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Yes, while standing on your head and doing backflips.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Charles,

Amen! A few cartwheels too!
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Your topic interests me. It feels very simular to raising a child ! She asks for my permission to do things. She is not self assured. This puts me in a parent position. It was hard for me to step into these shoes. As I do not have children !
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It's far worse. They are dead weight and do not help; in fact, they often pull against you when you try to clean them.. Try cleaning their poop and urine in bed and see what I mean. You never lived until you disimpact your own mother's bowels to dislodge a stool so round and hard it is unable to pass. I would say it is a thousand times worse.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
cetude,

Wow! Just wow. You are a SAINT!
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The main difference is that children grow up to become independent (unless the child is disabled in some way). The elderly will continue to decline and require more and more care with the passage of time.

Also, it's easy to diaper a 20-pound toddler - but difficult to diaper a 170-pound adult male.

Complicating the issue is that when our parents become elderly and require care, we may be in senior-hood ourselves facing our own health concerns. (I've known a lot of 70-year-olds caring for parents in their 90s.)
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gdaughter Jul 2019
It's no easier being a working 60+ year old caring for two parents in the 90+ and 100+ range!
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Like rising children except in reverse. It makes you sometimes wish we came with an on/off switch. When things get too bad, turn us off.
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One of the downsides of living in this current age is the medical advances made so that we live a good deal longer than we use to. I know that in the case of my mom and step dad, both would have died many years ago had it not been for modern medical procedures like heart bypass and electronic implants to regulate the heart. Along with various medicines we have helped our parents to live well into their 80's, 90's and longer more of us are having to face the issues involved in taking care of a parent who can no longer take care of themselves. The down side is that the quality of life has a tendency to decrease both for parent and caregiver. It's one thing to live to be 90. It's something else to be able to enjoy life at the point in time. It is a reality of modern life that we have to deal with. With doctor assisted suicide becoming legal in more and more states, one has to wonder if more caregivers will find a way to use this to rid themselves of the responsibility of full time care of an elderly mom or dad.
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I have three grown children and it was a joy and a challenge to take care of and raise them-there is a positive and proud since of accomplishment and outcome with children.
I'm taking care of my 57 year old sister-she has cirrhosis and hepatic encephalopathy (toxins have gone to the brain because the liver doesn't function/filter right.) We are 10 years apart and she pretty much raised me. I feel very overwhelmed with the situation. I never thought I would be taking care of my sister this way. I have to remember that what's done is done. I can't continue to be angry and disappointed. We take it One Day at A Time and make the most of the time we have. There is a reason I am taking care of her! I'm doing everything to allow her to live with as an adult with dignity and respect and allowing her to be involved with decisions when she is able. I will continue to stay positive and for her the best way I can. It's very hard to see a sibling dying; I feel it is more expected with a parent.
Try to remember it is very hard and stressful taking care of them-but they also took care of you :)
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gdaughter Jul 2019
everyone should be blessed to have a sister like you:-)
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Yes, absolutely. My dad is like a toddler, I have had to go back in my mind when my kids were little and remember the techniques I used back then to deal with my dad. Dementia or no dementia, it's no reason for him to treat people like c&ap and say mean things. I don't tolerate it. I also don't tolerate him constantly demanding people pay attention to him when it's not just him and me one-on-one. He always wants to be the center of attention and gets upset when other people are talking and aren't paying attention to him. There is something that happens nearly every time we're together.
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GBfinlay Jul 2019
I have the same problem. My husband needs constant attention and won’t let others talk. What do you do? I haven’t found a solution.
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I learned to take snacks for my mom who had Alzheimer's, and to take  a change of clothes for her, if we went out, (due to occasional incontinence issues). Sound familiar? It's the same thing that you do for kids, but there are some differences in other areas, aren't there?  With kids, you can lock a door so they can't get out; with my mom, she was quite capable of storming out the door, (sometimes in a storm). With kids, if they don't behave, you can take away a privilege, like watching TV, but you can't do that with a parent. We took care of my mom for 5 year and 3 months. I even wrote a book about it: "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." Sometimes caregiving responsibilities take on various forms, and we just have to  juggle our responsibilities the best we can, don't we?
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Justme44 Jul 2019
I really thought day to day tasks were so routine but your perspective makes me realize, its similar!! But never the same day twice!!:)
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I compare raising children to raising elderly parents mostly when taking them out in public. Upon arrival at a store or restaurant, they immediately have to use the bathroom. When you are looking elsewhere for one second, they will suddenly go from dragging their feet to moving swiftly away from you, causing you to frantically search for them. Calling out to them does no good - the kids ignore you and the elderly can't hear. They want things that make no sense and tantrum until they either get them, or wear themselves out. With kids it's usually toys or candy. With adults, its the 10th pair of black pants because people keep "stealing them" or the 50th bottle of hand soap they have purchased in a month because you can never have too much (yes, you can).

They make loud tactless comments in front of strangers "look how fat that lady is!" that embarrass the daylights out of you - especially when you know that they know better. They order food in restaurants they have no intention of eating, resulting in a doggie bag that you eventually throw out because they don't like leftovers. They leave things in public places that necessitate a flying trip back to get those items - with kids its a blankie or stuffed animal, with the adults its a purse, eyeglasses or cane.

They will pick an argument just for the fun of it, shooting down every bit of logic you come up with. They will demand to go places with you even though you know they won't enjoy it and have no interest in it and you'll end up having to leave the place earlier than you wanted because "they're tiiiiirrrreeeddd." No temperature is right for them - kids are too hot, elderly are too cold. If you even TRY to verbally correct them, some do-gooder who has never had the pleasure of dealing with either children or the elderly will accuse you of heartless abuse. They always get hurt after you've told them a million times not to put their fingers there, or walk there, or reach for something over head. Parades, movies, and fireworks displays are a nightmare because someone taller never fails to sit directly in front of them and they "caaaannn'tttt seeeeeee!"

Anyone else rolling their eyes and sighing right now?
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lindabf Jul 2019
Such a great description! And yes, I’m sighing and nodding and trying to focus on the humor of the situation as well as you are doing! Thanks for the cathartic post.
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I don't agree
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Justme44 Jul 2019
With what?
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You nailed it. I went to bed last night, exhausted, not getting cleaned up and leaving the room I have in a house shared with my elder parents undone. That was after a weekend that blurred into one long cleaning fest doing laundry and cleaning and allowing them to go first in spite of my agenda. My locked room has become the lockbox for all things important taking up valuable real estate for me considering it is 100 sq feet. Last night Dad, who is deaf, sat feet away from the flasher on the phone ignoring it when the beloved out of state sibling called. I ran down to grab it (captioned phone). He had such a lovely chat with the good daughter who has never lifted one finger to do one task for them. No cooking, no cleaning, no vacuuming, floor steaming, laundry including scrubbing poop out of nightgowns or undies to keep them from the landfill and needing to be replaced. So I woke up thinking we should have a national day, with greeting cards from Hallmark and American Greetings, to recognize the siblings who do nothing, and I'm still working on the texts. For the 364 days we hold it together and aren't bitter or angry. (Okay, so maybe it's 360 LOL). I'm also thinking of why it is so hard to find good people to help. I was shocked, as a professional, at the way I was treated as a potential customer by several home care companies. When I found what I still believe to be a good one, we got what I thought was a great aide. But here I am exhausted after we paid $80 for a 3.5 hour visit. Oh, it would have been 4, but I was stressed and had to work an extra 1/2 hour so just had her come a 1/2 later so I'd be home to let her in. She shows virtually no initiative in caring for mom. One must spell it all out which is also, mentally, exhausting. Sweep the kitchen floor and front hall must have been not heard, so there I am sweeping yesterday. Asked her to make a bed and the single sheet and blanket on top...long on one side, short on the other, alternating. And this woman was an ICU nurse they tell me...And yes right on about the coordination of care. It is a full time job. EVEN just making a damn appointment, between being on hold and computer issues becomes a 45 minute undertaking. So many times I think of quitting my job (which holds a pension) but I would so damage my future survival, being spouseless, and with my only sibling feeling she will never need help and out of state...I don't know how we do it...but I hope we learn to do it better and have more cost-efficient, vetted help to do it. It's an outrage that these companies have 4 hour minimums. People cannot afford that. I'm sorry to be sounding bitter, but per your poster, I don't think we are in this together, we're in an uphill battle.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Uphill all the way!
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Yes and no. In both cases, it requires an extraordinary level of patience, love, worry, problem solving and hands-on care. But on a psychological/emotional level, it couldn't be any different. Raising a child is hard work, frustation then triumph as each developmental milestone is reached with the goal of independence. Your child, step by step becomes more competent, and as their parent, you call the shots. While caring for an elderly or infirm loved one, skills that allow for independence are taken away. This person you are caring for has lived a full life, raising a family, working, possibly laying their lives down for their community and country. And that rich experience and history lives with them always no matter how many things that happen in their last years try to chip away at their dignity. It is easy to think of caring for them is like caring for a child. My advice is that we shouldn't think of them as children because at some point, it is entirely up to us to honor and protect their rich experiences especially when they can't. It should be first and foremost in our minds.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Yeah, just venting for most of us. All sorts of thoughts pop in our heads!
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This is not a direct answer, but a memory that was sparked by this thread. One of the similarities with child-rearing that I experienced with my Mom was not between me and her, but from outsiders who talked about her as if she were not present. At one point, when Mom and I were enjoying playing a Bingo card together at a large Bingo game (her weekly “treat”), the person across from us said something like how patient I was and they certainly would never want to be such a burden to their children. I could have slapped her if it weren’t so socially inappropriate. :-). I truly don’t think it had occurred to my Mom that she was a burden (since she wasn’t - at least at that stage of the game). But it pretty much ruined her focus on the Bingo game and kept me busy trying to find additional ways to demonstrate how much I still enjoyed her company. Another example, too, of how comments that carry an emotional wallop tend to be remembered - Mom mentioned it several times over the next few days. So sad how insensitive others can be.
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Justme44 Jul 2019
That is really awful. If people would only think before they speak!! So sorry that happened. We all are given trials and are made stronger from the harder times. Our parents cared for us so it really is natural tendency to care for them also. I do not like the word the bingo player said. It just isn't that at all.
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Well, they may act childish but that’s where the similarity ends! You are attempting to train your kids to be good adults. Here , at least with my mother, it’s just dealing with lifelong bad attitudes and trying to give her a good quality of life while she fights every decision tooth and nail . No opportunity for a time out for unwanted behavior there 😂!

But I love the staff at my mother’s ALF. She’s been in an independent facility ( good also but not as challenging for them) , rehab( mostly awful, refused to give us information or listen to anything we told them, definitely oriented towards in for the money) a respite care( only in it for the money, extremely understaffed, refused any communication, took some of her meds ie horror story although her actual aides were gems even though forced to work double shifts daily)
i think it starts at the top. This ALF has a philosophy that” this is the residents home, we serve them if you don’t agree get another job.” At first I was skeptical, but so far ( 6 months and lots of turmoil from mother) they have gone over and above. I have never been treated with an attitude, even though due to her dementia some weeks I have to call them almost daily for something. They are wonderful not only to the residents but also know ALL the family including the grandkids and great grandkids by Name!!! I don’t know how they do it. They also are willing to keep her in ALF instead of Memory Care as long as possible which is less money and more work for them. I know some places would place her there now, instead they apply some of the same techniques but in ALF. She seems to be doing as well as can be expected with her set of circumstances.
So yes, I think it’s a calling to some but I think it starts at the top. It’s a huge money making industry but imo their dedication to a caring philosophy is of major importance.

Now the kicker, my mother has NPD so only admits she likes it to the staff and my daughter. I’m the black sheep and do not let her manipulate me so she barely acknowledges my existence unless she needs something and does not confide in me. She cries and moans to my mostly absent sister and brother but that’s to manipulate them . My sister (NPD as well), thinks the place is overpriced( it’s a few hundred more) But pretty much anyone in a service industry is dirt to her so I kind of figure it’s her personality rather than legitimate complaints. My brother could not care less as long he can pop in for an hour every few weeks and he does not have to do anything else lol. So some definitely have it in them, some don’t
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Jammer,

Yep, they do act childish, kind of like a second different sort of senior citizen childhood. I sincerely hope I die before I hit that point in my life. I get so scared that my kids will view me like that and it really depresses me. I don’t want them to be burdened by me.
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Well, I typed up a somewhat long answer, stating my total disagreement. Tried to change it around a bit, but accientally deleted it. So I'm giving that up, and saying it in a more metaphoric way. Raising kids and caring for elders with dementia are both like having a pet lizard; One is a gecko and the other is Godzilla.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Doing,

Wow! Great response! Love it!
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I cared for my dad and my mother until their death. My mother had vascular dementia. As a child developmental specialist, I often used many of the strategies with them as I used with young children. The big difference was that while children learned and developes higher level skills over time, the aged person with dementia does not. Even so, strategies such as consistent routines, breaking down skills into small steps, reinforcing approximations, giving choices, visual prompts and positive reinforcement made for happier times. Natural consequences did not work, however. Often my mom could do something successfully one day but not the next. Coming to grips with the onset and progression of dementia in my precious mother was the hardest thing I've ever been through. Thankfully, my dad passed without having dementia and before my mom was afflicted
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
That’s it. Always a challenge, right?
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I agree. The roles switch. I care for my 68 year old mom who is critically ill now but I have been caring for her for last ten years. Really hands on, for last two. They depend on us and its like the responsibility role switches place. But also, as they age and especially with sickness they become child-like. Mostly they just want and need attention. To feel loved. As the adult child its so difficult to watch all the changes and deterioration in our aging parents. Nothing more gut-wrenching. My mom use to go!! She did everything and I can't imagine how hard it must be for them to lose their vision, hearing, mobility, etc. So I agree that the role does switch and they do become more child-like. But, we all know in the grand scheme of things, they let us know who is who!!
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Justme,

I agree. It’s the hardest part, watching them suffer, you said it so well...gut wrenching! Best wishes to you. Hugs!
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I loved reading what you had to say. To get off the subject for a moment have you ever tried writing a book? I think you have the skill. Are you a female or male?
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Hahaha, it would be too long! Too much crap in my life. but thanks.

I am a 63 year old southern lady from New Orleans. Married over 40 years to a great guy, two grown daughters, caregiver to mom with Parkinson’s.
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The same can be said about a spouse. I didn't have children for a reason and now I have a husband (with Parkinson's, dementia related to Parkinson's and clinically blind) that is as dependent on me as any baby / child. The good news - with most children - they are light weight - they get older and grow up - out of whatever stage they are in. With an adult, we only know it will decline and get worse for both the patient and care partner.
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lkdrymom Jul 2019
i completely agree with your answer
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I led my kids into life and my mother into death. The "caring" part was the same, though.

Aging care in Mom's last SNF impressed me with their attention to her needs. She was always practical and settled in really well. Not once did I hear "when can I come home?" after her first admission into the hospital concluded.

With Spouse, and leaving out emotional issues, the physical issues of handling a 235 pound person are far different than wrestling with a noncompliant child of 40 pounds. I can't do it.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Pronker,

It’s tough. Very tough! I brought flowers and restaurant gift cards to hospice staff after my brother died to show my gratitude to them.

Hardest jobs ever, no matter who does it, if its home care or facility.

Mom was just in SNF for rehab and they are short staffed and many work double shifts. I couldn’t do it. They care for many different people with all kinds of issues. Whew! Very demanding!
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Caring for an elderly parent is similar because our parents often behave like children. In my father's case he behaves like a spoiled child at that. A month ago he angrily banged on the table when he thought he was not going to get any more soda. When it comes to food especially, he is demanding and then does not eat any of it. In fact when it comes to most things he wants it RIGHT NOW and will yell and scream until he gets his way.

I am a single mother of 3 girls and he is far more challenging than they ever were. They try to please me whereas he tries everything in his power to prove my lack of worth and to show that he is still "in charge". With children you can re direct or talk to them. There is no reasoning with him or talking to him even though he is extremely spoiled.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Too much,

I have those issues with mom too. Almost like a one upping deal. Hard for them and hard for us.
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I disagree in part. Although caring for children and elders can be equally exhausting and overwhelming, and cause us to want to run for the hills, in my opinion they should not be treated equally. When our children are young, we can "make" them do or not do certain things. We can make our children take their medicine or go to bed at a certain time. Our parents we cannot. We must remember our parents are adults and have the right to make what we think are bad decisions. What are we going to do---ground them or take away their electronics? Don't get me wrong, I will do everything in my power to keep mom from stepping in front of an oncoming car, but if mom wants to eat hot pockets for every meal, or wear wear mismatched clothes, so what? We must pick our battles and afford elders as much control over their lives as possible.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
You make very valid points! Yep, it is a bigger challenge in many ways.
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Even though I agree with much of what you say, I don't agree that caring for our parents is like caring for a child. When we raise children, we are preparing them for a future without us. There is optimism and hope while performing the sometime exhausting tasks of being parents. Everything we do is to help them be better adults, but right now they are merely children and still in need of being told what is right and wrong. It is not that way with our parents. They have lived their lives as adults, most of those lives were lived fully and quite wonderfully, and they are still adults. For many of us, it is our job now to help our parents face the end of their lives with dignity. I know it's hard to do that. When I'm cleaning the toilet of my my mom's latest accident I am brought to mind of when I did that for my children as toddlers...but my mother is not a toddler. She is a fully sentient adult who would be embarrassed if I said, "mom, can you sit on the toilet all the way" like I would have to my children. The fact is, there are more caretakers in this situation than ever because the boomers are living longer and there's more people with dementia. Our children are watching us care for our aging parents, and how we model that will be how our kids will care for us if that time comes. Do we want the children we raised to treat us like little children, or perceive us that way? If the answer is "no", and it will be for most of us, then we have to stop looking at our aging parents that way, now.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
That’s the hardest part. We know it’s always going to be a decline from here on out.
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When is the last time you had a hot meal or a hot cup of coffee? Mine always gets cold before I can eat it! Sometimes, I end up up ditching my meal and not bothering with reheating or eating it because I lose my appetite. Right?
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Debbie58 Jul 2019
Hi Need help with Mom,
I ssoo understand about cold coffee and warmed over meals...until recently. Had to make some changes.
Of late I have not started my 81 year old Mothers wake up and routine until I take a little time for me.
I was putting every bit of my effort into 110% care.
Warn out and almost weary with it all...I just said that if this is going to work I would have to find a balance. Started with a schedule change.
Coffee...then wake Mom up...
Moms feedings 9am...1pm...snack 3pm...supper 6pm. Scheduled my meals 30 minutes before hers except supper which I try to never miss with my husband.
For almost 7 years I have pretty much put Mom first...but after reflecting on how it has effected me and my relationship with my
husband I knew I would have to
tweek schedules and review new ways to give quality care and keep a balance at 61 years old.
So far so good and Mom is still getting 100% good care...and I get to keep my hair.
Just had to take that first step away from feeling GUILTY, revamp schedules and keep telling myself that if I don't take care of myself...who will I be able to care for? Nadda no one.
Of course there are times where Mom has to come first in some occassional circumstances but that is to be expected. It's a given.
But where I can control my time I do now.
And what a huge change in my life as a caregiver it has made.
I pray you are in a situation where you can put yourself first when you can for your own wellbeing friend.
Take care!
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People who think that caring for an elder is the same as caring for a child must either never have raised a child or had a parent they've needed to step up for.

My 5 kids all GREW UP AND LEFT HOME. Married, educated, intelligent and thoughtful people. I have 14 gorgeous grands whom I take care of as much as I want to--I have been a huge part of their growing years (7 are still quite young) and I also have been hands on with 3 aging parents. There is no real way to compare.

I had energy in my 20's and 30's---now in my 60's I have much less. I can still do what needs doing, but taking one of the "families" for a few days alone is daunting. Trying to help out care for my FIL, dad and now my mother---it's apples and oranges. For one thing, as mouthy as my kids could be--I was still mom and firmly in charge. And when I am with the grands, I am Nonny and still firmly in charge. With my mother---forget it. She's often angry and petulant and VERY manipulative. And while my kiddoes were essentially 'raised' and smart enough to make decisions and be trusted by the age of 8 or so, I've been dealing with mother for 63 long years. Sometimes OK and even fun, but I am tired of her, and she's sick of me.

I imagine it's different for everyone. You really cannot control to a great extent, how gracefully you age, but you can try to not be a PITA for your kids.

Personally? My experiences have been 100% that caring for a aging elder is not even in the same ballpark as caring for a child.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Yeah, but just referring to the similarities of both kids and parents being dependent on us. A lot is vastly different.

I do feel like mom is helpless like a baby at times.
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For the humorous side:

Although my mom is in a care facility, I've occasionally had to help her with toiletting, ie. when she is at a doctor's appointment. One day she mentioned how she hated that she was having me have to help her with this. I simply replied, mother I'm sure there were a hundred more time when you helped ME with this when I was little. We had a good laugh.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Yep!
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Yes, I feel the same way, and I was a step-parent to a 5 year old when I married and became an instant "mother" with NO support from my husband who thought just because I wasn't a REAL mother, that I didn't know a thing about raising a child.  Well, a lot of what I predicted came true.  I do the best that I can with taking care of my mother and rely on what I learned in school and through my work years to help me do what I can for her.  However, there are a lot of similarities that I only sort of came in contact with when I was a babysitter to little ones under the age of 5 years old so that I can, in some way, relate to what it was like to deal with an infant.  I didn't "have" the child, but even adoptive parents or foster parents get a better rap than step-parents do even when the step-parent is full-time, hands on.  There were a few people who told me that since I was there full-time I WAS his mother, but they were few and far between in understanding.  I just tell my mother that no one else in the family has stepped forward to help her, and that I am all that she has whether she likes what I do/say or not, and that she has to deal with me just like I have to deal with her.  The little spats tend to go away after a day or two, so we survive.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Debbie,

That’s just sad. That had to be hard on you. We all have unique circumstances.
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Need help with mom; I agree Love the comment We are all in the same boat I love the teamwork idea I always said to my kids THERE IS NO I IN TEAM ,MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK ! I never heard the Noah's Ark saying that's the best ! Yes Yes yes we do need a break you said it best !!As for home health care whew the physical therapist is only here 15 min and a physical therapist assistant 30 minutes for the amount of money they charge !! And some the nurses that have come to see my mom !! How do they pass the exam to be a Nurse? Some times they do not even have a blood pressure cuff ! We have 1 nurse more interested in our lives and animals than my mothers health asks the same questions over and over and over again we decided to stop the home health for my mom because we felt like they charge WAY TOO MUCH TO HER INSURANCE for the amount and quality of care! And Hospice they keep sending new people just when 1 gets used to us and auntie they are switching it up again.... I'm grateful to all healthcare workers its a hard job !
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Yep, home health is full of details. Going through is for the fourth time now with my mom. They want mom to weigh everyday just to record on her paperwork. That is nuts to me because she has to weigh on a hard surface, tile floor, let go off her walker with balance issues and risk another fall. That’s just ridiculous.

I said no, they can weigh her when they come if they want because they are better qualified at handling the falls due to being medical professionals. We have enough bills for ambulance rides to the hospital from a fall, but most importantly I don’t want mom to become seriously injured from a fall due to her trying to balance on a home scale! Doesn’t make any sense to me. Her weight stays relatively the same anyway. She’s tiny.
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Honestly, I do not agree.

Yes, there are similarities in the work and strategizing but caring for an elder is sooooooooo much more complicated.

They have driver's licenses.

They have cars.

They have check books.

They have credit cards.

They can use the phone--often.

They have legal rights as adults.

They can call lawyers and say they they need representation. (OMG! That almost happened to me when my mother was looney.)

They can completely misunderstand situations but sound perfectly rational when talking to: the police, the area agency on aging, the Elder Day Care, ahem, a lawyer....

In our case, I saw the handwriting on the wall and I went to the police first and told them that my mother, who insisted that I drive her car, would probably call and say that I had stolen her car. She did that very thing about three months later. But they had all the information on their little hand-held computer. All was well. If I had not told them in advance????? Then what?

Bottom line: Caring for ANYONE is a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big responsibility! No matter the age!
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NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
Oh so true. Some people choose not to have kids because of the responsibility. I get that. Some feel the responsibility of caregiving to the elderly is just too much as well.
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