My great-grandma recently moved and asked me to go with her. I thought it would fun, so I agreed. Now that I am here, I am almost positive that she has dementia. It's like living with someone that is drunk 24/7. She forgets everything, so she constantly repeats herself and makes me repeat myself. She really does not know how to do the simplest things. I have showed her 8 times how to use the microwave and it's the kind that you just have to push one button, not the kind that you have to type in the time. Okay so it's hard, but if I really had to, I could put up with that stuff. But here's where it gets tough. She is extremely mean to me. The first incident was when I was watching TV in the living room. She came up to me, took the remote, turned the TV off, and told me to go to my room. Several other things has happened. I've only been here 1 week, but yesterday, she really hurt me. The dog was sitting in my lap and she told the dog "Get down, she doesn't love you." And then a few minutes later when they were sitting outside, the dog wanted to come inside, where I was, and she told the dog "Don't go in there with her. She doesn't love us." I told my meme (her daughter which lives right down the street) and my mom and at first, they were nice and trying to help me and told my grandma to stop being a jerk. But now, they said I am not allowed to leave. I'm 17, that makes me want to leave even more! They are forcing me to stay here and be miserable just because no one else wants to take care of her. She has money. Why can't they hire a professional? I cry myself to sleep and no one seems to care.
Forced labor of any kind is not legal in the USA.
However, yes, you are being a big baby. You are 17--barely past baby age, so that's sort of an excuse for your attitude. So, you claim your formal education is complete; you went to live with gramma because you "thought it would be fun", but in less than a week, it wasn't! WAH WAH WAH!!!
I'm hoping your mom has encouraged you to set goals for your future and WORK--oh, horrors to think of it!--each day toward achieving them. If not, I encourage you to do a web search and learn some ways to do this.
I'm thinking that you were given the opportunity to learn a valuable skill in caring for an elderly person. That is certainly an ability that is in demand, and could have led to your self-sufficiency if you had been willing to learn it. You have refused that, which is OK.
But, I think your mom is just trying to help you fly out of the nest. You need to do it. Be a grown up. Get a job. Since you don't have a car, you'll need to move close enough to walk or bike to your job or live where there is public transportation. You ain't gonna make a living as a photographer this week. Work on that dream after your regular job's hours.
There is no shame in not wanting to be a caregiver, but if you turn up your nose at every entry-level job out there, shame on you.
As my step-son was informed by his mom: If anybody is going to lay on that couch all day and watch TV, it's gonna be Mom who paid for it.
For 17 years, you've wanted to be grown up. You're here! Welcome to grown-up land, it's really not as bad as you think!
You are too young for this type of responsibility - use your cell to tape GG when she is doing thing & being mean - show the family - so that they will be aware of your living condition
I don't recommend it but if you end up staying then you get your own tv in your room, days off, paid photography courses, salary [have taxes taken off] etc - you are not an indentured servant but a young person with rights - assert them - your GG is still around so you have a good chance of living a long time - start paying your taxes for when you'll need the help down the line in 60+ years - have a caretaker's contract with family that is fair both sides - if you go to school part time & help her too remember that sleeping there to help means you are 'on duty' all night & that should be accounted for
What your family is doing boarders child & elder abuse - who told you that you don't need education to be a photographer? ... your family = manipulation .... yourself = lack of awareness -
The fact you came here shows you have some smarts .. kudos for doing so - enroll in college ASAP so you can show you have guts - your family probably thrust this on you as 'she's not in school, doesn't have a job - why not have her help GG' - however think 'what if my eyesight is damaged?' - you need a back-up education because there are no blind photographers! - don't put all your eggs in 1 basket
My guess is you were always the 'good child' [take a phyc course on family dynamics] & agreed often when you didn't really want to, to keep family harmony - time to change the mold you have been put in - your family may be unknowingly grooming you to be the family caretaker & if you don't want it the time to say so is NOW
You ARE still "just a girl" not an adult. You just had a taste of what adulthood IS. Responsibilities and work. Now, I'm not saying you have to stay at Ggma's, in fact, this sounds like a terrible place to be and not "fun" at all. Most of caregiving is not "fun". It's hard work.
Talk to your mom and meme. They know that Ggma isn't "OK" and maybe they thought you'd be a "cheap" way to help her. You obviously aren't ready for that, and it's no blame on you. I did caregiving as a JOB and I was 50 and it was still very hard. Your ggma needs more care than you are capable of giving.
At 17, having graduated early, you have the world at your feet!! Get a job, go and get at MINIMUM an Associates degree and start living your own life.
Were you, by any chance, just "hanging out" at home before all this happened? I have 4 daughters. They were NOT allowed to lounge about. They had to be in school FT and working PT or they couldn't live at home (after High School). We made sure they had help so they could afford school, but we also made sure they knew that life is work and they were going to learn how to do it. They (and their brother) all have degrees, a couple have several degrees. They are all capable of taking care of themselves--that's what parents want for their kids!!
You are lucky to be learning this lesson now. Yes, you can be a photographer, but I don't know a single professional photographer who didn't get at least a 2 year degree. In fact, photography is one of the best classes one of my daughters took in college.
Stand firm with the family, and get your tush in gear and get to work. (said with the love of a mother who knows)
The ADULTS in your family should deal with ggma. Sounds like you truly love her and won't let this unfortunate week ruin the relationship you have.
God bless you and do stand up and call the right people to get involved to make your mother and Aunts and Uncles do the right thing and SHAME ON THEM IF THEY TAKE IT OUT ON YOU FOR DOING WHAT IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY.
You have been given excellent advice. We don't know your whole family situation. We don't know if your Mother was trying to teach you a harsh life lesson by sending you to great grandmother to be her caregiver. Let's hope not but it did kinda give you a glimpse into what you DO NOT want to do...right? Unless there is a Photograper in your area that would hire you as a helper you are going to have to get the experience through some classes. With that being said I agree some college is going to benefit you in the long run. If your family is unwilling or unable to put you through college there are ways to make it happen for yourself. Financial Aid, Financial Assistance, Grants, Scholarships, etc, etc.
One of my neighbors dropped off her granddaughter at one of the most uppity colleges 4 years ago. The neighbor gave her granddaughter $100 and a garage sale bicycle. The granddaughter hit the ground pedaling! The granddaughter had 3 part time jobs AT THE SAME TIME to keep herself in food and a roof over her head while still grinding through a full college load. She secured scholarships, and financial help thru the college to fund her education.
Whatever you decide to do I don't think you want to not be in school or not have a job. That does make you a easy target for "make yourself useful and go take care of great grandma.
I think as a 17 yr old you have shown a lot of guts by saying I can't/won't Caregive anymore. Now show those same guts and find a job or get back to your education.
Come back and let us know how ggma's appointment goes.
Reach out to authorities: call child protective services, call elderly services. There is free legal as well, and I think you would qualify. You have to look out for your well being and interests: your 'famblee' is not going to. Best of luck to you. Personally: get out.
You're legally entitled to a reasonable salary for this since you are a minor and legally allowed to have a job. If they refuse to pay you, you can go to your school counselor and speak to them and maybe even have them call the CPS for your family breaking the child labor laws. You should not be forced to work such a hard job without a salary, caregiving is very hard work and something that'll even break you down sometime. Just explain to the school counselor and even CPS what's going on just like you mentioned here and tell them you don't mind working at 17 but you either need a reasonable salary for that kind of work since your grandma really does have money, or you need some other kind of living arrangements. If you know the number to the local CPS or know where it's at, you should be able to secretly contact them yourself if you're not being paid a reasonable salary for this kind of work. If this has been going on for a while, you're legally owed a backpay if you've never been paid for this kind of work. It sounds like someone is just looking for free labor and slavery laws are also in place to be abided by because slavery was long since outlawed. You only work slaves without pay, so if you're working for free, there's two or three laws being broken here, and that can result in you being removed from the home and a court ordered guardian to be appointed to your grandma.
What I was thinking is this sounds like it may very well be an emergency situation. What you need to do now instead of waiting for the next incident is just go straight to the police station or if it's too far away, just go to the nearest business and have them call the cops. Tell the cops what's going on just like you specified here. If you're locked in to the house, just unlock the door when she's in another room and slip right out the door. If this isn't possible, just go to your room as she says and secretly pull out your cell phone and dial 911. Ask for the police. Try to be as quiet as possible. However though, if you can slip out the door or just not go home from school which is better yet, go to your school counselor and have them call the CPS and tell the school counselor and CPS exactly what's going on and that you're not going back to that living environment and would rather live under a bridge
As it is, I'd say you need to pass this burden onto your parents and meme and go out and get yourself a job so you can earn the money to buy a car and live independently of others. Good Luck to you and your future. At 17, the possibilities are endless, but you have to make them happen!
The first thing I would do is be bold, be brave like you have been and demand a family meeting with an agency like Office on aging. If you are ignored and silenced remember you are under 18 and you can call Child protective services as well as Adult protective services. You have to get to an agency that can sit down with your whole family and discuss YOUR situation, not your G-Grandma's only.
Stay strong! Be bold and remember that you are still a child in a lot of ways, and need support to get to adulthood, however it may come. Sometimes family can be make things harder, not easier, and that is why you must stand up for yourself, no matter what.
Why isn't your own mother the one dealing with her grandmother?
I don't see where anyone thought it would be fair to you?
Bravo for graduating early and that's great you even gave it a try at being your greats caregiver. I have no doubt you were seeing it more as a roomate/helper than a full on caregiver. Was anyone in your family doing the job before or is it something that is new to you all?
Your great needs a caregiver but I don't see how it is your responsibility. Legally your not an adult but your mother is so it should be on her to come up with a solution.
Also, my grand-daughter (age 25) is a professional photographer; in addition to having been one of those kids who had a camera with her for the last 10 or so years, she also has a college degree in photography. In addition to learning a lot of things faster and better than the hard way, she interned with a classy event photographer for a year or so and then got hired on when she graduated. She was also able to work with some experienced professionals for short-term assignments. Check out community colleges in your area, and when you have some basics under your belt, look for mentors.
Regardless of what direction you end up taking, what you need to do now, as it seems you are realizing, is to let the adults care for Grandma while you care for yourself and your future. Not only is your future riding on this, but the future of any family you create in the future, is too. G Grandma's lived her life. Now is the time for you to be planning for yours!