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Chimom so sorry.. That's why we went to the lawyer before Mom was diagnosed with dementia and she made it clear not to prolong her life...
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You're all Saints! Both my parents live with my husband and I. My mom is not near as bad as mosts of these posts and I am exhausted. I am gone 11 hours a day for works and life feels like a high speed merry go round I can't get off. I am overwhelmed.
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My Mom is a lot like these posts too. He memory starting going gradually since 2001. She is 93 and living in a very nice memory care unit for the last year and half. She became too unsteady to walk this past summer but gets around very well walking her feet with the wheelchair. She seems to enjoy it and can move much faster than she did with a walker. She is losing her ability to communicate often using the wrong words to say what she wants to say. She has been incontinent for a long time. She still eats well though even though she is tiny. And always knows her family although sometimes even though she uses the right names she thinks we are siblings instead of her kids. She has had a DNR order in place for a long time well before she became ill. I think her dementia is vascular in nature and she has had several TMI's.
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Does anyone know what happened to Yellowfever's mother? In her last post, she says her mom took a turn for the worse and was on Hospice only a few months after her initial question. That was in 2011. I'm curious as to how her mom progressed. Anyone know?
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my father in law has end of life dementia his not eating or drinking he was admitted a fortnight ago to hosp with a severe uti they put him on a drip for a week and antibiotics sent him back to the care home saying theres nothing else he they can do just to make him comfortable but now he cant even swallow food do you think he has long on this earth
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I think, from what you wrote, that the doctors believe that he's in the death process. For many, this takes time as organs shut down. Food isn't digested. Liver stops functioning. Gradually the heart or brain shuts down. We will all die eventually so if this is his time, it's okay. Keep him comfortable - with drugs if necessary. Emotional and physical comfort is all you can do but it's a lot.
Thank you for caring so much.
Carol
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lesley you are right - it will probably not be very long now. I hope you can be strong at this sad time and have people to support you as you try to comfort your dad as well as you can. Hugs...
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thanks for all the responses to my question. Yes, mom got a bad bladder infection and passed away within 4 days. She passed away on June 26th 2014. Now I wait with my ailing dad because he is 88 and showing signs of this awful disease. I hope for him he doesn't suffer as mom did. Right now he is just forgetting and will not admit that he is showing signs of dementia. Prayers to all who are going through this and my heart goes with you all.
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Reading all this makes me so sad. Mom is 100, has had a long healthy life. She is in about state 4-5 of Alzheimers. I don't want to see her go through these last stages which, with her current good health could be many more years until she turns into a vegetable. I know there is nothing we can do about it, all we can do is love her and try to help, but the progression has accelerated, and we have to move her to AL soon, and she will be so angry and upset. She has been depressed and complaining for the past 20 years. I can't imagine what the next few will be. I hate to say it, but a person can live too long when their life has no meaning, they are so unhappy and no longer able to think. The loss of dignity of a formerly normal person is awful.
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I know what you mean Amy. My Mom was very angry about being moved to a memory care unit but after she adjusted she mellowed out. Now she is very mellow so maybe your Mom will get easier to cope with too. My Mom is 93 and doesn't remember much of anything anymore. She recognizes us as family when we visit but that is about it.
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It is so helpful to come to this board and know that there are others that have gone before you, some walking alongside you and others that are beginning the journey you have been on as a caregiver. I have been on this care giving journey for five years in April, if we make it that long. My mother has been in my care, in my home, with the exception of two hospital stays and rehab stays separated by five years for hip breaks. This last time, it seemed the facility almost killed her. She left my home eating and using a bedside potty, after a four week stay at a facility, contracting c-diff along with her dementia, she was twenty pounds lighter and had not received any rehab for her hip, no longer able to use her bedside potty. We brought her home on Jan.21, 2015, thinking we were waiting on a long term bed but decided we would call in Hospice and care for her in our home as we had for the last five years. She is no longer eating and we understand that she will not be with us too much longer. i want to encourage any of you that are walking in similar shoes to contact the doctor for a hospice referral, if you are keeping your loved one at home. As POA, you can also make the decision now to do a DNR. I am just praying for the strength to continue loving on my mama in her last days. Be encouraged to keep on caring and loving on your loved one, you will never regret the investment of love and time!!!!!!
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It's quite heart rendering but a the same time reassuring to read your stories as I don't feel so alone with my mother's situation. Mum has vascular dementia and sadly is now end state. She is I a community hospital and is receiving excellent. Care. The staff are amazing and take time to speak to me as they recognise that patients family need support too.
Mum is unable to communicate verbally now and although can eat tiny amounts of soft foods this is variable. She tends to cry softly for hours at a time but the staff think it may be the brain damage, or trying to communicate something to us rather than pain. Mum is completely immobile, incontinent, sleeps much of the time and doesn't engage with us other than eye contact. I know she hears And I sing to her , read to her, talk about past events and especially play classical music to her. It's so so sad seeing her deteriorate so much so quickly as six weeks ago I could still converse with her when she was in the mood to chat and she still managed to eat solid food. She is now struggling to swallow and has a chest infection caused by aspiration problems. She choked on fluid recently and has thickened drinks. Sadly it s matter of time and heart breaking to see her suffer this way. I hope that by sharing this experience it will help others too....
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Thank you all for this compassionate and informative disscussion.
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Thank you for sharing. I know in the near future i will be in your shoes. Hugs to you.
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I never really thought about this question. I thought that after all the research I done about dementia that It would tell me all I needed to know. Thanks to this question I see that there are more questions I have about dementia that I have over looked. I really didnt know that this stuff could be signs of stages. When my mom had her stroke she had a sever UTI which I didnt think of as a factor. But I have been for the last two months been telling my boyfriend that I thought she was getting worse. She has been frail since her stroke and the fact that for about 6 months to a year she hardly ever got out of her bed so she lost all muscle mass that she had which was not much and the COPD. All this makes it difficult to walk anyway. Well for the past 2 years she has walked fine with a cane or walker. she is convinced that the physical therapist does not want her to use her walker and she does have to. Still she tries to take off with just the cane. She has fell several times because she just simply dont have the footing. Any way she has been getting worse and she sleeps12-16 hours a day. She does not keep a sleep pattern. For example she will stay up until midnight then wake at noon or one. then be ready to lay back down at 4 just to get back up at 10. She always holds her urine and rarely makes it to the bath room, I have recently started to think that maybe she dont know she has to go until its too late and she has pooped herself 3 times in the past two and a half months and was so upset with herself. She says she has lost her dignity and will hod on to what is left so she refuses to wear diapers though we have them. I think she may have another UTI thanks to me coming across this post. Also she has no problem with eating meaning she craves stuff, knows her utensils, but after just a few bites she is done and then tires from the effort of eating anything. I am going to do some more research on the stages of dementia. Thank you ev1
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Well I just finished reading the 5 stages of progressive dementia and I found what I feared. She is at the beginning of the final stage. This could explain her overwhelming want to die and refusal to do anything to try and help herself. I think it is time to talk to a pro. Her docs have never done anything to treat this, so I didnt know until recently what could be done. Guess its a waiting game from here. She has slept all day today except 2 hours and she usually cries the whole time shes awake if she aint yelling about something. Good night ev1 and good luck
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I lost my mom on March 19, 2015. My last post we were nearing the end. I am so thankful that I had Hospice along side of me to help me walk out the journey. I again encourage you not to wait until the end to get Hospice involved. With Dementia diagnosis and the doctor's referral, my mother could have been on Hospice for a couple of years before she left this earth to be with Jesus! You can find out the criteria, it could be different with each Hospice group, I don't know. what I do know is that I was so blessed to have the help and visits from Hospice until the end. Thankfully, I was beside my mother's bed as she breathed her last breath at 4:16am. It brings me tears, just thinking of that special time. I would not have traded it for anything. I miss my mama, more than the relief that I feel, from not having to care for her day in and day out. Five years seemed like a long time, until it ended. It then seemed like just a blink of an eye. Keep loving and caring for your loved ones!!! You will never regret it!!!!! Blessings!!!!1
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We had hospice out to the house right after her diagnoses and stroke, she refused, then again after a few scary hospital visits and she refused again. She believes that hospice is only for getting you ready to die and she keeps wanting to go to the hospital. they explained that they have changed and are there to support her through her journey for however long that may be, but they can not be here if she continues with aggressive care (going to hospital every chance). I wish they were here though, they were great when my dad was dying. Thanks, I may try it again
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Bonnie, sorry for your loss and wow, I can identify with how sudden the whole thing seems even if you've been expecting it for years...hugs and prayers. It meant a lot to me too that I was there for my Mom's passing!
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I feel that At some point ......We must let go and let God.
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me and my mom care for my grandpa who has dementia and parkinsons disease and we've been spoon feeding him for like the past two years. With drinking liquids try this powder called Thick It, they sell the generic brand at walgreens, it has no flavor it just makes it easier to swallow. Also try to get a form of care to help for example Hospice sends nurses and aids to my house every day to take care of my grandpa when me and my mom are at work.
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I have a ex-husband that is in a home he is 61 with dementia. Although we are no longer married I care for him a great deal and still visit' and see him. He appears to be losing a lot of weight rapidly and not wanting to get up. He is declining so fast and its so hard. I feel like he is tired and so is body. Can the later stages go on for along time?. This is all so hard for everyone. There is very little family. I just hope and pray that he is not sad, I know that sounds silly but it breaks my heart that he is struggling so. Anyone have any advice for a woman that was married to this man for 26 years and wants the struggle and pain to stop for him.
Thanks
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I've read all the posts here and they're so sad, but I've been asking myself the same question for some time. My mother, 89 with parkinsons, many strokes and dementia, has been in a nursing homer for 2.5 years and has gone downhill rapidly in the last couple of months. She's bed ridden, can no longer sit up or stand, eats virtually nothing - just a few protein shakes a day - can't speak and sleeps most all the time. I feel the end is close. The staff are wonderful and thankfully she's in no pain. She has a DNR in place. All that can be done is keep her comfortable as nature takes its course.
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My mom just recently had a hard fall that fractured her lower lumbar region, she's 95, have not noticed any obvious symptoms of dementia, until the fall, then while entered into rehabilitation in the hospital she started turning down all meals, said the food was disgusting, well when released, they determined she was at the point of malnutrition, and that if she didn't have any nutrients to feed off of she would die. Brought her home, after that she just went down hill, and wouldn't attempt to eat or drink anything. What is this based on? Please I'm so overwhelmed with such a fast time period that this has happened.
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Yellowfever I feel overcome by Your beautiful letter. It's a beautiful tribute to Your Mum. You are such a wonderful Daughter .Please NEVER FEEL GUILTY. You are making the correct decisions for Your Mum, as You've got Her interest with You all of the time. I'm caring for My Mom Who's suffering from Al/ s, and had been diagnosed 21/2 years ago. Mom is 86 years, but has not been told of Her condition. Doctor and Nurses advised Me not to upset Mom by telling Her. I did ask Mother one day when We were talking about everything and anything if say down the road when She would grow old and if it were necessary to feed Her through a feeding tube, would She be for it. Mother answered without hesitation, NO never, LET ME GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT...DO YOU HEAR ME NOW ?
PROMICE ME. I think it is best to ask well in advance, and grant Them Their final wish. We owe it to Them because We cared for and We love Them dearly.
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My Lovely Mum is in final stage vascular dementia...she hasn't eaten for weeks...I've lost count of how many! She knows she's dying and wants to go...it's amazing she's still here...I love my Mum and cannot imagine my life without her but she needs to go now...i would even help her her if I could...this terrible disease is inhumane and no one should have to live with it....I totally believe in Euthanasia ...my Mum would absolutely hate being like this if she had control of her life right now!
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All of the posts here are dreadfully sad. SEASIDEMEMORIES Your post is very touching. Your ex- Husband is so Blessed to have You.
LISSYLOO I agree with You. Why allow People suffer hopelessly when there is no hope of a recovery ? Long before My Mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I heard Her say " IM GREAT THANKS BE TO THE LORD AS LONG AS I HAVE MY MIND, BUT IF I EVER LOST MY MIND, I WOULD PRAY FOR THE LORD TO TAKE ME. When Mom had been diagnosed with Al/s by a Geriatrition in mid 2013, I never told Her..and I asked Our Family not to either. What a cruel end to such a wonderful Life.
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Dear yellowfeever, your questions brought tears to my eyes, having just walked through the end of dementia with my mama. You are so right, the stages move, slowly, rapidly, some go quickly and some slowly. In our particular case, mama actually had hydrocephalus which resulted in the dementia. Mama had been wheelchair bound and living with us for four and a half years when last December she fell out of wheelchair and broke her hip. She had surgery, then to rehab, at 86. She was talking less and less, but no one had told me she had Dementia until one day at rehab the nurse said she was an eight on the scale, 0-10. My daughter and I could not believe it. She continued to digress and after four weeks in rehab, contracting c-diff, they sent her home. I ended up contacting Hospice in our area, Community Hospice, and they were lifesavers. I would never have known that she only had two more months to live when I brought her home. I watched h er daily as she began to wither away. She was my baby, changing her diapers, feeding her, what little she would eat. I can tell you this, those last two months of her life were precious to me. I made amends for anything and everything. I would sit with her and stroke her face, hold her hand, read scripture and play praise and worship music. I was with her until she entered the gates of heaven. I pray that whatever assurance you need, you will find. Blessings to you and may our God be gracious to you and your mama.
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Well my mom is probably not much different than anybody else's mom with dementia. She is about 6' & weighs about 170lbs. So when she wants to kick my butt, she is more than capable. She is just not predictable in when she will hit me! I use to put my forehead on hers & say l love you! Now l put my forehead on hers & hang on her hands! Does not know what is on her plate as in food! Still uses depends & the tolit, but usually not in time. I've taken care of mom for nearly 3yrs. an she would fall all the time! Never getting hurt tho, the Dr. Said probably a control issue! Well she does not fall any more, but is getting to forget what food is and were is the bathroom & is hallucinating, an does not love me an barely can use a walker! She would kill me before she would get in the shower, but will let me wash her! Constantly has uninstructed tract infection(uti). Uses the tolit in her bathroom, several times during the night. I wipe her during the day with wipes so as not to get uti. She wipes from back to front so consequently l cannot stop the (uti) from reacurring! At this point in time.. Mom being 93 in June, and is but a shell of a woman, l pray mom will die in her sleep, evev tho l know l am not prepared for her death! I am amazed at all you caregivers out there making such huge sacrifices! God bless you all!
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My Mum is 92 and now in the later stages of Alzheimer's. Eleven months ago, due to a family crisis, Mum was placed in a nursing home with very caring staff. I really cannot complain about the care my Mum is receiving, it is top notch. Twice Mum has become close to her end and rallied but now it would seem that it is happening again. Mum finds it difficult to swallow food and drink and is becoming more adamant about refusing any sustenance or fluids. For several weeks we've noticed a change in breathing too. It can be quite scary at times but one that I'm now used to seeing. I have a horrible feeling that Mum's end is even closer this time. We (my Dad and myself) have already had several conversations about Mum's end of life care so we all know (to some extent) what is going to happen. I have been proactive and read many sites on the stages and what to look for. I am in no way being morbid, I need to prepare myself to the best of my abilities as I'll also be supporting my Dad through this heart breaking journey, also my grown up children as they too will need support in some areas. I only hope that the end is quick and not distressing for my Mum and also for the family.
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