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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Unless you are a licensed psychologist, your DSM-5 diagnosis of your son-in-law doesn't mean a whole lot. We have got to the place in the United States where everyone we don't like, everyone we don't agree with, is suddenly a Narcissist.
In order to decide whether you have a mentally limited son-in-law or just one you don't like we need a few details.
Sorry I gave the impression that I don't like my son in law, he has been a part of this family for 25 years, and the Narcissist label was provided by my grandson's therapist . My son-in-law came from a broken home and his dad was probably a narcissist too...although Ill admit I didn't know that term until just the past year. My son-in-law and I have mostly gotten along over the years as I have been his source for emergency loans when his business hit rough spots, Currently, his business is doing well, and he doesn't need my advice or assistance, and faults me for the loans, saying they kept him from figuring out how to be successful..My grandson, moved out when he was 18 and recently was suffering from anxiety and depression...(not my diagnosis) I am paying for his therapy which seemed to trigger my son in law...who is now not speaking to me... Not really a problem for me but I see the difficulty this creates for my wife and daughter. Especially around holidays and birthdays. I only have one daughter and two grandchildren, she is still married to my son-in-law. While I certainly don't like his behavior, I still see him as a flawed person that has value to his family. While I know he could use some help , I don't believe he would ever seek it...sorry I didn't provide more details, was just looking for advice in general, the comments posted were helpful. They live close by and my wife and I have always been involved in our grand children's lives, and still are.
So additional details would be helpful as to what you mean by "deal with".
Dealing with a narcissist is incredibly difficult to begin with. But as difficult as it is - I hope you are separating his children from him in your mind. Engaging with a narcissist is painful to say the least. My FIL had NPD. But I also know that there were family members that never treated my DH and his sister fairly because of who their father was.
If you can avoid dealing with your SIL except on a superficial level. that's the best approach. Ignore him or deal with him the best that you can. But as far as the grandchildren that belong to him - hopefully especially if there are other grands, you are treating them all the same. Don't allow his behavior to penalize his children. They have no fault in this.
As funky grandma said - they shouldn't be treated any differently because they have an a*****e for a father. They are already paying the price for that I can promise you.
Thanks for the advise...Sorry I gave the impression that I don't like my son in law, he has been a part of this family for 25 years, and the Narcissist label was provided by my grandson's therapist . My son-in-law came from a broken home and his dad was probably a narcissist too...although Ill admit I didn't know that term until just the past year. My son-in-law and I have mostly gotten along over the years as I have been his source for emergency loans when his business hit rough spots, Currently, his business is doing well, and he doesn't need my advice or assistance, and faults me for the loans, saying they kept him from figuring out how to be successful..My grandson, moved out when he was 18 and recently was suffering from anxiety and depression...(not my diagnosis) I am paying for his therapy which seemed to trigger my son in law...who is now not speaking to me... Not really a problem for me but I see the difficulty this creates for my wife and daughter. Especially around holidays and birthdays. I only have one daughter and two grandchildren, she is still married to my son-in-law. While I certainly don't like his behavior, I still see him as a flawed person that has value to his family. While I know he could use some help , I don't believe he would ever seek it...sorry I didn't provide more details, was just looking for advice in general, the comments posted were helpful. They live close by and my wife and I have always been involved in our grand children's lives, and still are.
As a grandparent myself, I would say to just blow off your son-in-law best you can and continue to treat your precious grandchildren as you would any grandchild regardless of how their parent(s) act. You love them to the best of your ability. Your grandchildren shouldn't be treated any differently just because they have an a*****e of a father. It's not their fault that their father is a narcissist.
Great advice..he is some additional information...Sorry I gave the impression that I don't like my son in law, he has been a part of this family for 25 years, and the Narcissist label was provided by my grandson's therapist . My son-in-law came from a broken home and his dad was probably a narcissist too...although Ill admit I didn't know that term until just the past year. My son-in-law and I have mostly gotten along over the years as I have been his source for emergency loans when his business hit rough spots, Currently, his business is doing well, and he doesn't need my advice or assistance, and faults me for the loans, saying they kept him from figuring out how to be successful..My grandson, moved out when he was 18 and recently was suffering from anxiety and depression...(not my diagnosis) I am paying for his therapy which seemed to trigger my son in law...who is now not speaking to me... Not really a problem for me but I see the difficulty this creates for my wife and daughter. Especially around holidays and birthdays. I only have one daughter and two grandchildren, she is still married to my son-in-law. While I certainly don't like his behavior, I still see him as a flawed person that has value to his family. While I know he could use some help , I don't believe he would ever seek it...sorry I didn't provide more details, was just looking for advice in general, the comments posted were helpful. They live close by and my wife and I have always been involved in our grand children's lives, and still are.
Thanks I did look that up....everything I've read says to not engage, I was just wondering what my behaviour should be in response...so I get it...be a gray rock..
Here are basic rules to follow when dealing with narcissistic people:
To deal with a narcissist, the most effective approach is to set clear boundaries, avoid direct confrontation, practice self-care, limit contact when possible, and seek support from others, as narcissists often try to manipulate and control others by crossing boundaries, so establishing firm limits is crucial; if necessary, consider seeking professional help from a therapist to navigate the situation effectively.
Key strategies to manage interactions with a narcissist: Set firm boundaries: Clearly communicate your needs and expectations, and stick to them even if the narcissist tries to push back or manipulate you. Limit engagement: Avoid getting drawn into arguments or debates, and try to minimize unnecessary contact with the narcissist. Don't take things personally: Recognize that a narcissist's behavior often stems from their own internal issues, not a reflection of you. Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that nurture your mental and emotional well-being to counteract the stress of dealing with a narcissist. Build a support system: Lean on trusted friends and family members for emotional support and validation. Seek professional help: If the narcissist's behavior is significantly impacting your life, consult a therapist who specializes in dealing with narcissistic personalities. Things to avoid when dealing with a narcissist: Direct confrontation: Engaging in heated arguments can often escalate the situation. Trying to change them: Understand that it's unlikely you can change a narcissist's behavior, so focus on managing your own reactions. Enabling behavior: Don't make excuses for their actions or try to fix their problems. Taking their criticism personally: Narcissists often use manipulation tactics like belittlement, so try not to internalize their criticism.
As a grandparent, try taking your grandchildren out for the day and away from the problem son in law.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
In order to decide whether you have a mentally limited son-in-law or just one you don't like we need a few details.
Dealing with a narcissist is incredibly difficult to begin with. But as difficult as it is - I hope you are separating his children from him in your mind. Engaging with a narcissist is painful to say the least. My FIL had NPD. But I also know that there were family members that never treated my DH and his sister fairly because of who their father was.
If you can avoid dealing with your SIL except on a superficial level. that's the best approach. Ignore him or deal with him the best that you can. But as far as the grandchildren that belong to him - hopefully especially if there are other grands, you are treating them all the same. Don't allow his behavior to penalize his children. They have no fault in this.
As funky grandma said - they shouldn't be treated any differently because they have an a*****e for a father. They are already paying the price for that I can promise you.
Your grandchildren shouldn't be treated any differently just because they have an a*****e of a father. It's not their fault that their father is a narcissist.
To deal with a narcissist, the most effective approach is to set clear boundaries, avoid direct confrontation, practice self-care, limit contact when possible, and seek support from others, as narcissists often try to manipulate and control others by crossing boundaries, so establishing firm limits is crucial; if necessary, consider seeking professional help from a therapist to navigate the situation effectively.
Key strategies to manage interactions with a narcissist:
Set firm boundaries:
Clearly communicate your needs and expectations, and stick to them even if the narcissist tries to push back or manipulate you.
Limit engagement:
Avoid getting drawn into arguments or debates, and try to minimize unnecessary contact with the narcissist.
Don't take things personally:
Recognize that a narcissist's behavior often stems from their own internal issues, not a reflection of you.
Practice self-care:
Prioritize activities that nurture your mental and emotional well-being to counteract the stress of dealing with a narcissist.
Build a support system:
Lean on trusted friends and family members for emotional support and validation.
Seek professional help:
If the narcissist's behavior is significantly impacting your life, consult a therapist who specializes in dealing with narcissistic personalities.
Things to avoid when dealing with a narcissist:
Direct confrontation: Engaging in heated arguments can often escalate the situation.
Trying to change them: Understand that it's unlikely you can change a narcissist's behavior, so focus on managing your own reactions.
Enabling behavior: Don't make excuses for their actions or try to fix their problems.
Taking their criticism personally: Narcissists often use manipulation tactics like belittlement, so try not to internalize their criticism.
As a grandparent, try taking your grandchildren out for the day and away from the problem son in law.
Good luck to you.