Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My 88 year old mother is going through the same thing. She resides at a nursing home and she is in the Memory Care Unit as she suffers from Dementia, and she just hates being there. She stopped eating three weeks ago and has lost an alarming amount of weight. She is just skin and bones. She seems to find the idea of eating nauseating. But she will drink water, Ginger Ale and clear Ensure (not the milky kind). And a sip of milk here and there. We had a meeting with the administrator and nurses and they told us that her body is shutting down and not to force her to eat. This is the body's natural way of preparing to die. It's been hard for family members to accept that and they've been trying to get her to take bites of the pureed food they serve her at the nursing home. But it seems as if she gets diarrhea after trying to eat so I don't know if they are doing more harm than good. They feel that if they can just get some nutrition into her, she'll turn around. She is still alert and in good spirits. She is not sleeping all the time. Yesterday the hospice nurse told us to give her milk because it's high protein. I am so confused. Do we feed her or do we let her make her own decision to not eat? What is best for her? Are we postponing the inevitable? Does milk cause the diarrhea? It is torture seeing her go through this. She can no longer support her weight as Googs2 said, and must be helped on and off the toilet, into bed, her wheelchair, etc. She cried the other day that she can no longer do anything for herself. I feel so bad for her!! My heart is breaking. But she continues to laugh and enjoy our company. It's so hard....
Hello my mom is 86 and moved in with my husband and myself. She too will not eat but she loves ensure and drinks only that through the day. We are very concerned she goes to the doctor on Sept 13th should i talk to the doctor in private and tell him whats going on? We love mom dearly and do everything to make her happy and content it scares us so much. She is loosing weight fast it seems. When i tell her she has to eat she says...what do i want im 86 and i`ll eat when and what i want to when im hungry. I love her sooo much. I talk to her very kind and try and understand why she won`t eat help!!!
I know that when my mom had CHF, she wouldn't eat because she felt so SOB, any foods just made her feel worse and even more full. Once we got to the bottom of it, and got her CHF under control, she didn't feel SOB any longer, and was able to eat properly. Near the end of her life, she just wasn't hungry, and barely ate ate all, and sometimes we have to let the natural course of the dying process take its course, but it is very hard to watch! As others have mentioned, people who are bedbound, don't require as many calories to maintain life functions. So many older folks will only eat small meals and snacks, just try to make them as nutritious as possible.
Wow - I'm sorry to hear this, it's a tough situation and would leave anyone feeling helpless, confused and worried. The type of advise anyone may offer depends on your mom's situation. Is she living alone? with you? in assisted living or a nursing home? what do you mean by "not eating"? Is she refusing all meals? Is she living on donuts and coffee? With out more details, here's what I can offer from my own experience: First, try understand what might be going on with your Mom. Is there a medical condition that prevents her from swallowing? Does she refused all food and water or just some foods? At age 92, and depending on her condition, any diagnosis might be harder on her than is humane. I've seen similar cases with my sister in law and father in law. Turns out that sister in law, age 64, had a minor stroke that affected her ability to swallow. She didn't realize it and thought she had a sore throat and inner ear infection. After some doctoring and therapy she was okay. My father-in-law, age 85, did the same thing and we just understood that it was his wish to pass. He had many health problems and had been in a nursing home for a few months. As his 85th birthday approached, he stopped eating and drinking completely. Short of physically forcing him there was nothing we could do. He was too frail to force feed and we had too much concern for his dignity to do that. He slept a lot and passed away after about seven days. At first he slept through meals; he refused to go to the table and said "just let me sleep". His doctor worked with the nursing home to keep him comfortable. We hated to loose him but given that he didn't suffer from dementia and had so many health problems, it was best. We also have a strong faith that we will see him again in a healthy body.
To better understand what's going talk with her doctors or ask that the doc order a visit from a home health nurse. If you can't rouse her, you can always call 911 and they'll take her to a hospital to be completely checked out. Be aware that they will do all they can unless there are legal directives otherwise - that means a living will, power-of-attorney for health care and the like. They will stick her for blood samples, do all sorts of tests and probably pump her with fluids. You need to clearly understand what she'd want.
It's always good to have some support from your minister, friends or family too. It's hard to know how much more advice, comment or support to give without knowing more about this situation - I assume that at 92, she's not living at home alone. So .... best wishes to you and your mother.
I have the same the problem, but I've found that mom seems to get on 'Kicks" of one thing or another. For a few days there, she had a sweet tooth so Cinnimon buns and Pastries were all she would eat. I gave her plenty. Then it might be a certain fruit that she wanted for awhile. I also leave snacky-nibbly things all over the house and a few times a day would just hand her something or other with a smile and walk away. Luckily, she loves ensure and isosource, althought they are expensive. Something else you may want to try is (and please don't get me wrong here) letting her get hungry. I noticed once when I was at my wits end that by NOT offering or serving up the regular meals, she began to ask for something.
My mom is 92 years old also. She resides at an assisted living facility and has just returned there after a hospitalization for C-diff (Clostridium difficile) intestinal infection and a 20 days stay at a rehab. She has lost 11 lbs.from not eating and can no longer support her own body weight, so she isn't walking anymore. She remains in bed at 86 lbs. and is refusing all foods at this point. I try to get some nourishment into her and offer Boost, yogurt, puddings....anything that slides down easily, but it's a struggle. She says she isn't hungry. Her body is shutting down and preparing for death. It is gut wrenching for me to see her slowly die this way. I wish I could talk her out of this and tell her she can save her life if she would just eat, but once the body prepares for dying, it doesn't go back, at least not at her age. I go to visit her every day to try feeding her again but I'm afraid I am only postponing the inevitable. The best I can do at thist point is feed her my love and support to help her transition. My heart goes out to all who are also going through this heartache with their parents.
Yeah, more info would be great. My mom has limited her eating, mostly from denture problems. Here are a few things I learned almost by accident. She drinks a very high protein chocolate drink, which I spike with coffee to make a mocha. To make it more enticing, I put drops of mint extract or orange extract (potent smell and no calories). I have a sports drink sippy cup, very secure. I found that I could not fill it more than halfway or it was too heavy for her to lift comfortably. Oh, I got a Benefiber supplement, dissolve this into her drink each time. Regular as clockwork. Check that problem off my list.
The other thing she eats readily is yogurt. Now she can't eat anything other than very smooth. So whip in the "fruit in the bottom" or just buy smooth brands. She loves these so was troubled when she wouldn't eat some times. What else would she eat? !! ?? Turns out the cups were too cold for her to hold. So I pulled out some of those novelty socks from Christmas and holidays, and cut them up to make insulating sleeves.
I just read that the texture of food is very important, and that some patients can no longer drink thin liquids without choking. Thus yogurt works great. There are yogurts in handhold packages, for kids. One can also buy small cute rubber or silicon spatulas, which can be licked rather than handle a spoon. I saw in the Ensure section at the drug store a powdered thickening agent, but have not tried it yet. I mixed some mashed potatoes into beef stock once and that worked fine.
then you may give her fruit juices if she is not having food.... n juices are much healthier n i think u must consult a doctor n take advice from him/her so that they will prescribe some tablets for her...
Her physician may want to trial something like Megace which can increase appetite for some people. If she perhaps has Alzheimer's, she may have trouble with sequencing and may need you to spoon feed her for a few bites until she comprehends what it is she is supposed to be doing. You might also try letting her graze - giving her small snacks frequently throughout the day. Many elders find a traditional meal too overwhelming, but they will happily snack on small portions several times during the day.
Is she on the antianxiety meds on a schedule? In other words, is she getting them on a regular basis, as opposed to when she "thinks" she's short of breath and really anxious?
My mom didn't have breathing problems, but did and does have huge anxiety problems. We found that getting her on the anti anxiety meds, at a low dose, several times a day (and eventually adding an antidepressant) kept her anxiety from breaking through and attaching itself to whatever was happening at the moment.
Hope this helps and that others have ideas for you!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
We had a meeting with the administrator and nurses and they told us that her body is shutting down and not to force her to eat. This is the body's natural way of preparing to die.
It's been hard for family members to accept that and they've been trying to get her to take bites of the pureed food they serve her at the nursing home. But it seems as if she gets diarrhea after trying to eat so I don't know if they are doing more harm than good. They feel that if they can just get some nutrition into her, she'll turn around. She is still alert and in good spirits. She is not sleeping all the time.
Yesterday the hospice nurse told us to give her milk because it's high protein. I am so confused. Do we feed her or do we let her make her own decision to not eat? What is best for her? Are we postponing the inevitable? Does milk cause the diarrhea?
It is torture seeing her go through this. She can no longer support her weight as Googs2 said, and must be helped on and off the toilet, into bed, her wheelchair, etc. She cried the other day that she can no longer do anything for herself. I feel so bad for her!! My heart is breaking. But she continues to laugh and enjoy our company. It's so hard....
To better understand what's going talk with her doctors or ask that the doc order a visit from a home health nurse. If you can't rouse her, you can always call 911 and they'll take her to a hospital to be completely checked out. Be aware that they will do all they can unless there are legal directives otherwise - that means a living will, power-of-attorney for health care and the like. They will stick her for blood samples, do all sorts of tests and probably pump her with fluids. You need to clearly understand what she'd want.
It's always good to have some support from your minister, friends or family too. It's hard to know how much more advice, comment or support to give without knowing more about this situation - I assume that at 92, she's not living at home alone. So .... best wishes to you and your mother.
I have a sports drink sippy cup, very secure. I found that I could not fill it more than halfway or it was too heavy for her to lift comfortably. Oh, I got a Benefiber supplement, dissolve this into her drink each time. Regular as clockwork. Check that problem off my list.
The other thing she eats readily is yogurt. Now she can't eat anything other than very smooth. So whip in the "fruit in the bottom" or just buy smooth brands. She loves these so was troubled when she wouldn't eat some times. What else would she eat? !! ?? Turns out the cups were too cold for her to hold. So I pulled out some of those novelty socks from Christmas and holidays, and cut them up to make insulating sleeves.
I just read that the texture of food is very important, and that some patients can no longer drink thin liquids without choking. Thus yogurt works great. There are yogurts in handhold packages, for kids. One can also buy small cute rubber or silicon spatulas, which can be licked rather than handle a spoon. I saw in the Ensure section at the drug store a powdered thickening agent, but have not tried it yet. I mixed some mashed potatoes into beef stock once and that worked fine.
My mom didn't have breathing problems, but did and does have huge anxiety problems. We found that getting her on the anti anxiety meds, at a low dose, several times a day (and eventually adding an antidepressant) kept her anxiety from breaking through and attaching itself to whatever was happening at the moment.
Hope this helps and that others have ideas for you!
See All Answers