moms drinking bouts.
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I have a feeling hubby may not like that Mom is there so is trying to avoid her especially after living with her 13 days. You need to sit down, with no interruptions, and tell him he needs to deal with his Mom. That you do not mind helping when u can but she is his mother. The one thing you have in your favor is that she chose to move near you. So when she complains, you can say "you chose to live here". She needs to be told by both of you that you have lives. You have jobs, children to run here and there and he golfs. She is not a priority nor should she be. Boundries need to be set now. I also agree an 11 yr old should not be mowing a lawn. Your husband should do this or give Mom a name of someone.

Me, I don't like drunks. I can tolerate happy ones but not the nasty ones. I agree that your children should not be exposed to this.

I dodged the bullet when my MIL moved 15 hrs away. Of her sons, my DH was the one that did for her. Probably because he was there and if not doing anything why not do for her. When in-laws lived here she called my DH and asked if he could do something for her. Within a minute the phone rang and FIL said to stop DH because he could do what she wanted. My MIL and I had a fight 4 yrs into my marriage. DH was golfing. When she returned to my house to apologize my DH told her the problem we fought over was his fault. He stood up for me. Thats when she found out I was #1. Thats what your DH needs to do. Make Mom realize that that his family is #1. Tell him its OK to set boundaries. "Sorry Mom can't do it now Bobby hasva game."

By the way, I never loved my MIL. I got along with her and respected her because she was my DHs mother. But she lied about me and took anything I said and twisted it to make her look good. I stopped visiting their house unless my DH was with me. Visiting 1x a year was enough once they moved.
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