My father is 76 years old. He lost his wife 3 years ago. Drank 2 bottles of wine a day and would not let me take him to the Dr. for any of his care needs. He refused to eat and became very unstable on his feet. He finally had a bad fall and I was able to call 911. He had a hematoma on his brain, spent 8 days in the hospital because his blood pressure is too low.
He is very weak now. Blood pressure is still low. He still refuses to eat. I won't allow him to drink any more. He stays in bed all day and constantly complains of feeling terrible. Nothing I do gives him any comfort. He does see his doctors now but lies about his health to them. It has been 3 months since he got out of the hospital and he is 10 times worse and more stubborn to let me help.
I am at my wits end. He is dying and won't do a damb thing to help himself. I am trying so hard to care for him but nothing I do helps.
I have been caring for him for the last two years and I can't take it any longer. I am all he has for care but I have put my family and my life on hold for someone who clearly does not care about living. My family love so far away that I don't get to see them often. I feel alone, sad, heart broken, and so frustrated.
What do I do?
You keep expecting him to be someone he's not: sober and grateful.
You're all he's got because you seem to have a 1-way dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him. Other family has wised-up to his alcoholism and put up boundaries. You should do the same and just let him have the life and exit he planned for.
Call APS and report him as a vulnerable adult. If appropriate, they will move to acquire guardianship of him and then take care of all his medical needs and manage his affairs.
We don't get to chose our families but we do get to chose if/how we engage with them. Move on and find worthy people to be friends with. I wish you great wisdom and peace in your heart!
If I lost my spouse and my will to live, and I am now dying, why would I want to do anything to prolong the dying process? The quicker I go, the better.
Your dad is dying, as is his wish. Don't fight him. You're just making both you and him miserable in his dying days. Right now, he can really benefit from hospice services which give him comfort care until he passes away. Explain to him and ask if he wants hospice. If not, let him go out the way he wants.
Don't force your will to live on a dying person.