ive been caring for my 80 yr old mum for 6 years now.i cant work and ive missed out on lots of time with my kids.i only care for her 3 days a week.the other 4 days she is fine on her own and that's when my sister will call on her for an hour.just I get severe depression and it means I have day when I struggle to hold it together.how ever I did get better and I was meant to be going to work that's when mum fell ill and I was needed,my partner had a part time job but he stayed home o look after my kids while I saw to my mum.i have a sister who lives across the road from my mum but she didn't want to care for her. I struggled catching 2 buses from my home to my mothers and still do.my partner has a slipped disc in his back and cant work.he dosent get any extra money for this.anyway we and my partner between us just saw to the kids and we did struggle.even when I was ill I never took time of cause my mum would be crying wondering if she should look for another carer.problem ive got now is that when mum went back and fo to hospital I went to see her everyday and my finances were stretched and I had to dip into her savings amd as much as I regret it I cant undo ehat ivr done.then my brother was ill with cancer he needed things that I couldn't pay for so again I dipped into my mums money with the intention of getting a loan to repay it .only I feel so awful as I haven't done so yet and my mum is seeing that her finances are dwindling.shes never goes without ,it was either me do this or leave mum deteriorate in hospital because she wouldn't have me to see her.no one else would visit.she get a state pension and I pay her bills out of it and do her shopping but she dosent understand prices and she has been moaning to my brother about it.i feel so bad but im not taking from her pension and haven't been taking anything of late.still im so suicidal and I don't want to live knowing that she will find out.she is forgetful latel and when my brother died she forgot at times that he wasn't around.i cant tell her openly what ive done as I will be an outcast from my family.also when I said my kids were ill ori was ill I never could have a day of.i feel a failure and im so deeply depressed I feel as though they all know what ive done.i couldn't even grieve for my brother who ive lost a few weeks ago.i cant grieve because mum dosent seem to aware of whats happened and even the day of the funeral I wanted to go home to my family.she insisted I go to see her and was upset when I was going to go home.so I had to see her still catching 2 buses there and back and trying to be normal for her but it had an effect .I just need kind words right now.i know ive done wrong
When is it okay - what set of circumstances makes it okay to steal from your elderly parent?
Oops - sorry. When is it okay to "dip" or "take without permission" from your parents money? There - that's so much better. "Steal" is such an ugly word, isn't it?
Is it being depressed? Having a no help sibling? Being financially in need? Being an unpaid caregiver? Maybe it's feeling bad about it after?
Cause I never got that memo. I'm pretty sure the thousands of depressed, financially strapped, unpaid caregivers in this country alone - they didn't either.
I HOPE YOU HEAR THIS LOUDLY AND CLEARLY...THERE IS NO DEED THAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON. YOU HAVE TAKEN ON A ROLE THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS HAD THE COURAGE TO TAKE UP AND YOU SHOULD BE COMMENDED FOR THAT FIRST AND FOREMOST.
Depression can be a hellish thing to have on your back. It knows your weak points and isn't afraid to ride them out in your mind. The best thing you can do for your mom, your family and yourself is to talk to your doctor about this depression and let them guide you to some counseling to help you cope with the burdens and stresses that come with being a caregiver.
As for the rest, it doesn't sound like you are living the high life off your mom's finances and beating yourself up over something that isn't insurmountable by any means is not worth the hurt. You are a good and caring person to take on this role and I hope you will reach out for some help on the depression and suicidal thoughts.
Finally, always remember you have friends in many places...some known, some new...and that there will be good thoughts put out there to help you.
Peace!