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Okay, so I've been thinking about this post and someone's got to help me out cause I'm confused.

When is it okay - what set of circumstances makes it okay to steal from your elderly parent?

Oops - sorry. When is it okay to "dip" or "take without permission" from your parents money? There - that's so much better. "Steal" is such an ugly word, isn't it?

Is it being depressed? Having a no help sibling? Being financially in need? Being an unpaid caregiver? Maybe it's feeling bad about it after?

Cause I never got that memo. I'm pretty sure the thousands of depressed, financially strapped, unpaid caregivers in this country alone - they didn't either.
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I agree, a line has been crossed, and the guilt that goes with it is extreme also. My Mom lived with my husband and I for 7 years after her last husband passed. We wrongly "assumed" that all would be good. My hubs is disabled and of SS and SSI, and I worked caring for him, plus in school full time. (I'm 63 and was in school when I was 55). My Mom would offer money to help, knowing that we were struggling, then because of dementia, would forget and we stole "all of her money". The progression just got worse. She signed a agreement early on that she would contribute x amount to the household to help. Then "the family" got in the midst of everything, while my Mom just got worse. By a doctors request, that she needed to be in assisted living, we found a perfect one within her budget, but the family held me totally responsible for her going into a nice home and that I took every penny she had. (She would buy with her credit cards for other family on the phone). I had Social Workers and police taking my computer with her accounts recorded, and they said there was nothing illegal or out of line, because of the agreement. But the family (Mom's sister in laws and cousins-who never took care of her at all, just believed her in her demented state of mind). Mom recently passed, I am relieved and feel free, but I have no family, due to the rantings of a poor, sad mind, still. Be careful and cover yourself. Pay it back or at least make an attempt. Draw up a note, with the total you took, tell her and move on.
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Rainmom: I agree totally. Lots of people have asked for a "paycheck" of sorts to take care of their elderly parents. Hello??!! My mother's monthly income was only $1,223 a month. I wouldn't dare touch a penny of it. Something is majorly amiss here.
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There is something being overlooked here in a very blatant way and while the feedback on the morality of using mom's funds for family needs has a place...I haven't seen anyone respond to your statements about depression and feeling suicidal.

I HOPE YOU HEAR THIS LOUDLY AND CLEARLY...THERE IS NO DEED THAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON. YOU HAVE TAKEN ON A ROLE THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS HAD THE COURAGE TO TAKE UP AND YOU SHOULD BE COMMENDED FOR THAT FIRST AND FOREMOST.

Depression can be a hellish thing to have on your back. It knows your weak points and isn't afraid to ride them out in your mind. The best thing you can do for your mom, your family and yourself is to talk to your doctor about this depression and let them guide you to some counseling to help you cope with the burdens and stresses that come with being a caregiver.

As for the rest, it doesn't sound like you are living the high life off your mom's finances and beating yourself up over something that isn't insurmountable by any means is not worth the hurt. You are a good and caring person to take on this role and I hope you will reach out for some help on the depression and suicidal thoughts.

Finally, always remember you have friends in many places...some known, some new...and that there will be good thoughts put out there to help you.

Peace!
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