On Aug. 9 we went to eye doctor for a tune up. My husband who has Macular Degeneration and knew this, was told he has a very aggressive dry Macular Degeneration the doctor seen. Told my husband not to drive, and also inform him, he would lose his sight in 3-6 months. My husband is one of these people who like to keep busy and help me around the house. I do not know how to handle any of this future stuff he is handling over to me. The worst to this is that his father is living with us and he is 92 yr. old. He has his own medical problems. How do I care for both? My husband means the world to me and I am prepared to care for him, but his father, no way. What I am reaching out to sit down with my husband and asking him it is time for his Dad to go to nursing home. Prepare for our future and letting others care for Dad. Now you have to understand his father has lived with us over 45 years, I for one need time with husband. Talking has been done on this but nothing ever done. I do not think husband does not want to let go. As for me it is over due. The facts are my husband is my love, life, and partner. My father in law one problem after another.
So what do I do??
Dad needs to be placed. You can't care for both. If he has accumulated money living with you, use it. An Assisted living would be my choice depending on his health problems. If he is considered 24/7 care, then Medicaid may pay for his care.
You DH is going to need a lot of help adjusting. He will need to be taught how to live in a blind mans world. My GFs Dad lost his sight the same way. She used to give him the leaf blower and point him in the right direction.
He is facing a huge, terrifying change in his life. So is your father-in-law. And *you*.
I suggest you look into moving as soon as possible into a senior living community, all of you. Your husband needs any change of location that addresses both of your future needs while he can still see. Simplifying your lives, downsizing, and simplifying your home layout would help him navigate and take care of things more easily in the future. It would help you by removing complexities in your life that your current home is now pushing onto you, and let you focus on your husband. If it is the sort of senior community that had a combination of independent living homes, assisted living apartments, and more extensive care/memory care/nursing home areas in the same community it would make it easier to keep your father-in-law in your lives but without the care difficulties. “Home” is the people you are with, not the walls and floors.
There are quite a few of these mixed need senior communities around most major metro areas, and even in many small towns. Do some searches, and talk with your husband, and see if this sort of move might make your future lives together easier. I’m sorry you are all having to deal with this.
Like Countrymouse said, it may be easier if the facility is close to you both, so he can visit when he wants.
You have more than paid your dues when it comes to caring for his dad, and now it's time for you and hubby to live out your years on your own, Best wishes.
Meaning - first of all, research and select a nursing home that you believe your husband can be persuaded is right for his father. It should be nearby, so that you can take your husband frequently to visit his Dad; and ideally it will offer a short-term placement to begin with so that he can stay initially on a trial basis (which will at least give you and DH a breathing/thinking space). Have you had a look at what's available near you?