How do you care for your parent when they have always had some form of mental illness?

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I am almost packed ready to be a beach bum we can celebrate my birthday next month on the beach for the ripe OLD age of 61 hopefully with a hurricane so I can feel something than write LOL

The Geriatric Assessment Specialty Clinic's Social Worker called me back yesterday, in answer to my request for a second referral. She said she was sorry the Psychiatrist mom saw disagreed with their findings. I asked if they could refer me to someone who could do more testing, beyond the simple cognitive exam already given. Mom passes 28-30/30 each time. What they don't test for is judgement. She said there's nothing more they can do. She said they see mom as a "pretty ill lady, (as you know) with really serious problems." They see this as a Psychiatric problem, and are referring me for further help and treatment. She told me, "Perhaps with medications and psychotherapy, someone can make a dent in her anger and paranoid delusions."

It helps to gain their perspective, and to hear what others are observing. To me, this is "just mom," but she is often outrageous in her manipulations. But, I do not have anything substantial in writing, and would like documentation of what they are saying to me verbally. As for help, I am not holding my breath.

So far, mom is on her own, in a subsidized senior apartment building. It's like a sorority to her, as she flits about from room to room, having a grand old time badmouthing me. She tells them I'm abusing her each time I deny her the latest demand for "more money," etc. She doesn't understand limitations, budget, or restrictions. She doesn't try to talk with me, just demand more, and more and more. This week it's pudding and snacks. She is keeping things neat and clean. She isn't burning the place down, and she is dressing every day, for her social gatherings. The only problem is her angst against me, so we limit our time with her, and try to sidestep the tantrums. This sounds mild, but it is increasing in nature against me. It's hard for her daughter (me). Nothing to "treat" here, really. She is not harming herself or others, besides my "reputation" with her outlandish claims. Bummer for that, but who cares? If they want to listen to that, bummer for them. So long as Social Services is not knocking on my door, I probably shouldn't worry.

In the meantime, I think I hear the beach calling.

This can't hurt, the next time you visit your mother and she starts ,,,, just very caalmly say, mother this isn't working for mem, do you have any suggestions? if she still tries to yank your chanins, say calmly, mother this still isn't working for me and leave than let her think on it a few days . Do this a few visits, if she is as obstinate as ine it will take a few says, she will either get it or she won't after that you could try It may be helful mother, to think about it in this way and give her an examplek, I find when mine gets all riled up about something which is very unimportant like her possessions which are all sitting all over my house not being used I tell her there is no need to get defensive and that our house is getting smaller and we have to accomodate everyone and all she needs to do is ask and someone will make sure she has what she "needs" Its hard but it can work when they find you are not being suciked into her anger, I do know how it hurts when you are the only one doing things for her and helping to the best of your ablity which by the way is supberb. and they drag you thru the mud I have to laugh at one point writing letters, mom was dragging the entire family thru the mud but she made a mistake she sent the wrong letters to the wrong people and than they said oh what the hell is this I said welcome to my world LOL

Secretsister, my heart goes out to you. It is very hard to care for someone like your mother. I get it because my mother performed and had an act for each audience, husband, siblings, church, her friends, neighbors, doctors, etc. It was sickening to watch.

But as her behavior accelerated, she buried herself. The doctor caught on to her antics and would ask me questions, once I proved I was POA and they could talk to me. I have finally gotten to a point where when people challenge me with mom, fine. I look at my husband and say "You tell them." From that time on they believe it with their jaw dropped or they don't. From there I really don't give a rip.

I understand you are her guardian, but perhaps the best thing is to let her bury herself at this point. Yes, you have put in all your energy, time and family into doing all the legal etc, but why get yourself into a bigger lather? Let her reap exactly what she is sowing.

When my mom gets mad at me, I just simply tell her well if you hadn't done ____ this would not have happened, since you also did this ___ its beyond my control. I let her swim in her own stew so to speak.

Its frustrating and I know what a brat mine is, so I can't imagine if I was getting accused of abuse. Although now too many people know me and the truth so....

Hang in there! Don't give up. But definitely do not let her behaviors consume you. Then she has already won.

Secret Sis,....WHY THE HELL DO YOU LISTEN TO HER....don't let her get to you, that is her NPD FODDOR. They live on that stuff more than food, and you are letting her. Remember I told you about my mom's psychotherapist telling me the same. Well you have to do it. DO NOT LISTEN. Do your job as caretaker and nothing else. I am sorry to hear that the psych you took her too was a numbnuts. If they are not totally familiar with these disease then they scoff it. I am disgusted those are the only meds she is on. What an idiot, wait till she causes some big disruption. And you know how you can create that...IGNORE FOR FOR AWHILE. You are giving her the feed she thrives on....leave her be for awhile...let her make a big commotion and then we will see if they hop her up on some psych meds....that will float her ass down from those lofty stars she seems to hop about on.

Sorry about the post, but I hate seeing you suffer on and on by the words of a MADWOMAN! ;-) big hug g/f and to all you gals (and guy if you are still here) on here, the Too Big of a Heart Club ;-)

I just received ths,,,,

Toxic relationships is a relationship that doesn't work. It produces negative physical and mental health consequenses for its partners. The relationship is not simply a pattern of repeating disagreements, bickering, or periodic feelings of incomparibility. Instead, tox relationships fuel worsening self0esteem and negative views of oneself. Fear of the other person because of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse is not uncommon. Toxic relationships are not characterized by reciprocal "give and take" or "I/you" conversations. Interactions in which each party feels respected and supported, heard, and valued are rare to nonexistent. Feeling shackled by patterns of dysfunctional behavior that leave you feeling drained is more common. it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that you are in a toxic relationship ( I think all of us recognize that fact as we are here) It can be even harder to determine what to do about it. You need support. A professional counselor, employee assistance professional, or other mental health professional can offer perspective and help. You can discover how to feel safe and explore whether there is some way to intervene and mske the changes necessary to salvage the relationship.
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Nost of us are dealing with mothers with NPD some with fathers. We have to heal ourselves because we have been damaged and we can give care but we should put our selves first. I will be the first to say my dealings with my mother have infected every relationship I have ever had including the one I have with my husband. Never again will she have my power, ever, ever, ever. I will take care of her needs that is all I will do we can't even hsve a conversation about anything wexcept her and I am learning finally to tune her out. want to know how? I come home from work relax on the porch a place she will never go unless she races to the mail box thinking someone might see her mail. LOL than do what I have to do "quickly" than get on my computer and play chicapets its fun and relaxing and I can be a child something I neve was and I can think of nothing but what I am doing let me know I'll send you a referral than she can talk a blue streaK AND ALL i HAVE TO DO IS NOD MY HEAD EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE AND THAN SHE GOES BACK TO HER ROOM JUST TOO COOL lol STUPID SPLINT AND i'M NOT RETYPING lol

Neon, yep here we have the same summarization as we have all seen. Now let's all take heed, that these folks are toxic, as toxic as toxic waste plants produce, except this waste is coming from the grey matter in their sick minds.

Thanks for posting it, it's a good reminder!!!!

Neon, I have the same problem with my mom, an infatuation with the mail. Now she's been complaining that she can't see the keyhole to the mailbox when she tries to unlock it. Well she's the paranoid that wanted a locked mailbox, (more prompting from her paranoid sister and sister's boyfriend). After we had just spent 200 dollars on a new deadbolt lock on the front door and me getting more spare keys made for the lock below it..now she wants a door with a mail slot which I think is even more dangerous, due to people can put snakes etc into your house. I am saying that because she did have some low life heavy metal slime that was living across the street. And of course she had to fight with them, so they did many things to the house over the years. I am glad they moved away several years ago, they were a blight on the street. Now everyone is normal...well cept for mom. Well I always thought these types of mail drops where kinda dangerous if someone wanted to get back at ya. So I am trying to get her off that idea. Maybe I can convince her to leave the box unlocked...so she just has to pull it open....lets see if that will work. There is always something she has to peep up about, to always keep the attention on her. Seems it keeps them alive. For cripes sakes!

Yes mine to you know what I do not accomdate those kind of things we are safe we have locks and if she wants to visit the man next door in the empty house that plays the horn I say go for it momma LOL I know I am bad but it saves my sanity and I don't jump like I used to I just say yep god idea and forget about it usually she does to if not I so oh my goodness i forgot all about it LOL not spending money for nothing she does that all by hersself. But yes its always something. she picks on my cats and they hate her guess what they have claws hehehe well she picked on one how dumb is it to swipe your hand at a cat well Peppermint Pattie said who the hell are you woman I was here first and swiped her back LOL mom says I won't play with you anty more and she wasn't playing she was shooing her away. if my mother only knew that she could have a freiend if she wasn't so hateful it's very relaxing to me to sit and pet one. It hurts us because we want that beaver cleaver relationshp with our folks, but the facts are there are more of us than there are Cleavers the only commonality that we have with the cleaversz is that some of our family members maY USE A CLEAVER. AND WITH THAT I AM OUTTA HERE.

I'm packing my stuff and we can head to the beach, sis, lol. I feel terrible for saying this but it is so much calmer with mom not here. Mind you, I do love her, and hope to bring her home sometime, but I feel like the tension and the weight of the world kind of lifted.
I know what you mean about people feeling suspicious. I was feeling that way at church before the big abuse accusation. I knew something was going on and I was right. Take care of yourself sis..and remember we're here for you.

Hello ladies. It's been awhile. I went downstate to work on mom and dad's house, and get some winter clothes (ha ha) for mom, and a chair. Filled my empty van, and dropped it off this weekend. That should disqualify all her written arguments to the judge, except for the new ones she creates in her sick mind.

It's hard to be around her. We (hubby went with me) went to her apartment today, and she is so argumentative and ugly. Very hard to deal with, so we just left. I arranged for transportation for her to her last chemotherapy treatment this week, and went to tell her so. She refused my ride home, so I will record that in my journal, and let her complain about me. I tape record everything, so if she wants to complain, all I have to do is prove her argumentativeness, complaining, etc. I will call the doctor rather than go with her, and explain why. As her Guardian, they will talk to me, and I'll wait on them to direct. Other than that, I buy groceries, supply her with a tiny bit of spending money, and will leave her be.

I don't think I'll pursue mom's Psychiatrist appointment, as it is expensive to have her just sit around complaining about me. I'll call to see which page he's on, and if it's not for her diagnosis, then I will discontinue those appointments. I was already told she has a PD, and will get worse, by the Geriatric Assessment Team. What more do I need? (Besides a good Support Group for me.) Let her cry to her enabling "friends," and not pay some quacktor; I mean "doctor" to listen.

I am ready for the beach. It's been so beautiful, but I haven't been yet, and may have to go without my husband, because summer is almost gone. If he wants to stay and work, fine, but my nine year old and I are going away, because I desperately need it before the cold sets in. Soon, possibly this week if the sun keeps shining up north. But asap, will suit me.

Secretsister, I hear ya. My mother is fine (according to staff) until I arrive. Then she puts on this show. I don't worry about it. When the time comes I can get all the documentation I need. I won't give that woman that kind of power.

I did have to laugh though because my NPD mother thought she had me.... LOL I was asked by the staff to buy some Head & Shoulders shampoo, etc because of their lack of bathing there are scalp issues (oh the staff gets them to shower now LOL, another funny story).

So I went shopping for this shampoo, dropped it off about a week or so ago. Mom this weekend says to me, "Thanks a lot. Since you brought that shampoo now we have to have a shower tonight by staff." I tried keeping a straight face when I blew off her complaint.

I also found out that there is only one staff member who gets my parents into the shower regardless of what they say or how they put up a fuss. I met this girl for the first time and I hugged her! She laughed and she said she puts up with no fussing, she just gets them in. She said my father get so angry but she says he gets over it as soon as she gets him in the bathroom.

You just do what you can, how you can. Again, support the staff that cares for them. Stand in the truth and don't let her rattle you. Mental disease is the hardest. Remaining calm, direct and truthful (with documentation) and putting God first in all you do is the best you can do for her. Anything she does of her own free will of choice is beyond your abilities or control.

You're right, Mitzi. God does come first. I thought about mom's anger today. If she chooses to be angry, that's her choice. It's on her, not me. I choose to count my blessings, instead. Life is short, and it's not worth fighting with anyone.

Just went to a funeral today. Our friend was only 57. He was a bright spot, and the place was packed, with those who loved him. I never heard him complain, and we all felt a little better for knowing him. He loved God, loved people, and was will be remembered fondly.

I wonder how we'll feel when our mothers pass?

My mom was not doing well downstate, living alone, 200 miles away from her closest family. She has all sorts of ailments and Cancer. So we moved her up by us, into a cute place by the lake, in a very nice community. She has less to care for, and a little group of friends surrounding her, as opposed to isolated in a lonely subdivision. We take care of all her needs, and many of her wants. She complains constantly about every little thing.

My hubby reminded me of the saying, "Some people aren't happy unless they have something to complain about." She's been this way all her life, and is getting progressively worse. I am the target, and it is not pleasant. But I am hiring people to care for her more and more every day. No sense in my being her victim, so let her whine and cry to someone else. If she chooses to be mean and ugly and argumentative, it will cost her my care, and she will be financially drained as a result. She doesn't understand it, but that is relieving me of constancy of her tirades. Her Physician has referred her (at my request) to the Health Department to set up and administrate her medications. At least, that's the phone message I received on my answering machine. We'll see about that as soon as I can call them. She also has a follow-up with her primary care physician this week, which should proved to be interesting, as well.

Well my mother is complaining about having this counselor (Christian) that is coming to her at the AL. That was a miracle in itself. Well now my mother won't talk to him and its been 7-8 months since he's been going almost every week. My mom insists finding out who's paying for it and who ordered it.

I simply tell her, the hospital (where she was in geriatric psych) ordered her outpatient counseling. She has one of three choices: 1) go back to geriatric psych at the hospital; 2) go out to appointments outside of her AL apartment; or 3) take the in-patient counseling, but she's getting the doctor's orders. Then she complains how long does it have to go on. I simply tell her its really up to her. She keeps it up, it goes longer.

Besides, little does she know its dad's money paying for her "care" as he has always done. Anything associated with me, she shuts down immediately. The staff will say she's doing fine, etc as soon as I show up, she starts.

You asked a question on you wonder how we'll feel when our mom's are gone? Many will offer opinions, but until people have experienced a severely dysfunctional mother, I don't think they can give a fair answer. What I can tell you is...

my counselor said he had a father who was abusive growing up. Very angry man. He said that when he died, he did not feel remorse over his loss. He said it was actually very difficult to accept people's sympathies for the loss, because he had none.

Suffice it to say, we did not live or make the choices for the way their lives turned out. Each of our dysfunctional mothers (or fathers) have to be accountable for themselves in the end. All we are responsible is for us. Isn't that enough anyway? Do your best and don't worry about it (easier said then done).

Yes it is easier said than done.

Wow. A lot has happened in a week.
I have spent the morning reading threads and posts.
And I have a few questions.
In one thread, some people feel that this personality disorder is a weakness of will, and that It should be able to be controlled. I am sure their anger feeds their anger, but if something did not develop correctly in their brains, can we expect any behavior different than they give? and also, could we, as one thread mentioned, cause their behavior to be worse - feeding their anger by getting angry about it? What works for me is total disinterest. Nothing bounces back, the momentum dies.
BUT, if that works, then doesn't it kind of sound like 'yes, Virginia, they CAN control their actions?' and if these people can fake it for doctors and strangers, why be so stinking mean to us?

I too have my husband explain things to people. He is considered 'Normal" and I am just the misery that erupted from a bad union. People will listen to my parents and get a very wrong opinion, but will hear my husband in a different arena. I am outta da loop. Or just loopy.

The care giver is now saying things like,"you were so right!" ''I couldn't believe all the stuff you said at first, but man he's awful to his family!" "He knows how to fake it in the doctor's office." "Your mother just has to have total control doesn't she?"
I have mixed emotions about this ressesion/depression some of us are experiencing. It sure is making my life a misery, but would I have a caregiver for my parents if she didn't need the job?

I am able to learn so much from reading your posts. I too wonder if I will feel something uncomfortable when my parents die.
I have freinds who said all they felt was freedom and relief. What a sad eulogy. But we can not mourn their lack of tenderness and compassion. We can not mourn the love they could not give us. They will not change on their death bed. All we can do is keep them clean, fed, safe. Do not expect back anything and you will not be disapointed. If we do these things that we do in hopes that one day they will see the light, then we are deluding ourselves. And that is our fault, and not theirs. It is difficult to see the forest for the trees. Take some giant steps back, look upon them as clients, not parents. It has always felt like a job to be their kid anyway. (without pay or benefits)

I listened to the speech to the school children that the president made today. No matter what political side you are on, it was a speech that could have been written for anyone of us here.
We have to dig down deep inside of us and pull ourselves up. Mom and dad aren't going to do it for us. and in many cases, they don't want us up. We must not fail ourselves.

Folks, these parents of our are never going to change...never, they will stay the way they are or even get worse until their death. That's the facts. The NPD's have been around for some time and from what I have seen in countless other blogs is that they are that way until the end. So don't go beating yourself up for them. Do the best you can and then move on. If you must grieve then grieve each must do what they must feel in their own hearts. I don't think I will be grieving too much due to it will be a relief for me. I tell people who have fantastic parents to be thankfull they have well meaning and loving parents. It's tough to live through the fact that they live only for themselves. Yes it is their choice, it may be by circumstances in their own childhoods to become the way they are, but that did not mean that they got to take out their anger on us, but yet they did. So the best is to do the best you can and move on. Do not listen to their complaining, unless it is a realistic request of some sort, but otherwise, say 'Yes' and then move on. This is the NPD feed that they need in order to continue with their alter selves in their own minds. They need to dictate in order to make themselves feel in power or in fact still 'here on earth' so to speak, to let people know they are still here and trying to be 'in charge'. It's a vicious game, and you just got to be the one up who knows the game better.

See you ALL have the advantage now, we have discussed what this disease is about many times and how it works. Now it's up to you to use that knowledge and better your own psyche and move forward. These people have kept us down long enough, as first children and then young adults and into adulthood. Now this is the time to end their abuse. You take control of the situation now. My mother wanted me to go to the bank first this weekend bring her back the ATM card and the money and then go the store. I said no way. I am not making two trips for what. Her assine response to me always for things like this is "You might lose it". I said "Yeah right, your'e the one who can't remember where you put things anymore". She is still trying to treat me like a 5 year old like I can't handle anything even though I am an adult. Well I said, it does'nt go your way anymore. Either you give me the card or it won't happen. So she gave me the card. And get this, later when I gave her the monies, she tried to say it was 20 dollars less. And that the time before that it was 20 dollars less. I said the machine at the ATM does not make mistakes like that, more likely you can't count anymore. And that was the end of that. Not taking her crapola anymore and not internalizing any of her accusations. Last week she has the audacity of calling me at midnight. Left several nasty messages before I finally heard the phone. She accused me of taking her checkbook and her key. Well it turned out she was looking not for the front door key, but a patio key. Who knows where she puts stuff, I have given up on trying to make ryhym and reason over there. She fights on so many issues. Well I am only addressing situations that need to be addressed. Now she hot on getting a hand railing put on the front door, and doing that with some contractor she found in some city ad's booklet. Well it is her house and it is her money, so letting her have at it. It will just have to be removed later, when I inherit, due I am sure it will be hideous! ;-)

So it's a matter of Power and Control they want to have over another individual and we the children are the ones they have manipulated with fear and with the idea that they 'OWN' us, is the reason they pick on us the most and distrust us the most.

gvergrl, where did you get the idea you are "just the misery that erupted from a bad union"? Sounds like the programming of some bad parenting, or poor self-image.

We were created in the image of God, and he made you for a very special purpose. I wish you could that forest! As for pulling ourselves up, we can only do what God "allows," and only with his help, or with the help of his children. Without God, we fail. Period. It is only by God's grace we breathe, get up and go about our day, and only by his grace are wevable to have health, intellect, blessings, etc. As soon as we think we can go it alone, or that we don't need him, he lets us see how helpless, hopeless, and powerless we are. But with him, we can move mountains. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Guess I'm talking to me, here, encouraging myself in my faith. Sometimes I can't see the forest, either. But God will lead us if we let him. He made the forest, and is the way, the truth, and the life. I will go to him for my help!

Piratess, I have to agree. I also agree that God gives us the grace to do the things most people could not do, which in this case with an NPD parent is to care for them with boundaries.

No caregiving job is easy. I know I just thank God daily for the provisions to take care of my parents in AL. I thank God for the documentation that allows me to proceed and handle their business with success. I thank God for the strength to turn away from the behavior without issue at this point.

Hang in there gals! Remember we are NOT our NPD parent. We are above that and can choose to overcome!!

Yes, Mitzi, thanks for reminding us of God's provisions, (mentally, physically, and financially) to care for our parents. I agree with you about being thankful for the documentation verifying incapacitation, and for that which allows me to proceed and handle their business well. I am also grateful for the grace and strength to do what must be done, despite difficulties. Thank God we are not our NPD parent! We can and should count our blessings for that, and God's grace to overcome anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. We are more than conquerors.

Sis,
THEY think I am a misery that erupted from a bad union, and THAT I can not change. I have no voice or reason to THEM.
Also. God gave us brains, and will, and strenght to survive, and with THAT we pull ourselves through the difficult times. We can not rely on our parents...ever. and they do not want to rely on us, but if not us then what? they die on a urine soaked mattress alone? No. We have to be there for them in spite of the misery, because WE did develop empathy and compassion. If we have these traits even though we were reared in a BAD situation, then doesn't it follow that the situation does not cause npd? I am not an alcoholic. I don't hit my kid. I don't spend money with out ever looking at the balance first. We are dealing with people who have an organic brain glitch. That was the lesson God led me here to learn. God led me here to find help and compassion, and now It is time that I put these lessons to work. God is not going to just bop me on the head and say 'you are all better.' He is giving me the tools to help myself. Now, it is my responsibility to do that.

Dear gvergrl, you have a sweet spirit, and a will to win. I admire that in you! And it's so wonderful to hear that you have not carried on your mom's patterns (alcoholism, child abuse, financial irresponsibility, etc.) My heart goes out to you, because I can relate to much of what you're saying. I pray the Lord bless you in all you do, and guide you. Thanks for being on these threads. And thanks for your response.

God has led me here, as well. The learning curve is great, and growing. Can't believe the battle we're experiencing with my mom right now. We need prayer. Just sent a personal email to an "understanding comrad," who is familiar with this disorder. And I'm counseling with my godly Pastor regarding many issues having to do with my mom and dad. It all helps, but we do desperately need prayer. Thank you.

Hope all is well with all of you. Take care.

I ditto both of you but it is still very hard isn't it?

I don't think I've experienced anything so hard in my entire life! And it seems to be getting harder every day. Makes one wonder what God is preparing us for... I absolutely must rely on his grace to see me through this dark valley. Thank God for prayer, and for a place to vent and find support from friends like you.

I am seeing a psychologist and even now she still catches me off guard I hate living my life on guard ALL the time. But like you all said with the Grace of God... without it I would never make it I've been beaten down for so long and I am soooo tired mentally and physically God bless us everyone!

Dear Neon, bless your heart. I can really relate to being caught off guard. It's a trick staying afloat in the wake of their whirling dervishes. Can't imagine doing it without God's help! I understand feeling tired mentally. Have been resting better lately, except for the mental thoughts, which I'm trying to control. Wish my hubby were home and not working, like before, to ease my burdens. But God will be my strength. Yours, too. Take care! Hope you are doing something nice for you.

I am dong somethings for me my pshycologist says I must do something good for me every day but not so creative when it comes to me. i am helping my son get supplies to start his own business and that gives me grat pleasure. my dead sons birthday is monday and i do get a little down when that day gets closer and I try not to so this year i am sending myself flowers, My mother tired bringing that into the mix the other day, see she took him away from me when he was 18 months old out of spite because I wanted to get my own apt. and she wouldn't get that money everyweek so she sorted thru all my belongings and kept what she wanted and put three boxes of my stuff on the porch and locked the door at that time I wasn't allowed to have a key to the house. tono avail could I get in . I got a lawyer and finally after 18 more months of not seeing my child which devastated me had no where to go so finally got my own place we went to court the lies that were told, but the state did a background check on all of us and i got my child back. 1 week before his birthday and the funny thing was during recess the radio played mother and child reunion. Anyway to get to the point she said to me " haha I remeber when we lived in dundalk everybody thought Stephen was your brothers little sister, at that point my body immediately tensed up and I could feel the skin curl away from my face, I took a deep breathe and turned around and smiled sweetley and said Yes, I did have beautiful children didn't I end of conversation it just hurts that she hasn't a clue what she has done to me over the years and as soon as she doesn't get her wAY it's I don't know why you act this way you always say you want me to be happy but you don't I think the next time she says that i am going to say don't you have me confused with you? It still won't matter to me as we know its all about her but it makes me feel better to at least feel like I am defending myself although I shouldn't have to.

Neon,
I would have never have laid eyes on my mother again. The line they cross is when they take what we have in our own little families. You are a living, breathing, walking example of forgiveness. I am not that way. You all think I am kind and tender, but...I fail to forget... and I watch my back, and those backs of the ones I love. 'Never again...'
I will be thinking of you next Monday. I won't write then. so I will send you a tender hug now. (Hug)( hug.)

Neon, I hear ya. I go to a Christian counselor that I would not trade for the world. He reminds me constantly of the grace of God to do, but because we are human we have to quit thinking we are to do everything perfectly.

I get a lot of grief from Christians for seeing a counselor, but a God-given one cannot be traded for anything. If I hadn't had him back in my life after 10 years, I'm telling you it would have been breakdown #2 in my life.

I hear you being mentally and physically exhausted. I have no energy to do things my husband and I used to do. I've gotten and obtained an "I don't care" attitude and that scares me a bit. I have to stay humble to God or I can lose it very quickly.

Stay humble and calm everyone. We'll get through it!

thank you so much for listening and understanding my problem is I forgive too quickly regardless of whether I get an apology or not I am a peacemaker have been since a child that you gvergrl so much for your prayers and thought

Mitzi I am a christian also I have told my christian family I am seeing a psycologist all think it is a good thing except one but than again he didn't beleive in going to doctors either guess what both he and his wife now see doctors for varius reasons, I beleive in preventative actions I would have seen a psyc sooner if I had actually knew what Narciccistic meant a soon as I found out I made an appointment My psych is using the material I gave him with another patient. I also believe in staying informed this helps me cope But as i said before it is very hard to unlearn feelings you've had all your life but I'm giving it the ole college try and knowing me I will succeed. As we all will. The difference between God and my mother is God knows my mother, my mother thinks she's God so she thinks she will never die, I just went home for lunch to pick up a few things and there she is laying in bed reading her trash and watching soap operas plotting her new attack sorry but thats just how I think of it. i maintain as much calm in my life as possible especially when everything I do is wrong i go to church too much I do too much (for other people) you see that takes away from her so I stay away from My home as much as possible when she gets to the point where she cannot do things for herself she will go to a nursinghome whether she likes it or not and I will not blink a eye. as some one said earlier how do you mourn something you never had? You can't and I won't feel guilty about it either because I've knocked at that door for at least 58 years. again than you both have a great day neon