Now that my husband has been placed in a facility, new issues arise. Is it to be expected that he would lose his glasses, have on other peoples clothing, shoes, glasses and personal items? He has been there almost two months now and it is a beautiful memory care facility. The staff are very nice, there are many activities, outings and a nice courtyard for walks outside anytime. I feel so fortunate to have gotten him in this facility. However, the issues with missing items is frustrating. For example, this week he had on shoes that were at least two sizes too big, shirts, belts, socks and most items he was wearing were not his. I saw one of his shirts on another person. I mentioned it to another wife and she said don't worry yourself with those things. There are 60 people there and it's hard to keep people from laying things around. She said at least he's fed, clothed and sheltered. Yesterday I collected some of the things and took them to the desk and said these are not his. I made him redress in his own clothes and shoes. But many of his things are not there. He squints and never has glasses even though I had another pair made. So,he has two pair of glasses floating around the place. Sorry to be so long-winded but I'm thinking I might need to chill and just forget it. I'm still trying to recover from the years of caregiving at home. Has anyone else dealt with these issues? Carol
I try to hand wash them myself but the facility must throw them in with colored clothes as now they're gray and the eye hooks are bent - grrr
Despite my mom being an ample double d, her facility is no longer bothering with a bra - unless it looks like she's bothered by it - oh well
Up all night
let me share this take from a week ago in mom's memory care facility
A male resident wandered down mom's hallway while I was sitting in her room while she napped before lunch
Door are routinely left open and this man entered to room across the way and shut the door
Awhile later he came out in his underwear and entered another room
after awhile he came back wearing clothes belonging to men in the room next to mom and went back into the room across the way
This went on for about 30 minutes or so and housekeeping was in the hallway and clearly saw what he was doing
The second time he came out of the room across the way he had a yet another outfit on including ladies pink socks
so at this point I go gather up all the stray clothes give them to the wives of the owners and try to track down someone to fetch the wandering undressed man
Staff generally has no idea where residents are if they are mobile and will say residents are not restricted from entering anyone's room so don't bring anything of value
I used to get annoyed when mom was dressed like a clown - pink tops and orange pants
Until I observed staff helping her get dressed
Staff held up two tops and let mom choose
Then same with the pants
Naturally mom chose her favorite items
Why staff didn't try to offer matched items is another question but something's we just have to let go of to relieve the stress
careful not to catch my boobs in my waist band.
I wonder if it would be a good idea to separate men's and women's rooms in facilities. They could share facilities like dining rooms and lounges but not have access to rooms of the opposite sex.
At one point I had a single room in the hospital which shared a bathroom with the male resident next door!. He had a nasty habit of using the bathroom and then opening the door to my room to let the smell out. No way was I going to use that bathroom. I stuck to using the comode in my room.
A better idea!
Tonight staff was using mom's transport chair as a supply cart
"Support autonomy" - tick.
What about "maintain dignity"?
I don't know how the aids dressed her in the mornings, but Mom was almost always in nicely coordinating clothing. I'd mention that to Mother often. "Oh that blouse looks so nice with those pants. They do a good job of helping you dress, don't they?" This pleased her, but I doubt she'd be particularly upset or notice if her clothes were unmatched.
As my husband became less and less able to handle his own dressing I bought easier and easier clothes for him to put on. Sweat pants and knit athletic shorts and pants became a larger and larger part of his wardrobe. Turtle necks gave way to v-necks. That gave him the dignity of being able to dress himself. If he needed or wanted to "dress up" for an occasion I had to help him dress, but that gave him the dignity of fitting in for the occasion. It doesn't have to be one or the other all the time. (And at his adult day health program sweat pants fit in just fine. Apparently lots of folks were encouraged to dress themselves and given clothes that made it easier.)
I am sitting here in cozy sweat pants and a cute "Grandma" sweatshirt given to me by grandchildren. I don't feel undignified in the least. I don't need these easy clothes because of any impairment in getting dressed. I just like comfort. And after all the years of dressing for success for my career I feel entitled to "lower standards." This is my standard winter at-home wardrobe, with a few jeans thrown in.
I haven't worn a bra for several years, except for formal occasions such as weddings, when the more fitted clothing looks better with a foundation garment. (I defy you to look at me now and guess whether I'm wearing a bra or not. But then, my boobs definitely don't get caught in my belt!)
Certainly I am all for comfort over fashion: I may still cling to my high heels but it's mainly for fond reminiscence these days, and I live in jeans (when I can be bothered to get out of my pyjamas, that is!). But if you're full-busted then a well-fitting bra is more comfortable than freestyle, surely? And the sight of her dressed in clothes that she would have shuddered at... there has to be a happy mean between fashion plate and bag lady.
And I think you've hit on the real issue here. "The sight of her ..." That is about what it looks like to you, not about her dignity. Which is OK. No reason not to enjoy looking at her, when you are the one dressing her.
CM, you and I live in different countries. There may be some cultural differences, too.
I had certain clothes I wore to the nursing home. One day a little ol' lady I hadn't seen before was gesturing for me to come to her. Oh-oh. When I got to her wheel chair she said, "I love your great pants!" It was a thrift store purchase of bright pink velour with tropical flowers appliqued on it. Yep, a nursing home outfit! (I found out later the woman was 100 and had lived on her own until recently.) I bought a fully-sequined baseball cap at a garage sale and the nh ladies loved it, too. Dignified didn't seem to be high on their list of favorite clothing attributes.
But I do agree the older one gets the more important comfort is.
WELL after visiting a few patients and slogging over some muddy fields the business clothes only came out for our biweekly meeting in the office. Besides that was the way patient famillies dressed and I felt it made them more comfortable if I followed their lead. I wanted them to view me as a caring friend not a bossy official.
You can also request a lock for your husband's closet. Make sure his name is on everything.
I know it's been a while since you first asked this question. Has the problem resolved at all?