Now that my husband has been placed in a facility, new issues arise. Is it to be expected that he would lose his glasses, have on other peoples clothing, shoes, glasses and personal items? He has been there almost two months now and it is a beautiful memory care facility. The staff are very nice, there are many activities, outings and a nice courtyard for walks outside anytime. I feel so fortunate to have gotten him in this facility. However, the issues with missing items is frustrating. For example, this week he had on shoes that were at least two sizes too big, shirts, belts, socks and most items he was wearing were not his. I saw one of his shirts on another person. I mentioned it to another wife and she said don't worry yourself with those things. There are 60 people there and it's hard to keep people from laying things around. She said at least he's fed, clothed and sheltered. Yesterday I collected some of the things and took them to the desk and said these are not his. I made him redress in his own clothes and shoes. But many of his things are not there. He squints and never has glasses even though I had another pair made. So,he has two pair of glasses floating around the place. Sorry to be so long-winded but I'm thinking I might need to chill and just forget it. I'm still trying to recover from the years of caregiving at home. Has anyone else dealt with these issues? Carol
On a personal note, my mother has moved from AL to LTC last week. I donated her furniture and when I went into her apartment, I found her hearing aid that went missing back in April when she went to the ER. It must have fell out of her ear and down through the cushion..
That said, I would highly suggest ensuring the glasses have some distinguishing mark or label on them, as per your elder's choice. Some are okay with a cord to wear around the neck, some aren't. The cord can be labeled. The labeling is for the staff so they won't put the wrong glasses on the wrong patient. For me, a lifesaver is a glasses case that's hard-sided, and easy to find and easy to reach and find. Remember, a person cannot see with her glasses off, so the glasses, when inside the case have to be felt and reached for when the person cannot see. Also, the person cannot see anything with glasses off, so if they are loose they can fly off a table and get sat on or stepped on. For me at least, keeping the glasses inside the case ensures that no matter how sleepy I am, I won't step on them, trip over them, roll over them in my sleep, or any other thing I will sorely regret. It takes ages to replace this prescription!! I actually purchased an awesome glasses case in a Goodwill store that isn't a glasses case per se, it's a pocketbook! It's probably for girls, but it has a small handle I can use to hang it on a hook so it REALLY won't get lost at night. Label the glasses case with your elder's name.
If your elder isn't wearing the right glasses, she could end up with headaches, she won't see well, she will lose things (if she doesn't already), she won't see the food she's eating, she'll seem ten times more confused, she won't recognize you or anyone, she'll squint more, she will have a hard time relaxing, she'll be ten times more frustrated, and she'll wonder if she has cataracts. If she's unaware that she is wearing the wrong glasses she might be embarrassed that she is losing things and try to hide that she appears even more absent-minded.
I believe a well run facility with properly trained staff can manage to shower ANY resident. My own Mom balked at showers until I actually spoke with the aides that were assigned to shower her. I let them know she really needs a warm shower because she was cold all the time. I brought in fragrant shower gel for them to use in a mesh pocket to use in the shower. They were pretty receptive to using it. My Mom never complained about a shower again. Look up Teepa Snow's videos in showering AD patients.
CarolC75 -- I ordered custom iron on labels from Labeland online. Very reasonable. As others said, some missing items are non negotiable -- teeth, glasses, hearing aids, shoes. As my Mom lost weight, her hearing aids were constantly falling out of her ears. Also, LEAVE neatly printed signs on the wall in her room near her bed or dresser/closet. When staff would dress my Mom in the morning, they would put her hearing aids in and then put on a mesh headband around her hair to "hold" them in her ears. Then I bought her the glasses rope (I can't think of what it's called) that slips over the arms of the glasses and hangs around their neck. When she tried to take her glasses off, she couldn't get it off.
Might be worth a try.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Chances are it's not an issue at all to your loved one.
She brushes and flosses her teeth every night and that's more important at 93
Since she's very focused on having money - she grew up in poverty - I found some good fake money online to put in her purse - once when her purse went missing the only thing taken was her money - staff must have thought it was real - ha ha a resident would have taken her candy and tissues too - lucky I got a wad to give her more
If I were babysitting and the kids refused to bathe, I'd just turn it into loads of fun.
I'm not saying there isn't theft by staff in care facilities. I am saying that one shouldn't accuse staff unless you have the evidence to support your accusation.
I've been told that in a memory care facility it's a bit different than a nursing home or even an AL because the people are free to roam around, which is true in this facility. It's good in one way that they can go all over the place, get exercise and not feel so locked in. And they do try to keep the doors locked to each room but that isn't always the case.
For instance, last time I was there, my husbands door was unlocked and I found a lady wandering around in there. I made her go out and told the staff she was in there. They said, oh gosh she's always in other people's rooms! Maybe she's taking things out, I have no way of knowing.
They said there no way they can watch everyone all the time because that's the nice part of the facility, is the ability for them to have freedom to wander.
I'm feeling better now about things now. I won't worry about the clothing as long as he has his shoes and glasses. I have to figure it is what it is and be thankful I can have him in such a nice place. He's as happy as he can be in a place like that and he doesn't know what belongs to him anyway.
The comments here helped me put things in perspective. I'm relaxing much better now and hope it all levels out to a nice routine for both of us.
Thanks to you all...
Carol
Even the clothing I've seen on other people has his name on the inside! I've found out that people who can somewhat dress themselves are left to do it however they can manage. Guess I was under the impression that staff helped them in the mornings to dress appropriately and choose their clothes, but that's not so.
I went one time about 3:00pm and he had on pajama bottoms with a regular shirt on top and his house slippers. I mentioned it to staff and she laughed and said, "yeah, he got ready for bed early today!"
I suppose these are the things I must overlook and see the positives. I think I have at least solved the glasses problem and that's a plus!
When I was a kid I received a card with money in it as a gift. Inside was a $10 bill. This was a commonplace occurrence back then to give cash inside a Hallmark-type card, and whoever the person was unimportant to the story. I had received several of these along with other things as gifts and my main concern was all the Thank You notes I was obliged to write over what I figured would be the next ten years.
Something was odd about this $10 bill, though. It didn't smell like the typical dollar bill. American money has that smell and teens have keen olfactory sense. I showed it to my dad, pointing out that the inking appeared slightly smudged. We agreed that it was counterfeit.
I was thrilled. I loved reading detective books and now, I had spotted a real counterfeit. I was only a kid, but this felt like triumph to me, like I'd outsmarted some Greater Demon out there. Maybe I really would grow up to be a lawyer after all. I vowed that I wouldn't miss another episode of my hero Perry Mason, and I'd study all that drama real hard.
The next year, my mom hired a "cleaning service." Undoubtedly these guys had sold her on the idea of several guys going in there and getting the job done lickety split. Unfortunately, whoever did my room didn't realize that the cherished $10 bill that I'd put in a picture frame was a counterfeit. He stole it!
My poor mom. She phoned the "service" and fired them. I can't imagine how she worded her explanation, though. :-)
Of course the other half of the monitor is in the wellness center with no one listening
So saw a woman holding one of my mom's labeled hangers this evening- she carries one all the time for self Defense purposes - I told staff she had my mom's hanger and they ignored me - last week when I complained that I've bought 30 hangers and they keep disappearing I was told not to worry about missing hangers but yet I have to keep buying them
This same woman feeds dogs off the dinnerware and they won't stop that either
Another woman slapped my 93 year old mom today and threw her jigsaw puzzle on the floor - just another day in memory care - my mom didn't want to go to sleep tonight and was mad I wouldn't sleep with her since I'm the only one she trusts
Keeping your mother safe from physical assault is a pretty basic duty for them, isn't it? Will you take this further?
So if you have a member of staff = (say) ten hours of qualified time per shift, is that resource best deployed monitoring cameras (most of the time to no purpose whatsoever) or giving care to residents?
And say you plump for the monitoring option, if the monitorer then witnesses something that requires intervention, it still takes A Person and not A Camera to supply the intervention.
If you want all residents monitored purposefully 24/7, you need one-to-one care 24/7. Fine. Who's paying? And who's going to do that work for those wages?
It's not the first time and I have complained to staff and management especially when men have come into her room and grabbed her - to no avail
Residents get into fights and residents hit staff - until I can find a suitable alternative I have caregivers with her 12 hours a day
Since many of these incidents occur when staff is not around it all goes back to insufficient staffing levels
This particular memory care facility while highly regarded is part of a chain owned by a private equity firm which is all about maximizing profits