They go on to add how we should spend every moment with her. That is just not possible. My mother is still with us in her mid 90s and yes, we love her very much. She is in her own home, and well cared for with caregivers and family. I do not want to lose my mother, but the reality of the situation is that we have already lost our Mom. She knows us and interacts, but she is not the mother who raised us. We have already mourned the loss of our mother. I guess it grates so badly because is makes me feel like as long as the body is present, we have our Mom but that is just not true.
That doesn’t mean that you have to agree but maybe next time bypass the question instead of making a point to tell her that her question is irritating. Kind of rude, don’t you think? Would you like someone to call your question irritating?
Sorry your situation is so hard but everyone has their own situation and we all have a right to feel as we do. I realize it’s tough for everyone as a caregiver. I’ve been at it for 14 years. I do think ALZ would be the worst. My mom suffers with Parkinson’s disease and it’s rough but ALZ in my opinion from what I have seen from others is much tougher to emotionally deal with. Again, I wish you did not have this issue in your life.
Back in the day, people tended to die quickly from "old age." Now? People can live on into their 100s ... but ... all too often, they exist in horrific shape, physically and mentally. Destructive personalities tend to become even more so. And good people may transform into something intolerable, through no fault of their own.
In such cases, caregivers can love and cherish their hearts out -- but the outcome is still unhealthy for both parent and adult children. For all concerned, separation is necessary.
Guilt trips, especially from outsiders who have never lived with abuse? Not only unnecessary, but unnecessarily cruel.
And no, I wouldn't give anything to have her back again, not as she was at the end - that would just be too cruel for both of us.
Your feelings are understandable. It is hard. Caring for an elderly parent that is losing control over their mind or body or both is very hard. I don't think people mean any harm but it is frustrating to a daughter or son that is overwhelmed with caregiving. No one knows till they walk in someone else's shoes.
Please know we are with you. Thinking of you.
I'm "cursed" with the hard work, anxiety, and stress of being the sole caregiver 24/7. I ache when I realize how much my Mom has lost -- her eyesight and her ability to read and enjoy t.v., her memory, her ability to drive anywhere she wants to go, her ability to go shopping, her own home, her comprehension, and her understanding. She's everything, except for me. It's heartbreaking to see one's parent disintegrate over the years. This is not what I call a "blessing." At 72, I'm scared of actually being alone -- for the first time in my life. My Mom and I were best of friends. But it's time. I'm ready.
"....Look at it this way, you can STILL hold her hand. When she's gone, you CANNOT hold her hand.....A person that gave you life and this is the hand you were dealt. It's no ones fault. Hold your Mom's hand while you still can..."
I'll go hold her hand, now.