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You are overwhelmed. Everybody is leaning on you! - so no wonder.
I don't underestimate the impact of ADHD (on adults as well as on children), but your twins are in their forties and despite disability they are grown men leading independent lives. They are choosing to use the money, accommodation and emotional support you provide, whether you're willing or not. Such behaviour is reprehensible. Stop blaming yourself for it.
Where were they before? What's stopping them going back there?
i was trying to say that I believe they need to on ssi. the one with the physical injury probably will be on disability eventually because his injuries are not healing well. they just don't seem to understand what they put me thru. sometimes they get into screaming matches with each other. they expect me to "lend" them money. I try to tell them that I can't do this anymore. that they need to move on and let me live my life. I feel stuck
thanks for the feed back. I wish I could fill you in on all the facts in this situation. there is no sexual or physical abuse. I feel I'm emotionally and financially abused. there r so many things going on in my life that I don't need the added stress. I'm worried about how long I'll b able to work. it's getting harder to do. I work in a very busy deli dept. and since the covid virus it's been busy every day. I'm second shift (which I prefer. not a morning person.) so that means I'm a closer. that means all machines floors and cases have to be cleaned. so far I'm handling it. I'm trying to cut back on hours because I am getting social security but I don't see any way in quiting because I need the income my employer tries to be helpful but we're always shorthanded. it's a very physical job and a lot of people who get hired end up leaving. I'm 64. and now I'm dealing with trying to figure medicare out. also , my 84 year old mother lives across the street from me. I think I may have mentioned that situation already.my sons who r twins have had a very rough time. in life. they had learning problems in school (ADHD ) they have a hard time sticking to a job. they have been working for someone who. I think takes advantage of them. they have had their own Apts and relationships. they each have a daughter. my granddaughters r wonderfully. I have 2 great granddaughters also. I think I live with guilt about them because I was so young when I had them (19) I begged the school system to help me. they just kept telling me that they were fine. they probably should be on as I. I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed. anyway. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone. I got long winded again ! thanks for letting ramble on. karen
If you only have one bedroom and they are not on the lease, then they are not tenants. Especially if not paying u rent. I would tell both its time to find there own place maybe together. One was invited for a short time, the other moved in without permission. Give them a time, like 2 weeks. If they don't leave in that time, then call the police and ask what your options are. How is your landlord. Can he/she help by issuing a letter saying that the two boys need to leave since they are not on the lease? That is without it backfiring on you.
Do you have enough money to put them up in a nice but cheap motel for a week or two? Then they r on their own.
Karen, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
How old are your sons? Where were they both living before the one had his accident?
It certainly does sound as though they are exploiting the situation, but I doubt if reporting elder abuse (do you even qualify as "an elder"???) is the answer.
when I was here last I was living with my mom. I could no longer tolerate staying with her. I gave it my best but that wasn't good enough. i now live in my own apt. it's just across the street from my moms so I'm available if she's in real need of anything. I'm trying to limit my time with her. but that's a different story. now my son's are living with me in my one bedroom apt. one of them was in an accident and severely injured his leg. when he got out of the hospital he needed care for 6 weeks. I work so I couldn't b there all the time so his brother moved in too now I can't get rid of them. theyre not working and they're driving me crazy. they cost me a small fortune. they don't help with bills, at least not on a regular basis i feel I'm being emotionally and financially abused. i work at a very physical job and it's not easy for me. I have arthritis in my back and sciatica in my leg. one of my sins does do a pretty good job keeping the place clean. the other is a slob and doesnt do anything. he's loud and obnoxious they tell me they don't have to leave because they get there mail here. I told them they'll be gone if I charge them with abuse sorry to b long winded. there's more to the story but I'm tired of texting and you're probably tired of reading. thanks for letting me vent
AGree with pp. Also, sometimes people consider neglect to be abuse, and unless there is a duty to care, there may be nothing to the "abuser", but the authorities may remove the elderly person
Karen, you will need to supply more detail since there are differences between physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse, and they are all treated and approached differently by different agencies. What is going on in your situation that you are suspecting this? If it's physical or sexual you may have to call 911 or at least call police or APS immediately.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I don't underestimate the impact of ADHD (on adults as well as on children), but your twins are in their forties and despite disability they are grown men leading independent lives. They are choosing to use the money, accommodation and emotional support you provide, whether you're willing or not. Such behaviour is reprehensible. Stop blaming yourself for it.
Where were they before? What's stopping them going back there?
my employer tries to be helpful but we're always shorthanded. it's a very physical job and a lot of people who get hired end up leaving. I'm 64. and now I'm dealing with trying to figure medicare out. also , my 84 year old mother lives across the street from me. I think I may have mentioned that situation already.my sons who r twins have had a very rough time. in life. they had learning problems in school (ADHD ) they have a hard time sticking to a job. they have been working for someone who. I think takes advantage of them. they have had their own Apts and relationships. they each have a daughter. my granddaughters r wonderfully. I have 2 great granddaughters also. I think I live with guilt about them because I was so young when I had them (19) I begged the school system to help me. they just kept telling me that they were fine. they probably should be on as I. I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed. anyway. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone. I got long winded again !
thanks for letting ramble on. karen
Do you have enough money to put them up in a nice but cheap motel for a week or two? Then they r on their own.
How old are your sons? Where were they both living before the one had his accident?
It certainly does sound as though they are exploiting the situation, but I doubt if reporting elder abuse (do you even qualify as "an elder"???) is the answer.
Would you consider moving?
Saying that they are abusing you would be false. They are annoying you and not abiding by house rules. That's not abuse.
i now live in my own apt. it's just across the street from my moms so I'm available if she's in real need of anything. I'm trying to limit my time with her.
but that's a different story. now my son's are living with me in my one bedroom apt. one of them was in an accident and severely injured his leg. when he got out of the hospital he needed care for 6 weeks. I work so I couldn't b there all the time so his brother moved in too
now I can't get rid of them. theyre not working and they're driving me crazy. they cost me a small fortune. they don't help with bills, at least not on a regular basis
i feel I'm being emotionally and financially abused. i work at a very physical job and it's not easy for me. I have arthritis in my back and sciatica in my leg.
one of my sins does do a pretty good job keeping the place clean. the other is a slob and doesnt do anything. he's loud and obnoxious
they tell me they don't have to leave because they get there mail here. I told them they'll be gone if I charge them with abuse
sorry to b long winded. there's more to the story but I'm tired of texting and you're probably tired of reading. thanks for letting me vent