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I am an adult child of aging parents. My dad had another stroke a month ago and he cannot do anything for himself any longer and is now in a nursing home hospice. His ability to communicate is down to almost nothing. He is 90 & My mom is 84 living independently altho she is possibly showing signs of dementia. She was unable to make any decisions throughout this process without me and was quite confused. Is this group for me if I am looking for some emotional support? This has been a real difficult time and I could use it!

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It sounds as if you really rose to the occasion and got your father the care he needs - not an easy task, especially when you are also starting to see your mom’s decline and her need for care as well.

This forum and the topic articles will give you support and advice, but if you need a physical shoulder, there are caregiver support groups that meet in many communities, hospitals and churches. My sister in law found a local group that she is still involved in 4 years after her husband passed away. Sometimes you can’t beat face-to-face interaction with others going through the same difficult life stage.

As caregivers we all have different needs at different times. I’ve needed (and continue to need) my hand held, my eyes opened AND my butt kicked onto the right path from time to time. Browsing the topic articles is very helpful. Reading other poster’s questions and the answers given has been invaluable.
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Reply to Peasuep
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LynnBro Dec 15, 2024
Thank you🙏 I was looking for a local support group and found this website! Still looking…
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Dear LynnBro, I took care of my husband with dementia and many other physical problems for seven years before he passed away a year ago. Believe me, you are in the right place. I got so much help and advice from this blog. Nearly everyone here is more or less in the same situation. This is a wonderful place to vent. When times were very difficult, it kept me from putting my head in the oven!! The main thing is to take care of yourself. Get some help if you can. ((((Hugs to you))))
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LynnBro Dec 15, 2024
Thank you so much!! 🙏
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Hi Lynnbro, I am sorry to hear all you are going through. My dad was diagnosed with dementia a few years back. He had other conditions too and died this past May at age 80 after several months of hospice. My mom was totally overwhelmed by it all and I had to guide her through all of it, starting pre-dementia diagnosis, and I had to make most of the decisions too including putting him in hospice, which hospice provider to choose, etc etc. Now that my dad is gone, my mom relies on me heavily, both for practical things like paying the bills, filing the taxes, but also taking the garbage to the curb and bringing in packages (I live 3 miles from her) but also in making decisions of almost all kinds, including really mundane like what to get various people for Christmas, or even does this house plant need water. I think there are many factors as to why she acts this way, including for decades she relied on him and is not used to having autonomy, to just fear and getting older, but also her underlying personality and traumatic stuff from her childhood, plus gender role expectations from when she was young and her early marriage years. I haven’t detected any signs of dementia in her so far, but she does struggle to find words more.

wishing you the best!
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If you don't have it, have Mom assign you POA for Financial and Medical. Do it jow while she is considered competent andvuse a lawyer.

I think when people get into their 80s making decisions is just overwhelming. So they let someone else do it. At 75 I oversee a disabled nephew. He now has people. A coordinator and an aide. Its so nice not having to be the one that has to be on top of everything.
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LynnBro Dec 15, 2024
Thank you! 🙏
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Welcome to the Forum.
We are a bunch of caregivers and came to the forum pretty much where you are, giving care and dealing with things new to us, and confusing.

Hope you will read some of the Forum questions and answers.
It may trigger some of the many questions you will run into in your caregiving.
Hope that we can help with answers.
We all remember the early days of giving care when we were experiencing desperation and confusion. Some of us have been here now for years trying to answer others from experience gained on our own journey.
We look forward to having you in the community and are here when you have specific questions we might help with.
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LynnBro Dec 15, 2024
Thanks much!!
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Yes, this is the right place. I got many answers to my questions without even asking the questions, as others asked them first. We tend to have very similar issues with caregiving, including, if not especially, emotional ones. It is overwhelming, but we navigate it all with guidance from others experiencing similar situations. Your mom will most likely need from here on out your help for decision making. Ask, and someone will have the answers you need.
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LynnBro Dec 15, 2024
Thanks so much!
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