Hi,
Me and my family is passing through a very difficult phase right now, very sorry to say this and I know this is not a proper way to start a discussion. But, my situation prompts me to start like this. My mom who is now 79 and was diagnosed with Dementia three years ago. She is cared in her home by my 86 year old Dad and I care both of them. Unfortunately, for last couple of weeks mom is making some strange behaviour. She is wandering round and makes loud or strange noises etc. I have two little kids, who is very much scared while seeing all these things. I don't have any idea on how to deal this issue. Yesterday, my hus told me about Prestige Care in Arizona , which is a dementia care center. But, I feel very upset when I think of leaving her alone there and my Dad also have the same opinion. I need to find a solution to it now. Do I need to take her into that care center? I would love to hear your suggestions on this.
Thanks!
Enlist doctors help in talking to dad and mom that the time has come for more skilled care and that their daughter and family can no longer meet those needs if you elect not to care for her anymore.
In the meantime, explore your options without mom and dad. Call local aging center or visit local senior center and get names of local places, visit some on your own and then narrow down to 2 or 3 and tour with your parents.
Good luck.
Do you know anything about her type of dementia, medical history, health issues? Normally, providing care for someone with dementia is a huge job. It's very stressful and involves physical issues as well as mental ones. I can't imagine an 86 year old handling that kind of thing. It's also very stressful. They may insists on odd things and make irrational demands.
Dementia patients do have memory issues, but it's much more than that. Dementia patients may ramble, roam, obsess, have paranoia. They may even become violent. They may harm themselves, because they lose the ability to recognize dangerous things, like spoiled food, heavy traffic, over medication, etc.
I would read as much as possible about dementia, so you can understand the condition. Dementia doesn't improve. It can't be reasoned with. You often can't make a dementia patient happy. If they are happy, they may not be in 5 minutes. Every day is different.
Mental decline may be gradual and then a sharp decline. I would get her in a safe place where she can get care BEFORE you have a crisis, like a fall, fire or getting lost. Often something big happens that lets people know their loved one is not managing well with the dementia.
Normally, an evaluation is the best way to determine what level of care a dementia patient needs. Don't underestimate the level of care. I moved my cousin, who has severe dementia in a Secure Memory Care wing, recently and she has been VERY happy there. They know how to handle her. Making odd noises is not unusual in a Memory Care unit. She is much more relaxed there than in a regular Assisted Living facility. She has friends and is doing much better.
I would check out the Memory facility you mention and see if they think it would be a good fit for her. In some places, they have a Secure Memory Unit on one wing and a regular Assisted Living on the other end. If her husband went, perhaps they could stay under one roof and be able to see each other regularly, without him having to care for her. Eventually, she may not recognize him though. I would prepare for that.
I wouldn't think of it as leaving her alone. They have professionals who care for them, ensure they have mentally stimulating activities, social events, good food, medication administration, etc.
Her mental state will eventually be such that she is not operating with the same expectations that she has previously. The more you read about it, the more you will understand what I'm trying to describe.