Being torn between guilt, disappointment and my need not to be manipulated, hurt and confused is awful. My mother never yelled at me or was abusive. Just critical, controlling and not interested. The indifference was the worst. I felt I didn't exist. And now that she is 81 and frail, she expects "closeness", attention and care. When I try to get closer sooner or later she hurts me emotionally with some random remark.
Distance yourself from her unkind comments. If you are trying to get closer and this occurs; then I usually found it best to end the visit or walk away, depending on the situation at hand. Hurting you with words emotionally is a control she most likely will continue trying to have over you. You have done nothing to deserve this and are only trying to be the best caregiver to her that you can be.
In my experience, I developed a tougher skin and it was the only defense mechanism when dealing with a parent who obviously derives some pleasure out of hurting us. It is up to us how we react. Hugs to you and do know I understand. Take care.