Mom has a hearing loss of 47%, how do I get her to use her hearing aid when she refuses?

Peg, I envy you! If only I could ask my mom to put the hearing aid in - and she would. That would be wonderful. But I get "why?" Then I have to say "because you can't hear" and then I get back "yes I can. If people would look at me when they speak to me" and then I would say....
Yeah, you get the picture.
Peg, I envy you!

Gloria: Amen to that!!!

Yes, repeating everything is very tiring. It is strange if I am in another room, two rooms away from where he is he can hear me talking on the phone...I believe we call this selective hearing.

Today this is what I did (I felt mean at the time but I have done it before and it has worked ~ I should be consistent). After I picked Mom up from hairdresser, I sat in the car (it was hot, 100 degrees and I have a black car that attracts the heat) and told her to put in her hearing aids. She did. Then I told her "Mom, it is frustrating when you don't wear them because I have to yell and repeat. So in the future, if you do not have them in, I will not talk to you." She said: "ok" Well of course with memory loss I will have to remind her of that but seriously, I just cannot repeat some days. But then I know I repeated for my dad on occasion and what I would give to repeat to him one more time (RIP: 9/15/2010) so I have to remind myself to be patient and enjoy my Mom as her health isn't good and I might regret being impatient. However, with that being said, I am human and just can't shout and repeat some days! Ya'll know what I am talking about, I know you do!!! Peg

so happy to be helping others...myself included. I honestly thought this was just an issue that my mother had (not wanting to wear the hearing aid). I don't feel so alone now knowing others are going through the same thing. I really still don't understand what the big deal is to our non hearing aid wearing people. My eyesight sucks. I need glasses so I can see. Therefore I wear my glasses. If I couldn't hear and a hearing aid helped, I would wear a hearing aid. I really think my mother's stubbornness, denial and subsequent dementia have all factored into her not wearing it. Oh well, best of luck to everyone. I truly truly hope someone has better luck/more success than I had. It's such a shame because they miss out on so much.

Crystal I understand everything you are saying.
I appreciate the doc my mom has as not only does she care about my mom's health (and was my Dad's doc as well) she has listened to ME as the primary caregiver and has heard MY fears. I have to say I am blessed with the best communication between doc's office and myself than I think I have with my own ha ha. This doc is fabulous.
The fear I have (nothing to do with hearing aids but I know I can share this as well): 10/28 my Mom has appt. The goal for the past month has been to gain weight (she lost 15#s in one year~nice for some but she only weighed 115 a year ago) and also to socialize at the local senior center. She has gained NOT ONE OUNCE in two weeks and she REFUSES to go out other than when I or a family member or caregiver takes her. As we were leaving the doc office a couple of weeks ago the doc whispered to me "we will talk about facilities next time". Actually my mom had her hearing aids on that day and didn't hear that at all. I feel this way about the future: should my Mom need a facility for cognitive decline I would be ok with that as it is getting more and more increasingly difficult to repeat, repeat, repeat (disrespect as she won't wear the hearing aids), worry about her health (she doesn't care if she eats why should I?), and and care if she has "friends" (I can't be her only one). One day of NOT hearing "huh" would be fine with me.
I told my mom once that I won't repeat, if she doesn't hear my the first time because she doesn't have her hearing aids in that's too bad, and I definitely will not raise my voice.
I have repeated today...that will stop tomorrow. Please remind me to NOT repeat, as I do click automatically into that mode...like a knee jerk response.
This post has been so very helpful to me. Thanks, Karen for starting it.
Peg

karenp, Not offended in any way. I always appreciate it when someone tries to help and I thank you :-).

I've been very worried about her memory for quite some time now. Each time I've expressed concern to her doctor, he says shes fine and its normal for her age. Personally I dont find it normal that shes so forgetful and repeats the same questions over & over again throughout the day. I dont know if its normal or not for someone who suffers from memory loss, but she totally dwells on not being able to remember things. It started a couple years ago after my aunt passed away from alzheimers and I know that she feared the same thing happening to her ever since. Not to sound cold but I'm wondering if she's convinced herself that it has, or if she's actually suffering from dementia. Either way, something is definitely wrong.

I do know that she suffering from depression brought on by my siblings who no longer have anything to do with her. Shes also disgusted (her word) with her health problems and not being able to do things for herself like she used to. I've been trying to figure out a way to help her but havent figured out the key to opening that door.

I really wish I knew of a doctor who was more open minded for her, but I know that she totally rejects the idea of going to anyone other then who she has now.

She did go back again yesterday to the place where she got the hearing aids from and another mold was done just in case there may be something off with the fit. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll find them to be worth the effort of wearing them this time around.

Karen: I hear (pun intended) you! I, too, have gotten to the point that if Mom is NOT wearing her hearing aids I will not repeat, speak louder, nor engage in conversation with her. It does break my heart, as well, but we are human and can take only so much. I think it is disrespectful to the speaker to have to repeat, repeat, repeat (yes once again being punny) simply because of ego, pride, or the fear of "getting old" (or morelike the denial of it).
I use my bluetooth a lot and the other day I realized I can't hear people that are just a few feet away from me because I am used to having a person "in my ear". I know my Mom does fine on the telephone and people a foot away from her but not more than 5 feet.
So maybe, because of my habit of having a person in my ear with my bluetooth I should have my hearing checked. Or maybe I am just used to hearing one way and not another.
I have one professor who has a very soft voice and I sit in the front row and I can hear her because I am interested in what she is saying. That influences someone as well.
I do accept that memory loss has an affect in repeating but I think that we know our mothers well enough to know when it is a game they are playing and something they cannot control.
Also I was going hoarse speaking loudly to my Mom and my Dad told me to stop talking to her. That sounded harsh at the time but he saved my voice many times. God bless him: RIP
I am not trying to be mean but this afternoon/evening repeating and speaking loudly just wasn't something I was patient with today. Repeating makes me aggravated and speaking loudly gives me a headache.
So I will bid you a fine night. Sleep well. Rest your voices! Peg

CrystalBtrfly, wow you truly mirrored 100% of the interplay between myself and my mother! To be PERFECTLY honest with you - I had to look twice to make sure this wasn't one of my postings!!

Please don't take offense when I ask this - but does your mother have very mild dementia (you had mentioned forgetfulness). My mother is now in the moderate stage of dementia but when it was mild, it was just forgetfulness here and there. The reason I ask is that I have noticed with the dementia that there is NO TELLING HER that she is wrong. My mother is always right. Even if I prove the sky is blue, she just gets angry. The reason I am bringing this up (hope I haven't offended you any) is that if there is any possibility of dementia, this might account for her absolute stubborness when faced with the truth.

Unfortunately, I have given up with my mother and her hearing aids. It's very sad that I have given up but I have. I don't talk to her as much as before because I am sick to death of having to repeat the same sentence/s over and over again. If she doesn't hear something I say to one of the kids and she asks me what I just said, I will either say something really quickly to her like "Oh, I just said it's sunny outside"( so I don't have to repeat the whole 4 minute conversation again), or just ignore her question and talk about something else. I have picked the lesser of the two evils. It is her continuous choice of hers to not put the hearing aid in, to the detriment of not only herself but the inconvenience to her family as well. It is MY choice to accept her choice to not use the hearing aid and it is my choice to be inconvenienced as little as possible 0 repeating every conversation, having to shout, having to look at her (so she can hear) when I am talking to someone else is not fair to me anymore.

Not the ideal solution (ideally she'd wear the damn thing), but again..lesser of two evils.

My mom does the same thing that another person posted, before I finish what i am saying I get "huh?". One day I realized, my grandmother (Mom's mom) was from Portugal, came here when she was a teenager, never really learned English. When Mom and she would go out, my mom would translate from the English speaker (perhaps a store clerk) to my Grandmother. I notice my mom will ask me "what did (s)he say?" acting like she didn't know what the person said. At first I thought it was her hearing (which it is, she won't wear her hearing aids either UGH) but then I thought, when my Grandmother would go out and not understand English, I am sure she asked my mom "what did (s)he say?" ignoring the other person. So now I gently tell my mom "ask her to repeat loudly if you cannot hear her". As a child dev professional, I know that children imitate modeled behavior and I think my mom has become her mom and I am her as a child/teen and "translating" ... make sense? Or maybe I am being too psychological? About my volume (as Linley is saying), I do not raise my voice, I do not repeat. I say "listen when I speak to you". This has been my mom's lifelong problem ... people will start talking and she spaces out (not wanting to engage in conversation) then returns and says "uh huh" or "ok" and she has agreed to do something she has no idea she has agreed to do. I look at her, get eye contact, say something ONCE and that's it. When I was repeating, she would say she didn't remember but then repeat verbatim everything I said to a sibling on the phone a few days later. Frustration is the word my friends!!!! But maybe we need to look deeper into WHY the behavior is being done: attention? the more I repeat the more attention she gets? The closer I have to stand? the more attention she gets? If a store clerk has to repeat many times, that's more attention. I am NOT saying that is for everyone but it IS true for some. Reluctance to wear hearing aids? My brother told her she could use saliva to insert them, the tech said NO, one of them broke, now mom can't do what she wants and now she won't wear them ... even "misplaced" them ha ha. It is all about attention for my mom. What is it for your person?

That's frustrating - esepcially when you know they are not hurting or whistling or doing anything bad to her! Maybe call them something else - "special earrings" or something even sillier, and link putting them in to some other routine she has to do daily. She's obviously not remembering or putting 2 + 2 together that hearing aids improve her life, and possibly has negative associations with the words "hearing aid" and/or does not think she should need them (they're for OLD PEOPLE, you know...:-)

My 84 year old mother is VERY hard of hearing in both ears but gets very defensive if anyone even mentions the words hearing aids, let alone that she should wear hers. They hurt her, they dont work, they dont fit, they fall out, there's always an excuse... she may cry, she may tell you that if you dont like having to speak up dont talk to her, she may get mad, the list goes on... BUT when she has actually worn them she talks about how wonderful and comfortable they are.

Just in case there may actually be a problem with the aids, we've taken her back to the place where we bought them many times to make sure that all was ok and to see if they needed any adjustment. All except for one time (when she first got them) did he have to make a slight adjustment to one of the tiny tubes so that it would fit better... every other time all has checked out just fine and she comes home wearing them as happy as a lark. But by the next morning we're back to square one.

I've tried every approach that I could think of to get her to cooperate, some being: The sugary approach with lots of coaxing. I've tried by telling her that it hurts my throat because its strained from yelling & repeating the same thing over & over again so much. I've tried by letting her know how much she's missing because she's not allowing herself to hear. I've tried not repeating myself thinking that maybe she'd get frustrated & put them in. I've not mentioned anything about them thinking that maybe she'd put them in if it was her idea. I've had them set out to remind her to put them in. I've offered to put them in for her. I've told her that I miss having our conversations when she doesnt wear them. I've had others who wear hearing aids talk with her and they're encouragement does help, but being that shes very forgetful its not long before she forgets their words.

When I can get her to wear them (which is rare) everything is so much nicer for her... she's more relaxed, she loves listening to the birds, she laughs a lot more, we have great conversations,.... shes overall so much more content & happy. If only she'd cooperate her life could be so much richer. I just wish that she'd understand that there's nothing wrong with the hearing aids, its her attitude about them thats really the problem.

My husband (now 85, dementia) was really bummed years ago when he found out he needed hearing aids. "No one else in my family has ever had to wear hearing aids," he complained. "That is because no one else in your family lived this long. You are a first. Congratulations!" was my reply, and that did seem to give him a little different perspective.

What I really dislike about it when he forgets to put them in is that I have to raise my voice, and that tends to make even the most simple statement or answer sound angry. I don't want to sound angry (unless I really am, which isn't very often.) I no longer repeat myself or raise my voice. If he wants a conversation he puts in his aids. He does this willingly. His problem is forgetting and he responds to reminders. I don't know how I'd handle other reasons, like willful resistance or poor fit (unless I knew that was a problem), or vanity, etc. I just know it makes a huge difference in being able to carry on normal conversation. In a household were dementia resides, any kind of "normal" is very welcome!

Not necessarily, I know someone who wears their hearing aids pretty sporadically and has to go around asking people to talk a little louder because she is hard of hearing when they are not in. She otherwise seems reasonably competent and holds down a full time job. She uses excuses like I just had a headache and it'll make it worse, or my ear canals are too irritated today or I thought I was having a good hearing day and didn't need them...or even it was raining and I was afraid I'd get them wet!

OK - you guessed it - that someone is me! :-) I have a high frequncy loss that varies a lot and there are days I just can't wear them, though usually I can put them in and keep them all day - I have open fit and want to try changing to reciever-in-canal at some point so they would also amplify stethoscope sounds for me if I ever need that, as well as being at less risk for moisture damage. Hearing aids can be great but don't necessarily give you normal hearing...I have days where even with them I can't hear worth a flip even after new batteries and cleaning the tubes and all. Also, the first set I tried were not open fit (small ITEs) and gave me a rip-roaring headache in under two minutes, and the guy who tried to sell them to me 1) did not even know about stethoscope adapters 2) did not offer to try changing the. frequency gain curve on them (I know that's probably not the right word, sorry) and 3) THEN had the NERVE to say "I thought you would be more motivated!" Even the open fit that suits me a lot better almost didn't work out, til I got someone to reduce the gain on the low frequenices because mine are actually normal and any amplification there triggers migraines and obscures speech sounds for me. The first audiologist was too worried things would sound tinny. I expalined that all my radios were set to max treble and min bass and tinny would be fine if I could understand speech and stay on pitch in choir.

So, the devil may be in the details - the wrong aid or wrong settings may just not be tolerable. My mom probably had the wrong ones for her and "lost" them repeatedly. Our conersations usually were carried out at about 60-70 decibels. Hey-privacy is overrated most of the time, and it beat getting constantly yelled at for mumbling! I make it a point to control my attitude, don't hide my hearing loss, and don't yell at people for Not Speaking UP (OK, the occasional lecture about not turning away and talking softly as you walk out of sight and then refusing to repeat yourself does not count IMHO - it's Education on Interacting with the Hearing Impaired that I provde free of charge.) and I have *no* vanity problem. My aids are bright red. And I even wear my reading glasses so I can get the right number off my pager most of the time. :-)

Possible solution - get a simple amplifier with volume and tone controls and hook it to headphones, use it just when you are there trying to converse and say its because you have a weak voice today and need to rest it per doctors recommendations. Nice thing about that is you won't technically be lying, because I'm one and I'm recommending it. Audiologist at UALR recommended it to me and once in a while Mom would even wear it. Just not every day...or week...sigh.

I know what all of you are talking about, my husband can't hear, has hearing aids and will not wear them. I get sick and tired of hearing "what" and the communication was never really good even when he could hear, and I find myself completely avoiding any conversation with him. He is only 70 and this has been going on for a number of years. Yes, they do get left out of conversations, sometimes to carry on some ridiculous gibberish with the grandchildren, and even they wonder about the lack of adult conversation.....is this dementia, just plain being stubborn, sorry I don't have much patience....help !

Darn it. My mom won't go for a dog. Do you think a goldfish would work?!!

I think the "secret" is that we got a rescue dog a few months ago. He has attached himself to her and protects her...at our expense (we are still training him, he is younger than they said when we got him). He protects her and growls at us, but she can't hear that without her hearing aid. He also does not like it when people yell and we kept telling her she had to put her hearing aid in because of the dog. He bit me a few times already. We got to the last straw and he almost went back to the shelter. I think because she loves him, and realizes that she is part to blame if he goes back, she is now more willing to put it in....for the dogs sake...not ours...go figure.

annfeuerbach, I envy you! If you find out what the secret is - DO TELL!!

I feel for you. You are not alone. On a happy note today, after repeating myself a few times, my Mom actually said "hold on" and she voluntarily put in her hearing aid. I wish I knew what changed today so I could tell you and so I could repeat it in the future when the denial will happen again.

It's just so darn frustrating. We went to a neurologist's appointment today and every single time the doctor said anything to her, she answered "pardon me?" and he had to repeat himself. If you were to ask her now how many times she said "pardon me?" she would probably say that she didn't say it at all. The dementia does not help because she can't remember too well. Oh boy. I really feel like having a pity party for myself right now. Sorry.

PS - You can always try writing on a notepad instead! Mom can't read anymore, or that's what I'd do...

Sigh. I'm a member fo this club too. Mom lost one hearing aid - the ony really good one she had - and then broke two sets of slightly less expensive ones I got her. She would wear them briefly when I put them in and cleaned and adjusted them but would want them out and would pretty much never wear them when I was not there. I had an audiologist come out and for that visit she wore a small headset but again, would not have the staff put it in even the next day.

To be fair, I have them too, and don't always wear them! Sometimes I react more the the plastic tubing and if I am "headachy" that day, I can't keep them in. I have to have only high pitches amplified, so it took a while to even get a setting I could tolerate. The first two audiologists I visited did not relaly even believe me - the first one accused me of being "unmotivated!" when his latest and greatest technology not only would not work with a stethoscope but gve me a severe headache in less than two minutes. The next one correctly recommended an open fit, but was too worried about making sounds "too tinny" by doing the minimal to no low pitch amplification. And I do hear fine in quiet surroundings or when someone has a strong low pitched voice. But asking sweet young sopranos to do a cheerleader voice full time is not fair either. So I wear them as much as possible, especially at work, and when talking with mom, pretty much just yell. Wish it was easier. Maybe there is some adjustment of the aids that would work, but there's no telling. Especially if an older person can't verbalize what's wrong and be assertive enough to get an audiologist to do a non-standard adjustment, it may just not work out.

If the hearing aid is a good fit - doesn't hurt, and they have programmed it where it doesn't make people sound like shouting (!) then the only thing I could add is to see if getting her doctor to have a talk with her about it would help. The idea of asking her to just wear it for a hour or so might work. Or I supposed you could just not worry and let her see what happens when she doesn't hear you or answer the right way.
"Why didn't you tell me dinner was ready?" "Oh, I did - did you not hear? Sorry but I can't reheat this now!" (Tough love!)
Also, tell her that if she cannot hear people, that most will think that her mind is not good - and wouldn't you rather they think you are hard of hearing, then CRAZY?!
(My grandfather had the batteries lying around all over the house, because he claimed they didn't work - very aggravating!)

Thanks for all of your comments. Absolutely nothing has been achieved in the past 2 months when I first posted. I have to admit I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO SHOUT so she can hear me. My choices are either 1. Shout (and then she gives me a nasty look because I got loud with her), or 2. Say the conversation in a normal tone. She says "what did you say?" and then I have to repeat the conversation all over again........all damn day long.

Most often I choose number 2.

I have a confession to make:
I don't talk to my mother as often as I used to when she comes over. I see her 4 days a week and spend about 20 - 25 hours a week with her. That's a lot of time! Before, when her hearing was not perfect, but not THIS bad, I would talk to her whenever I wanted to.

Now I don't. Instead my brain says "Okay, you know if you open up your mouth, you're going to have to repeat yourself twice, don't you?" And I have to be honest with you, I may limit myself to saying only the "important" things to her. You have no idea how frustrating it is to say a bunch of sentences. Hear "what?" then have to repeat the exact same bunch of sentences. Try doing this for a few hours in a row and you'll know how I feel!

I feel sad that it has gotten to this point and angry with my mother for letting it get to this point. Her hearing loss did not start with the dementia (a couple of years ago), but her hearing loss did start a couple of decades ago. She could have done something then but decided not to. No amount of convincing or even empirical testing made her believe that she had a hearing deficit...or at least it wasn't as bad as others thought.

To be brutally honest, some hard of hearing people who refuse to wear hearing aids are selfish. Why? Because they make their family suffer along with them.

If I did tell my mother the truth - that I don't talk to her as much as I would if I didn't have to drive myself crazy by constantly repeat myself- it would change nothing. Not a thing. I know my mother. I have tried in the past.
"Oh well if people would just look at me when they talk." "Well, if people didn't mumble when they speak" ...then she could hear them. No amount of me explaining that people aren't going to position themselves right in front of her, with no background noise, and they're not going to mumble or look away for a second when they speak to her, means anything to her.

No amount of convincing/cajoling/begging/pleading/reasoning/asking/demanding/blackmailing etc works.

It seems that there are no answers for me.

I sympathize. I am sorry to hear (pun intended) of you problem but happy to know that others are having the same problem as me. I am made to feel guilty if I ask her to put her hearing aid in (told to be more sympathetic) and I get all sorts of excuses...battery dead...saving battery (which I understand as "for when I really need it and that is not when I am with my family) and my "favorite" I forgot to put it in......she can afford the batteries.... She doesn't understand that it is also a safety issue for all of us. I wish I knew what to do.

My husband was bummed out when he needed hearing aids. (This was years before he had dementia.) He pouted that no one else in his family ever had to wear hearing aids. "Yes," I agreed. "No one else in your family lived long enough to have their hearing start failing. Aren't you the lucky one?! It really is kind of a sign of how successful you've been at dealing with your inherited heart problems." That really did seem to put it in a different light for him. Now that he has dementia he doesn't remember to put them in. I remind him. I've told him (many times -- you have to repeat things for people with memory problems) that I'm willing to talk loud to him, but that makes me sound angry and I am not angry. Putting in his aids helps me feel better talking to him. He is often willing to do something for me that he doesn't consider important for himself (like shaving). My mother is harder to deal with. She doesn't think she has a hearing problem. Getting wax cleaned out regularly really does help, so maybe she is right and she doesn't need hearing aids, but I'd sure like to see her tested. She doesn't say pardon or what or I didn't hear you. She just pretends to follow the conversation but I wonder how much she is missing sometimes.

Hubby doesn't wear hearing aids to bed, of course. And he has a permanent hearing loss of certain pitches that isn't helped by a hearing aid anyway. That includes the pitch most alarm clocks use. So he sets his alarm, it wakes me up, and I wake him up. Works fine. :)

Ok, let's hear from an 82 year old who did have her hearing tested to discover one ear is worse than the other and the reason I can't hear women/children's voices especially is that is the range in which I can't hear well. I was told to get hearing aids. But I haven't for several reasons.
I need to put in here that I am the caregiver - my beloved was diagnosed with Alz 7 years ago. I deal with the repeat questions as he really doesn't remember he just asked that question. I deal with his speaking in a very quiet voice which has risen in tone over the years too and he is the one I have the most trouble hearing.
I believe I'm not in denial or prideful - I'm too pragmatic. I have not gotten aids because all my friends with mild hearing loss RARELY WEAR THE DAMN THINGS! They are very expensive to be sitting in a drawer instead of her purse when she needs them... I still hear most of what I want to and what is important. I don

Wow, read a lot of comments that sound familiar. My sister & I used to tell our Mom that we were going to get her hearing aids for Christmas/her birthday/any special occasion. She would just get angry... So we stopped teasing her & one day she told me that she had received a flyer for a seminar on hearing aids at a local hotel & asked if I wanted to join her. I said yes! We went & after made an appointment for an individual test. She ordered 2 hearing aids. We were lucky, the seminar was legitimate & the woman that tested her was not only had a PhD in audiology, but was an expert in dealing with my Mom! Since then she mostly wears her "ears" as she calls her aids (which are almost invisible), yet somehow she still watches TV at FULL volume, even when she's wearing her aids! I think a large part of her reluctance was not wanting to "be old" & hearing aids equalled old. But the small unobtrusive size really helped. Maybe if you could find a newer "hard to see" pair your Mom would be more likely to try wearing them. I found reasoning with my Mom went almost nowhere... Also found that the longer I had to speak loud (almost yelling) & repeating myself that I did feel irritated! I think speaking loud must trigger a hormone that is related to anger. Good luck.

My Father went thru the "denial" stage with his hearing probably 15 years ago. What finally helped him actually wear his hearing aids was telling him we missed his humor and conversational dialogue because he wasn't able to follow anything being said in real time. I don't know if this will help your Mother and it does sound a bit Polly Annaish but we DID miss his humor and his input. I noticed something my brother did for a long time before my Dad started wearing his hearing aids. When Dad would ask him to repeat what he said he would of course talk louder but also his facial expression in doing this made him look angry. So, this is what my Dad saw, an anrgy son talking really loud to him when infact, most of the time my brother was not angry with him or angry that he had to repeat. I think the act of talking loud might inherently make the speaker look somewhat angry. Maybe your Mother is responding to this(?) I'm no expert but notice this when family members talk to her---of course they may be angry that they repeat and repeat and repeat. Well, just some thoughts and my heart goes out to you as losing your hearing is a very hard disability for the person losing it as well as the people around them. An erasable white board is a good tool.

Oh my goodness! Our mom can't hear loud thunder, literally. But she also blames it on where she is in the house, or the TV was too loud (and it always is!) She misses so much conversation when the family gets together for dinner and blames not hearing on us talking too softly and mumbling. My sister and I have tried everthing we can think of to get her to get her hearing checked. She just gets angry and even cries. We are being mean. She's 84 and it's not getting better! It's so wonderful to find this website where I find I'm not alone.