My grandpa is very stubborn and will not take a shower/bathe. I don't know why and he won't tell anyone why. His catheter is constantly coming out and pee goes all over him and couch and carpet. He won't let us clean up that either he just yells at us and it is making it difficult to be around him because he is really starting to smell bad. He goes to doctors visits often but they just act like they don't smell him or something. I'm very confused about what to do. My grandma is to weak to help him shower and I think it might be a little weird to him and me if I tried to help.(if he ever did decide to take one). Please, any advice would be helpful!!
Good luck with this tough issue,
Carol
You definitely could use some assistance, even if just one or two times a week to get him cleaned up. Also, he may be afraid or unable to get into the shower, for fear of falling, or maybe he is afraid of the water (drowning). There is some issue there that he isn't telling you guys, that maybe an outside person can get out of him. I would also talk to his doctors and tell them that they need to say something to him when he comes in for a visit. It usually is received better by an outside source, than from family. Good luck and definitely get some help...you and your gramma need it.
Tell him it makes grandma uncomfortable for him to never bathe and or that dr says he might get infection and bacteria will get in catheter and he might easily end up in hospital...see if that helps, or tell him you see bugs in his hair, and he better shower and wash his hair...
Lastly, threaten if he doesn't do it himself, you will call in a nurse to come in a couple times a week to bathe him. Case closed. Then do it.
I wouldn't put up with it.
At the facilities it is so much easier. We are trained, but don't force other peoples loved ones to shower, or do bed baths. It is illegal to use restraints, so we persuade them gently. With the Dementia patients, they are loaded with fear, and need to feel safe and not have their dignity compromised.
This is the technique I use to have someone at one of the facilities to be clean. I will first ensure they have privacy. Then, to make sure they are warm, and tell them every step of the process. If they can help or assist in any way, I let them, and ask for their help. I don't use the word shower, bath, or use terms that are negative. Every little accomplishment, no matter how small, I praise them, since it makes them feel very happy. We all want to feel happy, and safe. When getting them ready for a bed bath or shower, I get every thing ready. (6 washcloths, 4 towels, bath blanket, special body shampoo, and ointment to dress any wounds). In the bathroom I get the hand held shower nozzle, turn it on low to medium, and test the water on my wrist to make sure it isn't too cold, and also to prevent burns. When bringing them in a shower chair, and doing the transfer I ask them, "would you like to freshen up and feel good?" "It's going to feel really good, and you will feel nice and warm and safe." When helping to undress them, whether a bed bath or going to the shower room, I will close the door, draw the privacy curtain, and then tell them, " I need their assistance, and they will be kept warm, and that I will keep them covered to protect their privacy." Next, I will cover them with a sheet or bath blanket, undress one arm, ask them to hold the sheet, undress the next arm and ask them if they can help lean forward to take the shirt off. Even if it is a bed bath, I will ask for their assistance to roll over, while keeping them covered. When taking them to the shower room, I will have them fully covered in 2 bath blankets, one on the back of the chair, to prevent drafts, and one on the front to keep them warm. It also prevents them from feeling exposed, and their private parts from being seen. In the shower room, I will turn on the hand held shower nozzle, and warm up the water so it won't be too cold, or to hot to burn them. I'll test the water on my wrist first, and then ask, "can you test the water, is it too cold, is it good?" They always answer and will say, "too hot, too cold, or nod ok". Then, I never spray directly over their head, I use my hand to gently aerate the water, and when placing soap in their hair, have them hold a washcloth over their eyes. I use one washcloth for the face, one for their eyes, one for under each arm, one for the front of their chest, and front private part, another for their back, and one or a few for their rear end. When rinsing off, I always tell them exactly what I'm doing, and keep the hose down at approximately shoulder height. I will also try to warm them up several times by running warm water on their back, and arms. I also tell them, "you are doing great, thanks for helping, doesn't that feel so good?" If they can help clean their face, I ask them to use the washcloth to clean their face, or give them one to do their arm or chest. Also, it doesn't matter if they clean well, since I will make sure I clean that area. It just makes them feel like someone is asking permission, they feel great about being able to care for themselves, and they feel warm and protected.
When helping out in other peoples homes, I also check to see if there are grab bars, transfer benches, non-slip strips on the shower or bathtub floor. Always place non-slip shoes on their feet, do they have a shower hand held hose, if not use a clean plastic container for soaping up the washcloth, and one for rinsing. When bring them in, I already have the water warmed up, and will close the door, and close the shades or blinds for privacy, and to keep them warm.
The most important things that the loved one, or the loved one in a facility are dealing with are that they are losing their independence that they had all their life. Their privacy is being compromised. They get cold very easily. It is very unsafe to take a shower or bath, since that is where the most serious falls can occur. They don't want the family member to see them naked, since it is inappropriate from their point of view. They get comfortable and don't think it is necessary to bathe. Their eyesight, sense of smell, and taste aren't as good as what it was years ago. If they are taking any medicine, (Pain, heart, Blood Pressure, Diabetes, etc.), it will affect their judgment and they will not be aware as we are about the situation at hand. If their doctor doesn't address the situation, you may need to have a private consultation with him or her and tell about the complete living conditions. They may need a Eldercare Social Worker, and Eldercare attorney, someone from a licensed agency (Certified Nursing Assistant, Certified Home Health Care Worker), that is licensed with the state to come in a few times a week to help out. Maybe even a housekeeper once a week, once ever other week to keep their living conditions, including their own person hygiene in check. Also, remove trip hazards, and slip hazards. Throw rugs, have to be removed, or place non-slip backing underneath. They are afraid of spending, money, so say it is not a problem, you are treating them, to remove their fear of financial difficulty. The Eldercare Social Worker, can help get costs covered. The social worker will also make sure they are getting proper nutrition by sending in a dietician.
Family is the hardest, and very difficult. This entire thread has given me some great ideas. Whether the family member is competent and doesn't have Dementia, or not, I will definitely get a CNA/CHHA in to help assist me, since it will eliminate the combative loved one's protests. It also has reminded me, that it might be best to get outside help with my loved ones.
Someone who can't manage his catheter care and refuses to maintain minimum hygiene standards is someone who needs help. If your grandmother can't physically do it, it's time to bring in help or move your grandfather to an AL or SNF.
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