Reading these posts from people still dealing with their parents at 90, 95... 100 years old. What the actual hell?
I'm so depressed. After the last 6 years of "caregiving", I know I can't take another 2 years of abuse, much less 15...even if we do manage to force her into a facility. Why do brain diseases preserve people so well? Your condition is terminal, but you've got 20 years to live. Meanwhile her doctor is prescribing blood pressure meds left and right. Gotta keep that heart ticking along! Don't you dare die of a heart attack!
Meanwhile, my parents are 93, with more issues that require help/care seemingly every day. I am at their home every day to help with something. My mother is recovering from broken ribs from a fall, we're caring for, trying to heal a venous ulcer on Dad's ankle for over a year - it has finally shown improvement the past couple months.
We had been caring for my 97 yr. old mother-in-law until she passed in the fall.
They all lived and enjoyed their lives in retirement when they were my brothers and my ages, were never called upon to be caregivers like this.
I know this sounds bitter but it doesn't seem quite fair or something, I sometimes wonder if the stress of caring for his mother (she was a pill) contributed to my husband's death - of course I'm still grieving so...
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband .
I agree with everything you have written here .
I hear what you are saying about needlessly prolonging poor quality life by extraordinary means and totally agree with it. Mother, unfortunately perhaps, had a very strong body which didn't need any help.
By the time mother died I was over 80 - my caregiving days extended well past my expectations. Apparently that's becoming more common - seniors looking after ancients. So what do you do about it?
I had to suck it up and do what had to be done, to see that she had good care. Was it hard on me on top of a lifetime of dealing with a mentally ill mother? Yes. you bet it was.
I also had to look after myself and I recommend that to you. I had a life separate from my caregiving, sig other and I travelled...You say you are depressed - then get help for you so you can deal with whatever life brings to you and your mother. She may live another 10-15 years. How are you going to cope with that?
On the other hand maybe you are just venting and that's OK too but remember there are several of us here over 79.
Believe me you have my sympathy. I thought mother would never die - or not in my lifetime. If I had to do it again, I would put me first more often than I did.
I want to add this - that some of the comments here smack of ageism. Aging is hard. That's reality. We look at ads and see silver haired, trim and active seniors, as if that's the norm. I don't think so. Old people don't conveniently pop off when life gets difficult for everyone. Two of my kids either don't want to or are not capable of caregiving me. One says he will but isn't good at communicating with me. OK. That hasn't spoiled our relationships. I am glad they are honest and so far I look after myself just fine and expect to for another 10 years anyway. It's something I work for by taking care of myself and arranging my life accordingly and. no doubt, good genes on both sides help. My younger than me sig other wants to but has his own health issues these days so I am not signing him up for anything right now.
Longevity is increasing globally. Health care needs some adjustments in how seniors are treated. Those kind of changes don't happen quickly. Speak up where you can make a difference. I am reminded of Kermit's song, "It's not easy being green". It's not easy being old either. Perhaps you will find that out too.
It would be nice for everyone involved , if adult children could remain being an adult daughter or son and not the perceived disrespectful, disobedient child (caregiver) .
You aren't alone. I know that doesn't help, but reading here you know you aren't.
I used to worry about not living a long life. Now I am worried about living way too long.
My sister was so tired and neglected that she only lasted another 5 years. I've been terrible about taking care of me as well. Saved by being a little bit younger and a husband is on a similar path (but is a MUCH better person. ) However, if I don't somehow figure out how to put my own wellbeing first, I may not make it as long as Hubs does.
I've come to say in the US we are very good at prolonging the dying. I'm not sure I agree we are good at prolonging life.
While it was a shock, in some ways it was the best way to go out. She’d had to place her mother (dementia) in AL and then an NH. Her mother was well cared for, but it was so hard on my MIL to see her in such bad shape. I know she didn’t want her kids to experience that.
But I get what you mean. Why are we
extending life when such people have no quality of life?
I told my husband yesterday after another fun filled hour visiting my mother that I wished she would just die already because I hate her guts. He was horrified. There’s no compassion left in me anymore. She is 95 and doe noIt have dementia. She actually might be nicer if she did.
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