NeedHelpWithMom Asked March 2019
Does anyone else fear a parent dying in their home?
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If your Loved One is not on Hospice you could ask for an evaluation to determine if they are eligible. Simple phone call and a visit from Hospice will answer your questions.
What if they don’t want to go? Do they allow them to refuse?
At the other extreme from the aristocracy, the traditional Aboriginal approach was to burn down the building after a death. The aged care facility on the particular ex-mission I am most familiar with, sent an ambulance to the closest hospital at the very end, to avoid the problem. The occupant often was found dead on arrival. It helped to avoid funding problems.
I’ve ‘seen’ my mother twice, both times in a mirror and both times when I was ill and over-tired. The flesh sank from my bones and my mother’s face looked back at me. I said ‘hello Mum’ and thanked her for coming to look after me. They are good memories for me.
Wow, great info! I get creeped out with open casket funerals too. My MIL did not want open casket, nor my dad. I was shocked when people came and complained that the casket wasn’t open for them to see them.
I know of two people who bought homes in which someone had committed suicide. They did not know the people who had died.
My Granny bought one of them. The house had been on the market for a very long time after the death and was sold at a discount by the estate. Part of the reason it took so long to sell is that the family had not wanted to spend the money to have the carpet properly replaced, so they cut out a large rectangle and had a similar but not the same patch put in. It drew attention to what had happened. My Granny did not care, and she had the whole carpet replaced before she moved in.
There were never any bad feelings or vibes in the house.
The second was bought by a good friend of mine. She was renting in one side of a duplex and her neighbour on the other side killed himself. She too saved about $35k on the home. She happily raised her 5 kids there. No bad vibes there either.
I do believe some people are more attuned and sensitive to death and those whom have passed.
That’s interesting how it didn’t phase your granny or your friend. I kind of envy that ‘matter of fact’ attitude. I guess I watched too many scary movies as a kid!
There were parts of that speech that I desperately tried to forget or block out. Never have. As they say, too much information. I remember the teacher screaming at us to shut up and let him deliver his speech. All the girls in the class were screaming for him to stop his speech. Teacher said we were disrespectful and noted that he listened to our speeches. I wonder if we bored him with ours. His was a very original topic! The teacher loved it!
But here is the thing that prehaps people don't realize is just because someone dies in a house or wherever doesn't mean that their soul will stay there. I never felt my grandmother or anything weird. My mother said it was because my grandmother probably went where her twin sister was. Who knows really where she went. I just never felt or seen anything when it came to her, and as far as my dad, I only feel him time to time.
As far as the memory of my dad's death has faded with all the good memories I have of him and that is what I focus on "his life" not his death!
"There is nothing to fear but fear it's self."
Sometimes when we are sleeping we tap into something else and/or we may have a visit of a LO or a friend who passed on to show us something that we need to see, a message, or something we need to do or not do. I personally thank God for the "inside message" which I believe is what your cousin had. Most people will have an experience of such thing at one point in their lives whether it is through a dream, vision, smell, feeling, and/or seeing a spirit.
If your mom passes away in the house and you feel uncomfortable you can burn white candles in each room for one night and burn sage walking room to room this will clean the energy in your home.
Just my 2 cents!
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I’ve never tried sage or candles. Have you?
I’m just not sure how I will feel if she dies in the house but I do find your answer calming. Thanks again.
Incidently, the Hospice team looking out for my Mom in my sisters home for 5 months, reccomended a move to the Hospice Hospital for the final 10 days of my Mothers life, due to the subtle changes that they noticed in her mental status, her severe pain, and becauae they felt it best for my sister and her young Grandchildren, not be traumatized by her imminant death in my sisters home. It was a brilliant move and insight on their part. The Hospice Hospital was a gorgeous facility, and my Mom was never alone, as there was always at least one of her 6 children there with her at all times. In the end, all 6 of us were there with her, all with our hands on her during her final moments on earth, it was a peaceful and a beautiful thing.
What a beautiful thought, your mom feeling your father. Thanks, I do believe my dad is waiting for my mom.
Two years ago, when my mom was very very sick and we thought she was close to death, she kept saying she saw my late father come to visit her everyday. One night, I was standing at her bedside as she was laying in bed, she then pointed to the foot of her bed and told me that my late father was standing there looking at her. I looked where she was pointing and saw nothing, so I told her there was no one there, but she insisted.
Then a moment later, I saw my dad in the mirror walking/floating out of the room through the window. OMG. I just froze. I think he showed himself to me just to let me know that I was wrong. That experience scared me for days. Eventually, my mom regained her strength and she never mentioned seeing my late father again.
Wow! I don’t know what I would do if I saw a spirit. I think your mom did see him. Too many stories like that. Even from credible people and hospice nurses tell wonderful stories of what patients have told them.
My grandfather died at home in the main bedroom and grandmother stayed there until she died. He died a few years before I was born. As a kid, I always felt something was “off” when I was in that room. Nothing happened, just a different vibe than the rest of the house. And I didn’t know he had died in that room until I was older!
That’s interesting that you sensed it. Thanks for sharing. I did talk to a priest once. He also happens to be an exorcist. I trust him. He said that God sometimes allows a spirit to resolve issues that they need to address. Unfinished business, so to speak. Do you believe that is possible?
He was released from a 1 week stay in hospital to our home on Hospice, and died peacefully in our home after 9 grueling weeks of care by my husband and myself, plus the wonderful Hospice care team.
In the 1 year since his death, I had never gotten comfortable entering his bedroom where he died, and while we had intended on turning it into a beautiful guest bedroom, with all new furniture even, it ultimately turned into a storage room due to my being uncomfortable entering his death room.
We have just sold our home of 24 years (on Feb 7th 2019), not only because of his dying there (just over a year ago), but also because those 13 years were a constant reminder of us being tethered to the home in care of him in his older and declining years (he was 87 when he passed) plus my depression and grieving process which followed his passing, but we also had decided that the time was right (plus the current market and increased home value) to downsize and we will buy a Condo, when just the perfect one comes on the market, so many reasons why we chose this time to sell up.
I can definately see why it would bother someone, although I never personally felt any Negative pressence (spirit) of him afterwards, but I did for quite awhile have a gnawing feeling that he was still in the bedroom, it was almost like he was still there alive and I was afraid to check, but that feeling did pass after a couple of months, however it has only been these last 3 weeks that we have been out of the house now and staying in my sister's MIL apartment, that I feel an absolutely freeing feeling for the first time in my life (I had my 1st child at only 20, he is 38 now), partly of which I am sure is Zero responsibility, Zero debt, no house to care for and keep up, all of that money sitting in the bank, and absolutely no connection to the feeling in the old house too. It is a very freeing feeling after being tethered to a home, raising 4 kids, caring for our elders for so so long (all 4 have passed away now), and now it is just the 2 of us, and the possibilities are endless! I reccomend it!
That is what I have heard from others. That they end up selling a home.
I wonder if potential buyers ask if a person died in a home. Are real estate agents required to tell?
We built our home. So I never dealt with that.
And I can't imagine asking anyone to use the bed where my mother died in what is now the guest bedroom. Of course I could buy a new bed, but not everyone can afford to do that.
Yeah, guess we can’t help but think of these things.
Mum considered it, but realized that 21 hours a day she would have been responsible for all his care. Although Mum is a fit 84, there is no way she could manage that.
So it was not a fear of him dying at home, but the amount of work she would be faced with that kept him in hospital.
We were both with him when he died. It was a peaceful death. Not scary or upsetting, he just stopped breathing.
A friend’s Dad died at home, she had young children. The kids were ok and got to say goodbye to him in his own bed when he was warm.
I think your feelings are valid.
As a kid, I would have been terrified. I was afraid of wakes and funerals as a kid. I always had nightmares because my great aunt told me the deceased person was sleeping. I thought if I went to bed I would end up in a wooden box and then be thrown in a hole.
Once I even had a dream of being at my own wake. I was above my body. I saw everyone crying and I was screaming to them not to cry but they couldn’t hear me. I never forgot that dream.
My uncle and sister died at home - in their own beds with hospice after battles with cancer. I was in the next room when my uncle died and in the room with my sister. Both went into comas in the hours before death and died very peacefully. I thought this was easier than a death in a hospital environment like Grandma because extended family members were in the house taking care of practical matters and available to offer comfort, during the death watch, the actual death, and the removal of the body by the funeral home. I was never bothered in any way entering those homes after the deaths. I had wonderful memories of those people in those homes before the deaths and the deaths did nothing to change those feelings. I took great comfort in the thought that they were both beyond pain and happy in heaven.
My father died over the weekend in the hospital after spending 3 years in MC. His hospitalization was to re-balance his medications. Although he had been doing well at the MC, his vascular dementia driven anxiety went through the roof at the hospital: he wouldn't cooperate with the nursing staff, demanded unlimited water when the doctors restricted fluid intake in an effort to clear his lungs, refused to take the ice chips he could have, gave several family members and staff good a cussing for not bringing the salt laden foods he wanted, etc. Finally he worked himself up enough to stroke out and quickly pass on. Dad has been at high risk of a major stoke or another heart attack for several years. This wasn't unexpected but I was surprised at how quickly he went from doing well to very serious heart failure. It was slower with my grandparents.
For me personally, having been present for a couple of at home deaths and a couple of hospital deaths, I would chose the in home death if at all possible.
That is such a beautiful way to see it. Thanks. Just trying to find peace with it, should it happen.
Yeah, it’s something to think about. It’s just fear of the unknown or something.
Yeah, on my mind too. Thanks for listening to me. Our minds wander in so many directions when we become caregivers.
Thanks for responding. Your answer helps. I’m so glad you acted on your premonition and saw your aunt. Such a sweet story. I adored my grandma as well. She was so special to me.
There's never been anyone who loved anyone on this planet, more than the way my grandmother loved me and I her. And, if she never came to me in ghost form, then, it's not possible, because, she would have. Of course, maybe, she thought it would scare me. lol That's how I reason it in my mind. Others may have different experiences.
I did have a premonition of my great aunt dying. I had an intense desire to go visit her on Thursday, instead of Friday. She was stable. Good thing I acted on my intense feeling and visited with her, took her flowers, because, she died that night.