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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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madeaa i am sorry you had to put up that.... what I have said about the care homes in my area are true... I hope when the time comes for me it is never going to be a nursing home.... I would sooner die. But that is me. To me euthanisia is attractive.
I have asked my children to put me in a nursing home if the time comes. I do not want them to give up their lives or their childrens lives to have to be tied down because of me. I woud rather them come and visit me once or twice a month and say I love you mom (AND MEAN IT) then to resent me because they feel forced to care for me instead of living their lives. (But I don't plan to need a nh)
It is heart breaking to be placed in this position. I moved from USA to care for my mother with Alzheimers, I gave up my life, my job, my car, my home, everything for her care. Her medical team urged residential care a year ago, I had been at it for 19 months trying to make it work for her at home. My mother was at times very nasty and after moving so far to help her she threw me under the bus and had neighbors call the police with stories of abuse, a nightmare. Since I did not have a lease on this house, they threw me in jail for the night, to follow up later in the evening in a homeless shelter. This she had no clue about, she did not remember anything, I sure did. My point is, when things place the caregiver's health and well being in danger it is time to rethink things. I never wanted my mother in residential care, but I CAN not provide 24 a round the clock care for her. Most people do not want to have to do residential care and they DO NOT need bullshit from people not facing the horror of the drama.
i agree, believe me... I do know what you are talking about. there are good and bad nursing homes... these friends of my parents I visited and they gave up. and one it was there illness had got the best of them..... I was not having a go. I could not be my mum's carer honestly. there are good nursing homes. I know but none in the area I live in.
I did what was in my mother's and my best interest, she is in a structured environment, the place she put my father in and loved. There is a tremendous amount of angst involved in the decision, one person can not do it all alone, and if you are alone in it, you will face this decision yourself. It does no one any good to heap on the nightmare stories, a person can be in a nightmare in their own home, surrounded by clutter and sitting in shit all day.
I have a wonderful friend who I haven't seen for many years. I no longer live in the same town. She recently went into a skilled nursing facility because her son was abusive and she mysteriously broke her hip and her arm. She is mostly blind from macular degeneration, now can't walk or use her right arm. Is she depressed?? She can't see tv or read or knit, she can't walk, there is no telephone, and the food is terrible. She had absolutely no dementia when she entered this place but things are not getting better. It is a dreadful situation.. she has no one to be her advocate so she sits and she waits....maybe someone will have time to change her diaper.....A terrible way to live out your last years. I would way rather die.
For those who say the "demented/alz" people do not care where they are, you are very wrong. I am taking care of my Mom in stage 7 and she has lived with me almost 6 years now. Alz patients know they're surroundings, read body language, have strong emotions, love to hold a hand and not be alone, they just can "not" express it, they know! If anything those people mostly need to be at home where someone can give them the attention they need, they are scared. I have hired morning help for my mother and am amazed at the piss-poor bathing and care I had found, cna's that worked in NH's. Took me a long time but finally found a great person who loves my Mom almost as much as do and I can get out for groceries, etc now. Moms Doctor told me if she was in a NH she would be gone by now, they go straight down hill. It might take me 2 hours to feed her meals and 2 hours to hoyer her up to bathe her but she's my Mom and I wouldnt have it any other way. When she holds out her hand, someone is there to take it, when she is hungry she eats good food, she is always dry and her diaper isnt so tight it causes marks on her legs, she is warm and happy even though she cannot carely talk, and even though she cannot walk she has not one bed sore. Actions are much more than words. Dont think they dont know, my Mom mutters out "I Love You' sometimes when I bathe her on the toilet, they know, just cant express it.
friggin hospice hors were forever suggesting that my mother would be better nurtured in a nh. out in the country the walls close in on you. brilliant !! put mom in a 14 x 14 room with scant personal possessions and shed be better off. dolts !! they wanted to institutionalize mom for a hefty nh kickback. faith based they were. f*cking hyppocrites. fortunately they were never able to do anything with me but look at me and i made sure that was unpleasant for them.
Doctors have told me that patients in Nursing Homes tend to die faster than those cared for at home. They lose their reason for living. A Nursing Home is kind of the end of the road and they know it. Many are over medicated to make it easier to care for them, they don't eat and there is no one usually to coax them to eat. It may sometimes because not more than warehousing of the sick and elderly. I guess if a patient sees or feels this, yes they will be depressed. In some instances it just becomes mandatory however as sad as it is.
amott6, with all due respect, you knew that you were in this place for rehab. When all of your belongings are GONE and you know it, this is it. I can't wrap my brain around what mental gymnastics one would have to do to know that this is it forever. I hate candy coating things. Sometimes they just suck. I felt that at least my MIL appreciated my saying to her 'you are right. this sucks". There are times a pep talk just doesn't get it and actually makes things worse.
Sorry gals. I did not mean to upset anyone. I was simply asking the question from a medical standpoint as I am having to write a paper on depression in the nursing home for my counseling class. I agree with everybody. Though there are times when it is necessary, nursing homes are not for everybody. Be blessed
Yes they are depressive , we have no choice as we like to visit dad ,so we liven it up . We bring in painting , music ,yummy food and get involved and share with the other patients .nothing like giving a little joy to everyone
I can't imagine anyone who is not "out of it" being anything but depressed in a nursing home. I really think the American way of nursing home, death, and dying is truly the horror story of our time. How could death with dignity when you are ready possibly be any worse? And it's such a drain on the economy!
Yeah, thanks for your dismal view of life in a nursing home, this could make me feel terrible, but I know my mother is in a good place, better than wandering the streets, being mugged, being robbed, being ripped off at home, burning the house down and hurting herself. Not all places are like what has been described, I have gone to my mother's place several times now, and she seems happy till she sees me then she wants to go home.
Wow. I feel so bad for brobe029!!! Such horrible things to read. When I read the question, I wondered too. I wondered if being in a home, a change for an alz patient, would be bad for physical health. But some of you have gone into more detail than I personally feel was necessary. Yes, those things happen but maybe I missed the point of the original question. Some homes charge so much, I wonder why....if the patient is not being 'taken care of'.
I agree w/ Jeannegibbs that "not everyone in a nursing home is depressed," but Frustrated described the scenario pretty accurately, I'd say. I've been to many also (visiting), and to do some checking-out in case it would ever be needed for my Mom, and found them to be.....depressing!! Sad. And like one person mentioned, I suppose if the degree of dementia was such that you didn't know what was going on, you may live in a semi la la state where nothing bothered you, but if you had any degree of cognitive recognition, I can't imagine life in a nursing home. They are all so short staffed, as well, which just intensifies the misery. Visiting my aunt in a rehab facility after she broke her hip was terribly depressing. She died from what I contributed to lack of proper attention. Even though I went to visit her three times a day, the staff ignored most of my concerns...including repeated questions about a cough she had suddenly developed along w/ a fever. Pneumonia?? I kept asking. The nurses repeatedly told me her lungs were just fine. She died a week later. Pneumonia. I think they are mostly terrible holding tanks for the elderly with no alternative. I do agree that if the extensiveness of the nursing that is needed is way beyond what the person could get in a different environment, it becomes a necessary evil. But usually in that case the person is too ill to be bothered about the quality of food, the other residents, etc. One nursing home I visited had "activity rooms" where many people sat slumped over in wheelchairs in rows in front of a large screen TV. It was a terrible sight to see. It was like they were just plonked there to sit for God only knows how long, just to sit and be out of the way. They were not engaged in the show. They were just staring vacantly, or slumped and sleeping. I will not forget that image. Sad.
NancyH, thanks. I agree with you. I certainly didn't want to inflict guilt on anyone who must do this with a relative. Sometimes it is the only way. I recently watched the movie "Away From Her' (Julie Christie) and it was high acclaimed for it's realism dealing with Alzheimers. The character she plays is in her 60's and SHE makes the decision to go into care, taking it from her husband. He doesn't want her there and thinks of her initially as his wife, the woman he knows. Of course, he loses her in that way. It truly made me think, because with my MIL her body was so weak but her mind was so strong. It was beyond sad to see he struggle with living there. She did partially chose her surroundings, from the standpoint that her stubbornness caused her to make bad decisions about sitting when she put on her pants, so she'd fall or questioning her doctors, which my BIL had no patience for, etc. We repeatedly tried to get her to come to the larger city where we live but she had an attachment to her small town and the care there was at best lacking and limited. But I would truly rather die than live where she did. I totally empathize with the caregiver who is 'there' is other family members live farther away, but we have seen a level of bullying and bossiness while not allowing anyone to help that is beyond being in anyway ok. I think each situation is so different, but each of us needs to think how WE want to be treated and where we would want to spend our last years if we were in those shoes. Because some day we WILL be. Empathy helps every situation be resolved to the best situation possible.
My first off the cuff answer is DUH! I have been into several and no matter how classy, nice whatever you want to call it, it like a holding tank for death. Purgatory! But then I am also aware that some truly want and some truly need to be there. The problem in my view is the level of pay/respect for the workers. It is a friggin hard job!! And to be paid minimum wage is a Catastrophic mess! So when you surround people that are already not happy due to aging, and or being placed there unwillingly, and have people being paid 7-10 bucks an hour. You have my answer DUH!
I think it depends on the person's attitude and the nursing home. I used to play in a band that visited nine different ones every month, and there is a big difference in the homes. Most have separate units for severe dementia patients so they aren't mingled in with handicapped.
I was a patient in one last year at this time for two weeks after major surgery. Once I was mobile, I spent all my time in the sunny room, mingling with the other ladies. The food wasn't bad and I enjoyed the company. Of course, I knew it wasn't permanent, that I'd be going home, but I did learn that when the time comes, it won't be something for me to fear. But then, I'm a people person and prefer the company of others to being alone.
I always felt 'sad' when visiting a nursing home, but there were people I saw that seemed 'fine' in their surroundings. Those were the people with Alz/dementia who really didn't care where they were. I know nursing homes are a necessary thing as we are living longer than ever, but I'd check into the Adult Foster Care option WAY before looking into a nursing home to see if that would work for you. But either way, having your brain still and spending 24/7 in a nursing home, would be depressing. Can't be helped.
Gosh. Does living in a little, bleak room with people down the hall from you whooping and yelling because they have dementia and have no idea where they are cause depression? Does sitting on a toilet with a string and a piece of wood dangling in front of you to pull in case you need help wiping yourself depress you? Does eating the worst smelling, tasting, looking cold food in the world rather than whatever you have available in your fridge at home depress you? Does having a hospital bed with metal rails rather than your bed that you slept in with your husband of 60 years depress you? Does having every item you own fit into a little closet and never needing much to wear besides what's in there because your world has gotten so small you have no where to go depress you? I could go on and on. Diapers are depressing, smelling like urine (or your environment) is depressing, having none of your friends still alive and nobody to talk to plus a lot of people who never made it past high school when you have a Masters Degree calling you 'Sweetie" is depressing! This was my mother in law's life and she thought people were a little nuts when they'd ask her if she was depressed! I did too! While it may be necessary because of a fall or a heat condition or a general condition over all of not being able to stay in your home because you are just very old to move out of your home (she lived in hers for 45 years) I cannot see how anyone who doesn't have total brain loss could feel 'positive' about this. The sad thing was that she had a small home all on one level that she could have had help in and she had the financial means. But she had one son, not my husband, who insisted she sell everything and move into the assisted living facility, after which she was immediately moved to LTC because she'd fallen and broken her hip twice. After the initial stage of denial and anger at being there, yes, she did 'get better' in some ways. She resigned herself to the fact that this was the way it was going to be. She lasted five years and pretty much age candy and cookies and turned up her nose at the crap they served at that place. I don't blame her. It was awful. I hope if I ever have to go to a place like that my mind is so far gone I have no idea where I am.
Nursing home life causes depression. Losing a loved one causes depression. Loss of independence causes depression. Chronic pain causes depression. Repeated lack of sleep causes depression. Poor nutrition causes depression. Certain vitamin deficiencies cause depression. Dementia causes depression.
Or rather, any of these things can cause or contribute to depression. Some people seem more susceptible to being depressed than others. Certainly there are junk food addicts that never experience depression. Not everyone in a nursing home is depressed. Some people go into a nursing home depressed and overcome that with better nutrition and more attention they get in a care center. Some people adjust to their diminishing independence without becoming clinically depressed.
The triggers for depression can be complex and vary by individual. I certainly wouldn't say that entering a nursing home automatically causes depression. But it is a condition I would watch for and consider treating.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
We bring in painting , music ,yummy food and get involved and share with the other patients .nothing like giving a little joy to everyone
I was a patient in one last year at this time for two weeks after major surgery. Once I was mobile, I spent all my time in the sunny room, mingling with the other ladies. The food wasn't bad and I enjoyed the company. Of course, I knew it wasn't permanent, that I'd be going home, but I did learn that when the time comes, it won't be something for me to fear. But then, I'm a people person and prefer the company of others to being alone.
Or rather, any of these things can cause or contribute to depression. Some people seem more susceptible to being depressed than others. Certainly there are junk food addicts that never experience depression. Not everyone in a nursing home is depressed. Some people go into a nursing home depressed and overcome that with better nutrition and more attention they get in a care center. Some people adjust to their diminishing independence without becoming clinically depressed.
The triggers for depression can be complex and vary by individual. I certainly wouldn't say that entering a nursing home automatically causes depression. But it is a condition I would watch for and consider treating.