Dear all,
this forum has been of great help to me in the past few years, so I felt tonight to give back something that I hope can be useful to all of you watching the news about COVID19.
I'm writing you from Milan, Italy, now in complete lockdown.
Both my mom and I are fine, even if everything feels very unreal; today is the 3rd day we are just at home, without going out even 1 minute. Milan has become a ghost town, everything is closed except food shops and pharmacies. There’s an unreal silence night and day.
It feels like living in a movie, and everything happened so fast that we can’t wrap our minds around it, yet.
Things I wish I knew from the very start.
1. This is NOT just a heavy flue. There’s been a lot confusion in the beginning over here, many people on TV including doctors were saying this was just a heavy flue, so people kept going out and about. The mortality rate we are having in this very moment is 7,16%. It is not as bad as SARS or MERS but it's still more dangerous than a simple flue and it's extremely fast.
2. Despite what the government and many people keep saying, it is not true that just old people die and that they all had underlying conditions: doctors from inside hospitals are telling us that people perfectly healthy and in their 40s arrive in intensive care every day. Please be careful and protect yourself.
3. Plastic gloves make you feel much safer. I have learned from the Chinese to use toothpicks to touch elevators and atm machines buttons. This will save gloves.
3. If you buy a mask, be warned that most of them are not re-usable.
You probably know it already, I didn't. I just had 2 masks and now I feel scared to go out without one. Not a nice feeling.
4. A good mask DOES make a difference; in China many people who didn't catch the virus were the only ones wearing a mask in indoor spaces.
5. The first things that finished in supermarkets over here have been: alcohol, hands disinfectant, gloves, fruit.
6. If you are thinking at home delivery from supermarkets be aware that in an emergency scenario (that hopefully won't happen to any of you) websites will be so overwhelmed by orders that they will stop functioning. It took me 2 days to finally be able to order online and book a delivery slot and by the time I finally managed to make the order many things weren't available anymore. I'm not saying this to scare you, meaning that food is not a problem over here, at all, it's the amount of orders.
7. I didn't realize that the real reason to stock up some food is not that food won't be delivered to supermarkets anymore, is that people will buy the impossible and many things won't be available anymore. So DO stock up some, at least for 2/3 weeks.
8. Another thing I didn't anticipate is that the biggest worry I have at the moment is not catching the virus, or contaging my mother, even if yes, I'm a bit scared; the most preoccupying thing is that all hospitals are completely full, we don’t have a health system at the moment except than for COVID19, and this is something I have never experienced in my whole life.
9. I have put all helpers in holiday leave, a few days before the government ordered the lockdown and prohibition to move from home( which we actually fully share and support); this means that I'm alone with my mom and my cat. The sense of responsability is ten times stronger than normal, and it was already strong. I would say it's almost overwhelming sometime.
10. If you are alone, like I am, get some tranquillizers for bad moments; I have also bought some Rescue Remedy and it's helping me a lot.
11. We are experiencing an AMAZING support system around us; the government suspended all taxes, loans, fines, even parking fees, friends are calling us from all over the world and the international community at large has been so supportive it's really moving us, and all this is so, so important I can't even tell you. We are deeply grateful. We'll win this, all together ! with love
another friend told me that lemons make water more alkaline, or was that with green matcha tea? Think it was lemons n water.. Anyway, she said that viruses cannot grow in high alkaline... Look it up.. I'm not educated in that either, but I find it very interesting.. I put lemons in my water daily. The flavor is always good.
GLOBAL WARMING CONFERENCE was Postponed or shut down. schools... churches, local hotspots - Disney, Universal Studios-theaters, sport events.
Is this a wake up call? How long have these people been eating bats? And WHY? Why Would Anyone Eat a Bat? I am not educated on this at all... Cultural, Culinary, or Hunger. So, some people ate a bad batch of bats, got sick, had other people visit and fed them the same bat stew... and somehow, they in turn spread it so far so quickly around the GLOBE... THE WORLD NOW HAS THIS DISEASE SPREADING TO ALL CORNERS unknowingly, And some say it's the powers of people in high places. Whose Fault Is It? Or Is It Anyone's Fault? Why eat bat..It's a rat with wings if you look at it.. Then again, I am not educated in this subject at all.. Then again the Bird Flu was very bad, but the reaction of businesses shutting down was not a part of that virus..like this one is. The treatment is not so glorified, once you are in hospital..Intubating to get the lungs moving,, It's hard. And if we do our share, and try to stay 6 feet away from people, clean our hands often, be aware of our surroundings, perhaps, it will dissipate.
You are right. Why eating bats? From my point of view, why eating animals at all? Perhaps all this happaned to wake us up once for all; things must really change, we must change our perspective, behaviour, level of energy and evolution. Not tomorrow. Right now.
Today we cleaned and sanitized the whole house and my mom helped me.
She's 93 but pretty active and she was very pleased with herself :)
I had lots of calls from friends and that cheered me up a lot.
I also decided to skip the news for today and was feeling much better; I don't want to go into denyal or bury my head under the sand, it's just that the amount of pain and worry I felt in the last few days was really eating me alive.
Then a friend of my mom called and she told her that one of their close friends is positive and in intensive care here in Milan. He's a doctor, like my mom was when she was younger, and has been an incredible friend and point of reference for her. We don't know if we'll ever see him again. If he dies, he won't even have a funeral, because they stopped all ceremonies.
This is enough to break your heart but no, there's more.
I suddenly realized that my mom saw him 3 or 4 weeks ago. And I saw another doctor who was part of their circle just last week.
So my countdown has to start again, I can't be 100% sure we are both fine anymore. This sounds so sad to think and say, in such a terrible moment for him, but it's the truth. We are being paranoid like this, now.
Tonight I'm not just hoping that all this will stop soon for all the people in the world, but I hope that we'll be able to be open and trust each other again without fear. It seems a far away dream right now.
Look on the brighter side of the bowl...
Hey, I will give you the other lost sock to Use... Now I have 2 pairs that are mismatched... worse case scenarios...use the left over sock, or the right... whichever you are holding.
I decided to stock up on coffee instead of TP.
I figured if worse comes to worse, I could cut up old towels and wash them.
I can deal without TP, but I don't think I can deal without my coffee!! Lol
This too shall pass! (Oops, Hopefully in small amounts)
The numbers are still rising even if not esponentially but somehow slightly less.
The biggest concern is the virus is approaching the city though. We are 3.4 million in the metropolitan area and 1.4 in the city itself. The next five days will be our biggest battle, our Helm's Deep. If we crumble, not only our hospitals will collapse but the whole nation's.
I have just one image in front of my eyes this morning; Gandalf in front of the Ballrog, on that bridge, when he raises his stick and shouts with all his power "You, shall, not, pass". And a bright light surrounds him.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Thank you, Arwen, for your report and advice. I will indeed, pray for you and your mother. Look up Rebecca Arendell Franks on Facebook. One of her posts appeared on my FB page, and it was absolutely inspiring. She is an American from Shreveport, Louisiana, who is living and working in Wuhan, China -ground zero of the corona virus.
I know I may sound harsh to some, but I totally agree with you!
The reality is when people get desperate, they do desperate things.
Even though I live in a rural area, there is still a drug problem and the crime that goes with it.
I'm not a survivalist. I'm not paranoid, but I am installing a security camera and I have plenty of ammo!
I'm not afraid of admit it, nor am I afraid to protect my home.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/18/scientists-say-mass-tests-in-italian-town-have-halted-covid-19
This is the only place in Italy where they have stopped the virus and curb it at the very beginning.
"“Here there were the first two cases. We tested everyone, even if the ‘experts’ told us this was a mistake: 3,000 tests. We found 66 positives, who we isolated for 14 days, and after that 6 of them were still positive. And that is how we ended it.’’"
I think that there's a very high percentage of us that could be positive and asymptomatic. Which is good news and bad news at the same time. People need to be tested massively. Instead of thinking of future helps for the economy, this is where the money has to be invested, NOW.
It could make a huge difference also in our decisions as caretakers of the elderlies. I'm now trying to care for my mom as I was positive and keeping 2m distant all the time, the most that I can.
We are ok, but I haven't slept 1 single minute tonight.
Thank you for all your precious comments and replies.
We have to try to avoid the spreading as much as possible.
Thanks so much for your insight!!
We just canceled our first trip to Italy. Very disappointed!
Sending hugs and prayers to you, your mother and your cat!
Ciao!
Just thinking of you tonight!
Hoping you and Mom are doing well and staying strong.
Sending prayers and support your way!
You're not alone!
Mom is so blessed to have you!
God bless!
I will post something tonight; it won't be a report on the amount of deaths or pain we are experiencing. I want to write something useful. I'm a practical, down to earth person. I can focus. I will write a new list.
I’m an introvert, and I am a freelance working from home. I’m very used to, and actually thrive, in being alone and love silence and quiet.
The silence that we are experiencing now though is different; especially, because the only sound we hear - and very often in this last week , unfortunately - is the sirens of the ambulances.
It makes you feel like you are on a small island, alone, while out there there are huge waves approaching. This is what makes people singing at balconies. I do understand them.
At the same time, I think this is the time to really be silent; in respect to the thousands of people who are suffering, and truly isolated, in hospitals, to their families in pain at home, to the doctors who have been working non stop for us for a month now, but also to keep being alert and vigile. Sometimes I feel like Italians are like the Hobbits, always ready to sing and be merry to cheer themselves up, lighting fires in the middle of the night to have their second breakfast and unaware that the Wraiths are very close… Yes, I do miss my old life, I found myself missing the honking of the cars, the buzz of the city, I watched people with a light on their window with tears in my eyes. The silence felt eerie, and wrong. Now though, my perception has shifted. This will be a long battle. We need to keep in top shape and being alert. We need this silence to meditate, to pray, to rest, to prepare, to absorb, to simply think.
I’m embracing the silence now as part of an inner battle towards becoming a stronger, better human being.
7. Burnout and Fear (last couple of days)
After 2 weeks of caring for my mom by myself and not sleeping well in the last few days, I have started feeling fried. Won’t tell you the symptoms because I’m sure you know very well what I’m talking about. I’m in awe of all you you who can do it non-stop 24/7, always. For me, it’s mentally too taxing, especially ( I know it sounds crazy in this difficult moment, but it’s true) because my mom is an extravert who talks a lot, and I’m an introvert and after a few hours with others I feel exhausted.
After a lot of thinking I decided that if I want to keep my sanity i need to find a way to rest and be alone, at least a few hours every day. I have decided to go back to my apartment (which is across the yard) in the mornings and I feel much better. It is a small risk that I’m taking but I think each one of us has to know where her or his limits are.
For the Fear; it is at its worse when I watch the news and everything seems just worse and worse and the pain of people and the worry just affect me so much that I feel like I can’t breath anymore.
For this reason, I’m not watching TV anymore. When I feel especially strong, I quickly read the titles on the online newspapers. I’m not saying this is the right approach, any of these really, I’m just saying that we need our energies for helping ourselves and others in this very moment, and I don’t want waste any of it in felling terrified, it doesn’t help anyone and it doesn’t change the situation.
What is helping me the most is this thought: the more I stay calm, the better chances I have to survive this.
With love
Arwen
Depending on how active and how outdoor-ish you are, this is very likely to occurr.
I felt I was “wasting” the sun and my life and felt trapped for the most part of last week, since the total lockdown began and I have stopped going out. The good news is- it does pass.
I have now adopted a much slower rhythm in everything, and on suggestion of the emergency psychologist, since I can’t go out of the tunnel, I have started “furnishing it” and take this time to relax and try to care for myself as much as I can. I also have to say that I had started feeling nervous every time I had to go out, just before the lockdown, so now I’m welcoming this feeling of safety that a home gives you. It also helps me a lot being in front of the open window, in the sun.
4. Lack of Focus (last week)
I felt terrible in noticing that the majority of my work commitments and projects (that I normally do online and via telephone) started quickly feel like impossible tasks. My lack of focus was scary.
The reality is that a huge part of our energy is employed in containing fear, simple as that.
I have now cut down my plans and commitments to one single work project that I do in the mornings, while the rest of the day and evening is dedicated to take care of the house and my mom.
It feels much much better this way. We are humans. We truly need to be loving to ourselves in this extremely difficult moment and spare our energy as much as we can.
5. Fear of starving (this past week)
This is something I have never experienced before but - as bad as it is - it’s one of the most powerful “shake” I’m experiencing in learning to feel really grateful for what we have and not taking anything, anything for granted. Which I strongly believe is a spiritual key in overcoming this huge threat we are living, personally and globally.
A few days ago, knowing that food delivery is becoming a problem, I decided to prepare well ahead and order stuff in advance of at least 1 week. I tried to login on the supermarket website and realised that I couldn’t; they now have a new system that makes you wait “in line” before able to access the site and an announcement that they will privilege old citizens. I thought it was fair enough and an actual improvement; except that when I was finally able to do my shopping and was ready to check out things were disappearing one by one from my cart and every time the system was stopping the checkout and made me go back to cancel the item. I had to go back one item at a time 34 times, while the delivery time slots were quickly disappearing. It took me hours, and just out of luck I eventually made it in time for the last available slot. At the end of the process I was hyperventilating.
Now that I have some food again and I’m calmer, it suddenly occurred to me that instead of supermarkets I can try to call the local shops: I called my little groceries shop yesterday and found out that they have already started delivery out of the door! Which is fantastic, so that I’ll be able to buy fruits and veggies again and they will keep being in business, with nobody in the streets.
All this to say: food is and will be available, it’s just a matter of keeping calm (easier said than done I know) and think of alternatives to the most obvious ones.
*follows in the next post**
*disclaimer: this is not an invitation to ignore or overlook symptoms. I actually strongly support the idea of both reporting any symptom, even the mild ones, and assuming you are positive in caring for others. At the same time, shock, fear and worry can easily become physical, as it has happened to me and many other people I know, so don’t go into panic if you experience any of this*
A few weeks ago, when the whole situation in Italy was becoming serious, I started feeling sick; every evening around 7pm I would shiver and have the chills and felt a pain deep in my chest. And a total lack of appetite. I had no fever and no cough but since it happened for several days I eventually called the hotline. They asked me if I had been in contact with someone positive ( as if I knew!) and told me that without fever and cough I couldn’t be tested. I felt a creeping anxiety coming up in waves: during the day I was fine, but when the chills would come I felt very very scared with nobody to turn to. I eventually decided to take the risk to go to a doctor, at least to have my lungs checked. She told me my lungs were perfect and that I was physically very strong and healthy. My “symptoms” disappeared completely after this, which made me realise they were just anxiety. Retrospectively, I took a bigger risk than I thought going to the doctor, as it turned out one of her strict colleague was positive and is now in intensive care. Again, just my personal experience and not to discourage you to go to a doctor if you feel unwell. I also can’t exclude completely I actually got the virus and then recovered. I’m just saying, in any case, this can happen, and can be overcome.
2. Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of things to plan, do and prepare (3/2 weeks ago)
For all of us caring for an elderly parent or spouse this feeling is familiar; the amount of little things to keep checked, take care of and solve is incomprehensible to any other “normal” human being.
From medical to financial to house maintainance to organizing carers, food etc we are all always on the verge of burnout. This situation - especially after I had to cancel all the helpers and became the only carer - took the level from “very advanced” to “zen-master-super-human-advanced”. Cleaning is not simple cleaning anymore, we are told to sanitise and disinfect. But what, exactly? And how often? Shopping is not simple shopping anymore. It’s stocking up, perishable and non-perishable, vital and non vital, long term, but for how long? Medical is not simple medical, is medical without the support of doctors or hospitals, so it means prevention, paracetamol instead of anti-inflammatory, calculating, stocking up for what is possible, and praying it will be enough.
There have been days when all this almost broke me; I tried to keep calm but my mind was frantically trying to remember all the important things at once. Did I disinfect the door handle after I came in? Which hand did I use to open the letter box? Do I sanitise the kitchen before or after cooking, or twice? Did I buy enough food for the cat? How can I put eye-drops in my mother’s eye if I’m supposed to keep 2m away from her?
I’ve lived in constant fear of forgetting something important and bouncing from one thing to the other, constantly. Until I felt that I was crumbling under the weight and decided to stop; stopping, and resting, made me realise that this is the moment to keep things extremely simple and slow. I’m doing much less now, so my margin for mistakes is smaller, and my focus is better. This has been a process, which was parallel to the realisation that I have to accept that I have very little control over things; or, actually, that the things I have control over are simple, and they have become my mantra in the worst moments:
STAY COOL
STAY PUT
DON’T DO ANYTHING NEW
ZERO RISKS
VISUALISE THE LIGHT
*follows in the next post*
More and more I’m realising how much this is both a mental and spiritual battle that we are all called to fight, ready or not; as each one of us is suddenly obliged to face his innermost and most ancestral fears, as an individual and as a race. Especially for us, who have huge responsibilities for others, this a huge challenge.
For this reason I want to share my most difficult moments, to let you know that if you are or will experience any of this you are not alone and that each of these moments has been temporary, didn’t escalate and CAN be overcome.
In order of appearance:
* FOLLOWS IN THE NEXT POSTS*
I have a question for you. I have been watching what is going on in your country to get a feel for what will happen here in the US. So far we seem to be following the same path, but about a week or so behind.
When your quarantine came down, did it mean you had to stay completely inside your house completely (aside from essential grocery trips and work)? In other words, are you allowed in your own garden/yard—as long as you are on your own residence, or do you completely stay inside?
it is a good question, to which I'd like to know the answer myself; the lockdown happened in different phases, with increasing restrictions and a lot of confusion. On March 9 the whole Lombardy - the region where Milan is - was declared red zone but they still left people moving within. They didn't stop the trains though so 25.000 (!!) people fled back to their families in Southern Italy before the lockdown started. 2 days later, on March 9 the whole country was put in a lockdown, but people could still go out with a self-certificate with the reason they were out (work, health or food). At the same time, they told us that it was ok to go to the parks or with the bike as long as we kept social distancing. Which is a huge contradiction to the self-certificate reasons, IMO. Then on March 11 they closed all the shops except supermarkets and pharmacies and start telling everybody to just stay home. But people could still go out with the self-certificate, and still can. Also transports are still working. Milan is very empty right now, but I still see some people in the streets, from the window. We can certainly go out in our private yard without a certificate. But they keep telling us that we are not doing enough and that we just should stay home.
All this has been very confusing. On March 11, when they closed all shops, I took my own decision that I wouldn't go out anymore, not even for food, or a short walk, because too many things didn't make sense to me. I took my mom in our communal yard one afternoon just to breath for 5 minutes and 2 neighbours came to greet us coming very close to us, and I didn't like it. So I decided we will stay home until we will feel safe going out again.
I don't know if this makes any sense to you, (or me!) but this is more or less how it did go...
Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely message. It has made my evening. :)
You have helped me too, more than I can say.
I wanted to reply and follow you but nothing happens when I click. I'm using Firefox. What am I doing wrong?
You are just wonderful. Please tell your family we are deeply grateful and that we are thinking of you too. We are ok :) We send you much courage and strenght and faith that we WILL make it.
Many blessings
We are on day 4 of our state governor's "Stay at Home" Order. They just told everyone staying in hotels, condos, Airbnb's to GO HOME, to your own home. People are slow to comply. Many grocery stores are experiencing shortages but they aren't running out I think, people are hoarding. Although it is frowned upon, after reading your post, we are making small trips here and there for groceries, or for my mom, but trying to be calm and just be prepared. My mom is in skilled nursing about 3 hrs away recovering from a recent amputation of her leg, and she is on dialysis, she needs clothes and things.
Schools are closed, college kids are home or going home, businesses, except for essentials are closed, restaurants are open for pickup or drive thru only. My daughterinlaw worked at a hotel. My son was let go from his coffee shop, but the owners, who are married, are still doing drive thru business. The owner is from France and makes crepes.
We wait, and we hope we are doing enough, Yes, there are still many who don't think it could happen to them. My husband and younger son, 19, live in Texas. Their governor is not taking this as seriously, worried about economics, we all are, but reading your posts weighs the gravity of the situation on me. I share what I without putting people off, they don't know.
I live in a town, an hour away from the city, and our mayor just announced on Friday that he tested positive. He is the first "known" case in our little mountain town. There isn't a lot of testing going on. Only if you have symptoms. A lot of symptoms, will they test you. They want to save it for those who are really sick and health care workers, God bless them. Our mayor is recovering well so far. It was only matter of time before we got in our little town.
Just checking in on you Arwen, and thinking about you and sharing a little of our lives. Your are not alone friend.
Love, gratefultoday
I'm so sorry for your mom and the amputation. My dad lost a leg too. I know what it means, It is very very hard. After a lot of physical therapy though he was able to walk again :) How long does your mother have to be there for? Is there any chance you can bring her home with you when she'll be better? Is the dyalisis for the operation or for other reasons?
About stocking up: I think you are having the right approach.
I refused the idea of panic buying, and still am, and I'm sorry if my posts have put you on alarm, it wasn't my intention. Again: it is not a matter of lack of food in the shops. It's both the panic buying of many people + the difficulty of online shopping, as for us this is a moment that we are really scared to go out.
I remember the very first day of the epidemy here in Italy: it was February 21. My best friend called me - he's a scientist - and told me we had 1 case near Milan. He had been watching and studying the developments in China for months and was extremely worried for the numbers. He did the math, and told me we were going to face something extremely big. He made me promise to go out on Saturday morning and buy food for me and my mom for at least 2 weeks. He told me to do it in the morning and not in the afternoon, because things would start running out very quickly. I listened, went for a very big shopping, spent the weekend cooking and freezing food and was exhausted; for days I complained with him that he made me panic buy and that all this was exagerated. Then a couple of weeks later I realized I was one of the very few people to have alcohol and gloves, and I now have to admit he was right on everything. I also didn't anticipate that in the following weeks I would be so scared to even think about going out, even for a minute. It's something that you just don't have any previous experience of.
Finding a balance between sheer fear and preparedness is not easy; I have to recreate this balance daily, and each day I learn something new.
But I have to say that from a very practical point of view having enough in our homes to survive for a while is giving me enough mental space to do other things and care for my mom and myself better, in a moment when you really need it. I don't know, this is just my personal experience of course; but I thought to write it to share the path that led me here, in case it can be useful.
Much love to you both.
We are watching the news about the US and are thinking of you.
I know what you mean about many people not being concerned, we have them here too, even now. It creates a sort of cognitive dissonance, doesn't it. I think now that what can make a huge difference in the perception is what past experiences you have about illnesses, hospitals and death. Here, on this forum, all of us have perhaps experiences of things that generally people don't have. Perhaps knowing in the first person what hospitals and Intensive Care really are, having watched people dying in the next bed, or waited anxiuosly in a hospital corridor for hours makes you see how precious and fragile life is and yes, after this, you do take things more seriously. Please keep posting you too, I will give my update asap.
Much love to you and your family from Milan.
I have been following your posts here, and feel so glad that you have reached out.
Was wondering, all the people ignoring the precautions to stay at home....do you think some people do not even know about Covid-19 pandemic?
I agree with you, all together we will win this!
Take care of yourself and your mother, as you are doing a wonderful job. And thank you for supporting so many of us!
thank you very much from all of us :)
I don't know why certain people seem to take it more lightly and are still ignoring precautions... It might be denyal and they think they are immune, mixed with selfishness, as everybody knows now that the majority of people are asymptomatic but can nevertheless spread the desease to others... all of us are in uncharted territory but they say "when in doubt, abstain" and I think that this is the stage where we are and should stay now, rules or not rules.
Warmest wishes to you and to all California
Arwen
I wonder why they give us suggestions on newspapers, they should just shut all up and say "You know what, we know NOTHING about this virus, good luck!"
Thank you Geaton777, this is very useful even if disheartening.
I did have to go to the gas station and talk to the cashier. It was upsetting and I felt too close to her and she wasn't taking any precautions. I won't go in anymore if the pump isn't working, but just leave and go to another one where I don't have to talk to anyone. Always wearing gloves. It's a lot to think about what you've touched with the gloved hand and which you didn't and spraying everything down.
We just heard of a first case, in Los Angeles where a child under 18 yrs died Tuesday. LA is a high risk area. I'm 3 hrs from it.
Our nonprofit is trying to balance keeping young people, who are poorer inner city, employed and balance it with keeping people safe. It would seem giving everyone money for food from our government would solve that problem and they could stay home. They are concerned poorer, inner city people may loot if they cannot work and become desperate because they don't have enough money for food. I hope it won't come to that. But people are still working, many of them not taking precautions.
My 19 yo son is quitting his job at a coffee shop in Texas today to protect his dad. I'm happy for that.
I hope you are well and have what you need and have peace. Enjoy the view from a window. Hang on friend. You can get through this. One day at a time. I'm praying for you.
I've read a lot about the US in these days and I'm praying for all of you too.
It is just mindblowing at what speed our world is changing, everything we knew so far, everything we took for granted.
The economic consequences of all this will be devastating for many, many people. Our heart are suspended at the moment, not knowing where to turn; between the news that arrive of people dying in ridiculous amounts everyday, everywhere, people losing jobs, shops and factories closing for good, poorer countries starting being hit as well, you literally don't know how to brace yourself anymore, and how to keep strong.
Still, I tell myself, I try to tell myself, this is our chance to become a more evolved species; learning empathy, disowning our privileges, finding courage when everything seems lost. I pray to learn how to be stronger, and stronger, because we don't know what we'll have to face.
I'm so happy that you are still going out and can enjoy the forest and the desert. I used to walk 1 hour in the the park, every day. We have a small lake and now that spring is coming all the trees were full of blossoms. I saw them last time 19 days ago, but it feels much longer. I miss nature, and the fresh air, and moving. I feel like I can think much better when I walk. I love my park, so so much.
I'm so happy that your son is home! You must feel so relieved.
And you know, this shadow approaching the place where you live looks and is very dark, but even the darkest clouds can dissolve and disappear.
You know, the name you have chosen, Gratefultoday... it makes me think that you have so much wisdom and strength in you, and that if there's someone who will be able to see the light even in the darkest of times it's you. Yes, we will get through this. We just will.
Many blessings, my friend.
And it did; for 3 days in a row, until yesterday, our numbers were significantly lower. Today, they increased, again. More than 700 people died in 1 single day and contagions in Lombardy grew again, 1000 more people than yesterday. It really makes your heart sink.
We are also astonished by the proportion and speed this desease seems to spread, worldwide.We are reading the news about the US and are thinking of all of you.
And nearby. 2 days ago, my mom's neighbour - 1 floor below her - has been taken away cause he couldn't breath anymore. I just can't believe it. I bumped into him 10 days ago, in the hall of our building, he was perfectly fine. Now I'm worried for him, for his kid and wife locked at home, for us, as well. They are coming to sanitese the stairs and elevators tomorrow. It feels more and more like a bad science-fiction movie.
I'm trying to keep working but it's very difficult to focus.
Today I was on a call with a client for 2 hours working on a medium term strategy for him and half of my brain was flashing a big question mark to me... how on earth can you work on a strategy if you don't even knwo when you'll be able to go out from your house again?!
So yes. It is difficult. I'm worried for our health, for my mom, for my cat, for the world, for food, for everything one can be worried about. I don't know how people can be so relaxed to think about cooking or watching movies on Netflix, in this moment. I envy them. I just can't.
I also have had this huge battle in my head going on, for the last 2 days: I read that petrol stations are going to shut down soon, as the people working there have no protection and are down 85% their normal income. So they have decided to close. This single thing made me almost panic. It makes me feel like we are trapped here, and even if we'll need to go away we won't be able to. And. I'm running out of cash, and I feel in my guts that this is a good time to actually have cash in your home, with the internet shopping being so difficult and everything.
So I've been thinking a lot about going out to the bank and to fill the tank, before it will be too late. Except I feel frozen by fear, now. Not the fear to die, the fear of taking a stupid risk for nothing, and putting in danger my family.
This is the effect of many days without going out. I feel so indecisive about everything.
At the same time, I'm staring developing a much subtler instinct for things.
If it doesn't feel right to go out now, I won't go. And I'm appreciating the small things that felt like a chore so much now. Running with my cat, who LOVES running. I always felt like crying in the evening when he wanted to run cause I was tired. Now I run with him with such a joy, it's also the only exercise I can get.
We run really fast together, up and down the corridor. He's delighted.
I feel happy and grateful even cooking dinner for my mom. I feel joy knowing that we still have food. I enjoy the 30 seconds walk in my yard in the evening when I come back to my apartment, sucking the outdoor air in my lungs, feeling alive.
I watch the skye for 30 seconds while I walk. I pray that it will give us a better day tomorrow, a better day for all.
I
I am praying for you today. For rest. Strength. Even joy...I am amazed and heartened you have found moments of joy playing with your cat, cooking dinner, and breathing the evening air.
What is your cat's name?
I don't know how you could private message me, but I would love to send you something you need or want if you could send me your mailing address.
Find hope today friend.
Love, gratefultoday
Tryingmybest
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I'm thinking of all of you tonight, trying to imagine where you are, how you feel, what are the latest news in your town, village, or city.
Today is our 19th day of isolation. We are well.
We are sending you thoughts of gratitude, light and resistance, wherever you are, we are there with you.
Take care.
Great big warm hug!
I'm praying for you all. We in the US, as you know, are now in the grips of it all, too.
I wasn't able to read all answers here, so if this is a repeat, my apologies. People (the regular public, not health workers) in the US have been told sternly not to buy or wear masks, and that they don't help. Though the health workers are pleading for masks, saying they need them and that they're in short supply. Your information, including masks, is a God send. Thank you, again!
God help us all. lil
Be still. It is a huge wave, it WILL recede.
Our hearts and prayers are with all of you in the US.