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Mostly Independent
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Suzmarie. You do exactly what I do. It's like a cafeteria in this house. Variety! Of course the grocery bill is out of sight, hubb and I can do chicken on grill and veggies But mom likes a stacked fridge and pantry. Lots of fruit that goes to waste. She raids fridge and ripsneverything up she can find with a knife and most times it then spoils. We keep another smaller fridge in garage for things we know she doesn't like so she won't ruin them. It is the independence she likes. It's the "poop" I don't like for her over eating. What to do. Grocery bills run $300-400 a week and it's 90% her stuff. Then sometimes I'll ask "what do yo want for dinner, and she will say "surprise me"!!! Also have to add this independence she loves leaves sticky floor, counter, spilled ji Uice in fridge. She went to respite a yrae ago and she kePt traveling to kitchen in middle od night.
Sometimes are parents become like children. Dictating meals is one way for a person who has little control over life to exert power. I agree that shopping once a week is enough. Just get a variety of things that she likes and give her those choices. If she is really hungry and it is something she likes she will eat
i definately liked a vacation at walmart. I would never go to the store everyday. When i was working full time a caregiver was here...mom ate alot of packaged meals but always a banana and lots of water. As a result the freezer was full of varied meals. The cupboards were stocked with all kinds of canned goods vegys etc. there were mac and cheese box and other instand cooking meals. lots of oatmeal and cream of wheat. bread with different jellies can change for each day of the week and i always gave mom a slice of bread. baked potatoes keep for a long time use with a side dish of veggies and fruit. mini pre cooked meatloaf. what made the diffferene for mom was the variety. to add to this there was a variety of fruit cups, pears, peaches, fruit cocktail. individual cups of chocolate and vanilla pudding and jello packs in all sorts of flavors. since these keep a long time it added variety to every meal. i also bought different flavors of jello and made a batch every week and poured into little individual cups. soups are so varied also add with crackers that keep a long time; also a variety of drinks. my two cents; hope something works for you and your mom
Sometimes we need to be given a choice which isn't a choice. Because deciding is too hard, yet no choice is too restrictive. The answer might be what used to be termed 'the bishop's gambit'. In other words, offer two choices where one is definitely out of the question.
For example, lets assume that the party in question does not like fish. You might say something like 'Well, you have a choice for dinner. You can have trout or steak'. In fact, you know they wont pick trout as they don't like fish and the steak has already been bought. But they still get a choice (!) however it is a limited choice, which often can work well, and - though they hopefully wont pick up on it - the choice is actually rigged to a particular option.
Since I do the grocery shopping, meal planning, and meal preparation for the family, I would not shop daily simply because the people I cook for can't decide what they want to eat. Prior to shopping every week, I ask my mom/daughter/son if they'd like anything special in the house. Then, they eat what I prepare, or not! I know their tastes and preferences, and I certainly take that into consideration. After all, I want my family to find mealtimes enjoyable; however, that being said, if they don't like what I serve, they don't have to eat it. I'm not a short order cook, and our home is not a diner. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but enough is enough!
In my house chef rules. It doesn't matter if you're elderly or one of the kids. You can make request before my weekly shopping trips. But since I'm the shopper and cook I decide. I often incorporate the weekly specials into my meal plan and do try to have everyone's favorites once and awhile.
But no you shouldn't go to the grocery store daily. If you're like everyone else on this board you do enough. You don't need to add short order cook to the list.
I have to go to the store nearly every day because I can never decide what I want to cook for dinner until late in the day.
Hmmm ...
Actually, that is how I like to do things, but I'm forced to plan ahead a little more because leaving my husband alone is becoming a problem.
If you like to shop daily and be assured of fresh fish and just-picked corn and other veggies, great! If you prefer fewer trips and more advanced planning, that is great too.
And if you are preparing the meals, it should be your decision. As the others have said, reduce the number of choices you give Mother. Let her help you plan 7 or 8 dinners before you do your weekly shopping. Then she could decide which of those menus she'd prefer any given night, and you'd be fairly certain to have the ingredients on hand.
Paula, liked your comment, I always say Walmart is a caregivers vacation.... so I do understand...lol Like Paula said, have things on hand you know she likes... give her two choices, or just fix it, you didn't say what her health issues are, but right now M is not hungry, nothing sounds good... so I make suggestions of light meals of things on hand.... no way would I run to the store everyday. I don't have time.... One evening I even fixed her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I suggested it being silly, but her face lit up and she said that sounded good... Let us know what happens .......
My 87 year old mother tended to be this way too, until she was put on hospice care. Now, as her sole caregiver, my trips to the grocery store are limited to twenty minute mad-dashes twice a week when a nurse or a health aide comes to relieve me. We're lucky if I remember the toilet paper, much less a special menu. :(
Although, having once had a husband with the the same affliction, I'd say this is more a personality matter than a result of advanced age. I'd advise giving her a choice from what you have on hand rather than an unlimited range of selections. Although, if she's become used to being asked, this might cause problems at first. Or you could just fix something you think she might like and bypass the selection process entirely.
Personally I think I'd love to go to the grocery store everyday, but that probably just because I know I can't. :)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Uice in fridge. She went to respite a yrae ago and she kePt traveling to kitchen in middle od night.
there were mac and cheese box and other instand cooking meals. lots of oatmeal and cream of wheat. bread with different jellies can change for each day of the week and i always gave mom a slice of bread. baked potatoes keep for a long time use with a side dish of veggies and fruit. mini pre cooked meatloaf. what made the diffferene for mom was the variety. to add to this there was a variety of fruit cups, pears, peaches, fruit cocktail. individual cups of chocolate and vanilla pudding and jello packs in all sorts of flavors. since these keep a long time it added variety to every meal. i also bought different flavors of jello and made a batch every week and poured into little individual cups. soups are so varied also add with crackers that keep a long time; also a variety of drinks. my two cents; hope something works for you and your mom
For example, lets assume that the party in question does not like fish. You might say something like 'Well, you have a choice for dinner. You can have trout or steak'. In fact, you know they wont pick trout as they don't like fish and the steak has already been bought. But they still get a choice (!) however it is a limited choice, which often can work well, and - though they hopefully wont pick up on it - the choice is actually rigged to a particular option.
But no you shouldn't go to the grocery store daily. If you're like everyone else on this board you do enough. You don't need to add short order cook to the list.
Hmmm ...
Actually, that is how I like to do things, but I'm forced to plan ahead a little more because leaving my husband alone is becoming a problem.
If you like to shop daily and be assured of fresh fish and just-picked corn and other veggies, great! If you prefer fewer trips and more advanced planning, that is great too.
And if you are preparing the meals, it should be your decision. As the others have said, reduce the number of choices you give Mother. Let her help you plan 7 or 8 dinners before you do your weekly shopping. Then she could decide which of those menus she'd prefer any given night, and you'd be fairly certain to have the ingredients on hand.
Like Paula said, have things on hand you know she likes... give her two choices, or just fix it, you didn't say what her health issues are, but right now M is not hungry, nothing sounds good... so I make suggestions of light meals of things on hand.... no way would I run to the store everyday. I don't have time....
One evening I even fixed her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I suggested it being silly, but her face lit up and she said that sounded good...
Let us know what happens .......
Although, having once had a husband with the the same affliction, I'd say this is more a personality matter than a result of advanced age. I'd advise giving her a choice from what you have on hand rather than an unlimited range of selections. Although, if she's become used to being asked, this might cause problems at first. Or you could just fix something you think she might like and bypass the selection process entirely.
Personally I think I'd love to go to the grocery store everyday, but that probably just because I know I can't. :)