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I got Mark's death certificate yesterday and the grief hit me like a ton of bricks. It has his three causes listed and I just bawled like a baby. I guess I said it was my fault. I know it's not my fault, but I feel so bad he had to suffer through pain at a younger age. It's so weird how just recently things hit me making me cry like shredding old bills and even TV shows we watched together. Grief is weird and so random at times

I remember that beast and not being able to open up certain pictures and videos. I cried every day for eighteen months straight. I lost my younger sister and dad exactly five months apart. I lost my husband exactly a year later after dad. In 2023, I lost two aunts. One on my husband's side of the family and an aunt the same year. Earlier this year was my brother and an uncle two days before my brother's funeral.

It does get better. I'm almost eight years in and some days I do feel the grief kicking in especially around the approaching holidays. I plan to put up a tree. I haven't done decorations in almost seven years.

I had a feeling of being ungrounded and lost for the earlier part of the year for the most part. I never thought that it was due to these losses.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Peace DoggieMom86-
My heart aches along with you. No one can predict or really "teach" about grief, because each is as individual and unique as the love and relationship with each person. Grief is in proportion to our love - we love and care; therefore we grieve. I don't think it really ever "ends" - it just changes - morphs and changes as various layers are processed, understood, felt and tucked away ( put with the possibility of always being unpacked. Emotions are not "right" or "wrong" - they just are - and though painful, a glorious part of wat makes us human and special.
It is far worse, I think to not feel anything - to be totally numb- from depression, fear, whatever. To cry, feel, get angry, sad, guilty, happy - all is ok, even healthy.
Grieving the deaths of a husband, a marriage, and both my parents, I have learned there is no "script", no "normal way to grieve", no "timeline". I have learned to lean on others, have patience with myself, try to reach out in service to others and as a Christian, lean heavily into Christ in my weakness.
You are ok; you are normal; you will get better and heal but be a new an different person - I think the goal is to be more compassionate, more empathetic, more "human" as getting to the other side of the hardest part of grief ...Sending hugs, prayers, and wishes for you ....peace and perspective.
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Reply to Laurabelle01
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My husband died October 3rd, my mom died earlier this year in January. I took care of both of them. If this is hell then I am in it. I am so lost, I too felt the part of grief that I shoulda, coulda, done something different to "save" them.
Mom was 101 and had a multitude of health issues.
Hubby was 73 and also had many issues, dementia, copd, chronic pain, addiction to painkillers.
Telling myself they are free and no longer suffering doesn't help. Everything triggers tears, depression.
Some days, I am ok, but on a weekend night like this the night feels long and endless.
Friends and family check in with me contstantly, take me out, but grief is just a wave I have to ride.
I know what you mean by the death certificate, so real, so final, so true.
I am 64 and have a long time to live, I imagine if I take care of myself. So I'm trying to recover from being a caretaker for so long by trying to exercise, eat well and finally get some decent sleep. But I have to force myself to do these things, as I currently could give a crap about all the self care I complained so much about missing out on when I was taking care of them and feeling pulled in a million different directions.
Yeah, everything makes me cry too. Hugs to you, DoggieMom86.
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Reply to Siouxann
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I’m so sorry, DoggieMom. We know that Mark didn’t take care of himself and his death was never your fault, as you say in your post. You did everything you could for him while it was possible. Let those thoughts comfort you, and I hope you feel better soon.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Reply to brandee
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I understand where you are. My husband died on Nov 5th, and my grief is overwhelming as well. People come to visit and when they leave I just cry and cry. When I have to go out I come home to an empty house and I just break down. People tell me it gets better, but so far it hasn't.
I have to go pick up his ashes, and I know that will trigger another round of sadness and grief. I don't think I will ever be the same agai I miss him every minute..
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Reply to Dillsburglady
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Hi doggiemom, we never know how we are going to handle it until we are there. No one does. 😢
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Moms been gone 7 yrs. She had Dementia for 6 yrs. I did not more at her passing but I do get teary when I talk about her or see a picture. So, yes, it can blindside you.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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This is normal. We grieve when we can bear it. Sometimes it is delayed because we aren't ready to look it in the eyes. You are doing well. Expect these "blindsides", girl. They are normal. All of a sudden out of nowhere they will hit and send you reeling. That is normal.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Go Easy on Yourself . Grief comes in waves and I am Not sure it ever Leaves You . Some People are easier to Let go of than others .
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Reply to KNance72
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