Feeling so unbelievably discouraged.

I meet with a new caregiver agency on Tuesday and let the Agency we have now know that we are looking for another agency. I know that they are losing not only clients but their own caregivers because the 2 new employees in the office are not treating them right so it isn't just us. I am a very reasonable and 'nice' patient person but even I will eventually say this is now a pattern and I will believe what they keep saying in all kinds of ways: that what we are concerned about doesn't matter, they don't respect us or even like us and they will ignore us or try to make us feel like it is our fault or something wrong with us rather than admit they are wrong or even see they are wrong. It's sad because if they would have worked with us I could have made it work. I'm very flexible, long ago I wasn't and accommodating but you better believe it when I say you better do right by my mother or else! 😉

Sendme2help and Stacetb thank you so much for the encouragement and prayers! Thank you all for taking the time to respond and that you care.

I am praying for you! You are doing everything you can do, hang in there!

The lifter of your head.....

Can you call the agency, saying this is the last time you are calling and say you are giving them one more chance to send their very best person?

I haven't read everything, but you asked for prayers.

I did call mom's Aging Waiver Caseworker and she was shocked to hear of the complaint. She agreed with my friend that I needed to find a new caregiver agency as soon as possible. They hire the agency but I do have a chance to share any concerns. Thank you all for your prayers. Mummy has been grieving the loss of our previous caregivers and has just bonded with the new ones so this will be hard.

Joy - please take a deep breath and it sounds like you are overwhelmed and switching caregivers is not good for you or mummy. I would encourage you to contact your local Senior Center or local hospital social worker and ask them for a recommendation (also explain your likes and dislikes about all the caregivers you've already had and dismissed).

Start fresh and interview 2-3 of caregivers. YOU MUST CONSIDER MUMMY's needs -- if she needs someone to do all the hygiene, lifting, toileting, medical attention or other -- then you need skilled nursing. Some of the CNA's an Agency sends may not be skilled in that area -- they may be under the impression that you are doing that or taking care of those needs for mummy.

Sit down with director of the Agency and explain exactly what you need and expect (toileting?, lite housekeeping? meals, grocery shopping?, daily exercises with mummy? babysitting side by side, in another room?). They have many services and if you aren't paying for full 8 -12 hr care -- then yes, likely they are going to send 2-3 rotational caregivers. They will try to send the same person if mummy prefers a certain caregiver -- but it might not always be possible. If mum's needs change -- that may also be a reason they need to send someone different.

APS - well, they've been called 2x on my mom and as far as I'm concerned...its a paperwork exercise. The second time I spent more time with APS trying to get my mom help and/or moved to safe facility. Its a long story -- but this is what I learned from the trauma of APS:
1. They think they are trying to help
2. They are powerless to help -- they only want to circle the wagon and find family to unload the problem on.
3. The situation has to be DIRE for them to remove or place the elder somewhere else, period. -- that means, the person has to be living in totally unsanitary conditions - sink piled high with dishes, disorganization in the house, clothes piled, mail piled, hoarding, etc., is unsanitary themselves (dirty, smelly, matted, filthy clothes), or hurt/injured/sick and barely able to get around.
In my case; mom was unhygienic (hadn't bathed in weeks, filthy clothes (though she had clean clothes) BUT house was organized, no piled dishes, kitchen relatively clean and organized; house organized though not "clean" but not putrid either. No hoarding.
Under those conditions, APS said it wasn't bad enough for them to take her to court and have her removed from the home.
#4. It has to be really bad because following their case report - they have to go to a lawyer which then goes to magistrate. In my case, lawyer said it wasn't bad enough and mom "legally" can stay in her home even knowing she needs help and services
#5. IT HAS TO BE EXTREMELY BAD SITUATION for them to remove mom from the home.

It sounds like you are disraught over this but I would guess you have nothing to worry about unless you get combative with case workers and dismiss their concerns. Remember, their job is to "protect mummy and ensure she is safe and healthy and that there are no signs of neglect". ASK FOR HELP if you need it from APS -- if you need a visiting nurse to monitor mummy, say so. If you need temporary assistance to get the house in order or do grocery shopping, ask them where you might get that help.

Lastly, maybe its time to talk to hospice. Its free, you don't have to have them and mummy may not need hospice -- but you should at least consult with them and learn more about what they offer that you might need now or in the future.

Let us know how it goes.

Also my friend warned me if I kept switching I would be labeled a trouble maker and the other company I called didn't have enough staff either so down to only 7 companies. Poor mummy

I will call aging waiver today and try to start all over for the 3rd time in 3 months. It will destroy mummy. She has already fallen in love with some of the ladies and just now recovering from losing her beloved ladies from before the move. Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses and encouragment. I talked to a friend I've known for over 40 years who has been in Hospice for over 15 yrs and has dealt with close to a 100 caregiver agencies and she said it was probably one of the aides or the agency who had a problem with me and out of immaturity and spitefulness did this but the problem is they can keep filing complaints even though nothing is wrong after so many they might try to take her out of the home. I'm worried because I know only the caregivers have come yo my home & the staff at the agency who aren't in any way 'nice' people. I have had a nightmare with the caregivers & even staff, which I never experienced before since moving to this area. I was trying to make it work with this agency because most of the caregivers are really great with mom. The ladies in the office have been rude, unprofessional, cold, patronizing and have discounted concerns among other things. There are only 10 in this area and the first company didn't have staff but lied to me and so most didn't show up or when they did proved to be totally untrustworthy. I've been yelled at, hung on and even was slandered to caregivers. The one to schedules the aides took it out on me when she couldn't find staff who would travel an hour away! They would lie to me and say we're hiring and training new people every week and no one came. I am astonished by all the weirdness. After I said I was going to have to get a new company the lady acted like a jilted lover and would call and yell at me that she couldn't get staff and hang up on me, this after talking to her boss and begging for the weirdness to stop and everyone to just act professional.

I don't know what I would do if APS came to the door. That would be awful, since we can try so hard but still fall short in other people's minds. Would they say the bedroom was crazily cluttered? It is, but I've tried to deal with that unsuccessfully. Would they say I neglect my mother? They wouldn't know the things that happen that make me go to my room. Would they see she was still in her ragged pajamas in front of the TV and think me terrible? Or would they see that there was nutritious food in the refrigerator, she ate well, her medications were tended to, and that I can't control her behavior? I don't know what the outcome would be. I wouldn't like to get in trouble because I can't control her behavior. It's scary to think about.

Joy
So so sorry
I understand your pain and know how hard it is to work with agencies for caregivers - it is especially difficult when there is a last minute cancellation and they either can't staff or send someone inappropriate

Maybe it is time to change agencies ?

Oh..and no....they offered zero help.

I also had APS come knocking. This was last summer.
They were quite nasty toward me. They accused me to my face of neglecting my parents.

I finally just told them to talk with the family lawyer. That until they found the way to speak to me in a civil manner, all communication would go thru the lawyer.

After a couple of days the whole attitude changed.

No..I have little respect for an organization that believes themselves to be a power without accountability.

Joyinthemidst,
I'm so sorry that you are going through all this.I'm sure you love your Mother very much and give her great care.It seems like There is always someone that likes to muddy the waters.This is very precious time you have left and you sure don't need more problems,especially when your Mother needs you most.My prayers are with you....Lu

Thank you Sunnygirl1. No, no assistance was offered because with the caregivers help she was taken care of so I could rest then I miraculously would feel good enough to take over when they left. Often, she slept more while I was sick. I think she was fighting off getting it. Usually, she would get sick every year and almost die because a simple flu or cold would do her in so this was astonishing to me that all she got was 2x she had diarrhea and got very tired. I'm very thankful. No, there was absolutely no need to even question her care. That's one of the reasons this is so sad, I'm pretty sure the agency did this because I was upset with them & was going to call Aging Waiver about them changing the schedule and not addressing my concerns from before we even hired them.

Were they there to offer you assistance? If your illness have caused you undue hardship, I would think that they may be able to offer help for you and your mother. I hope you may find resources that can make your load lighter and the time with your mother more peaceful.