At age 82my husband was diagnosed with a form of dementia, and was given permission to smoke 1-2 cigarettes a day. He rarely adheres to this and accuses son and I of stealing them. Though he only smokes outside or in the garage, I am finding burn holes from falling ashes on patio furniture and now one inside on the sofa cover. This really scares me, as I occasionally lie down to rest and doze off. I have been startled by the smell of smoke coming from the living room. He insists he only lights up inside and then walks outside. Everything has been such a struggle as he descends into this new world of confusion. Should I mention this to his doctor?
I also remove all the matches and other lighters in the apartment from mom's access.
You can also get lighters that have little heating coils (like a tiny toaster) instead of flames. This might be safer for some folks than a regular butane lighter.
So it's not so much the cigarettes you need to worry about as the lighting them.
It is reasonable and sensible to remove matches and lighters from your husband's reach. The trouble is that then every time he wants a light he's going to be bothering you for it, and it will become annoying for both of you.
If he has a place to sit outside, you could consider getting a handsome, weather-proof table top lighter that stays out there - just pick one that's far too big for him to put in his pocket absent-mindedly. You could even superglue it to the patio table to be extra sure. There are some under 'Collectables' on eBay that aren't expensive.
My mother smoked from age 14 to age 94. We were not at all worried about the health risk. Whatever damage was going to happen was already done. But we were worried about all the cigarette burns we discovered when we emptied her apartment. She lived with my sister and her husband for 14 months. They got her on e-cigarettes. These look like cigarettes, to the point where Mom sometimes tried to light them, but they didn't burn holes in anything! They were a bit of a nuisance and expensive, but by the time Mom needed a nursing home she was no longer smoking. That was wonderful! Residents were allowed to smoke, but it had to be in designated place outside.Those who were a bit confused had to be accompanied, and wore large fire-proof aprons that looked like the dentist was about to take x-rays. Smokes were kept at the nurses station. It was so much easier that Mom did not have that complication in her life.
If this were my husband, I'd let him have as many cigarettes as he wanted per day, but only in designated places and only with me or his son. We could sit in the garage (in our winter coats) and have a chat while he smoked. One of us would inspect the area for ashes when he was done.
Your husband has dementia. That is a fatal condition. He is not going to get better whether he smokes or not. I think my goal would be support him in things that seem important to him while making sure the house doesn't burn down! Sometime in the future, when he is gone, I hope your memories are not filled with conflict over smoking. Life is too short and precious for that.
Most of the fights happened when mom thought I was trying to control her smoking, or control how much she smokes. Now that she understands she can smoke as much as she wants, she actually smokes less. The battle now is just keeping her in the one spot, because she simply forgets.
From what I have observed in Memory Care units, the resident has a right to smoke if they want and they have to be escorted outside and supervised when they request it. I suppose the rules may vary by state.
Others feel like they need to keep their hands busy. Now a days some people use those whirling things that kids are spinning around and around.
Does hubby have a least favorite brand of cigarettes? If he is unable to hop in the car and drive to where he buys his cigarettes, and you are responsible for the buying, get him the least favorite brand. Make up some excuse that his favorite brand had been recalled because of pesticide poisoning on the tobacco leaves, whatever you think he might believe. He might quit if the cigarettes don't taste as good.
Dr Andrew Weil wrote a book on addiction many years ago called
'Chocolate to Morphine". If I remember correctly cigs were the hardest to quit.
Yes, I would discuss with his doctor and see if a cease smoking aid would be appropriate.
Perhaps there are extremely sensitive smoke detectors you can look into.
Monitor his buying habits and do some simple math on how soon the cigs are gone to give you a more accurate idea of how many he is smoking per day.
The smokers I used to know were fairly predictable about when they would light up.
First thing in the morning, after a meal etc.
You might find it necessary to be sure and be with your husband at these times, if not all the time.
You've been given some great ideas already. I can understand that it's a battle you would rather not take on but it's probably one of the more important ones. You might even experience some withdrawals symptoms yourself.
I'm hoping you dont also smoke. Good luck and let us know how you handle it.
You might keep a log to track your progress. It might make it seem more manageable.
Nicotine addiction is a tough one. Not having it when your body is used to it gives you harsh physical and mental withdrawal symptoms. I have read that it's as hard as heroin to kick, and I believe it, having quit myself (a few times now). You might be able to help him deal with the physical symptoms by letting him chew nicotine gum or suck on nicotine mints in between cigarettes. (Just don't give him the patch, because it's dangerous to smoke while on the patch, and you can't guarantee he won't smoke when you're not looking.)
My dad also smoked and had dementia, but he forgot he smoked, which happens with some. Basically I put the cigarettes and ashtray on the sideboard one night during dinner and he never asked for them afterwards. I never offered them and he never asked for cigarettes again.